MakeupJunkie4 Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 Bathe in Nair! My pens always run out of ink at the worst times. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 6, 2020 Author Share Posted May 6, 2020 Have you considered writing everything in your own blood? I'm terrified of pointy sticks 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Be blunt with whoever is holding it I've to deliver a washing machine to the 35th floor of a tower block and the lift is broken 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 Transform into a bat and fly it up Someone painted a crusifix on my door, and now I don't seem to be able to touch the door 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Throw a chainsaw at the door a few times until there's an opening big enough for a bat. My shoulder hurts. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marimbasticks Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Hurt your other shoulder. Now it's even. Technology hates me this week. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stéphane Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Hate it back, you'll see who sticks with it longer. I am more sentimental than ever and it is becoming a bit weird. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Watch the news for an hour or so, including the commercial breaks. That should get you a bit more cynic for a while. My fangs... I mean teeth, are not white enough. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 Go howl at the moon for a while, the moonlight should bleech them nicely My coffin, er.... bed is getting old and shabby, 700 years, um I mean 7 years is quite old for a.... bed 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Go to a cemetery... I mean... mattress store, and dig up a new one. Just remember to move the soil of your native land from your old one to the new one... I mean... remember to... keep the same box-spring? I had a vivid nightmare last night that a very large bat flew through my open window and disappeared into the shadowy corner of my room, then I noticed a strange man was standing over me, and when I woke up, I discovered two puncture wounds on my neck. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marimbasticks Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Stop going to bed with meat forks. My lips are always chapped. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShrimpyShiro Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 It's because you wear your flesh body too much. Try wearing reptilian skin, you'll feel better. There aren't enough hours in a day. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Readjust time so each hour consists of thirty minutes, problem solved in an instant My coffee maker just swore at me 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MakeupJunkie4 Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Wash it out with soap! My Ben & Jerry's melted. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 8, 2020 Author Share Posted May 8, 2020 Move to the north pole, it should freeze again there. My eyes are looking rather red 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Use eye drops... of whatever color you would prefer your eyes to be. Spoiler I forgot to add salt to my cookie dough before I baked them and now this whole batch is ruined! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LiveLaugh(Love?) Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 It's the perfect excuse to make more! My toes are looking weird and I think I have frostbite. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 8, 2020 Author Share Posted May 8, 2020 Just leave them, if they fall off you'll know it was either frostbite or leprosy You said 'bite' and now I have this tremendous urge to sink my fangs... er.. teeth into something soft and... juicy. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aceade Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Bite a rock. That should give your jaw some exercise as well. I forgot to buy bread when I did the shopping. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Have some beer instead, it's basically liquid bread. I need to cut my cla...nails. I've never liked that. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 8, 2020 Author Share Posted May 8, 2020 Just leave them long and sharp, the better to tear into juicy prey...Oops, dozed off on my keyboard for a moment there, it is nearly dawn eleven pm so I am tired, what I meant to say was, just leave your nails long, then you can paint them, I think that's what humans people do isn't it? Someone else like me, is encroaching on my territory and making meals people suspicious 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Just have a sword-fight on the boundary of your territory and call it garden fencing 😋😋 Every full moon my palms go hairy 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Get a dog, any dog, especially at the full moon, and steal it. Then train it to sniff out remote controls, then set it loose in your bedroom and tell it to "find it!" I'm really really pale, like white as a sheet no matter what I try 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Ask this guy for help. He certainly have find some solution to your problem. Last night I ate three sticks, something disgusting I sniffed out on the ground, a TV remote control and a homeless guy. I'm not feeling very well in my stomach today. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Lock yourself outside in the garden in case you throw up, we don't want you ruining the carpet, or worse, chewing it as dessert People always tell me my hands are very cold, basically room temperature. The phrase as cold as death has been used, but haha, that's obviously an exageration Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marimbasticks Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 I hear there are special gloves that improve circulation in your hands, That might help. I think I broke my dishwasher... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nima Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 oh now you're worried about it? should've thought about that when you acted careless and lost it in the first place. don't bother looking, that sh!t is gone. instead of being happy, that I have an entire Sunday ahead of me, I feel down, that tomorrow is Monday again... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Cancel Monday and call it Sunday the second My cat seems to be dating next door's cat and I barely see them other than for food 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Kidnap next door's cat so the two can be together forever My cat has made enemies with next door's cat, they are fighting sometimes and I've had to rush outside to stop them when I hear them yowling 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Kidnap next door's cat and give it to me. I want a cat and it will be on the other side of the planet, far away from your cat. win-win Anyone has any idea how to transport a cat from NZ to SWE during these times? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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