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Hi yāall. I didnāt know who else to ask so I decided to turn to this because at least someone will be helpful in answering my questions. So, right now, Iām figuring out my gender and Iām not positive. I know that I donāt need a label, but it would make many insecurities about my gender decrease if I am able to identify with other people. I thought that I might be a demigirl or genderfluid. Now, Iām leaning more towards genderfluid, but Iām not sure exactly what that means. I mean, I do know, but I am very against being called he/him pronouns because of negative experiences with it in the past. So, my question is, can I fluctuate between just she/they/and other non-binary genders or genderfluid mean that you fluctuate between all genders? Iām probably overthinking this, but if you have any answers that would be great š. I know that I am at least partially a non binary gender but donāt think that I am non-binary entirely, and still identify at least somewhat with female pronouns.
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agoraphobic_moth joined the community
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Pronouns & the difficulty with reminding people to use them š±
Aka El posted a topic in Gender Discussion
Basically just a thread to discuss ways to approach reminding folks who accept you in one way or another to use your pronouns. Asking someone to use the right pronouns when they have already agreed to can sometimes come across as a criticism instead of a gentle reminder. I personally experienced this when trying to deal with my dyslexic motherās learning curve, me not having enough empathy and patience, and her interpreting my reminders as blunt corrections (which wasnāt entirely untrue). Since then I have a lot more empathy for people struggling to adapt and she has since got her head around it (for the most part), but still struggle with talking to pretty much everyone else about using my pronouns when they forget or refer to me otherwise incorrectly regarding my gender (oof š this is getting wordy). I want to open this discussion for myself and for anyone else who might benefit from it. If you have any insight on the matter, want to share your own experience(s) or even are struggling with asking in the first place, then feel free to do so. I honestly lost track of where I was going so if this is a bit rambly I apologise, I may edit it to be more cohesive later. -
Hi, I've made a similar post before, but I thought I'd post again to see if anyone has anything else to say. When I was 8 or 9, I was prescribed risperdal for tourettes. It was necessary at the time, and I continued taking it until a little more than a year ago. I'm 24 now. In short, risperdal is known to kill libido. Until recently, I've never felt any libido at all, and I always just assumed that I was asexual, even though it didn't really seem to fit. Now that I've been off it for a year, it is there, and I enjoy masterbation, but I still can't imagine doing anything with a partner, even kissing. That being said, I still want it, I'm just not sure I can at the moment. Obviously, I didn't have a libido at the age of 8, but I'm worried that because I took risperdal prior to and during puberty, it might have permanently weakened it. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this? I've scowered the internet, and I've never found anyone with the same situation as mine. Please let me know if you think it will go back to the way it should have been. I am a 24 year old hetero female.
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Should we get rid of politicians?
Pandark replied to Darkrose's topic in Philosophy, Politics, and Science
You mean like in anarcho-syndicalism? A law enforcement agency would require some kind of hierarchy at least. Also, who makes the laws? Are they passed by popular votes? Does every community have their own laws? It does sound a bit like a post-apocalyptic scenario. I mean, with current available infrastructure global coordination solving world problems seems like the most efficient way. I do wonder for how long the current global order will last, though. That'd be nice. The way things are, politicians always find a way to give the corporations more freedom and civilians less. They say it's better for the job market and thus for the people. The same people who already voted. Why should "their" interests be represented again by talking to their employers and letting them have a say in politics? It's much worse than people realize. For example: where I live there's a distinction between land for housing and for agriculture. Agricultural land is very cheap, but people aren't allowed to build there. Housing land is extremely expensive. (A housing crisis has been called this year.) So guess what? Rather than changing the bad policy, corporations buy cheap land and then all of a sudden their official friends grant them permission to build, making the land xx times more valuable. Anyone collecting rent from cheaply bought land is going to get rich quick. This is just one small area of politics. People still vote for the bastards. The same bastards do everything to divert the discussion to unimportant popularized topics and they keep succeeding at it. To play devil's advocate: politics are already a popularity contest. Democracy does not achieve people's best interests and should be abolished. By the way, there's a name for the system suggested by @Darkrose, it's called technocracy. -
@bobbypin Maybe it should just give up and accept that it doesn't belong on pizza. š
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š My pineapple love in the trash. What an unsightly fate. So misunderstood.
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Steve needs to eff off, he should have said something about the chameleon sooner. If he says anything again you can just be like āyes, because I live for your approval.ā Or if he becomes a regular nuisance, go to HR. You donāt get paid to tolerate that ish.
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#AsexualProblems
THE HOBBIT HEATHEN replied to & I'm a heretic's topic in Asexual Musings and Rantings
My mother-in-law always would always ask my wife and I when were we giving her grand children. We tried every excuses we could, even saying we were not financially capable of raising one. Her response was that she would buy us whatever we needed. One day I finally looked at her and said āyou gotta have sex to have a kidā. She immediately looked at my wife and asked why arenāt we having sex. We plainly told her itās not something we are interested in. I donāt think sheās ever understood our response. My in laws are VERY active. They donāt care whose in the house or who can hear them. I think she is slowly getting over the fact she will never have grand children. My wife and I didnāt know we were both asexual before dating, but we both were agreed to never having kids. -
The Man of Shalott joined the community
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#AsexualProblems
Darth Plagueis the Wise replied to & I'm a heretic's topic in Asexual Musings and Rantings
On Saturday night I was on discord and a drunk girl decided to give me the middle finger. She DMed me a picture of a topless woman (it looked like it was painted) and then IMMEDIATELY went to DM brag about it. The moment that my brain processed what had happened, I blocked her and closed my DMs with her. The moment that I closed my DMs I got an ā@ā within a private server from a friend to apologize to me for her behavior.. I donāt think that I talked to a single person after that for that day that hadnāt heard of that happening (luckily I was able to get her banned from a few servers for that behavior). I still feel furious thinking about the event. -
I added zucchini slices to my cheese pizza, a few days ago.
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If you'd like some help in knowing how to get rid of it (in case it happens, again, in the future), what I do whenever I accidently click on the "quote" button is click the cursor on the bottom of the quote box (as though you're going to type something underneath), then hit "backspace" key a couple of times (which will erase the whole quote box).
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Exploring sexuality as a Transgender person
Aka El replied to Aka El's topic in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions
I hear yah, thatās basically where my current train of thought is at the moment as well. I think that mental health (and more specifically dysphoria) is something that will definitely complicate my ability to discern my level of sexuality/romanticism, but I donāt believe it will make it impossible (just a lot of work) so I hope that will be the case with you too š Hopefully my rambling ruminations here will be of some use in that endeavour, and the input of other folks will definitely help us all at least feel some kinship in the struggle so I appreciate yours š (Edit: That got really wordy and stuff but basically, I feel yah, thank you and youāre awesome) -
Welcome, @SuperMangaLove! Not sure if you've come across it yet but there's a manga that looks at an LGBT+ group also including an ace character (someone on here recommended it recently) that I liked. It's called Our Dreams at Dusk/Shimanami Tasogare.
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Yeah.. In the trash.
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"Non-Sexual" BDSM
SweetTart replied to lunasaur's topic in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions
I'm submissive and I've always enjoyed being given clear directions and being told exactly what to do, no matter the type of situation. It just kind of calms me down and enables me to focus and function better. I haven't had many relationships, but I know from experiences I had before realizing my asexuality (and some after) that I enjoy being bitten, embarrassed (humiliated, but not to extremes), given directions, bondage, hot wax, etc. Most of my "play", "scenes", or whatever you'd like to call it, are solo. I've considered trying to find a partner or people to engage in these acts with but I don't really like another person being present. I like the idea of it, as ideally it would be great to have a dominant to carry out said actions, but the actuality of another person being present and experiencing the situation turns me off, so to speak. Possible TMI warning So being submissive I do enjoy bdsm and being in certain positions in a non-sexual manner, but in some cases it also depends who with. -
Figuring Things Out in a First Relationship
Manderla replied to one_secular_sparrow's topic in Asexual Relationships
I get that same feeling relating to physical proximity as you do. I donāt always feel different or get a specific feeling when weāre in the same room or its just us even though its been almost a year of dating. Iāve really thought about it actually and what comes up is that my boyfriend is someone I really trust and love and has become part of my life that I find calming. I donāt always have āactive feelingsā I guess but I just know that I am comfortable around him that he becomes part of my daily life. I guess I consider it to be a sense of being able to be casual around each other. There are still times that I randomly tell him I love him when its just us two because thatās all I can think about but its not all the time and Iāve learned to be okay with that in a positive way. I am also not a big fan of touch so my boyfriend and I have discussed that in length. He isnāt a big physical person either so it works out in that regard. I did feel really guilty and nervous at the beginning that I was depriving him of something that was āexpectedā in relationships but after talking, we just explained what was important to us. It was a nerve-wracking experience but we really care about our relationship so we kind of just jumped in head first. It sounds like you also care about your relationship so even though its scary, its only fair to have that conversation. A relationship is a team effort. You donāt give everything to your partner just as they donāt give everything to you. Thereās a middle ground and finding it can really help strengthen your relationship. Wow that was a lot - I hope its helpful in any way at all. I am also in my first relationship while being out as ace but these are some of the things that Iāve thought a lot about.- 1 reply
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Trying to rid of myself of my masochism
lunasaur replied to KrysLost's topic in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions
Hmm.. I don't think I've ever wanted to be this way either.. but even despite shame I've never really wanted NOT to be this way either. I guess I identify with being a sub (and It sounds like you don't). I feel I'm like this all the time, like it's always my head space - at least to a small degree lol. You know best what you need to feel most like yourself, I hope you can do that stuff and it helps. I've been thinking lately about how I do a lot of sub stuff that's not really sexual or not at all sexual. Obviously what is and isn't sexual depends on a person's definition but... I think there's a lot of room for that kind of thing if that feels right to you. -
just a little asterisk* middle finger of the right hand. swinger culture (kinda the opposite of ace =^,^=) also uses black rings for the same idea of communication but there is a general understanding between the groups. I don't think I at least heard of a problem of mistaking one for the other, so don't worry about it, that's just why it's on a specific hand and finger generally
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Welcome! And congrats on your first post. (ļ¾Ā“ć®Ā“)ļ¾*:ļ½„ļ¾ā§
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Manderla joined the community
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Trying to rid of myself of my masochism
KrysLost replied to KrysLost's topic in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions
I don't really like the idea of being submissive. I like being dominant and whatnot and taking care of my partner (when I got the confidence yeee). There's just something really fulfilling about it. Sex to me is one of the biggest and best ways to take care of someone's needs. Especially if they are a sub. I just didn't want it to spin around on me. TWT -
Otuz - "thirty" in Turkish
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Trying to rid of myself of my masochism
KrysLost replied to KrysLost's topic in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions
Thanks for sharing. I have a hard time accepting a sexual submissive side to me simply because I never wanted one. I feel it might diminish if I take better care of myself, learn to relax a little more, and learn to be more submissive outside the bedroom and less LJAL:KSJFDKFL. Also affection. Take lots of affection. Most if not all of my submission has occured because of the rush of endorphins and the headspace I'm knocked into. It makes me a little prissy knowing that. -
one_secular_sparrow joined the community
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Figuring Things Out in a First Relationship
one_secular_sparrow posted a topic in Asexual Relationships
Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and have been struggling to figure some stuff out lately, so if anyone has advice, I would really appreciate it. Figuring out that I was asexual was a journey, and I've learned that my sexuality is a little fluid. In middle school I never had a crush on anyone and at one time, wanted so desperately to know what that felt like that I ended up almost deluding myself into having a "crush" on this one person. There were no actual feelings of attraction, it was just "preteen trying to figure things out" kind of stuff. At a summer camp, I actually experienced what I think was sexual attraction to someone. It felt kind of like a lighter going off inside of me, just a little spark, but it never went anywhere. In my first year of high school I actually did have a sexual crush on a boy for about two months, but honestly when I got to know him a few years later he definitely was not my type. After that, I never had a sexual crush (with a warm kind of fire inside and this blind admiration for the person) again. I had a few romantic crushes, one on my close friend who turned out to be gay (whoopsie) and another on a girl in my grade. I'm in my first year of college right now and was lucky enough to find someone who I really, really liked romantically and we've been in a relationship for about 4-5 months. I recently came out to him as asexual, since right now I feel like that best describes what I am experiencing. I've never had sexual attraction to him. He was a little confused at first, but was overall really sweet and accepting. We've done physically stuff, and some of it turns me on and I enjoy it. Other times it just feels empty, boring, or at the worst, intrusive and uncomfortable. Sometimes he notices that I'm withdrawing and expresses concern, but I feel bad for not giving him what he wants. We haven't had sex or anything (it's his first relationship too and we agreed off the bat on how fast we wanted it to go), but sometimes I can tell he is really into it and I'm just... not. I don't really want to let him down, but it's getting to a point where letting him just do stuff just kind of sucks for me. He's a very sweet and gentle person and I know he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable, but I also want him to be happy with our physical relationship. I've hit a point where I want to figure out what's best for both of us. I basically need to have a talk with him to explain that sometimes I'm not into physical things all the time, but I feel really bad for being so conditional in my attraction. Any advice for this kind of situation? I'm really scared that having this conversation will end up with us having to break up, but I want us to both be happy. It would just really suck because I've never gotten along with someone as well as I get along with him. When I came out to him, he also asked me something that I've been thinking about. He asked if I feel different when I'm around him. And I guess I do sometimes, I mean I get really giddy around him and goofier than I can be with most of my other friends, but it's not really a certain constant feeling I get just from being in the same room as him. Is that normal? Do asexual people usually experience that kind of proximity-attraction and I'm just... I don't know, not actually as into him as I think I am? Okay, so that was a lot. Basically: -How do I establish physical boundaries so I'm not pushed into an uncomfortable situation? And how do I do that without offending him or letting him down too much? -Is it normal to feel pressured about physical stuff as an asexual? Any advice for how to cope with / overcome that? -Do other asexuals experience a unique feeling when in close physical proximity to someone they are attracted to? If not, what do you experience? I appreciate any and all help. Thanks. -
It costs quite a bit for a divorce and I'd have to have one some day. I mean sure it's all roses and sunshine at the beginning but then you just get sick of your significant other and all the nagging and bitching until you want to murder them. That's a hassle I can do without.
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"Non-Sexual" BDSM
lunasaur replied to lunasaur's topic in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions
Well, people aren't always very self-aware, and info about BDSM has to be sought out. I think most people see it as strictly sexual in nature too. I know in one of my relationships... since there's nothing romantic and nothing "sexual" going on (though he is probably getting off, he hasn't volunteered this information and I don't really want to know unless he wants me to know).. so I've been reluctant to discuss what the relationship is, haha. We definitely have a "thing" going but it definitely doesn't involve anything more sexual than me being nude occasionally and won't lead to sex or a relationship and isn't meant to. It's a head-scratcher for me. It's like friends with benefits but without benefits. I even have people who are CLEARLY just friends who I still look to for certain *completely non-sexual* orders because I know they're going to give them... and sometimes I wonder if I just sub to everyone lol.
