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  2. I definitely have had all these reasons go through my head. He says he is attracted to me and that it hurts him to think that he doesnt. He'll also give me compliments on my look when I have a new hairstyle or cute clothes. He'll even smack me on the butt any chance he gets, but none of that translates into sex or kissing or passionate touching. And you are right about if the label matters and communication ia everything. It's the lack of open communication that is driving me insane. His leaving the window open for the possibility, when deep down inside he probably knows it won't happen.
  3. I definitely figured out the pattern after reading through post on this site. If I bring up sex (wanting it, lack thereof) he then immediately goes into- come here girl I'm going to give you this thing or some other overtly sexual ruse. I used to believe that something would happen, but now I know it's posturing. He'll euther be obnixious so I am no longer interested or a reason to get out of the situation. I do think it's because hos masculinity is threatened. I'm honest about how I have acted selfishly and perpetuated stereotypes about men in sex due to my lack of understanding and my frustration.
  4. questdrivencollie

    Gamers?

    I have a 3DS, PS4, PS Vita, and I used to have an XBOX360 before my house got struck by lightning and fried it.
  5. Sorry, because there has been so much I didn't type everything in my original post. From the very first time we met, our sex frives haven't matched. Even on our first date where things could have possibly gone farther, he abruptly left because he had a sandwich he wanted waiting for him at home. After we did finally have sex, it was few and far between the first year. He mentioned low libido so we discussed going to his doctor, buying health supplements, seeing a therapist regarding stress, depression and other mental health issues, finances everything. However, I feel that as I was trying to come up with solutions, he just needed another excuse that would buy him time. Finally in March of 2019 he said he wanted to focus on his creativity so no sex until July. In July he moved it to August. August became Nobemer, November became March. Niw here in April nothing has changed. Also no amount of talking helps. He calls me addicted to sex and says I need therapy because it runs my life. He also says the conversation gives him anxiety anytime I bring it up. I'm open to therapy and would do it in a heartbeat, but he backs out when I bring it up. Also, we dont have a child together. The child is mine from a previous marriage. Hopefully this gives a better idea of what I'm getting from him and what we have considered prior.
  6. questdrivencollie

    What video games are you playing?

    Haven't started playing them yet, but there was a 50% off sale on a 3-pack of the Naruto Shippuden Ninja Storm series for PS4. So I bought it.
  7. Well there are a lot of reasons why he might not want to have sex aside for asexuality... maybe his has no libido, maybe he's gay, maybe he's no longer attracted to you, maybe he is sex repulsed, maybe he wants to remain celibate for other reasons etc. But really the why isn't so important, it's the fact that he won't communicate honestly and that you are unhappy which is important. If he refuses to communicate and you can't reach a compromise with which you are both happy then whether he is asexual or not is irrelevant, the relationship is going to be a train-wreck either way. He might change, but would that potential future change be worth months or years of frustration, gaslighting, disappointment? Will you even still like him by that point?
  8. Homer once got stuck in the Channel Tunnel and got out with the help of butter.
  9. AceMissBehaving

    My partner in denial about being ACE

    It can be harder for some men to accept the idea they may be asexual because of the way sex is tied in to societal ideas of masculinity. If he was on the defensive when the idea was put out there, there’s an even higher chance of it getting brushed off. It’s possible that there is another reason for his behavior, but it’s also possible that he could be ace and have no idea. The jokes after you mention it could point to the threatened masculinity thing, which can be a lot to untangle, and might have some additional baggage from the past. Some very careful conversations at a time where there hasn’t been any pressure for, or arguments around sex might help, but it could also require a lot of patience and support to get him to feel comfortable looking into the possibility.
  10. Marby

    Am i ace?

    Thank you
  11. Topic locked as it’s over a year old without response. Janus DarkFox, Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator
  12. The fact that he's lost his sex drive doesn't necessarily mean he's asexual, there could be different causes, for example work or personal stress, hormone imbalances, obligation and so on :,0 I think that maybe you should talk and think about a cause that may not be asexuality at first if he's claiming he's not. I think you guys can solve it together talking about it and not end the relationship since you two have a child. Tell him how you feel and be patient, avoid blaming or judging. Try to do lots of exercise to alleviate your frustration and focus on your hobbies, masturbation will also help. You said that one of his excuses is no sex until marriage, maybe he does have an intention on marrying you and he believes in something, I think you should talk more about that and discuss calmly. You should tell him what you told us here, that those jokes hurt you because of the situation you're in.
  13. Gregarious Greyscale

    Am i ace?

    Welcome to AVEN!! Here's a cute pineapple cake!!
  14. Ace_liv

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    All gone
  15. Marby

    Am i ace?

    Im not sure if im doing this right beacouse im really bad whit my phone but i was wondering if i am ace, im not shoure if 14 is to young to tell but all my friends, even the ones younger than me have crushes and interest in girls/boys but i have never had that kind of intrest in anyone, i have alsow exoeriensing a hard time seeing if oeapole are atractive at all, i somthimes see girls my age and think "She was cute" but thats it, i got no desire to get married or having sex or even yust kiss anyone, i like the i idea of being in a romantic relationship whit a girl, but yust cuddeling at most. I dont like romantic movies, and sex sences in movies either make me uncomfterable or yust feel indiferent, i dont want kids, i dont know if this is normal and its youst that i dont know anyone like this or if im ace, i know that i like girls and i have been cool whit it eversanse i realised, but am i ace? I have been reading alot on the subyect and i highly relate to almost everything that i read about it Im 14 Im a girl Im autistic I know that there is no need to rush to labels but it bothers me that im not sertan, Sorry for bad english
  16. Never regretted it, mid 40s and knew as a kid that kids were not for me. I love my freedom and have never considered what if? I just get fed up with meeting new people and getting the standard, are you married and do you have any kids.
  17. sensual me

    Homoromantic guys chat

    I understand your feeling well... Anyways welcome Paul... I hope you achieve your objectives in this website...
  18. sensual me

    Homoromantic guys chat

    Hey Tjp3... I am glad that there are many people who think like me... It makes me happy.... :)
  19. First, as GatsbyGirl pointed out, asexuals can absolutely have fantasies, even of a sexual nature, so no, you having fantasies does not automatically mean you can't be asexual. Second, it is not uncommon for some asexuals to get aroused by visual or auditive stimuli, such as watching porn or hearing sounds associated with sex. So again, getting aroused when watching porn is not a clear indication of your sexuality. Third, getting turned on by kissing is a pretty natural response of your body (provided that you like kissing, of course). However, this arousal is not triggered by attraction towards the person kissing you but more by the act itself. This might seem a little weird but when I kissed my former boyfriends, my body would get aroused but my mind couldn't. I felt nothing when kissing them, no affection, no spark and certainly no attraction but my body seemed to enjoy the whole kissing process, so I'd occasionally indulge in it. So kissing can turn you on but doesn't require sexual attraction. And last but not least, you seem to be panromantic if you do not care about genders or bodies but more about people's personalities and minds. Could be that you're a panromatic asexual who can get aroused by fantasizing about or watching sexual activities without feeling the need or want to join in. If that's the case, welcome to the club. If you have any questions (as specific and explicit as you want, I'm very blunt about sex), ask them. Because honestly, I wish I had had someone to have an open and honest conversation with when I was your age.
  20. Today
  21. Laurann

    TransWhatevers of AVEN

    I'm a feminist. Most of my friends (male, female and nb alike) are also feminists. Nobody's ever talked about their 'inner woman' and pink does not seem to be common in any of their wardrobes. For me feminism is not at all about enforcing stereotypes or hating on men, but about getting rid of gendered restrictions, making sure that people of all genders have equal opportunity and that no form of gender expression is seen as lesser than any other. Feminism is a very broad movement, and different subsections can radically disagree with each other. Maybe you've met the wrong type of feminist? I've never met anyone who is like what you guys describe @Emery. and @nerdperson777. But I've also never (consciously) met a terf, so, guess I'm lucky?
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