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I dont date but looking at dating from the outside, I have seen far too much and too often, that folks, on both sides have adopted these sort of checklist requirements that their potential partner must meet in order to "qualify", which is why, the impression I get is that, dating seems more akin to a job interview than getting to know someone

I dont know if the "scene" that was dating in the late 90's is still a thing nowadays and people meet over something like coffee, the movies, etc But from what Im seeing, that no longer seems to be the case

Maybe it's because I'm cynical when it comes to people, and I've 20 years worth of solid steady observations about them, I'm half tempted to say the advice is good advice and that it's right.

But there's one flaw here. Red flags are dependent on the individual. So we can separate red flags into two categories. There's definitive red flags, things that can't be debated against as clear warnings, and then there's personal red flags, which have their merits, but are biased.

Even if we look at definitive red flags, an example off the top of my head being a guy who fell in love with a drug junkie. Everybody told him that it'd end in pain. And it did. She had a kid with him who developed a lot of complications, and she herself died in an overdose, leaving the guy behind to take care of his son, to which he tried his best as far as I can recall.

We could in theory view heavy drug use as a red flag, a definitive one that's very high risk. But this doesn't mean that change isn't possible. One in a thousand, maybe one in a million will break free of heavy drug addiction. But if that happens, it isn't because their loved one changed them. It's because they had the willpower to change and take the actions needed to quit, while their loved one assisted.

But I think reality reaches a leveling off somewhere. One in a thousand make it. Going into a doomed relationship and expecting to be the lucky winner would be asking for pain. But that's another question entirely. Some people go into such relationships knowing that they'll burn. But they go anyway.

But then let's talk about smoking. Still drug use. But some people tolerate it. Some people have zero tolerance for it. It's a personal choice. I imagine how much more hollow my life would have been had I written off my first love because she was a smoker. Adamantly sticking to the no red flags rule. But she proved that wrong. She quit.

I think the main thing to all of it is risk assesment and acceptance of said risk. Some red flags can be deal breakers. But not all of them have to be. And even for the big red flags, it's a question of whether you acknowledge the possibility of pain and heartbreak ahead, and are prepared to face it for your own possibly short sighted feelings. 

That man who fell in love with the junkie? A different kind of person. The relationship killed something in him. But he admitted he'd do it again. For the reasons only he knows, loving her outweighed the pain.