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Lambda Corvus

The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

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marot002

So I'm quite the newbie to this merry band of ... people awesomely comfortable with their selves (and thus not such misfits). It's been a joy to read post after post that could just have easily been written my me. So thanks for giving me the words to define how I've been feeling. (This is about as effusive as I get, so before we all cringe at sappiness I will get to my question)

I just started a new school, a professional grad school, and I do not want to be defined in any way yet. This would be fine except one of my guy friends decided to tell me he likes me. I've tried to explain that I'm not looking for a relationship, only friendship, but he doesn't seem to get it. Each post I've read here claims its the other person's fault if they can't accept the truth about you, but I don't want to explain the truth, and I don't want to lose/hurt a good friend. Any suggestions?

Also, a humorous side, I just want to point out that in this textbox "aromantic" is treated with the squiggly red underline denoting "not a recognized word." I just found that ironic.

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byanyotherusername

So I'm quite the newbie to this merry band of ... people awesomely comfortable with their selves (and thus not such misfits). It's been a joy to read post after post that could just have easily been written my me. So thanks for giving me the words to define how I've been feeling. (This is about as effusive as I get, so before we all cringe at sappiness I will get to my question)

I just started a new school, a professional grad school, and I do not want to be defined in any way yet. This would be fine except one of my guy friends decided to tell me he likes me. I've tried to explain that I'm not looking for a relationship, only friendship, but he doesn't seem to get it. Each post I've read here claims its the other person's fault if they can't accept the truth about you, but I don't want to explain the truth, and I don't want to lose/hurt a good friend. Any suggestions?

Also, a humorous side, I just want to point out that in this textbox "aromantic" is treated with the squiggly red underline denoting "not a recognized word." I just found that ironic.

"I really care about you and like our friendship. I do not want a romantic relationship right now."

If he doesn't want to be "just friends" with you there is nothing you can do about that, and you may lose him. You do not have to out yourself as aromantic/asexual/anything to "explain the truth." The truth is that you do not want a romantic relationship with him, but do value his friendship. That is all you have to explain. If he "doesn't get it" then there is nothing else you can do. If he is in grad school, he should be able to understand the concept of friendship by now.

In response to your humorous note, my spell-checker always wants to change the word to "aromatic." XD

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words are futile devices

So I'm quite the newbie to this merry band of ... people awesomely comfortable with their selves (and thus not such misfits). It's been a joy to read post after post that could just have easily been written my me. So thanks for giving me the words to define how I've been feeling. (This is about as effusive as I get, so before we all cringe at sappiness I will get to my question)

I just started a new school, a professional grad school, and I do not want to be defined in any way yet. This would be fine except one of my guy friends decided to tell me he likes me. I've tried to explain that I'm not looking for a relationship, only friendship, but he doesn't seem to get it. Each post I've read here claims its the other person's fault if they can't accept the truth about you, but I don't want to explain the truth, and I don't want to lose/hurt a good friend. Any suggestions?

Also, a humorous side, I just want to point out that in this textbox "aromantic" is treated with the squiggly red underline denoting "not a recognized word." I just found that ironic.

Agreed with everything byanotherusername said above. If you've already explained that you don't want a romantic relationship, he ought to respect that. It baffles me how people sometimes "don't get it" when you're being absolutely clear!

A similar thing happened to me just a few weeks ago. This guy expressed interest in me and asked me out. I told him I wasn't looking for anything romantic, but I would like to get to know him as a friend. He seemed really disappointed by this news, and kept vocalizing his hope that I would eventually change my mind once we spent more time together. And he basically was trying to get me to admit that it was a possibility. I wouldn't give that to him. I already knew it would never happen. Then of course, he had to send me a text later that night that said something along the lines of, "You're the kind of person I've waited my whole life for." Keep in mind we've only talked in person about 3 times. He barely has an inkling of who I actually am as a person. And this guy is 29. Plenty old enough to understand that sometimes people aren't looking for romance and there's no chance of it happening. That text just really turned me off from even wanting to be his friend, though.

But I hope things work out for you and this guy, and that he can put away any hopes about a romantic relationship and just enjoy having you in his life. ^_^

Also, welcome to AVEN! :cake:

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A Taste of Harmony

In response to your humorous note, my spell-checker always wants to change the word to "aromatic." XD

That makes me laugh and smile all the time, it's so funny. ^_^

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marot002

Thanks so much for all your advice. This forum may just be my new happy place.

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Zash

Agreed with everything byanotherusername said above. If you've already explained that you don't want a romantic relationship, he ought to respect that. It baffles me how people sometimes "don't get it" when you're being absolutely clear!

It's an ego thing. "She may think she is not wanting a romantic relationship, but, after she gets to know how awesome I am, she will be drooling over the chance to date me!" Or at least that is what the one guy I know sometimes says about a girl who is absolutely clear she doesn't want to date him.

As far as I can tell, he isn't that awesome. I have had several of the girls he is pursuing tell me they would rather go out with me instead.

But yeah, if he can't take, "I am not romantically interested in you, and I will never be." then it is probably just to end it. It will only get more awkward as time goes on. A small hurt now is better than a big hurt later.

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Kellam

Johnny come lately here, mostly I just wanted to leave a comment so I could keep abreast of the goings on. I keep forgetting the name of the thread, getting distracted when I'm trying to remember and then things get away from me and there is far too much to read.

I have only been open with the world about being ace for a year or so and in that time a female friend and I have started hanging out. Coffee etc. I hadn't socialized in a couple years due to substance abuse recovery and was pleased at her suggestion. She had liked my facebook coming out posts and so I thought she was hip to where I'm at. She did apparently check out some info on the web and discovered that a one of her friend's husband is ace. She then came out with an offer to start such a relationship with me. I was really worried. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, she can be emotionally fragile, but I know that I just cant be in relationships. My brain seems to have a dead zone when it comes to romantic behavior, that's why the aro label feels so right to me. I told her the basic thanks but no thanks, then I told her how much her friendship meant and that my refusal was not a rejection of her specifically. She first met me when I was still deeply closeted and in my third and final attempt at straighthood. I also said that if it was too hard on her we could just go back to being work friends. To my surprise she seems to understand and I've been blessed with my first female friend who isn't simply the significant other of a straight male friend. We still have coffee once in a while and I do favors for her, she has a physical disability and I like lending folks a hand, but there are times I wonder if she's holding on to some sort of hope that I'll come around. I don't want to string anyone along. This has resulted in some deliberate distance that I like to keep. I find myself doing that a lot. With other friends. When people call me up just to say hello and see how I'm doing, I cant for the life of me figure out why they care. I feel like romantic people expect more from any sort of friendship than I do. I mean it is good to know that folks are ok but I assume that if something were wrong they would just tell me that when it happens. In those circumstances I'll be there at their side and they can bend the heck outa my ear. I never even call my family unless I have something to discuss...

Woah, starting to ramble here and I only just meant to leave a note. Yikes. That's my other problem, I'll tell anyone my life's story. I have no idea about where any lines are or when I might be crossing them. I guess I don't need emotional intimacy because I am an open book.

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words are futile devices

Agreed with everything byanotherusername said above. If you've already explained that you don't want a romantic relationship, he ought to respect that. It baffles me how people sometimes "don't get it" when you're being absolutely clear!

It's an ego thing. "She may think she is not wanting a romantic relationship, but, after she gets to know how awesome I am, she will be drooling over the chance to date me!" Or at least that is what the one guy I know sometimes says about a girl who is absolutely clear she doesn't want to date him.

As far as I can tell, he isn't that awesome. I have had several of the girls he is pursuing tell me they would rather go out with me instead.

But yeah, if he can't take, "I am not romantically interested in you, and I will never be." then it is probably just to end it. It will only get more awkward as time goes on. A small hurt now is better than a big hurt later.

Ah, that makes total sense. Thanks for your input! Maybe that's what was going on in my situation as well.

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Girl Hypnotist Rei

Hey, so you know people seem to like making powerpoints about things to post online to raise awareness and stuff? Would any of you be willing to help me put one together about aromantics to post on tumblr? It's something I've been thinking about for a long time, and I think it's something that needs to get out there. ^.^;

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Mezzo Forte

Traversing romantic landscapes can be kinda tricky, so to speak. I'm an incredibly lucky person because my final ex-SO became my best friend. He admitted to me that he did have a point in time near our breakup that he didn't perceive me very positively, but we eventually started talking again, and after one last attempt to ask me out that I finally had the maturity to properly refuse, he slowly let go. A few months later, I discovered my asexuality, and then my aromanticism, and he was the first person I came ever came out to. He took it incredibly positively too, even if his attempts at humor were cliche and eye-rolling (amoeba and free time jokes galore). Now, the romantic feelings he once had were replaced with the best friendship we could ever ask for.

That was probably, pure luck though, as not everyone handles "no" well enough to be able to sustain such a powerful friendship in the place of a romantic one. I will admit that last summer, I lied about my relationship while studying abroad because someone was taking an interest in me (enough to research my Facebook likes and steer the conversation that way with no subtlety), and I genuinely did not trust the person to back off if I said I was single, especially since he probably wouldn't have heard the "not interested" part. Lucky me, my best friend makes for a great fake boyfriend because I could pretend that I just never broke up with him. I hate resorting to dishonesty though, and it's sad that anyone, aromantic/romantic/anywhere inbetween, could have their disinterest completely ignored just because they're not in a committed monogamous romantic relationship at the time.

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killerbee13

Hi, I hope I'm not too late to join the party. (Also, this is most definitely not a bump)

I never really attempted the relationship thing, and I don't think anyone attempted it with me, so I haven't had many of the issues posted by many of the other people on this thread. I would like to know, however, why aromanticism seems harder for some people to grasp than asexuality. I 'came out' to my mom almost before I did to myself, and she said that the asexuality part made perfect sense, but she just couldn't wrap her head around me being aromantic, i.e. not wanting a relationship. From my perspective, it's actually more obvious than the other, but apparently it's not so to other people?

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FiddleKid

I like being aromantic, I don't understand love and relationships

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words are futile devices

Hi, I hope I'm not too late to join the party. (Also, this is most definitely not a bump)

I never really attempted the relationship thing, and I don't think anyone attempted it with me, so I haven't had many of the issues posted by many of the other people on this thread. I would like to know, however, why aromanticism seems harder for some people to grasp than asexuality. I 'came out' to my mom almost before I did to myself, and she said that the asexuality part made perfect sense, but she just couldn't wrap her head around me being aromantic, i.e. not wanting a relationship. From my perspective, it's actually more obvious than the other, but apparently it's not so to other people?

Yeah, I'm totally with you on this one, and equally confused by it.

As far as my "real" life goes, I've only come out to my brother and a close (well, used to be close) friend. They both seemed pretty accepting of asexuality. However, when I explained to my brother what I'd want my ideal relationship to look like, he pretty much told me it was ridiculous and that I'd never find someone who'd be satisfied in that kind of situation. Personally, I don't think I could compromise sexually or romantically, but I would want monogamy with this person... I wouldn't want them to have to find sexual/romantic fulfillment outside of our relationship. I'd rather they just be... well, like me. Aromantic and asexual. Or just have crazy low sex and romantic drives and be able to easily and happily go without.

I've told coworkers before that I'm really not interested in dating and that romance tends to fly right over my head. They kind of just gave me blank stares in return. Romance is apparently a big deal to a large number of people. (Haha, that feels like an understatement.) I can't say that between that and asexuality, one is actually easier to comprehend than the other. I think everyone is going to have a different opinion on the matter, based on personality, background, environment, life experience, etc. But yeah, to me, it does seem like asexuality would be harder to understand than aromanticism.

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Lambda Corvus

Hi, I hope I'm not too late to join the party. (Also, this is most definitely not a bump)

I never really attempted the relationship thing, and I don't think anyone attempted it with me, so I haven't had many of the issues posted by many of the other people on this thread. I would like to know, however, why aromanticism seems harder for some people to grasp than asexuality. I 'came out' to my mom almost before I did to myself, and she said that the asexuality part made perfect sense, but she just couldn't wrap her head around me being aromantic, i.e. not wanting a relationship. From my perspective, it's actually more obvious than the other, but apparently it's not so to other people?

Hello and welcome! It is never too late to join in this thread, though we don't really do much. Just random things which may not involve discussing a lack of romantic attraction. And taking over the world (in silence).

I, too, have encountered incredulity when even suggesting that some people do not experience romantic attraction. In many ways, this is just like what is encountered when explaining asexuality. People tend to naively project their own experiences onto all of humanity; it is often difficult to fathom that you experience something which someone else does not.

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killerbee13

I just expect that people can accept that other people might have different priorities, and that the idea that something you find important being of minimal note to someone else not catch you completely by surprise. Fortunately, for the most part, any time I (or, as has gotten frequent of late, my friend) mentions that I am asexual/aromantic, it seems to pass by as an interesting factoid, but not anything worthy of a strong emotional reaction.

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Lyariage

Reading through some of your posts (hey btw!) has made me remember something that I still have trouble getting my head around.

I still really, really have *no* idea why people don't see best friends as a more fantastic option than a romantic partner person that you could possibly lose in your life in the future. Best friends are best friends cause they love spending time together. If they don't, then they kinda gradually drift apart. To me, that makes sense. It's mutual. However, the romantic relationship usually has a strict beginning (hey, we're like, totally going out now!) and a potentially strict end (the break up :( ).

Why must there be beginnings and endings?? Why can't we just be forever awesome? I've had so many 'endings' when I had to 'break up' with relationship-person to get the space I needed (before I realised and accepted I was ace). I always wanted to keep being friends with said people, but they always went away, and I never understood why. I never understood why I had to do the 'break up' speech either - apparently 'I want to just be friends' means break up. I've never understood what the difference is between a relationship and a close friendship, cause for me, the sex didn't matter (this was pre-AVEN and finally realising why I was never interested in sex... :\ ). So aren't they just really the same thing?

All I seemed to get from it all is that relationships have more expectations than friendships, and I never liked that.

This was just gonna be a quirky aromantic anecdote lending my support to the general consensus of previous posts, but now I've got myself involved in this dilemma I've never quite understood. Can anyone relate? Or help me find a potentially obvious answer I'm not seeing?

(maybe this is one of those incredibly ace moments)

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treenearthewater

Hey, so you know people seem to like making powerpoints about things to post online to raise awareness and stuff? Would any of you be willing to help me put one together about aromantics to post on tumblr? It's something I've been thinking about for a long time, and I think it's something that needs to get out there. ^.^;

I think it's a good idea. What sort of help can we give you?

Also, reading these posts just makes me glad I go to an all-girls high-school. No expectations of engaging in any sort of romance to deal with.

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Mezzo Forte

All I seemed to get from it all is that relationships have more expectations than friendships, and I never liked that.

This was just gonna be a quirky aromantic anecdote lending my support to the general consensus of previous posts, but now I've got myself involved in this dilemma I've never quite understood. Can anyone relate? Or help me find a potentially obvious answer I'm not seeing?

First of all, romantic relationships come off the same way to me as well. I was so desperate to fall in love that it took four different failed attempts before I started asking questions about what I was doing. I miraculously stayed friends with pretty much all of my exes, though some stayed closer friends than others. (Ex 1 used to hang out with me all the time and only disappeared from my life after getting completely absorbed into a fraternity; Ex 2 was always a little distant, but was a bit of a casual friend; Ex 3 initially had a bad falling out, but our conversation is incredibly pleasant when we run into each other; and Ex 4 is my best friend that I described in the previous post.) If I had to notice a pattern, I generally had to give them space for a while before slowly talking to them again, and eventually the awkwardness that's expected of ex-partners kinda fades into the background. Also, I was friends with each person for at least some period of time before dating them, and I ended all of my relationships in hopes of preserving the friendship. I doubt this works in every situation, and all of my experience dating came from middle/high school, so I wouldn't know if the college and beyond dating landscape differs very much. Unfortunately, some people can't deal with romantic/sexual tension in a friendship, and it's a real shame.

Friendship has a way of being undervalued, and I always make a point to declare friendship a type of bond that can match and even surpass romantic and sexual ones at times. I am fortunate to know romantic/sexual people who have incredibly treasured friendships, even with people of the gender(s) they're attracted to, and I find the idea of letting someone's life revolve around their SO to be incredibly foreign. You don't have to be aromantic to realize that friendship is an amazing thing if you don't label it a lesser bond, and I wish more people understood that.

I guess this turned into a ramble-fest (but then again, when aren't my posts ramblessance festivals complete with word-count jousting and paragraphs sold by the pound on sticks?) but maybe this helps? Or maybe I completely blew over what you were actually asking and got lost in my own inner monologue.

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Aishvarya25

Hi, I am Aishvarya,

I am an aromantic asexual girl, virgin. I have never been in any relationship so far. I was always single in my life.

Never tried to get in to relationship too. I am highly disguisted about sex and I don't want to do it in my entire life.

I am interested in having long lasting platonic relationship ( non-sexual, not too romantic with good emotional bonding). It should be my first and last relationship in my life.

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FiddleKid

Romance and relationships..two things i'll never have to endure xD

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Girl Hypnotist Rei

I think it's a good idea. What sort of help can we give you?

Also, reading these posts just makes me glad I go to an all-girls high-school. No expectations of engaging in any sort of romance to deal with.

Well, mainly I was worried about messing up terms and stuff, missing other things, etc. So, maybe I can make a draft of what I plan to put up, and you guys can comment on what you would like to see added or removed?

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treenearthewater

I think it's a good idea. What sort of help can we give you?

Also, reading these posts just makes me glad I go to an all-girls high-school. No expectations of engaging in any sort of romance to deal with.

Well, mainly I was worried about messing up terms and stuff, missing other things, etc. So, maybe I can make a draft of what I plan to put up, and you guys can comment on what you would like to see added or removed?

That sounds reasonable. Good luck making it, then! I'd be glad to look it over, and I'm sure there are others with more experience in the aro community in terms of correct language who will also be able to help.

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Lyariage

Friendship has a way of being undervalued, and I always make a point to declare friendship a type of bond that can match and even surpass romantic and sexual ones at times. I am fortunate to know romantic/sexual people who have incredibly treasured friendships, even with people of the gender(s) they're attracted to, and I find the idea of letting someone's life revolve around their SO to be incredibly foreign.

I guess this turned into a ramble-fest (but then again, when aren't my posts ramblessance festivals complete with word-count jousting and paragraphs sold by the pound on sticks?) but maybe this helps? Or maybe I completely blew over what you were actually asking and got lost in my own inner monologue.

Ramble away. I often do the same thing, so I am glad to share the honour. Your inner monologue is similar to my own thinking on the matter, and I think that was what I was looking for at the time. So thank you for your monologuing-goodness.

I had a couple more attempts than you to do the fall-in-love thing (but I had a few more years to make said attempts). I don't hold any ill feelings towards those who decided they no longer wanted to be a part of my life. We're obviously too different in the parts that really matter, and that's okay. Yeah, my experiences are from the college and beyond times. I don't know how I would have gone if I did the 'dating' thing in high school!

You don't have to be aromantic to realize that friendship is an amazing thing if you don't label it a lesser bond, and I wish more people understood that.

Couldn't agree more.

I think it's important to recognise what you *don't* want in order to find out what you do. I'm sure there are some people who stumble across what they want and notice it straight away. But for me, I had to experience a lot of what I thought I wanted but in fact didn't, in order to finally work out what I do!

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fearless-echo

hi, people! new here, joining at last.

This aromantic thread is an interesting thing, I had a pleasure reading other people's stories - it helps to understand the things that happen in my own head. but still I don't know whether I'm aromantic or not. But really close to aro, at least now.

I never had relationships with other people, having no interest in dates and stuff, being unintersting to the others. other people are sure that I'm weird and I want to destroy the humans. Or rule the world. so they usually avoid me. That is a rather good point, for I have no problems like "someone likes me, but I don't care, oh, I'm feeling guilty". I don't care and no one cares too, it's mutual :P

But there are some faces I like. I just find a face and simply watch. that's all. don't even talk to that person.

friendship is a really good thing for me. I appreciate very close friendship, there's no need in having many friends at all. it may be only one or two, but who know you, and you know them, and you have endless talks, share many intersts. like that. it might be close to a platonic relationship, I don't know really.

I'm really bad at explaining something emotional,so... it was very interesting to read posts in this thread, where people are actually saying the words I couldn't find in my head. i've never had this before, it's a good feeling.

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Kellam

I think the only problem that crops up for me regularly is the confused question I get from aquaintences. It is usualy out of the blue when I'm getting to know someone new and often at work. It tends too, to catch me completely off guard. It is usually something close to..."So what do you actually do with your time?" Folks seem to have trouble understanding the truth that I can be by myself endlessly without going mad. When I say that I go for walks, have dinner, watch tv or movies, visit friends and do other normal human things it does not seem to clear anything up. The inquisitor will continue to stare at me confusedly and at times with a suspicious glare. That is until I give them a friendly smile and divert the conversation. My friendly nature is my best defense.

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Mezzo Forte

Ramble away. I often do the same thing, so I am glad to share the honour. Your inner monologue is similar to my own thinking on the matter, and I think that was what I was looking for at the time. So thank you for your monologuing-goodness.

I had a couple more attempts than you to do the fall-in-love thing (but I had a few more years to make said attempts). I don't hold any ill feelings towards those who decided they no longer wanted to be a part of my life. We're obviously too different in the parts that really matter, and that's okay. Yeah, my experiences are from the college and beyond times. I don't know how I would have gone if I did the 'dating' thing in high school!

It's always fun to exchange the occasional inner-monologue, especially when it comes to topics like this, since I have to specifically seek out a niche community in order to find others who can relate. The college dating scene seems like it's a little different compared to middle/high school, though that view might be colored by this notion I held onto most of my life that people magically started wanting sex in college. I know that I idealized a sort of "innocent" notion of romance, so I capitalized on sex not being a factor in my relationships, even if I was convinced that I would suddenly understand romantic love the second I started wanting sex (which never happened). All my relationships spurred from friendships, and many of them were people I had to interact with frequently, so I guess I just made the most of that, and I could see where college is slightly less prone to have the same thing happen, so I wouldn't be surprised if people were just less likely to see each other unless they went out of their way to keep in contact.

Couldn't agree more.

I think it's important to recognise what you *don't* want in order to find out what you do. I'm sure there are some people who stumble across what they want and notice it straight away. But for me, I had to experience a lot of what I thought I wanted but in fact didn't, in order to finally work out what I do!

I couldn't have said it better myself! In fact, it's the same sort of advice that I often offer to close friends if they ever have some sort of identity crisis or anything like that. I feel like some facets of identity require more exploration than others might, and those aspects tend to vary from person to person. With the way that I idealized romance, I probably wouldn't have picked up on my romantic orientation without some exploration and experience, but I didn't really need to experiment with sex to know how I felt about the topic.

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Kreatyve ~ Demi

Does anyone else feel ill at ease cuddling? I just feel like I don't know where to put my body and sort of hang about his shoulders like I'm a little disinterested animal. I can't seem to get the hang of it.

I've cuddled before, and it's not something I enjoy doing very much. I feel pretty much the same as you; not knowing what to do with my hands and stuff. xD It's just a big ball of awkwardness for me.

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The Not So Impossible Girl

I think the only problem that crops up for me regularly is the confused question I get from aquaintences. It is usualy out of the blue when I'm getting to know someone new and often at work. It tends too, to catch me completely off guard. It is usually something close to..."So what do you actually do with your time?" Folks seem to have trouble understanding the truth that I can be by myself endlessly without going mad.

Aaahhh same. I spend entire weekends by myself sometimes, just in my little dorm room, and don't speak to anyone for 2 entire days. Good times.

But I mostly do this because I'm becoming exhausted with my social life. And I don't feel like I can relate to anyone around me anymore. So for this semester, I'm a recluse and I'm totally fine with it.

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EllaChinoise

I can spend weeks alone without talking with anybody.As long as I get my books and my computer (with or without internet),I can pretty much troll on forever.

Honestly,I find the concept of dating puzzle me.And I often feel annoy when I read people writing/talking about how lonely they are...Or maybe I am just weird besides being asexual all along...Well,maybe I am too cynical...or too anti-social...or I am a sociopath...Funny enough,once in a while I ask myself how much genuine humanity I have left.

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Mezzo Forte

Aaahhh same. I spend entire weekends by myself sometimes, just in my little dorm room, and don't speak to anyone for 2 entire days. Good times.

But I mostly do this because I'm becoming exhausted with my social life. And I don't feel like I can relate to anyone around me anymore. So for this semester, I'm a recluse and I'm totally fine with it.

Well, this definitely sounds like me! The only reason I ever seen to leave my apartment when I'm at college is to either go to classes, to practice percussion (I'm a music major, so that's not exactly extracurricular), or to buy food (usually on the way back from a practice session). It's not unusual for me to go entire weekends without having to interact with others, and I actually really like it. (I have no idea how I handled two years of sharing a room with a roommate when I lived in the dorms.)

I'm also a bit reluctant to foster a social life because I don't like the social responsibility that comes with it, because I don't want to feel obligated to respond to text messages or make plans when I don't feel like being around others. I think people get thrown off guard because I'm so talkative, but I can almost seem hostile if I'm forced into being social when I don't have a chance to mentally prep myself to be around others. Phone calls that I can't screen are especially bad, and I have a bone to pick with Facebook for making it so that people can message you anytime 24/7 trying to strike up conversation with zero warning, but expecting a response. If my college social life is indicative of anything, it's that my twin's capacity to manage my social life is one of the main reasons that I have friends in the first place, with only one or two notable exceptions.

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