The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

[Non-Verbal Sam]

i get crushes on people cause they are attractive and nice (see tom hiddleston)

i have never had any romantic experiences, if you asked me at 12 what love was i would have told you ''its finding someone to spend your life with like a friend''

[sindi]

I'm starting to think that I'm completely aromantic (as opposed to demiromantic, "almost aromantic" etc that I've identified as before). I've had a few crushes in my life, but they could as well have been (and probably were!) just squishes, 'cause I can't tell the difference.

My dreams of a relationship have been really childish and far removed from reality - in essence they have been about finding a BFF whom I could connect with and to whom I would be so special, that they wouldn't let an other relationship (like a real romantic relationship) get in the way of us two. I never dreamed of living under the same roof with them. And considering, that in real life I can barely tolerate friendship (close friendship has never worked out in the long run), I think it's safe to say that I'm just an aromantic with some naive fantasies :P

[elexacarrero]

Uh, hi, new person to the site, joining because I've had a lot of thoughts about my romantic orientation lately and nobody to talk to. Known I'm ace for almost two years now, but only in the last few months I acknowledged I'm aromantic. Never been in a romantic relationship even before that, never had any interest in it. Besides, I'm sure I'd just wind up embarrassing myself--being so antisocial in high school has made it difficult sometimes to understand people's intentions.

Heck, it's like when I was coming to terms with my own asexuality, not knowing the difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. All my knowledge about how people act around each other comes from bad television, so my immediate assumption when a guy tries to pay for my half of the bill is that he assumes it's a date. Then I say I'm not interested in them that way, and both times they're already taken. Can't tell the difference between when somebody's being polite and when they're flirting.

Yeah, I completely get that. I have the same kind of problem. I am a very blunt person, and when I want to know something, I will ask without easing into the subject. If a guy asks me out, I will ask him first if it is as friends or as a date. If he wants it to be a date, I will tell them no. I make sure to never put myself in that kind of situation anymore, only because it has happened in the past, and has only made the friendships a bit uncomfortable afterward. But, as you explore this new part of you more, then you will be able to discern between whether or not you are being flirted with. It just takes time and patience.

And welcome to the site, by the way! I hope you enjoy it. The community is wonderful.

[That Kid U Know]

Hey, Im Aro too, just wondering if anyone else still wants to have a type of long term relationship. I want to have a "husband"so to speak in the future but not in the traditional way. I want to have a person in my life thats my partner in everything, we are the most important thing to each other but neither sexual nor romantic, like a forever friend at a higher and more meaningful level if that makes sense.

Just wonder how other aromatics feel about this?

[ZombiesAsAMetaphor]

Hey, Im Aro too, just wondering if anyone else still wants to have a type of long term relationship. I want to have a "husband"so to speak in the future but not in the traditional way. I want to have a person in my life thats my partner in everything, we are the most important thing to each other but neither sexual nor romantic, like a forever friend at a higher and more meaningful level if that makes sense.

Just wonder how other aromatics feel about this?

Yeah, I'd definitely love to have a relationship like this, and have actually discussed it with a close friend of mine. Sadly, they're on another continent at the moment, but you never know what the future will bring, right?

[Zash]

Hey, Im Aro too, just wondering if anyone else still wants to have a type of long term relationship. I want to have a "husband"so to speak in the future but not in the traditional way. I want to have a person in my life thats my partner in everything, we are the most important thing to each other but neither sexual nor romantic, like a forever friend at a higher and more meaningful level if that makes sense.

Just wonder how other aromatics feel about this?

If I were to have a life partner, it would be something like that. But, I am not really wanting one (wouldn't turn it down if one came by, but, not desiring it enough to go actively searching for it either). If that makes any sense?

[Maelstrom_17]

Eh.. referring to the spoiler under your name, I don't think that it's fair to judge people based on looks no matter how much makeup they have or whatever. I know that that's not how it works in real life, but I would like people to stop looking at superficial stuff so often. I mean looks are great and all, but they don't really bother me that much in particular. Usually I just look at people once in awhile but none of the faces (pretty or otherwise) stick in my mind very often. Just out of curiosity, what is an INTJ? I know it's an entreprenurial organization, but I don't think that's what you're going for.. right?

INTJ is one of the results (personality types) of the Myers-Brigg Personality test. Since i often find people here who knows all about it, i usually forget that some never heard of it. Here is the full explanation on wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator. It stands for "Introspective, iNtuitive, Thinker and Judgmental".

Sorry, it went longer than i expected, again, it turned into some sort of rant.

TL;DR:About the good looking aspect, I think it's fair as an initial judge, and, well, I don't keep looking at other people since I think it's rude to. But when I have to look, sure, looking at someone who put effort into actually looking better, is something i can appreciate. And they stick in my mind, as anything that is good-looking sticks. Anyway, full explanation in spoiler below :lol:

And about looks, well, I do consider make-up as part of the "good-looking" because it makes difference on how the person looks and only because of that. Like I said, to me, beauty is something defined in a particular moment. I do give a reasonable amount of importance to looks in general, not only of humans, but objects and other things, perhaps because I like practical arts, since I worked and enjoyed working as an art director in publicity, but I wont make my judgment of someone based only in how that person looks. That I agree, it's very rude. If I am looking for a car to take a photo of, I would like to take the photo of the best good-looking car I can, or that combined with being able to approach it and taking other nice photos. If we are talking about people, since the furthest I will probably go is only looking at them, why not look at those who look nicest? If I'm seeking true friendship, I will seek those who appear smartest and then, during my conversations with those people, rate if that's aligned with what I seek in them, if I can share nice conversations of abstract theories about the most random things and still laugh about it. If i'm looking for a low-key friendship, then I will seek people who are more likely to have hobbies and entertainment interests that are similar to those I have, for instance, anime fans (otakus), vocaloid fans, and japanese culture fans. And notice how appearance is quite the opposite of good looking in the former, since most of those who expend lots of time watching anime wont expend it trying to have a better appearance. So, yes, I use people appearance as, at least, the first indicator of that person qualities and preferences, but it would be very uncommon of me to deliberately treat that person in a rude way, just because they look bad. When you are willing to hire someone, and are doing the job interview, how the person looks does have some huge impact on the final decision, and it's reasonable that it does, because we don't work alone, we interact with other people that also will be more comfortable with nice looking people. Wrapping bad cookies in a nice package, might cause people to eat/buy it once, and then never buy it again. Wrapping wonderful cookies in a bad looking package might cause them to never experiment in the first place. But is it wrong? The amount of effort that is put into the outside isn't usually proportional to the amount of the inside? Of course exceptions exist, but again, we can't eat the cookie without buying the whole package.

So, I agree with you that appearance is overrated but I also agree with those who use it as a tool, because, honestly, we don't have time to test people we just met, or are willing to meet. People don't walk around with their qualities and defects stamped on their forehead, if they did, perhaps we could reduce the appearance aspect of the world. Like how when we are willing to buy some electronic equipment, we can look into the technical specs and compare our options, without caring that much about it's external appearance. But with random people that you know nothing about? Why not use it? As long you don't take that initial judgment as something set in stone, unchangeable, it's fine.

But.. I feel that historically women have always had way too much emphasis placed on how they look rather than on their accomplishments. For example, if a women had a lot of accomplishments in a certain field, they wouldn't be respected much (outside of the community they are in)unless they also had good looks to go along with it. Sometimes this doesn't happen even within the (academic, sports, musical, etc.) community that they are in unless she has the beauty appeal to go along with it.

About looks being more representative of whether someone is part of a gang, I think that actions and words definitely speak louder than the physical aspect for sure. I know many people who look like they are part of a gang, but in reality they are medical doctors or have multiple college degrees etc. In addition, I also think that the area that one is in a city would determine whether the people there are likely to be "gangsters". (For example, if one is in an area known for crime)

[Wokgran X]

But.. I feel that historically women have always had way too much emphasis placed on how they look rather than on their accomplishments. For example, if a women had a lot of accomplishments in a certain field, they wouldn't be respected much (outside of the community they are in)unless they also had good looks to go along with it. Sometimes this doesn't happen even within the (academic, sports, musical, etc.) community that they are in unless she has the beauty appeal to go along with it.

About looks being more representative of whether someone is part of a gang, I think that actions and words definitely speak louder than the physical aspect for sure. I know many people who look like they are part of a gang, but in reality they are medical doctors or have multiple college degrees etc. In addition, I also think that the area that one is in a city would determine whether the people there are likely to be "gangsters". (For example, if one is in an area known for crime)

Sure, i won't deny the historical prejudice that women carried. But i think it was also an issue, perhaps less important but still, for men too. If you are ugly people will treat you as something inferior, woman or man, young or old. Something incapable of accomplishing anything. It seems more strong with women indeed, but it's also present with males. "He's rich, intelligent and caring, but he is so damn ugly/wimpy" is not uncommon to hear. But also, the male looks is something ambiguous, if you work towards being handsome, you might be treated as gay, and if you don't as some kind of animal that can only be appreciated by external actions and not by personal value... it's weird. I think there is something similar going with women, that if they focus on being attractive they will be labeled as "whores" and so on. It's like lots of people already stated, this gender war should stop, is very bad for both. (I guess i don't need to add the extra hardship of being asexual/aromantic here, were people are way more happy/praise you when you get a girlfriend/marry/have kids than when you get a nice job or do nice things to them)

But I would like to defend my wright to think whatever I want about other person. Again, it's about what I'm actually doing to the other person. I can judge someone ugly or beautiful and sort out some personal actions based on it but i can't force my judgment upon the other person as some form of divine justice (in the form of shaming for example). I can choose to surround myself with only beautiful persons if i want to, but I should not be able to treat someone bad just because they are ugly. I can/should be able to keep scoring people looks in my head for my whole life, but I shouldn't be able to actually publish those scores without the consent of those people. So, sometimes I think the word "judgment" is something that I interpret in a different way than most people. I'm talking about considering every aspect that you want to weight/your thoughts about something and reach a reasonable conclusion, and only that. For example, I can judge/estimate the weight of a person, but it's an entirely different matter if we are talking about affirming to the world if that person is guilty or not based on it's behavior/weight and taking actions upon that judgment that violate that persons wrights. Other nice example, i can judge (in my mind) if someone might be asexual or not, but i can't force the label on them against their own will, i can only discuss with them, if they want, the possibility of it.

Sure, actions speak louder than looks, and when you are in some more dangerous zone, anyone that slightly looks like a gangster will be judged, at least by me and by most people I know, as a potential mugger/robber. And it's okay, it means now you can be more self aware of that group or person, and evade the place before something happen. You sure won't like to wait until they start taking actions to "confirm" your initial judgment, that will probably mean having a gun pointing at you while they "politely ask you" for your cellphone, money and so on. The "best" part is not even knowing if they will shoot or not, it's not like they have much to lose if they do. Some might like to be feared by their victims, some don't, how will you react? Even not reacting at all is one way of reacting. Perhaps it would be of your best interest to keep (re)judging the situation all the time so you can get clues on how to proceed. And some of those clues might be in that person actions and even how they are looking, appearance, smiling or not, facing fear or joy, having scars or not... Well, it's my way of looking into things, judging everything i can so my actions are in the best interest of those involved. And there is chance involved, if you are looking for a romantic partner, and is approached by someone that looks violent, is ripped and slightly aggressive, why not back off? Will you go on until he/she hits you in the face? I prefer to back out whenever my judgment pass as enough, it's safer that way, i don't like to "bet" with those things.

[Swimfreak660]

Hey, Im Aro too, just wondering if anyone else still wants to have a type of long term relationship. I want to have a "husband"so to speak in the future but not in the traditional way. I want to have a person in my life thats my partner in everything, we are the most important thing to each other but neither sexual nor romantic, like a forever friend at a higher and more meaningful level if that makes sense.

Just wonder how other aromatics feel about this?

I also feel this way. I always want to have a partner in the future, but not in a romantic or sexual sense. Just a very close friend that I live with and will always be there for me.

[Guest]

Hey, Im Aro too, just wondering if anyone else still wants to have a type of long term relationship. I want to have a "husband"so to speak in the future but not in the traditional way. I want to have a person in my life thats my partner in everything, we are the most important thing to each other but neither sexual nor romantic, like a forever friend at a higher and more meaningful level if that makes sense.

Just wonder how other aromatics feel about this?

I also feel this way. I always want to have a partner in the future, but not in a romantic or sexual sense. Just a very close friend that I live with and will always be there for me.

Same here, though I would also like there to be a sensual side to the relationship, hugs, back rubs, sleeping in the same bed and so on.

[crowded_mind]

Hey, Im Aro too, just wondering if anyone else still wants to have a type of long term relationship. I want to have a "husband"so to speak in the future but not in the traditional way. I want to have a person in my life thats my partner in everything, we are the most important thing to each other but neither sexual nor romantic, like a forever friend at a higher and more meaningful level if that makes sense.

Just wonder how other aromatics feel about this?

I also feel this way. I always want to have a partner in the future, but not in a romantic or sexual sense. Just a very close friend that I live with and will always be there for me.

Hello all :)

I'v only recently began wondering if I could be aromantic. Iv'e known i was ace for a few years but never really thought about being aromantic too. I recently ended a relationship because our feelings didn't match up. I was feeling uncomfortable with the romantic feelings towards me and guilty because i couldn't seem to feel the same.

I agree that this would be my ideal relationship and i think that's what i was looking for in my last relationship without even knowing it.

[That Kid U Know]

Its my ideal relationship, but I feel like it will be impossible for me to meet someone with who shares the same ideas as me for a relationship in my day to day life.

-I need some cake hahaha

[Maelstrom_17]

But.. I feel that historically women have always had way too much emphasis placed on how they look rather than on their accomplishments. For example, if a women had a lot of accomplishments in a certain field, they wouldn't be respected much (outside of the community they are in)unless they also had good looks to go along with it. Sometimes this doesn't happen even within the (academic, sports, musical, etc.) community that they are in unless she has the beauty appeal to go along with it.

About looks being more representative of whether someone is part of a gang, I think that actions and words definitely speak louder than the physical aspect for sure. I know many people who look like they are part of a gang, but in reality they are medical doctors or have multiple college degrees etc. In addition, I also think that the area that one is in a city would determine whether the people there are likely to be "gangsters". (For example, if one is in an area known for crime)

Sure, i won't deny the historical prejudice that women carried. But i think it was also an issue, perhaps less important but still, for men too. If you are ugly people will treat you as something inferior, woman or man, young or old. Something incapable of accomplishing anything. It seems more strong with women indeed, but it's also present with males. "He's rich, intelligent and caring, but he is so damn ugly/wimpy" is not uncommon to hear. But also, the male looks is something ambiguous, if you work towards being handsome, you might be treated as gay, and if you don't as some kind of animal that can only be appreciated by external actions and not by personal value... it's weird. I think there is something similar going with women, that if they focus on being attractive they will be labeled as "whores" and so on. It's like lots of people already stated, this gender war should stop, is very bad for both. (I guess i don't need to add the extra hardship of being asexual/aromantic here, were people are way more happy/praise you when you get a girlfriend/marry/have kids than when you get a nice job or do nice things to them)

But I would like to defend my wright to think whatever I want about other person. Again, it's about what I'm actually doing to the other person. I can judge someone ugly or beautiful and sort out some personal actions based on it but i can't force my judgment upon the other person as some form of divine justice (in the form of shaming for example). I can choose to surround myself with only beautiful persons if i want to, but I should not be able to treat someone bad just because they are ugly. I can/should be able to keep scoring people looks in my head for my whole life, but I shouldn't be able to actually publish those scores without the consent of those people. So, sometimes I think the word "judgment" is something that I interpret in a different way than most people. I'm talking about considering every aspect that you want to weight/your thoughts about something and reach a reasonable conclusion, and only that. For example, I can judge/estimate the weight of a person, but it's an entirely different matter if we are talking about affirming to the world if that person is guilty or not based on it's behavior/weight and taking actions upon that judgment that violate that persons wrights. Other nice example, i can judge (in my mind) if someone might be asexual or not, but i can't force the label on them against their own will, i can only discuss with them, if they want, the possibility of it.

Sure, actions speak louder than looks, and when you are in some more dangerous zone, anyone that slightly looks like a gangster will be judged, at least by me and by most people I know, as a potential mugger/robber. And it's okay, it means now you can be more self aware of that group or person, and evade the place before something happen. You sure won't like to wait until they start taking actions to "confirm" your initial judgment, that will probably mean having a gun pointing at you while they "politely ask you" for your cellphone, money and so on. The "best" part is not even knowing if they will shoot or not, it's not like they have much to lose if they do. Some might like to be feared by their victims, some don't, how will you react? Even not reacting at all is one way of reacting. Perhaps it would be of your best interest to keep (re)judging the situation all the time so you can get clues on how to proceed. And some of those clues might be in that person actions and even how they are looking, appearance, smiling or not, facing fear or joy, having scars or not... Well, it's my way of looking into things, judging everything i can so my actions are in the best interest of those involved. And there is chance involved, if you are looking for a romantic partner, and is approached by someone that looks violent, is ripped and slightly aggressive, why not back off? Will you go on until he/she hits you in the face? I prefer to back out whenever my judgment pass as enough, it's safer that way, i don't like to "bet" with those things.

I agree with you on the "gay" part, but where I live I see a lot of what other people call "ugly" males with girls who other people say look a lot better than them. I just never see the reverse happen very often, I guess.

Same as you. I defend my right to wish that everyone thought the same as me regarding looks not being of any particular importance. (ie I wish everyone thought like me <in theory, anyway> but I'm not going to force that wish upon everyone. I just merely wish to inform people about my views and why I think the way I do. Of course, it would be awesome to have people think like me, but I have no desire to force my perspective upon other people.)

As for the third, as least where I live, there's a very low crime rate and I very seldom go out (since I'm somewhat introverted as well) so it's not really something I worry about or need to worry about.

[Non-Verbal Sam]

i'm pretty sure i'm aro

aspergers makes things confusing add on to that my people issues, why is life confusing

[Saerys]

I've only recently realised i might be aromantic (i've had crushes when i was younger, and reflecting on them now it was just based on who i thought was cute) and i know i've never been in love. I actually dated someone for a year in high school without doing anything beyond hand holding and thought that was completely normal. in the future, i figure if i find someone to have a platonic relationship with, great, but otherwise i'm not fussed.

on a more somber note, did anyone else have a hard time coming to terms with their aromanticism? since this is new for me i'm struggling more with this than i ever did with asexuality :/

[crowded_mind]

I've been struggling with it a bit too. I'm at the age where my friends are pairing up, getting married and having children so I feel a bit disconnected from them and where they are in life compared to me. :s

[ObsessedWithCats]

on a more somber note, did anyone else have a hard time coming to terms with their aromanticism? since this is new for me i'm struggling more with this than i ever did with asexuality :/

It did take a much longer time for me to accept I'm aromantic than asexual, even though it took much less time for me to know it logically. It was easier to accept I can't find people sexy than to accept I can't fall in love - the latter kind of felt like it would make me a cold person. But I still love my family and my cat and nowadays it doesn't bother me to know I'm aromantic.

[Guest]

on a more somber note, did anyone else have a hard time coming to terms with their aromanticism? since this is new for me i'm struggling more with this than i ever did with asexuality :/

It did take a much longer time for me to accept I'm aromantic than asexual, even though it took much less time for me to know it logically. It was easier to accept I can't find people sexy than to accept I can't fall in love - the latter kind of felt like it would make me a cold person. But I still love my family and my cat and nowadays it doesn't bother me to know I'm aromantic.

Yup, me too. It took me weeks after discovering the term 'asexual' to decide that it applied to me, but when I did I accepted itand was happy with it immediately. . After finding out about aromanticism I pretty much immediately thought "that's me" but I found it very difficult to accept and it was rather upsetting. I came to terms with it eventually :)

[Blue_Sky]

Actually, for me it was different. Once, I found and accepted the term 'asexual', I assumed that it meant I would be my own kind of 'alone' forever. Until, I found out about 'aromanticism' I didn't even know they were two separate ideas, because of this, it took me longer to accept asexual than aromantic. But, in both cases, I never saw myself as a 'cold person', I just have a different way of seeing people and the possibility of them being really good friends with me. Personally, I think it just makes it all simpler.

I'm also at the age where a lot of my friends are getting married or are in serious relationships, and while it does make me think about what my life is going to be like, I know marriage and kids is something I would never want. So while there is some type of disconnection, like Crowded_Mind said, in a way it just helps me focus on what I think my life can be as I get older.

Then again, I've always kind of an easy going person so, it might just be way easier for me to accept all of this simply. :D

[rocky4365]

Hi all i started reading this forum and just had to get a membership on this site. I am most definitely aromantic, not particularly fond of other humans in general thats why im on here because i can delude myself into believing that you are all just really interesting bits of my imagination. However i make an exception for about 5 people in this world all family members only 1 is close family, as far as im concerned actual relationships with other people are not worth my time or effort and while i do have sexual attraction to certain people its always someone i have never met or talked to. Once i do speak to a person they kind of become grey blobs in my mind unimportant unless i can use them for something, i categorize almost all other humans in various use levels. I am really curious if anyone else thinks in a similar way. Im excellent at faking the emotions required to make others believe i am their friends, but i dont feel it. I do however have an unending curiosity about everything so if anyone has any insights into what i am and if anyone is like me i would like to understand how you think and act.Yes i am a high functioning borderline psychopath no not the violent kind just the kind that feels nothing for others although i do like animals which is weird and has made more than one psychiatrist go HUH.

[the bumbling rotifer]

I recently rejoined facebook after a couple of years away. I need to express how I feel to someone, and I thought you guys might understand. I'm sorry it's written a bit oddly, I didn't know how else to express how I'm feeling.

How? How can people I know create new people? It just doesn't make sense.
What does that make my friends who have kids? Exploited hosts? Gods?

What are they now? They've gone somewhere they'll never come back from, and I'll never go to. Perhaps they are travelers, explorers.
But am i reduced to being friends with their creations, because i am myself unable and unwilling to travel?
Can i never be their compatriots again?

My friends sail in a fleet of ships built for two, and i ride the waves alone, unable to sail with them as i once did.

They may at times visit calmer waters and sail alongside me, but i am no longer their fleet, and that knowledge takes the wind from my sails.

Can anyone else relate?

[Aworld]

^That's really thoughtful and beautiful.

I don't even know if I'm aromantic or not... I've had crushes in the past, and when I was younger I could imagine myself being in a relationship with someone and I didn't want to be "forever alone", but now not so much. I don't really care now if I don't find someone; to me friends and family are more important. But it's tough to see all the people around me placing so much emphasis on romance, whereas to me it's more like something you would find in a story book or fairytale. I'm not expecting to find it in real life and I'm not looking for it, although if I found it then I suppose that would be nice.

[Swimfreak660]

I recently rejoined facebook after a couple of years away. I need to express how I feel to someone, and I thought you guys might understand. I'm sorry it's written a bit oddly, I didn't know how else to express how I'm feeling.

How? How can people I know create new people? It just doesn't make sense.

What does that make my friends who have kids? Exploited hosts? Gods?

What are they now? They've gone somewhere they'll never come back from, and I'll never go to. Perhaps they are travelers, explorers.

But am i reduced to being friends with their creations, because i am myself unable and unwilling to travel?

Can i never be their compatriots again?

My friends sail in a fleet of ships built for two, and i ride the waves alone, unable to sail with them as i once did.

They may at times visit calmer waters and sail alongside me, but i am no longer their fleet, and that knowledge takes the wind from my sails.

Can anyone else relate?

That's beautiful, and very much what I feel about myself and my friends and family. Very often I cannot understand how they feel about relationships and love, and I respect that, but, I feel like I may get left behind once my friends do settle down to begin a family or find that one person they want to spend the rest of their life with, while I watch from a distance.

^That's really thoughtful and beautiful.

I don't even know if I'm aromantic or not... I've had crushes in the past, and when I was younger I could imagine myself being in a relationship with someone and I didn't want to be "forever alone", but now not so much. I don't really care now if I don't find someone; to me friends and family are more important. But it's tough to see all the people around me placing so much emphasis on romance, whereas to me it's more like something you would find in a story book or fairytale. I'm not expecting to find it in real life and I'm not looking for it, although if I found it then I suppose that would be nice.

I used to have crushes when I was younger too. I also ended up dating a few people as well. Looking back now, I've realized there never really was a romantic attraction, for me, associated with anything. I was always looking for a close friendship, and I didn't really like or understand any other part of the relationship. I also feel like my friends' constant want of a relationship rubbed off on me, because I believed that was how I was supposed to feel and be. I should be jealous of other people's relationships, even if I wasn't.

[Hel]

Hi. I'm probably demiromantic. Or ..not.

All I know is that from time to time I miss my SO and want to spend time with him. At the same time I cannot confess any romantic feelings or be nice and cuddly. We begun dating because he has been trying for three years and I felt sorry and finally let him in my life. I'm battling the battle of productivity and social life, however, productivity is my top priority. I don't see the point in romantic relationship or social interaction at all, atleast not now. I think it's a waste of time. So, that's why I'd rather like to leave that when I set up my career.

[Thearosomewhatace]

im an aromantic. I find the basic romantic things such as holding hands, kissing, cuddling, and more repulsive. I fear being alone though because of this rarity of finding some one just like me for a platonic friendship forever. By the way I am 18 and a straight male.

[Kiwi_Kitty]

Well, guess it's time to jump in.

I'm liking the sound of "grayromantic" at the moment, so that's what I'm going with. I think I've experienced some semblance of romantic attraction in the past, but I've never really had a desire for cuddling and certainly not kissing, and hand-holding is a definite maybe.

The more I think about it, the more my ideal relationship takes the form of what That Kid U Know described above: a totally platonic "forever friend" who's a soul mate and life partner, and who I can maybe possibly adopt kids with. I'm just terrified that I won't be able to find someone who's willing to be that person, because I know I don't want to spend my life alone -- but seeing that other people in this thread seem to like the idea of this kind of relationship as well gives me hope. :)

So, who knows? Maybe I will eventually discover that I'm aromantic after all, but this thread seems like a good place to hang out while I figure it out.

[LadyWallflower]

I've never had a crush on anyone before. I don't think of how aesthetically attractive people are unless I am asked or if occurs to me that I should, It feels weird never having the feeling. But it's not aesthetic either. I don't feel that need for connection, or a feeling of attraction. You see it often in movies and such that you feel like it should be real, but for me I feel nothing like that. I'm pretty sure I am aromantic.

What's difficult is when I tried to explain this to my father (I didn't use the actual words) he figured it was just my low self esteem not thinking I was worthy of anyone. And no, that is not true. If that was true I would have crushes but I would never ask the person out because I would be convinced they would reject me. Low self esteem would not cause me to have no crushes at all. Anyone, I'm pretty sure he forgot about this conversation, but it is still bugging me.

[Kellykinsss]

I have gone back and forth on the idea of being aromantic vs. romantic about 20 times. It's rather exhausting but I really want to know exactly where I lie. It frustrates me that this is an aspect of myself that I can't quite put my finger on. Lately I've settled on WTFromantic but that just doesn't satisfy me. There is a part of me that thinks I need a boyfriend/girlfriend and then there is the part of me that doesn't want one. And I think the reason why I think I need a boyfriend/girlfriends is partially because society expects you to be romantically involved with someone and partially because I dislike the term single it's such a lonely word. About a year and a half ago I told a friend of mine that I thought I had a crush on her but it's only since becoming more of a regular of AVEN that I've realized that what I thought was a crush was more of a squish. When I think of what I want in a relationship is just someone I can hang out with and be 100% comfortable.

I'm sorry this is so rambley.

[Next-To-Normal]

I'm currently trying to work out if I'm aromantic or not. Part of me thinks I might be because I can't see the point in romantic relationships I'd rather just have really close friendships but at the same time I've thought I've had crushes before (but on reflection they seem far more like squishes but the line between is kinda blurry) and I'm kinda like I don't have any actual romantic experience maybe I just haven't found the right person. So I guess I'll just see where life goes and where the future takes me (or more accurately makes me feel.)

[A Meaningful Username]

I'm aro and have identified as such for almost as long as I've identified as being ace. I'm relating to a lot of people who are saying that they feel left behind as their friends partner up and get married. The thought of being by myself didn't use to bother me at all but now that a lot of my friends are getting into long term relationships the realisation that I won't be able to depend on them like I use to bothers me. I usually don't get lonely but I do feel alone quite often and I think as my friends "disappear" in a sense I will feel more isolated.