will123 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 @AlyssaAugust Welcome to AVEN from another aro ace. I'm 62, found out about asexuality when I was 44. I didnt join AVEN until seven years ago. My identifying as aromantic didnt come until a couple of years later. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Elementaldeerchild Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 For me I just thought 'What's the big deal?' when it came to sex. I'd rather be in my flannel pajamas and have a good book. It was only a couple years ago I hear of 'asexuality' and thought "Great!" I have other fellow weirdos 'out there' that get me. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one but am not sure if there is anyone around 'in person' to be able to go out for coffee etc and relate. I'm glad for this forum! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 @AlyssaAugust @Elementaldeerchild Hi. Welcome! That's good that you both like the forums. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Audsta Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 I’m interested to know how many here are still a virgin … I’m 54 and yes, I’ve never had sexual intercourse. That in itself, made me feel I was very strange for a long time. Now I don’t care at all, but I did , in my 30s and 40s . Looks like I’ll get old and never know what it’s like . It’s always repulsed me and still does . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 @Audsta Hello. Welcome! No problem! If you're interested, there are several topics to check out about members and their feelings about virginity. Showing results for 'virgin'. - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) (this was a 2020 Census poll) Virgins! Are you curious about sex? - 2020 - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 9 hours ago, Audsta said: I’m interested to know how many here are still a virgin … I’m 54 and yes, I’ve never had sexual intercourse. That in itself, made me feel I was very strange for a long time. Now I don’t care at all, but I did , in my 30s and 40s . Looks like I’ll get old and never know what it’s like . It’s always repulsed me and still does . 62 here. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GRBookworm1818 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 I first found out about asexuality when i was 16, and immediately had this huge moment of relief and deep self-understanding. I think it was on an old tumblr post if I'm remembering correctly, something about lesser discussed orientations in the LGBT community. My first thought was "WAIT! There's a word for that?!? I thought i was the only one." Up until that point I was agonizing about my sexual orientation in a very "Well I'm definitely not straight, and I don't think I'm gay, so what the heck am i?" way, since it wasn't presented to me that not being attracted to anyone was even an option. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 @GRBookworm1818 Hi. Welcome! Thanks, for sharing that. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nonstop Reader Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 On 2/4/2024 at 5:50 PM, GRBookworm1818 said: I first found out about asexuality when i was 16, and immediately had this huge moment of relief and deep self-understanding. I'm so happy that people are finding out about asexuality so much earlier now. I'm 46 and didn't realize until late last year. It would have been really useful information for me to have, say 20 years ago. Welcome! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 8 minutes ago, Nonstop Reader said: I'm so happy that people are finding out about asexuality so much earlier now. I'm 46 and didn't realize until late last year. It would have been really useful information for me to have, say 20 years ago. Welcome! X2 I didn't find out until I was 44. While I never questioned my lack of sexual interest (I thought I was straight because I liked how girls looked) it was obvious looking back as far as my teen years (in the 70s) that I was aro and ace. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Speeedy01 Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 I had been struggling for years in allo dating groups and sites. It made me have a physical anger reaction, it was so bad. I couldn't stand seeing all the highly sexual posts. I thought they were vulgar. Then someone from the group messaged me and asked me if I had considered I might be asexual. I looked it up and read an article and found Ace Dad Advice and actually I think I cried. I was so euphoric for so long. The stress and anger I felt at not being able to find love and thinking I was in the wrong for feeling the way I did, in the society we live in. I realised there was other people like me and it brought me a huge sense of relief. I finally belong and I'm NOT crazy or just a prude. Hallelujah! 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
merganser Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 I feel some comfort and relief but I am still processing. The idea of asexuality still feels unreal. I feel my mind trying to frantically rationalise it away and invalidate my feelings. I sense this belief that I may wake up tomorrow, or realise in the next moment, that all these blanks that now appear unfilled were, in fact, always filled. I might have just forgotten or failed to find the right understanding. If 20 years of fully believing who I thought I was really turns out to be a misconception, it will really be a world-shattering experience. But I have hope that from those pieces I might form a new life. Maybe I will find the joy and happiness that has felt hopelessly out of reach. Thank-you so much to the AVEN community and those who have shared here and on other platforms. I just finished typing up my 3,000 word essay on my story and thoughts but I want to sit on these feelings a while longer before posting it. Is that a bit ridiculously much to share on AVEN? I am not noticing there is a particular "life story" sub-forum. Please suggest to me what would be appropriate if you know. Thanks! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 @merganser Welcome to AVEN I think we all react differently to finding out about asexuality. If you're on a laptop or tablet, check the link in my signature. I just stumbled on the article. I always thought I was straight, just not doing a very good job of it. When I checked out AVEN afterwards (I didn't sign up until 2017) I thought, 'That's me!' I was so happy. And like others have said since, it was like a weight was taken off my shoulders. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 On 2/15/2024 at 10:02 PM, merganser said: ...I just finished typing up my 3,000 word essay on my story and thoughts but I want to sit on these feelings a while longer before posting it. Is that a bit ridiculously much to share on AVEN? I am not noticing there is a particular "life story" sub-forum. Please suggest to me what would be appropriate if you know. Thanks! Hi. Welcome! A 3,000 word essay wouldn't be a problem: members are allowed to write as much or as little as they feel comfortable sharing. As far as where to post it, sometimes, certain threads/posts can fit in more than one forum or thread. It can depend of a variety of factors: what a main topic is about (e.g. asexuality); what kind of feedback a member is looking to receive from others (i.e. whether they've asked others a specific question, would like to hear others' experiences, or intend to receive only positive congratulations, along with cake pics, as an example. e.g. I should have known I was asexual when.... - Asexual Musings and Rantings - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) If you'd like, you could send it to me or other Admods, so that, perhaps, we could look at it and help you decide where it might fit best. I hope this information helps! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dia84 Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 I have been questioning myself for years and looking back on my past why I never wanted sex in the way you read and hear about. When I was married my ex constantly would get mad when I didn’t behavior like quote “normal” women. To me it was something that made him happy and gave him kids. when that didn’t change he left. Not a loss for me but I remember when I started my relationship now which was in 2011 I didn’t know asexual existed. up until honestly a few weeks ago reading a book and a character mentioned it and it sounded like me and my thoughts. Anyway I told my now fiancée that the reality was that I would probably never have sex with him. I saw his reaction which was shock but he still sticks by me and I am greatful though I haven’t actually told him about being asexual but knowing him he probably already knows and is waiting on me to admit it. But happy I found this site. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 @Dia84 Hi. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing your experiences. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 3 hours ago, Dia84 said: I have been questioning myself for years and looking back on my past why I never wanted sex in the way you read and hear about. When I was married my ex constantly would get mad when I didn’t behavior like quote “normal” women. To me it was something that made him happy and gave him kids. when that didn’t change he left. Not a loss for me but I remember when I started my relationship now which was in 2011 I didn’t know asexual existed. up until honestly a few weeks ago reading a book and a character mentioned it and it sounded like me and my thoughts. Anyway I told my now fiancée that the reality was that I would probably never have sex with him. I saw his reaction which was shock but he still sticks by me and I am greatful though I haven’t actually told him about being asexual but knowing him he probably already knows and is waiting on me to admit it. But happy I found this site. Welcome to AVEN! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
phys Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 I'm 42 and finally figured it out. that brings relief to maybe it not just me being weird. I'm 42 and finally figured it out. that brings relief to maybe it not just me being weird. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 @phys Hi. Welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amberheart Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 I have to genuinely give kudos that this is even a thing thats out there for us to find. I was raised to only have the standard encounters be married have kids. i look back and see all of this is brainwashing and how relieved to finally be free of this need to be or like or have sex. I never liked it just tolerated it. i have my kinks but never acted on anything because I do t know if it leads to sexual release or how far it goes??? society even spiritually says sex is important for your health blah blah blah. i felt guilty for the longest time one day I googled I dont like sex and now know theres others like me yesterday I found out I have a flag even. im so happy and tomorrows my birthday I am so glad that others know theyre not broken, am im. Not broken im full of life things are different for our future of people of all sexual orientation thanks to everyone who made that happen I feel validated I feel community I feel like a true wisewomen elder i feel even more in my power im greatful to be here. Finally at this point in soon to be 58 years. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 @Amberheart Hello. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing that. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 5 hours ago, Amberheart said: I have to genuinely give kudos that this is even a thing thats out there for us to find. I was raised to only have the standard encounters be married have kids. i look back and see all of this is brainwashing and how relieved to finally be free of this need to be or like or have sex. I never liked it just tolerated it. i have my kinks but never acted on anything because I do t know if it leads to sexual release or how far it goes??? society even spiritually says sex is important for your health blah blah blah. i felt guilty for the longest time one day I googled I dont like sex and now know theres others like me yesterday I found out I have a flag even. im so happy and tomorrows my birthday I am so glad that others know theyre not broken, am im. Not broken im full of life things are different for our future of people of all sexual orientation thanks to everyone who made that happen I feel validated I feel community I feel like a true wisewomen elder i feel even more in my power im greatful to be here. Finally at this point in soon to be 58 years. Welcome to AVEN! Cake as a gift because its better than sex. I stumbled on to asexuality when I was 44, I'm 62 now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 8 hours ago, Amberheart said: birthday Welcome and here's to a happy birthday! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
phys Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 I am 42 physically disabled (who isn't at 42) and just figured it out...for the most part. I work with physically/mentally/emotionally disabled adults and love it. I am the oldest of 9 kids and the only birth child-the rest are adopted (they also have a mixture of physically/mentally and emotionally disabled. The first child came to us when I was 5. I love to read and learn and at one point went to school for physic and math. My parents are amazing-they have accepted me and apparently I was the topic of discussion. In other words-they seem to know more than I did. My mum told me that one of my aunts was ace- and I am a lot like her. I am excited that I am no longer just too different... I have been since I was a kid. I am excited there are others who get it-I am also glad for my parents who just want me to be happy and if I am different doesn't care how/why. They just want me to be me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 @phys Hello. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NobodysAngelxx Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 I found out what asexuality was shortly after joining AVEN. I'm in my early 30s. As a teen and later during college, I was never interested in sex but I didn't know how to identify myself. After a while, I stopped identifying as straight and just didn't have a label. Then years later I really started questioning my sexuality but had no one to talk to about it. I eventually settled on queer before finding my place in the ace community. still kinda confused but I definitely know i'm ace. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 @NobodysAngelxx Hello. Welcome back! Thank you, for sharing your experiences. In case you might be interested, in addition to Black Asexuals and POC Asexuals threads, there's a 30s thread in the Older Asexuals forum. I hope this helps! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NobodysAngelxx Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 @LeChat thanks. I had forgot my password and had to reset it but i'm officially back! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 @NobodysAngelxx You're welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WhytRabbyt Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Well, I actually never gave it much thought one way or another. I think I knew pretty early on how I felt and how that was never likely to change. I do find both men and women attractive but just never felt so inclined to be sexual at all with anyone…ever. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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