Jump to content

I Don't Want Sex and That's Okay? How it Feels to Hear About Asexuality!


Lady Girl

Recommended Posts

7 hours ago, Sabralovesscience said:

So anyway this is me saying hello 👋🏻 and I see you. Thank you for existing as a reachable, accepting, and educational community. It is nice to meet you 💜🖤🤍

Welcome, Sabra

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think for me it was just kind of eye-opening, a little emotional. I had always said I didn't want to have a relationship, but never really explored sexual desire implications because it felt so foreign to me. If I said I didn't want a relationship, for me in my context, that was like saying I wouldn't ever have sex and that was fine by me personally. But when I found out about asexuality I felt emotional, and didn't even realize that for a long time I had secretly wondered if I was broken, and it was such a relief to know I wasn't alone in feeling the way I did. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, for me, as a heterosexually married mother of three almost adult children who figured out I was asexual just last year, the predominant sentiment was, "Now I can stop trying to fix myself." Lots of other thoughts and feelings since then, but that was honestly the first one.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I only realised last August after over 30 years with my husband.  I’ve got 2 sons in their early 20’s and they are the only people I’ve told.  I really do wish that I wasn’t asexual and that I had the overwhelming sexual desire that it appears many people experience.  I feel cheated, but at least I know why I prefer to stick to romance and that is a relief.  I’ve always assumed that men enjoy sex and women just put up with it.  It seems I’ve misunderstood the mating game my whole life!  I’ve gained so much comfort knowing that it’s not just me who feels this way and I don’t need to be ashamed of how I feel.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

When I first heard a term it felt nice in some way I didn't understand yet. I didn't read much more about it and just continued living.

After moving to England and changing my friend group many were LGBT+ so I read more. And after understanding a little more it was like placing a puzzle into the right place. It explained many thought in my mind and my behaviours that were different than people around me. I was happy, relived, but still confused in some part. Concept of sexual attraction is hard to understand and because of that I don't feel completely confident yet.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Hi, I'm very new to this but, I feel I've found my tribe. I've spent many years trying to like sex, buying toys and trying different partners and just wanting to feel like everyone else. I'm comfortable with my Asexuality now. Im still learning about where on the spectrum I fit but that will come. I just know sex is very unimportant to me and it has been all my adult life. If I knew what I know now maybe I would've stopped trying to be like everyone else and saved myself and partners all the anguish of trying to be "this couple" I accept myself for being who I am and its a relief to know I'm not broken.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
55 minutes ago, Popdog said:

Hi, I'm very new to this but, I feel I've found my tribe. I've spent many years trying to like sex, buying toys and trying different partners and just wanting to feel like everyone else. I'm comfortable with my Asexuality now. Im still learning about where on the spectrum I fit but that will come. I just know sex is very unimportant to me and it has been all my adult life. If I knew what I know now maybe I would've stopped trying to be like everyone else and saved myself and partners all the anguish of trying to be "this couple" I accept myself for being who I am and its a relief to know I'm not broken.

Welcome to AVEN from the opposite side of the planet!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

yeah, discovering that "I'm not broken" really has been like having a weight lifted from my shoulders. I've spent my entire adult life identifying as gay and while I'm still comfortable with that label, coming to terms with all of this has been interesting. I've learned a whole new way of thinking about myself and it feels amazing. For now, I think I've settled on homoromantic greysexual, but that's not set in stone. Nearly 50 and I'm still finding things out. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, daveb said:

That's great, @DanielWV! Welcome and :cake: !

Thank you! I'm so glad I found this site. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, DanielWV said:

yeah, discovering that "I'm not broken" really has been like having a weight lifted from my shoulders. I've spent my entire adult life identifying as gay and while I'm still comfortable with that label, coming to terms with all of this has been interesting. I've learned a whole new way of thinking about myself and it feels amazing. For now, I think I've settled on homoromantic greysexual, but that's not set in stone. Nearly 50 and I'm still finding things out. 

First off welcome to AVEN!

 

On the bold, exactly! I never thought I was broken, but it was a relief to find out why I never really tried to have sex with anyone. I found out about asexuality and AVEN when I was 44 and promptly identified as asexual. I'm 61 now and wouldn't change a thing.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello. I’m not entirely sure where to start, and I still have many questions. I’m exploring the notion of what it means to identify as an Ace…if I am an ace. The thought that there are others who may feel the same as me is like a breathe of fresh air. Thinking back over my life, I can honestly say sexual drive was never a thing. Sex always felt more like a chore. Something you do because you love someone. It’s not like I was repulsed by it, but rather more an annoyance or a duty needed to show someone you loved them. I just can’t ever remember a time when I said to myself, wow, I’m really horny and I can’t wait to rip your clothes off. Sure, I said those things, but deep down it felt like obligation and not a truth to myself. 
 

Yet, with that said, I am attracted to emotional connections. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but that’s what I desire. Those deep rooted emotions of knowing and caring. Where small things, like getting or giving a heart rock you found on the beach to the person you care about, excites me 1000x more than the act of sex. The being and sharing time with someone, laughing, exploring life, reading a passage in a book, enjoying a picnic, etc. While I understand these are things many people enjoy, I didn’t necessarily know or thought that there was such a thing as being happy with just that. That relationships could exist without sex. That perhaps there are others out there who may feel the same. Up until three weeks ago, I felt alone in my thoughts. Had pretty much accepted that the possibility of having a relationship without sex was a pipe dream. Idk…I have some many questions. What does this new information mean? Am I an Ace? What exactly does that mean? I am hoping being here will help enlighten me. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@LeChat

 Thank you. I’m just hoping for some awareness. Some deeper understanding. Both of myself and the greater world. I always thought something was wrong with me. That it’s not normal to feel this way. Is there such a thing as not wanting sex, but wanting emotional connection? Does such a thing exist? I sure wanted it to, but thought that it was just a pipe dream. That such things can’t be in existence. Most importantly, I’m wanting to understand what Ace means? 

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Miinikaan You're welcome!

 

:) If it helps, I have a link to AVEN's FAQ in my signature (i.e. at the bottom of my posts), which includes definitions for some terms like "asexuality" and "demisexuality."

Link to post
Share on other sites
Latestarter

Welcome @Miinikaan Plenty of us have the same thoughts as you and it’s comforting to realise that we are not alone.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

@daniel4umxmex Hi. Welcome! :cake:

:) Thanks, for sharing that.

 

(Below is an official, green, mod message.)

 

Hi. I'm just letting you know I merged your posts in this thread.

 

LeChat

Welcome Lounge, Announcements, and Alternate Language moderator

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/16/2023 at 7:48 PM, Sparrow613 said:

Well, for me, as a heterosexually married mother of three almost adult children who figured out I was asexual just last year, the predominant sentiment was, "Now I can stop trying to fix myself." Lots of other thoughts and feelings since then, but that was honestly the first one.

Yes, this!  Maybe it's not the medications, or the depression, or the low libido, it's just me, and that is okay!!!  So many years thinking something was wrong with me.  (Also a heterosexually mother of two, married 23 years.)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello there! I just discovered this forum / website, but it seems pretty cool, so I'm giving it a try! 

 

Honestly, I didn't really have a specific "moment" when I realized I was aromantic & asexual. Whenever people talked about romance or crushes or even dating, my reaction has always been "Yeah, that's not my cup of tea". It was never really a big thing for me, just a part of who I was. Still, it was nice to discover the terms "aromantic" and "asexual" about a year ago, and have the reaction of, "oh yeah, that's the word for how I'm feeling." 

 

It's nice to meet you all! :D

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, Zariah said:

Hello there! I just discovered this forum / website, but it seems pretty cool, so I'm giving it a try! 

 

Honestly, I didn't really have a specific "moment" when I realized I was aromantic & asexual. Whenever people talked about romance or crushes or even dating, my reaction has always been "Yeah, that's not my cup of tea". It was never really a big thing for me, just a part of who I was. Still, it was nice to discover the terms "aromantic" and "asexual" about a year ago, and have the reaction of, "oh yeah, that's the word for how I'm feeling." 

 

It's nice to meet you all! :D

Welcome to AVEN from Canada!

 

Asexual since 2005 and aromantic sometime since 2017...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've felt relief and I'm happy since joining this site nearly two weeks ago.

 

I went through a crisis twenty years ago that could have been prevented.

You see, back then the only two options I knew were 'gay' and 'normal', and there was a craze going on where people would try to unmask gay people (probably as a result of the show 'Playing it straight') and people more or less demanded a coming out when they had suspicions.

That was a very confusing time for me as I didn't feel attracted to anyone. I think I didn't present 'conventionally heterosexual' and probably confused some people myself. For example, one guy invited me to his home once, and it didn't occur to me that he wanted more than just have a beer and a chat until very late in the evening. That was really awkward.

Later I met a girl on a bus trip, we talked for days and bonded. We married and have kids. In retrospect it looks a lot like a qpr.

 

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
46 minutes ago, Andrew42 said:

I've felt relief and I'm happy since joining this site nearly two weeks ago.

 

I went through a crisis twenty years ago that could have been prevented.

You see, back then the only two options I knew were 'gay' and 'normal', and there was a craze going on where people would try to unmask gay people (probably as a result of the show 'Playing it straight') and people more or less demanded a coming out when they had suspicions.

That was a very confusing time for me as I didn't feel attracted to anyone. I think I didn't present 'conventionally heterosexual' and probably confused some people myself. For example, one guy invited me to his home once, and it didn't occur to me that he wanted more than just have a beer and a chat until very late in the evening. That was really awkward.

Later I met a girl on a bus trip, we talked for days and bonded. We married and have kids. In retrospect it looks a lot like a qpr.

Back in the 80s, that was all I knew of as well. I had friends that were girls and not interested in guys sexually or romantically, so that meant I was straight, right? I middled my way thru life until I saw the article linked to in my signature. Then everything made sense.

 

Welcome to AVEN from Canada!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...