Morgane92 Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 I found out about asexuality when I dated someone and didn’t want to have sex even after 2 years of dating. I was 21 and, since then, I know who I am and what I want and don’t wan’t. It’s good to put a name on what/who you are but I can be isolating. Luckily, my two best friends are single and both don’t want kids so I know I won’t end up all alone while everyone around me is getting married and having kids. Unfortunately, we live in a society where it’s pretty hard to be different. Sure it’s getting better but, when you say you are single and don’t want kids, most people will judge you or think “something must be wrong with them”. Now I’m 31 and I feel like I’ll never meet anyone who will accept this part of me… It can be sad sometimes even if I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship! I’ve been on my own since forever, I do what I want whenever I want, not sure I could picture myself being in a relationship. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 46 minutes ago, Morgane92 said: I found out about asexuality when I dated someone and didn’t want to have sex even after 2 years of dating. I was 21 and, since then, I know who I am and what I want and don’t wan’t. It’s good to put a name on what/who you are but I can be isolating. Luckily, my two best friends are single and both don’t want kids so I know I won’t end up all alone while everyone around me is getting married and having kids. Unfortunately, we live in a society where it’s pretty hard to be different. Sure it’s getting better but, when you say you are single and don’t want kids, most people will judge you or think “something must be wrong with them”. Now I’m 31 and I feel like I’ll never meet anyone who will accept this part of me… It can be sad sometimes even if I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship! I’ve been on my own since forever, I do what I want whenever I want, not sure I could picture myself being in a relationship. Welcome to AVEN. Even though I had female friends in my 20s, I had no interest in getting married. Not even any thoughts of 'I haven't met the right person yet'. Now when it came to sex, I wanted to try it, but it never happened. I have enough things to keep me occupied, so not having a 'partner' has never been a big deal to me even before I found out about asexuality. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 @Morgane92 Hello. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing your experiences. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DeeDee42 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 Hello everyone just found this site and welcome any chat. Hope we can all help each other xx 😀 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 @DeeDee42 Hello. Welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aggro0range Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 Learning about asexuality has been an intensely freeing experience! While I have only came out to a few friends, I do not yet have the courage to tell others. I wish the aro/ace spectrum was discussed when I was younger. If I had known about this years ago, I would not have spent so much time (and money) on finding ways to "fix" myself. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 10 minutes ago, Aggro0range said: Learning about asexuality has been an intensely freeing experience! While I have only came out to a few friends, I do not yet have the courage to tell others. I wish the aro/ace spectrum was discussed when I was younger. If I had known about this years ago, I would not have spent so much time (and money) on finding ways to "fix" myself. Welcome to AVEN! I felt the same when I found out about asexuality. Yes on your second point, because I definitely wasn't straight or gay. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aggro0range Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 22 minutes ago, will123 said: Welcome to AVEN! I felt the same when I found out about asexuality. Yes on your second point, because I definitely wasn't straight or gay. Thank you! 🍰 I'm still coming to terms with this new information and how it interacts with my ingrained beliefs. Hearing others talk about similar experiences in finding out about the aro/ace spectrum has been insightful and validating. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 4 hours ago, Aggro0range said: Thank you! 🍰 I'm still coming to terms with this new information and how it interacts with my ingrained beliefs. Hearing others talk about similar experiences in finding out about the aro/ace spectrum has been insightful and validating. Another 'newbie' from Canada too! (I was on my phone earlier when I welcomed you) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 @Aggro0range Hello. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing that. Nice avatar! Just in case you might be interested in chatting with others around your age, I thought I'd help mention that AVEN has an Older Asexuals forum. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aggro0range Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 23 hours ago, will123 said: Another 'newbie' from Canada too! (I was on my phone earlier when I welcomed you) A humble hello from BC 👋 I've never been to ON but everyone tells me it's the place to be! 19 hours ago, LeChat said: @Aggro0range Hello. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing that. Nice avatar! Just in case you might be interested in chatting with others around your age, I thought I'd help mention that AVEN has an Older Asexuals forum. Thank you, I think I've found my spot to lurk then 🤭 Your cat avatar is nice as well. The lighting on their fur makes them look like they have an eye raised--like an inquisitive little detective. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 @Aggro0range You're welcome. Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 1 hour ago, Aggro0range said: A humble hello from BC 👋 I've never been to ON but everyone tells me it's the place to be! Thank you, I think I've found my spot to lurk then 🤭 Your cat avatar is nice as well. The lighting on their fur makes them look like they have an eye raised--like an inquisitive little detective. I've been out to BC a few times, including Stewart/Hyder. A friend lives in Invermere which I hope to vist this year. I've only been there once back in the 90s. When she was living in Canmore we visited Golden three times over the years. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aggro0range Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 22 hours ago, will123 said: I've been out to BC a few times, including Stewart/Hyder. A friend lives in Invermere which I hope to vist this year. I've only been there once back in the 90s. When she was living in Canmore we visited Golden three times over the years. That's wonderful! It's rare to hear of visitors going somewhere other than the major cities, but BC is so much more than just Vancouver. The weather here has been improving, so hopefully you'll be able to visit soon before the rain returns. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 9 minutes ago, Aggro0range said: That's wonderful! It's rare to hear of visitors going somewhere other than the major cities, but BC is so much more than just Vancouver. The weather here has been improving, so hopefully you'll be able to visit soon before the rain returns. She/we are outdoorsy types, so I can't see her being happy in Vancouver. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GingerSnapp Posted May 16 Share Posted May 16 I had the "wait I'm not broken?!" moment, followed by "why did I force myself to do all that for so long?" and "why did nobody tell me I didn't have to & that being ace is a valid option?" 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 @GingerSnapp Hello. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing your experiences. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GingerSnapp Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 @LeChat Thanks, I'm really really happy to be here ❤️ 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AnimalChin Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 I have come out to whomever i have wanted to tell. I don’t really worry if they accept me or not. Being in a marginalized community because of my mental illness has grown within me the ability to take whatever may come. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nel Fie Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 As far as I can remember, I've always felt strongly ace/aro, even if I didn't exactly define it as such. No particularly strong attractions, no particular interest in romantic or sexual relationships, etc... though in hindsight, a defining factor was that I didn't connect at all with how those things are commonly approached within the current, rather normative socio-cultural framework. Either way, between being an introvert who didn't really care about what people thought as long as they left me alone; and my growing up in a rather tolerant and permissive environment meant that being ace/aro-aligned was always just "normal". I don't really know when exactly I discovered asexuality and aromanticism as labels and concept, or how I felt exactly at the time, but considering the above and the lack of memory, it probably wasn't much more than "Oh, I guess that's me then". As for finer grained distinctions and concepts within the ace/aro spectrum, many of which I've come across only recently (and still discovering more), they are quite interesting and I always enjoy broadening my perspective on things - though in my case, I find that they are not exactly concepts within which I find myself, but rather like landmarks on a large multi-dimensional map that I'm navigating. It's nice to have more points of reference, in that sense. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zoomer912 Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 I found out about the term asexuality just about two months ago in March. When I found it I feel some kind of a relief that I finally knew that I am exist and there is even an exist community. For about 10 years ago when I started to date someone, it was like I probably a strange alien because I had this "lack of sexual attraction" feelings all the time when I was around someone I dated but I have never understood what is actually happening to me and seemed like I can't speak about it with anybody because people I knew seems get easy on dating and clicked and stuff. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Galilei Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 As a disabled person, I think the identity of 'asexual' is somewhat thrust upon us by able-bodied people, who really seem to think that getting into my personal life is being hugely helpful, and this made me reject, quite out of hand, the idea that I could be ace. of course I was normal. look, here i am having relationships and everything. I've got a kid! absolutely nothing is wrong with me. only it totally was. I wasn't happy, and the realisation of this came to me when discussing with a friend if he could be ace, and I suddenly knew that I definitely was and that I needed to make big changes in my life to be a happier version of myself. I remember crying purely because I understood why everything was the way it was, and there was never anything wrong with me, just the way society forced me into the corner where I felt I should be. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jenna Nicole Posted June 10 Share Posted June 10 I discovered the term "Asexuality" back in October of 2012. It took a long time for me to explore that word, understand what it meant, understand myself and how I felt about sexual relationships. It wouldn't be until about 2015 or 2016, around the time of my Autism diagnosis, that I truly came to terms with being Asexual. it explained so much about me; though I definitely received hostility when I first came out about it online. People said things like "you're a virgin, you can't be Asexual!" or "oh, so you had one bad relationship and now you're Asexual?" and that really hurt. For me, sex means nothing to me, there's so much more to life and relationships than having sex. It's never love at first sight; you meet someone, you get to know then, and then you get to fall in love. Sex should never be a necessity in a relationship. Did my Autism diagnosis have a play in me embracing my Asexuality? I've never really questioned that or explored how they might be correlated. I knew I exhibited signs of Autism a few years before I ever learnt the term Asexuality existed, that it was ok to not want sex or be interested in it. One thing I know for a fact: sex has never been of any interest to me even back in high school. When I had to bring home a flour baby for sex ed, I was repulsed. I just left it in the care of the cats. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 10 Share Posted June 10 (edited) 2 hours ago, Jenna Nicole said: I discovered the term "Asexuality" back in October of 2012. It took a long time for me to explore that word, understand what it meant, understand myself and how I felt about sexual relationships. It wouldn't be until about 2015 or 2016, around the time of my Autism diagnosis, that I truly came to terms with being Asexual. it explained so much about me; though I definitely received hostility when I first came out about it online. People said things like "you're a virgin, you can't be Asexual!" or "oh, so you had one bad relationship and now you're Asexual?" and that really hurt. For me, sex means nothing to me, there's so much more to life and relationships than having sex. It's never love at first sight; you meet someone, you get to know then, and then you get to fall in love. Sex should never be a necessity in a relationship. Did my Autism diagnosis have a play in me embracing my Asexuality? I've never really questioned that or explored how they might be correlated. I knew I exhibited signs of Autism a few years before I ever learnt the term Asexuality existed, that it was ok to not want sex or be interested in it. One thing I know for a fact: sex has never been of any interest to me even back in high school. When I had to bring home a flour baby for sex ed, I was repulsed. I just left it in the care of the cats. I was always content in other activities, so I never was looking for a partner. Since I joined AVEN in 2017 after identifying as asexual back in 2005, I described myself 'back in the day' as 'straight, but not putting any effort into it'. Edited June 10 by will123 Added 'back in the day 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jenna Nicole Posted June 11 Share Posted June 11 21 hours ago, will123 said: I was always content in other activities, so I never was looking for a partner. Since I joined AVEN in 2017 after identifying as asexual back in 2005, I described myself 'back in the day' as 'straight, but not putting any effort into it'. Yeah, pretty much same here. I was raised under the impression that being 'straight' was normal and otherwise was abnormal. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 11 Share Posted June 11 2 hours ago, Jenna Nicole said: Yeah, pretty much same here. I was raised under the impression that being 'straight' was normal and otherwise was abnormal. In the late 70s and early 80s (my teens and twenties), a person was either straight or gay. I thought I was straight because I 'liked' girls and wasn't interested in boys. My only exposure to asexuality was Grade 9 biology when we were discussing certain lower forms of animals. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snittingnexttoborpo Posted June 22 Share Posted June 22 My reaction was humorous and also kind of in disbelief because the first time i heard the term "asexual" was from my friend in college. She said she was so asexual, no guys would ever date her. What she meant here, was that she was just unsexy and unattractive. This was humorous to me so i laughed. but then, 4 years later i discovered asexuality was a real thing, and that it didnt mean unsexy. I went through the list of asexual signs and thought no way, this thing i thought was so funny about my friend, is actually me! I couldnt believe it. It was a very aha moment. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
I want food Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 Yeah I was probably depressed until I found out the term aroace 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 @I want food @Snittingnexttoborpo Hi. Welcome! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 5 hours ago, I want food said: Yeah I was probably depressed until I found out the term aroace Welcome to AVEN. Even though I found out about the forum back in 2005, I didn't actually join the forum until 2017. It wasn't until a couple of years later that I found out what aro meant. *Oh my, that has been me since my teen years!* 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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