Luftschlosseule Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Don't desert me when I try this! ; __ ; 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strange-quark Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 *Scuffles in to stuff as many crisps to their mouth as they can* 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 4 hours ago, Luftschlosseule said: Don't desert me when I try this! ; __ ; Sorry~ *Stuffs their face with crisps too* 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 Thank you. Today is pride parade day <3 Only it will be so exhausting because of the heatwave. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 Wish you a happy Pride and that it does get to hot. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Well, I survived. ❤️ Thank you! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 So, saturday was CSD (Christopher Street Day, that's the name of German pride parades) and today I read a short story anthology called Maiden, Mother and Crone about trans-femmes in fantasy settings. Like, there is a smith, and her daughter is ill and has to go visit the fairies to get medicine. Another person wants to transition and is taking on a shady job to be able to afford the potions she needs. I am just in this bubble of trans acceptance and hope it'll stay afloat a while longer. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jay.Ace Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Hello - enby in desperate need of (a lot of) chips and console. Didn't know where else to post this. Context: I'm 19, aroace and agender. I'm DEEP in the closet. I'm at a dinner with my parents and some friends of theirs. Long story short, topic of the conversation with the friend mom and her daughter falls on gender, daughter asks about gender neutral pronouns and I see an opportunity to inform about gender as more than a binary - a spectrum of a multitude of gender identities and even those who don't identify with any gender at all. ... Friend mom is not a fan, firmly states that the only real genders are male and female and anyone who thinks otherwise about themselves are clearly mentally ill/has issues. My parents agree with this, laughing. Cue in identity crisis and crippling anxiety. Will I ever be able to be authentic about my feelings? Are these feelings even valid? Am I wrong? Who in the world can I be honest with about who I am? Can somebody Pls just give a bag of chips and tell me I'm not the only person who doesn't feel like either a girl or a boy... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Oh hi @Jay.Ace. Yeah, you're not alone. *Throws bag of chips across room* And you can be honest here, invalidation is not allowed. It's nice, after a while you learn to listen only to supporting people and not believe people who say you don't exist~ well, admittedly a long while >.> hopefully... I guess... Well, from what I can gather, you exist, so. You're in the good thread for meeting people who aren't either boys or girls - look at me, I'm a blue spider, and blue spiders wouldn't know what to do with a gender. *Munching on chips at an alarming speed, but apparently we've got an infinite supply of those so no worries* 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strange-quark Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 Welcome @Jay.Ace! Whoa, that was really inconsiderate of them; maybe they'll change their mind when they get more information? Anyway, feel free to share your experiences here, as Poeci said this is a safe place for that. And since you're new, here's your traditional welcome cake: *Munches crisps* 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 @Jay.Ace Hello fellow enby! Feel welcome. Feel hugged if you like. You've come to the right place. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky Black Cat Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 @Jay.Ace hello and welcome~ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 @Jay.Ace Didn't have time to write about it yesterday, but you're not the only one to be invalidated either. I never conformed to gender rules, and I encourage my little brother to do the same, which often translates into silly hairstyles for both of us. I remember my mother once saying that if I had an 'identity disorder' (sic), at least I should try not to 'contaminate' him. *sigh* It's kinda sad but knowing the reality is different helps you not getting too hurt by those words. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jay.Ace Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 @PoeciMeta, @Strange-quark, @Luftschlosseule and @Lucky Black Cat thank you for your support, cake and chips. My parents (and the entirety of my extended family I guess) are very conservative and I've sort of gotten used to their occasional "wtf is wrong with youth nowadays with their gender and sexuality" rants. At least, I know to expect them. But yesterday, the daughter who'd asked the question totally took me off guard when she - inspired by her mother, no doubt - became horrified at my 'gender is a spectrum' info. She said she would NEVER call anyone anything but girl or boy and if they requested otherwise, they were weirdos and freak aliens. Like just complete disregard for others' feelings and downright disgust from a 12 year old child...? It made me feel hopeless, like my future isn't that bright - what can I do, where can I go? Asexuality I can sort of keep to myself, aromanticism too. But being agender/neutrois (both work for me) is something, if you want to be open and authentic, you kind of have to share with others in order for it to work. And I only recently got to discover my own gender identity after years of going with the default and whatever society told me. Still, it didn't take much introspection to realize I'm not female. Now gender, to me, feels a lot like an ugly Christmas sweater I don't want to wear because it itches but I do anyway because I'm expected to - it's tradition, after all. Furthermore, all of this is super badly timed because with the help of my therapist I'm also in the middle of an epiphany which has revealed that my depression and anxiety is mostly caused by bad parenting, which continues to this day. Psychology is more complicated than just that, but still. I never thought I would be the type of person to abandon my family - always thought that was for people living with homophobic parents in southern US - but right now it feels like that's where I'm headed. Like my only hope is to leave everything behind. But that's scary and I don't have a support system to catch me if I stumble... Sorry for the long post; had a lot on my mind. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strange-quark Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 15 minutes ago, Jay.Ace said: And I only recently got to discover my own gender identity after years of going with the default and whatever society told me. Still, it didn't take much introspection to realize I'm not female. Now gender, to me, feels a lot like an ugly Christmas sweater I don't want to wear because it itches but I do anyway because I'm expected to - it's tradition, after all. Sounds very familiar... I know it's a struggle; my parents are pretty open-minded in general, but I don't think they've quite grasped the whole gender thing, at least yet, and I'm too scared to inform them (because of anxiety 😐). *Hugs* to you if you want some, and to @PoeciMeta on the same topic. I don't know if this makes it hurt at all less, but I'd say that it's already quite an achievement that you've found your identity, and you've been very brave when least hinting that to those you live with. Idk if this makes any sense 🤦♂️, but feel free to rant here 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 10 minutes ago, Strange-quark said: Sounds very familiar... I know it's a struggle; my parents are pretty open-minded in general, but I don't think they've quite grasped the whole gender thing, at least yet, and I'm too scared to inform them (because of anxiety 😐). *Hugs* to you if you want some, and to @PoeciMeta on the same topic. I don't know if this makes it hurt at all less, but I'd say that it's already quite an achievement that you've found your identity, and you've been very brave when least hinting that to those you live with. Idk if this makes any sense 🤦♂️, but feel free to rant here 100% agree. Also @Jay.Ace, it's very brave of you to consider taking such a decision, I agree that it's super scary, but you're already prioritising your own wellbeing over peer pressure, parents (who can be honestly terrifying at time) and those absurd 'traditions', so you're on the right path. In the meantime, remember we're all living proof that non-binary people do exist despite what everyone can say. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 My this thread was quiet for the longest time, How's everyone holding up? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strange-quark Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 14 hours ago, Member114264 said: My this thread was quiet for the longest time, How's everyone holding up? Okay I guess. I actually even came out to my therapist to some extent (!) – like saying alound the word genderless (euk I hate the Finnish word for sex/gender). Not sure that made me feel any better, but at least now some people irl know... Also, this thread has left me with an eternal craving for crisps :D I wish I had some irl, too :P 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 My sibling came out to me as agender. That was... wow. After years of em hating me, we seem to becoming friends again. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Hi, Feels great to know I'm not alone in being agender either (the other thing being asexual). My epiphany came about 3 weeks ago and at first I felt completely knocked down, but I'm starting to embrace it. I'm AFAB, and have never really thought about my gender that much, although I've never felt/been girley nor like any of the other girls I've known, but that was just who I was. I've never liked the word 'woman', no matter the usage, and never connected myself to it. Well, 3 weeks ago I was called 'young woman' by an acquaintance and it hit me like a tonne of bricks, "That ain't me!". That was a hard weekend, with lots of tears and self doubt; my self-esteem has never been high and at that moment I felt like I was literally nothing; if I'm not a woman and definitely not a man, then what am I? How do you re-define yourself without the vocabulary for it? Swedish only have one pronoun for non-binary and that does not sit well with me, so for now I still go with female pronouns because that's what I'm used to and I don't fell bad about using those if I have to. I'm altering my name a bit, I have a double-name so I just use the initals for each name. I know other people still know I'm AFAB but somehow I still feel better about using the initials. I'm making other small changes as well, and it kind of amazes me how good it feels. I've not figured out how or even if I will tell my family and friends, I guess I'm just kind of hoping it will sort itself out somehow 😎 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Hello and welcome. 🙂 Am not in the right head space to answer any questions rn, but I wanted to offer you cake. Take some! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 @Luftschlosseule thank you for the cake, strawberry cake is always lovely. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Welcome, welcome! @AM42, it's normal if you're confused this early. I've decided I was agender about 6 months ago and I still have loads of things to figure out (wasn't an epiphany, though, way more gradual). My language is very gendered and neutrality isn't really an option, so I too am wondering how I want others to call me. Let alone make them understand... ehhhh. Guess it's up to us to make languages evolve the right way? Now that's a challenge B) Good luck with... stuff. There are crisps on the table, help yourself. *Downs a handful of crisps, sitting on a cupboard* 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Thanks for the crisps, that's just what I needed tonight! Looking back, I now feel a lot of things I've done and felt are making more sense but I'd never even thought about not being female. I didn't even know there was a 'special' word for what I was feeling then. Google is a helping hand indeed. Yeah, language makes everything more difficult. Not just about how I perceive/create myself by the words I use but how I'm using language to create/perceive other people too. I'm a teacher and am trying to be conscious about the words I use and how, but it's quite hard trying to build relationships by going 'Hi persons' instead of 'Hi boys/girls' and similiar situations. Perhaps it's just laziness though, it's easy to slip into the binary paradigm. Maybe we can come up with something together, me and my students since I'm determined I'm going to teach them about different genders beyond binary, as well as different sexualities, so they at least will have heard of them and know there's a different path. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 @AM42That's nice, I have a lot of teachers in my family! I know your struggle, it's hard to talk about concept when the language isn't adequately built... but it is important to still do it. Maybe after a while some words (like the super ugly and virtually unknown neutral pronoun in my language which enbies don't actually use 😖) will come to sound natural, because the things they describe need to be talked about now but weren't until very recently. And, I wish I was explained about genders and orientations by an actual teacher, that would have made things so much easier for me! to you for that 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Being in this position to actually (hopefully) make a difference to someone's life, makes me consider coming out more important than just for my own personal reasons. I teach 11-13 yrs old and have noticed some of them do not confirm to the norm and I just want them to know it's okay, normal, acceptable and that they are not alone (my school is very straight and binary orientated). A cute anecdote: A few weeks back, one of my students were drawing a shark in it's ecosystem and asked me to come and look at the crocodile in the picture. I looked and looked and couldn't see a crocodile. The student pointed to the shark and said "This is the crocodile, 'cause you know, these days you can be anything you want to be, and the shark wants to be a crocodile." That warmed my heart no end. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 15 hours ago, AM42 said: A cute anecdote: A few weeks back, one of my students were drawing a shark in it's ecosystem and asked me to come and look at the crocodile in the picture. I looked and looked and couldn't see a crocodile. The student pointed to the shark and said "This is the crocodile, 'cause you know, these days you can be anything you want to be, and the shark wants to be a crocodile." That warmed my heart no end. Aww. I happen to love both sharks and crocodiles, and this is so cute. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strange-quark Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 *Crashes in* I really need some crisps right now! @PoeciMeta Can we also have CRISPR? 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 Just now, Strange-quark said: *Crashes in* I really need some crisps right now! @PoeciMeta Can we also have CRISPR? 😂 Yes of course! CRISPR are my favourite crisps! To what do I owe the pleasure? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Strange-quark Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 1 minute ago, PoeciMeta said: To what do I owe the pleasure? 'A? A was just hungry Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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