sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Strap yourself to your bed tonight, and take it with you. I'm hungry but I only want Popeye's chicken. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Get some regular chicken, write "Property of Popeye" on it with a sharpie, and enjoy. replying to facebook messages makes me nervous 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Start trolling facebook instead. Then You won't have anything to be nervous about because nobody will like You either way. Strapping myself to the bed at taking it with me was the best idea ever, but now I have a severe back pain. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Don't they say you should lie on the floor for back pain? So I guess you should strap yourself to the floor now? Becoming a troll seemed like an awesome idea, but now everyone keeps 'yelling' at me in capslock Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Be the passive aggressive bigger person and reply to them in all lowercase but make your font size 72. I want sushi but my favorite place upped their prices 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 If you use the five finger discount, it becomes free. This also works with literally anything else. I don't like the weather in my city. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Buy a pot of paint and whitewash all the signs on roads leading into your city that have its name on them. Then with red paint write the word HELL on the signs. Then convince yourself you live in hell. You'll be grateful that the weather isn't any worse than it is! 😃 I don't like going to the toilet. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Don't go there then, instead just pee on your surroundings to establish dominance . It's 6am and I haven't slept yet 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 It'll be light soon and you can return to the coffin My toes are cold 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Will more circulation into your toes to warm them up. I don't think my pet cat is very considerate of how their choices impact me. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Go to couple therapy with your cat to work out your problems. I'm watching Les Mis on repeat and I keep crying but I can't stop. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Buy a scaled down working model of a guillotine and put it on the table beside you whilst watching Les Mis. Insert one of your fingers into the guillotine and attach the string that drops the blade to your handkerchief. Put this in your pocket. You'll soon remember not to cry it if costs you one of your fingers each time you do! 😃 I've pissed all over my surroundings and have established dominance, @Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion. As a result the flat now reeks of piss. What now? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marimbasticks Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 Uh, poopourri? I want a cool profile icon but I'm not artistic. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 Plagiarism is always an option (please, please don't) So the guillotine idea was amazing, but I lost all my fingers and can't do my homework. What now? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 Because of lockdown you can simply pay someone else to do it and never be found out. If the person you ask doesn't want to, simply kidnap one of their siblings and tell them you will post their sibling's fingers back to them one by one if they don't do a good job with your homework. Be cunning and simply post your own instead until your homework gets done! That way you stay top of the class and you don't become a (really) bad person! 😃 Now, because I took the hint from @Marimbasticks my flat smells of sh*t as well as piss. I don't like it. Got any bright ideas? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
erichamion Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 I was going to say use real poo-pourri, but that's supposed to be done before you go, so it's too late now. Spoiler https://www.poopourri.com/products/smores So, um... burn the place down and move? It's been too long since I've been to a bonfire. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Attend the bonfire that @Moderne Jazzhanden may be hosting soon. It'll smell revolting most likely, but hey, at least you can make smores. My brother is running around with his shirt off so I've locked myself in my room, but I'm really hungry and also don't want to die via shirtless midget screaming 'REEEEEEEEEEEEEE'. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
50 rats in a trenchcoat Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 jump out the window, obviously i cant focus on my math homework 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Burn it. I broke my leg jumping out the window. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
50 rats in a trenchcoat Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 start a petition to ban windows im being sent to jail for arson 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hexingkinase Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Burn down the jail too. I accidentally broke the first law of thermodynamics, I think I'm in trouble 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 Relax, the first steps on the way to godhood will always be a little stressful, give it six days or so and then you can have a rest. I have a shred of meat stuck in my teeth, but can 't be bothered getting up for dental floss 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Just don't worry about it. After a while, the meat will decompose and you won't need to get it out anymore. The pizza I ordered came with pineapple even though I specifically asked for NO pineapple. I'm not sure how disproportionately I should be reacting to this. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 In light of the events in the USA, I won't post the response I was going to. Cancel your card payment, order another one from someone else, and use the original one to replace a missing manhole cover somewhere, so you can feel smug and full of civic pride My cats have shredded the curtains Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Simples! Shred yer cats. I think my curtains may be alive. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 Borrow Sky's cat's. My cat is still grumpy with me for taking him to the dentist 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Get a new one to make the first jealous. I'm terrified of wasps, and where I live wasp season has basically started Quote Link to post Share on other sites
50 rats in a trenchcoat Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) move to the ocean, wasps dont live there apparently jails are made of concrete or something and hard to burn, and now the police are mad at me Edited June 1, 2020 by 50 rats in a trenchcoat Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Jackhammers are a thing. The F. B. I. is after me because I actually don't know why please help the sirens are so loud Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Let a wasp sting you in the ear, then you won't hear anything. I still don't know what I want to be when I get older. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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