How do YOU compromise in a mixed relationship?

[RDIAG]

@Sinking_In It seems that not being interested in sex correlates with not being interested in talking about sex.  That seems to be a theme in several stories. So it’s not surprising that allo-ace couples that try poly gravitate to DADT. 

I would love to be open about being open! I have this fantasy that my wife could be open about her ace orientation and let go of her shame about it.  Because I think she does carry a lot of shame. And I’m fully aware that I’m very culpable for treating it as a dysfunction for years and years.  Maybe the reticence about talking isn’t related to shame, but there’s a good chance that it is. 

 

[Sinking_In]

9 hours ago, RDIAG said:

I would love to be open about being open! I have this fantasy that my wife could be open about her ace orientation and let go of her shame about it.  Because I think she does carry a lot of shame. And I’m fully aware that I’m very culpable for treating it as a dysfunction for years and years.  Maybe the reticence about talking isn’t related to shame, but there’s a good chance that it is. 

Same here, agreeing on all counts! I wasn't prepared for what I had gotten into when I got married, not knowing about asexuality. Shame/ embarrassment definitely plays its role in all of this for her, too, and I wish it didn't. I wish everyone could be open about who we are and what we need. I think we'd all feel less isolated/ alone, because we'd see so many out there who are similar. That goes for everything, not just sexuality.

[Sinking_In]

14 hours ago, Serran said:

I think everyone is getting too much time with whoever they live with thanks to COVID

 

Though, I wish I had that issue with my wife. We haven't seen each other IRL since March. With no clue when we will be able to.

I'm sorry you've been kept apart  I do hope you can get it worked out and have a very happy reunion soon!

[Davida]

8 hours ago, RDIAG said:

@Sinking_In

It seems that not being interested in sex correlates with not being interested in talking about sex. That seems to be a theme in several stories. So it’s not surprising that allo-ace couples that try poly gravitate to DADT. 

 

I have this fantasy that my wife could be open about her ace orientation and let go of her shame about it.  Because I think she does carry a lot of shame. And I’m fully aware that I’m very culpable for treating it as a dysfunction for years and years.  Maybe the reticence about talking isn’t related to shame, but there’s a good chance that it is.

@RDIAG as an ace person married to an allo person, I can share my insights on being reticent to talk about sex. Thank you for being open about your culpability in treating your wife's asexuality as a dysfunction. I suspect that's pretty typical in a mixed relationship, but not everyone is willing to take responsibility for having been culpable. So, thank you for that validation.

 

Before I knew asexuality existed, I was reluctant to talk with my husband about sex because the theme was inevitably: I'm not making a sufficiently concerted effort to correct my faults and that must certainly be a reflection of how I feel about him. It was awful. I love my husband with all my heart. I tried everything I could think of to "fix myself" (therapists, trauma therapists, sex therapists, medical doctors, prescription bio identical hormones, otc supplements, tantric exercises,...), but nothing changed my lack of inclination towards sex. Indeed, I struggled and still struggle with shame and guilt. 

 

When I learned about asexuality, identified as ace, and came out to my husband, our relationship improved dramatically overall for many reasons. Now knowing I'm ace, he feels more confident than ever in his sexuality because he finally understands that my inability to connect with him sexually isn't personal. Both his and my self-esteem improved significantly. Naturally, we continue to work on ourselves and our relationship in all aspects, but having the facts on the table has dispelled the constant tension that had been present for years. 

 

As I mentioned, I still struggle with shame and guilt regarding sex, but now it's residual rather than predominant. When I first came out to my husband, I felt empowered to talk about sexuality. I finally had language and context to express my orientation and experience. Also, I understood that his orientation and experience, being different from mine, was actually a bit of a mystery to me. I spent most of my life faking being allo without realizing that not everyone else lived with the sense of faking it. But now I could talk with my husband to better understand what it's actually like to be a sexual person. 

 

So, I was on a pink cloud, as they say, when I first came out to my husband. Our relationship continues to grow, especially now that we have the insight to be more truthful with each other. But, I've noticed I still occasionally experience a creeping reluctance to talk about sex. He and I just talked the other day about this specifically. For me, it's not because I'm feeling stymied by shame, but I think because the previously mentioned theme of our past sex talks has made such a deep impression in my mind. When I realized this, I explained it to my husband and asked him to reassure me that he believes that's I'm ace and not sick or dysfunctional. Apparently in my mind I worry that my having come out as ace would be lumped into all the perceived "excuses" for not being good enough in the past. He did reassure me that he believes me, understands, and accepts me. I found his reassurance very comforting, and it made it easier for me to open up about talking again. 

 

So, since you realize your culpability, if you desire that your wife be more open to talking about sex and sexuality, I advise you to be proactive with words of validation and acceptance. If you open a conversation with such words, it may begin to replace old negative associations with talking about sex with new positive associations. 

[Traveler40]

@RDIAG, you of all people know that religion plays a major part in the need for secrecy.😬 That doesn’t make it better, but lest I start a war (in general), I’ll leave it at that. It is what it is.
 

In other news, I saw this and thought of you @Sinking_In:

 

Health officials with Ireland's Health Service Executive (HSE) are urging that people should only have phone sex while foregoing the real deal. This is not The Onion, but words from a newly distributed HSE leaflet on coronavirus safety measures:

"If you decide to be sexually active with someone living outside of your household, limit it to as few partners as possible, preferably one regular partner. Consider masturbation or remote sexual activity (eg, online) as alternative to physical sexual activity with others."

😂🤣😂

[Sinking_In]

6 minutes ago, Davida said:

I understood that his orientation and experience, being different from mine, was actually a bit of a mystery to me. I spent most of my life faking being allo without realizing that not everyone else lived with the sense of faking it.

 

8 minutes ago, Davida said:

So, since you realize your culpability, if you desire that your wife be more open to talking about sex and sexuality, I advise you to be proactive with words of validation and acceptance. If you open a conversation with such words, it may begin to replace old negative associations with talking about sex with new positive associations. 

I believe my wife can relate to this. I'm going to try and have her read your entire post, but broaching the subject tends to greatly annoy her. I will keep it handy,though.

 

 

[Sinking_In]

6 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

In other news, I saw this and thought of you @Sinking_In:

 

Health officials with Ireland's Health Service Executive (HSE) are urging that people should only have phone sex while foregoing the real deal. This is not The Onion, but words from a newly distributed HSE leaflet on coronavirus safety measures:

"If you decide to be sexually active with someone living outside of your household, limit it to as few partners as possible, preferably one regular partner. Consider masturbation or remote sexual activity (eg, online) as alternative to physical sexual activity with others."

Hilariously, my limerence lover said I'm so good at it that I should consider a new career path  Apparently I have a very Dom voice over the phone  

[RDIAG]

6 hours ago, Davida said:

For me, it's not because I'm feeling stymied by shame, but I think because the previously mentioned theme of our past sex talks has made such a deep impression in my mind. When I realized this, I explained it to my husband and asked him to reassure me that he believes that's I'm ace and not sick or dysfunctional. Apparently in my mind I worry that my having come out as ace would be lumped into all the perceived "excuses" for not being good enough in the past. He did reassure me that he believes me, understands, and accepts me. I found his reassurance very comforting, and it made it easier for me to open up about talking again. 

 

So, since you realize your culpability, if you desire that your wife be more open to talking about sex and sexuality, I advise you to be proactive with words of validation and acceptance. If you open a conversation with such words, it may begin to replace old negative associations with talking about sex with new positive associations. 

 

I can't thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and perspective!  Those are helpful words and food for thought.  It sounds like you have a supportive and loving marriage, and that's a good goal for all of us.

 

[ryn2]

I’m not sure if this is a factor for anyone else, but I was told repeatedly in therapy (by both my individual therapist and a couples therapist) that, when someone stops doing/asking for something you didn’t/don’t want to start with, the best approach is to NOT ask about why (or to ask about it at all).  The basic idea was that, by asking, you convey the incorrect impression that you want the thing to continue.

 

It’s along the same lines as just saying “no, thank you” when you turn down an unwelcome invite, rather than making an easy-letdown excuse about how you have another commitment or the day is bad or whatever (which encourages the other person to try to solve the (non)problem by finding a better time).

 

So, for me, it wasn’t just avoidance.  I was actually following the instructions I had been given, and using the skills I had rehearsed in therapy, for setting better boundaries.

 

This wasn’t a case where my partner at the time was bringing things up and I was refusing to discuss them.  Nothing got said at all.

[Davida]

4 hours ago, ryn2 said:

I’m not sure if this is a factor for anyone else, but I was told repeatedly in therapy (by both my individual therapist and a couples therapist) that, when someone stops doing/asking for something you didn’t/don’t want to start with, the best approach is to NOT ask about why (or to ask about it at all).  The basic idea was that, by asking, you convey the incorrect impression that you want the thing to continue.

 

It’s along the same lines as just saying “no, thank you” when you turn down an unwelcome invite, rather than making an easy-letdown excuse about how you have another commitment or the day is bad or whatever (which encourages the other person to try to solve the (non)problem by finding a better time).

 

So, for me, it wasn’t just avoidance.  I was actually following the instructions I had been given, and using the skills I had rehearsed in therapy, for setting better boundaries.

 

This wasn’t a case where my partner at the time was bringing things up and I was refusing to discuss them.  Nothing got said at all.

@ryn2 forgive me - I found what you wrote a bit vague, but I think I understand the gist of it. If you could elaborate perhaps with an anecdote, that may help to clarify. I will respond based on my understanding. 

 

I think if someone of say, lesser significance in my life quit an undesirable behavior directed at me, I would not be inclined to pursue the reason why. Hypothetically, say a person in my neighborhood persistently called me "sweetheart" and I didn't like it. I would not confront them as to why if they abruptly stopped doing that. 

 

If my partner, say, was in the habit of making a certain undesirable sexual overture toward me and then suddenly stopped, while I would feel relief at no longer being subject to it, I would naturally tend to observe and reflect on any emotional or behavioral cues that accompanied his decision to stop. In particular, if he seemed sad or distressed, I would definitely be inclined to speak with him about whatever was on his mind. I think it is often important in a relationship to investigate the "whys" because we each see a somewhat fictionalized version of everybody else. His narrative surrounding a decision to stop directing a behavior toward me may go something like "She thinks I'm disgusting. Why do I even bother. I probably am disgusting. Life is hopeless." and I would never know it unless it were openly discussed. Then if openly discussed, I would have the opportunity to share my perception of the situation, which may be drastically different from his, and in my (perhaps extreme, but maybe not so unusual) hypothetical situation my revealing my perception to my partner could make a potentially life altering difference. 

 

If a behavior I find undesirable from my partner suddenly stops, I am not necessarily going to be content with the mere fact of it. If his demeanor or countenance or affect shifts in any negative way consequently, I will notice it and gently let him know I'm here and open for a reality check whenever he wishes. It's not an invitation to him to continue the behavior, but a gesture of love indicating I desire and welcome deeper emotional intimacy with him. 

[ryn2]

2 hours ago, Davida said:

If a behavior I find undesirable from my partner suddenly stops, I am not necessarily going to be content with the mere fact of it. If his demeanor or countenance or affect shifts in any negative way consequently, I will notice it and gently let him know I'm here and open for a reality check whenever he wishes. It's not an invitation to him to continue the behavior, but a gesture of love indicating I desire and welcome deeper emotional intimacy with him.

In my own situation it wasn’t so much sudden stops... it was more like decreasing frequency until you ultimately realize “huh, I don’t even remember the last time my partner did that thing I don’t like.”

 

My ex had clinical depression and often struggled to identify what was wrong in the moment (even if cause and effect seemed really clear, which wasn’t always the case).  Sometimes it took days or weeks (or more) for him to figure it out.  Other times, he never did.  Until he figured it out, my suggesting possibilities was not welcome.  I, on the other hand, have anxiety issues... and it was impossible to tell from his actions if he was upset with me, upset with someone else, not feeling well, overtired, worrying about something, etc.  We had set up a system where, if he was acting “off,” I would ask if everything was okay.  If not, and he didn’t want to/couldn’t talk about it, I would ask if I should be concerned.  If he said no, I would accept that it was not about me and let it go.

 

Unfortunately that “broke” when he assumed I knew exactly what was wrong and was therefore asking disingenuously/feigning ignorance.

 

~
 

But in terms of the counseling, the advice was around how to deal with a close, cluster-B-disordered family member (partner’s family, not mine).  I took it back to my individual therapist and was told it was a great rule of thumb for most situations.  I don’t think I ever specifically asked if it was also okay to apply it to sex-related discussions (or the lack thereof).

 

~
 

tl;dr I completely agree that being sensitive to your partner’s emotional state - especially in the wake of a change - is important.  However, that doesn’t always yield reliable clues.  It depends on the person.

[ryn2]

I should probably add that I wasn’t recommending that approach; just giving an example of why someone might seem to be avoiding discussions about sex.

[Davida]

5 hours ago, ryn2 said:

My ex had clinical depression and often struggled to identify what was wrong in the moment (even if cause and effect seemed really clear, which wasn’t always the case).  Sometimes it took days or weeks (or more) for him to figure it out.  Other times, he never did.  Until he figured it out, my suggesting possibilities was not welcome.  I, on the other hand, have anxiety issues... and it was impossible to tell from his actions if he was upset with me, upset with someone else, not feeling well, overtired, worrying about something, etc.  We had set up a system where, if he was acting “off,” I would ask if everything was okay.  If not, and he didn’t want to/couldn’t talk about it, I would ask if I should be concerned.  If he said no, I would accept that it was not about me and let it go. 

~

tl;dr I completely agree that being sensitive to your partner’s emotional state - especially in the wake of a change - is important.  However, that doesn’t always yield reliable clues.  It depends on the person.

@ryn2 I relate to the dynamic you describe. My husband would experience rapid onset of deep depression and not be able to process whatever was going on. In the early days, he would retreat for periods of time physically and or emotionally. I have PTSD and one trigger for me is finding myself in a volatile situation in which I feel I have to tip toe around. He was so sensitive and having so much trouble processing that when I'd ask "what's wrong", he'd become confused and angry at my suggesting something was wrong at all because he would be so disoriented to even be able to identify a point of reference to understand something was wrong - the darkness was blinding. It was impossible to reason with him in such a state. He and I had many a conversation in which we sought to establish a protocol for communication when I'd begin to sense that sort of tension in him. Having struggled with myriad mental illness myself, I empathized, but struggled to care for myself in those moments too. I'd worked extremely hard in therapy to learn how to process my own profoundly chaotic mental states so as to become functional and even experience happiness. Mercifully, he agreed to work with a therapist several years ago, and has made remarkable progress. Both he and I have come an improbably long way, which I consider miraculous. For us, within our relationship, I think challenging our respective trust issues is at the core - we're always learning to trust that we'll be safe when vulnerable with each other. 

[ryn2]

12 minutes ago, Davida said:

Both he and I have come an improbably long way, which I consider miraculous

I’m glad!  That must be very helpful, both for you as a couple and individually.

[Sinking_In]

The other day a few past and present lovers contacted me, all within an hour or so of one another. I found it odd, but chalked it up to something astrological.

My limerence lover and I are on a "break", and I'm not going to lie, it sucks. Her husband had a complete meltdown of insecurity in therapy. Understandably so, but it devolved into mistrust, jealousy, possessiveness, etc, etc. She called me to let me know, and we thought it best to take a break. I'm going away for a few weeks, anyway, but it's not easy. I really like her, not just in comparison to all of my other relationships, but genuinely like her. I also know she has her marital problems to work out, ones that where there long before me. I do wish them the best, both of them. I hope they can move forward, because from what she told me, it sounded like a big step backward.

[bookpixie]

Wow. That was a lot to read & digest. But it was full of good insight.

Asexual here, curious how others are dealing with mixed marriages. Context- 40 , married- together 23 years. known ace for 5 years. borderline sex/touch repelled.

We’ve been basically celibate, which clearly isn’t ideal for husband.

At first reading thru this thread, I started wondering if maybe I should bring up the conversation about opening our relationship. Early on in learning of my asexuality, we discussed this, but wasn’t something either of us was open to. But years have passed & sex only becomes less frequent. I know it bothers him deeply, even if he keeps it bottled up from me. Our conversations on the matter have pretty much evaporated. They never amount to anything except tears & heartbreak, no solutions. Thus, unfortunately, we both gave up on them.

@Sinking_In I must thank you for your in depth account. However, after reading thru your adventurers into poly, I have decided it’s definitely not something I could accept. I think both my husband & I would agree once emotions really begin to play into the ‘other’ that would be it. Sex is one thing, but once emotions are involved it’s a whole different beast. For me, I would just want to divorce. And there lies my fear, he would become emotionally invested/attached and I would be left behind. It's selfish for thinking this, since he’s been following my lead on our dismal sex life. But it’s the truth.
He is also NOT open to the idea of me with anyone else (not that I have any interest). He thinks it incredibly patriarchal to say he can but I cannot, thus, so off the table.

We’ve discussed Divorce, many people we know are in the middle or have recently divorced. We would both prefer our current standard to that.

Which leads to what other options?

Comprising.
I can’t put myself on when I’m not. I would need to fake it. We tried that, it sucked for both of us; ending in resentfulness and feeling dirty on both our parts.
I could never wrap my mind around how couples could schedule sex. I can’t even schedule meal plans for the week. My feelings get to wrapped up to commit.
Is there any advice anyone can give on it?

[Guest]

15 minutes ago, bookpixie said:

Comprising.
I can’t put myself on when I’m not. I would need to fake it. We tried that, it sucked for both of us; ending in resentfulness and feeling dirty on both our parts.
I could never wrap my mind around how couples could schedule sex. I can’t even schedule meal plans for the week. My feelings get to wrapped up to commit.
Is there any advice anyone can give on it?

Scheduled sex tends to be either 1) It's a chore to schedule and get out of the way... like cleaning the bathroom, going to work, etc. Which, doesn't satisfy many sexuals cause they don't want sex to be a chore.  or 2) It takes some "prep time" for a person to be ready, so they schedule it and go through whatever routine they need to be ready and then they can get into it or whatever as it gets going

 

Not everyone can be happy with scheduled sex. Not everyone should be. 

[Philip027]

On 8/4/2020 at 10:46 AM, Traveler40 said:

Health officials with Ireland's Health Service Executive (HSE) are urging that people should only have phone sex while foregoing the real deal. This is not The Onion, but words from a newly distributed HSE leaflet on coronavirus safety measures:

"If you decide to be sexually active with someone living outside of your household, limit it to as few partners as possible, preferably one regular partner. Consider masturbation or remote sexual activity (eg, online) as alternative to physical sexual activity with others."

😂🤣😂

Late in responding to this but

 

Well, I mean, that's still considerably less tacky than BC's Disease Control's leaflet that was suggesting gloryholes...

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, bookpixie said:

maybe I should bring up the conversation about opening our relationship

This is definitely something where  you would want to work through the possibilities in advance, as it’s not at all unusual (and often actually desirable) that people “catch feelings” in their secondary relationships as well.  Unless your partner stuck strictly to sex workers, or perhaps one-night stands with strangers, an emotional connection would be a likely consequence....

 

...and it’s not really something anyone can control, so promising not to develop feelings may be heartfelt but isn’t practical.

[ryn2]

37 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

tacky

Some of the larger cities here suggested that as well; that the safest in-person sex option right now, for anyone not living with their sex partner, is glory hole+barrier protection.

 

A friend of mine in NYC and I had a good laugh over how we never thought we’d live to see the day when public health officials were outright lauding the glory hole.

[Sinking_In]

@bookpixie thanks for reading, and I apologize it doesn't stay on topic very well. I won't pretend to be an expert by any means, these are just my experiences and observations. I will say this, in all of my past experiences, feelings will almost always play a part in sex, be it good or bad. Sex without them isn't very satisfying to either person, and without them the relationship doesn't usually last more than a month or two. Feelings eventually fade a little over some time, anyway. If your husband is the type to get emotionally swept away and fall deeply in love easily, I could see it being a concern, but some amount of feelings and excitement need to be allowed. I'm not saying there needs to be "love", but at least an emotional connection and some excitement. Without it, your husband would be going from new partner to new partner, wearing on him emotionally, or possibly seeking "professionals", which would also get old like masturbation would, I'm sure. It seems neither of you actually wants a divorce, and you've come to the point where neither of you really wants sex with one another. I mean, I'm sure he wants to, but not when it's going to be emotionally damaging to both of you. If sex were just the act, itself, masturbation would suffice. Emotional connections should be expected, and would lead to better sex, which is the point of having a lover, isn't it? You just have to figure out what you're both comfortable with, and discuss and set realistic boundaries. I wish you the best, no matter what happens.

[Sinking_In]

It's been a few weeks, and last night was the first time my limerence lover and I reconnected over the phone. Without divulging too much, there have been a few breakthroughs and setbacks in their couples therapy, but moving forward, nonetheless. Apparently our time apart has set her libido on fire, and I'm sure this is adding pressure for both of them. She keeps encouraging me to see others, and though I haven't (didn't have time to, anyway), I have thought about it. I feel like I'm slowing things down a bit, as I did get a little carried away not too long ago. My wife and I have been talking more, and I'm trying to be more engaging with her. I have to admit, completely removing sex from the picture has killed the romance. That's on me, I know. I'm going to set up a date night soon to try and rekindle the relationship. It's time.

[ryn2]

26 minutes ago, Sinking_In said:

I'm not saying there needs to be "love", but at least an emotional connection and some excitement.

...and even this isn’t something anyone can control or promise not to avoid.  Sometimes feelings happen.  It’s important to know what’s okay upfront (and sometimes to reassess during); if a partner falling in love with a secondary is completely unacceptable then many open relationship models are effectively off the table.

[Sinking_In]

1 minute ago, ryn2 said:

if a partner falling in love with a secondary is completely unacceptable then many open relationship models are effectively off the table.

Good point. Your input is always appreciated!

[Memento1]

Hey @Sinking_In!  I'm stepping back from AVEN a bit, but I still love reading your updates.  You've been one of my favorite people here to talk to.  Sorry to hear your limerence relationship is in a state of limbo, but I'm glad you're making use of the time to self-reflect and find your balance.  I'm really impressed with the way you're handling all of these complexities and trying to keep everyone's needs in mind.  I hope your date night goes well!

[Sinking_In]

Quick update: my wife and I are having "date night" every other week. I've worked out a deal with friends where we switch off babysitting to give us a night out with our spouses. It looks like it was a great idea, helping all of us reconnect and decompress. I feel a more friendly vibe with my wife this week because of it, which is great  I've also limited my contact with two women, and on a limited basis. One being my limerence lover, of course, and a woman I've recently connected with who is also in a poly/ open relationship. Theirs is more "kitchen table", so it's going to be nice to get some insight from their perspective. Ideally I'd like to hang out with that couple and with my limerence lover, as a group. I believe they all share common interests and seem very kind and fun. I'm also hoping that down the road my wife opens up to the idea of getting to know these people as well, but such things are very far down the road, if at all, and assuming these relationships carry on for that long. I'm always hopeful, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. So far it's a big enough hurdle to just find time to be with my limerence lover, let alone find more time for this new woman. For now it's just a lot of chatting on the phone  

[Memento1]

Hey @Sinking_In!  Thanks for the update.  That definitely sounds like a delightful ideal goal, and it sounds great to have more insight into poly relationships.  I hope that ends up being a productive relationship to learn from.  I can relate to the lack of time and resources.  It's really hard to foster new relationships right now.  I met someone I'm interested in becoming friends with at a work training, but it's hard to figure out how to do anything with all the COVID restrictions, and I'm not one for chatting on the phone.

 

I'm glad you and your wife have found an arrangement to have some time together, too!  This seems really important for all marriages, to take time away from kids and everyday duties to de-stress together.  I hope you can keep that up!

[Sinking_In]

Date night with my wife was really nice. We're up next on the list to do it again, so I think this is really good for us. We don't get to connect all that often at home, which is mostly my fault, because it seems that work aspect of the relationship is mostly my responsibility. That's not to say my wife doesn't try once in a while, but I know most of it is up to me. It's just the dynamic we have. In general she is very thoughtful.

I did get to see my limerence lover, with permission, and we got to have really good sex. We both had been missing that for quite some time. 3 hours didn't seem nearly enough, though it has tied us over for a while. We're hoping to see each others again, soon.

My poly phone pal has been keeping in touch, and we talk a few times a week. There's definitely an attraction there, for both of us, but time will tell if it can make it through COVID, since she has no desire to physically meet until she feels safer. I completely understand, and I'm not putting any pressure on her to meet. She and limerence know about each other, which is liberating for me. I'd like to be this open with my wife, but I respect her wishes to keep these lives separate. So far, I'm doing my best, and I feel pretty good about it all

[Sinking_In]

Got lucky and had another date night last night with my wife, home alone, dinner and movies. We shared intimacy we haven't shared in many many months. We also spent the morning together, and it was really nice. I feel a little more connection with her recently, which seems to be growing for us both. I'd like to keep this going. It's really nice. Things are also going very well with my limerence lover and my poly friend. More on those as more develops.

I've never seen the whole Twilight series, but I did catch it this weekend. Not a fan, but I found a little tidbit in there, a mention of polyamory between werewolves. Unfortunately, it didn't seem positive, nor elaborated upon (perhaps it is in the books?). If I had to choose the whole "#" thing that surrounded this series, it's gotta be #teamAlice. LOL

[Memento1]

I watched (and read) the first in the Twilight series and had no wish to continue.  You've got me a little intrigued, though.  I've developed quite a fascination with how polyamory is depicted in the media.  I was pleasantly surprised to find a polyamory-friendly storyline in the Netflix show Space Force.

 

I feel like a broken record, but I'm impressed with the way you're putting time and effort into each of the relationships in your life.  Especially balancing all this during COVID!  I hope it's making your pandemic times easier.