The Aromantic thread

[Oswald]

Read Sori's comment in the thread. Any subsequent threads made on the decision will be locked.

So we're basically not allowed to try and appeal at all except in a thread they're probably going to ignore? What a load of crock.

How many admods are aromantic, anyway?

[5_♦♣]

I did notice Nigel looking at this thread a couple of hours ago. I don't know how many admods are aro. I know Randy is and that tea is gray romantic.

[The Great WTF]

If I remember right two mods who stated they are aro were both against an aromantic forum, so that doesn't help us much. I'm too lazy to go back to the actual debate thread and check who it was, though.

[Oswald]

Huh. That's moderately puzzling and inconvenient.

Still doesn't fix the fact that this sucks. I mean, allies get a subforum and we don't. Are they chicken or something? Not giving us a subforum is causing a bigger divide and sense of self-entitlement than actually giving it to us. Funny how that works, eh?

[5_♦♣]

Yeah, I even pointed out in reply to a PM in response to my initial PM that the SPFA forum is dominated by mixed relationship issues and the Asexual relationships forum is dominated by romantic relationship issues.

[5_♦♣]

Oh yeah, the two aro admods that voted against the aro forum were/are Randy and Amcan.

[Guest]

Can we please not make assumptions about how members of the Admod Team voted. Unless you have been told specifically by an admod "This is how I voted" then don't assume anything. Admods may have explained their personal opinions, not their vote.

Thank you

[5_♦♣]

All it took was reading posts in the aromantic forum poll thread to find out how (some) admods voted.

[ithaca]

All it took was reading posts in the aromantic forum poll thread to find out how (some) admods voted.

Again, what they posted in the Aromantic Forum Poll Thread may be their personal opinion, please don't state "this is what they voted" since they haven't discussed their vote in any threads. Discussing such a complicated issue can also make people change their opinion, and admods' opinions as members might not be the same as admods.

Furthermore, singling out a few admods' opinion may lead to flame against the single members of the Team.

[5_♦♣]

Sorry.

[Guest]

ummm...off topic

This thread has reached over 1000 replies now

Thought y'all would like to know

[5_♦♣]

Yeah, I was wondering who would the one to post the 1000th post in this thread. Turns out it was ithaca.

And I really am sorry for getting caught up in the frustration over the decision.

[ithaca]

1000 ?!?!? :o

YAY ^_^

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

It doesn't matter if the mods voted for the sub forum anyway does it?

We're not getting it...

I also assumed this would pass eventually, but nope. =.=

Oh well, I can always look for other places. I only really look on here for meets occasionally, and for this thread. I feel comfortable with both. I don't bother reading other threads because the discussions are so repetitive and dull at the best of times. A sub forum for us would have been ideal but I guess it's one of those things that are going to divide us and maybe that's for the best. *shrugs* I don't like discussing things like this unless I'm going to get a decent explanation or a possible change in the decision. I don't see any of these happening, so...

[maven]

Gho St Ory Qwan's right. The decision has been made. I don't know whether we can appeal it, but since there is such confusion in trying to understand the reasons behind for the decision in the first place, I don't think an appeal would be successful. We're not coming from the same page. And hating on specific mods for their decisions is definitely not helpful.

Solivagant, thank you for your post in the other thread - it was very comprehensive and highlighted several of the reasons why people feel frustrated by this decision. There's a lot I've wanted to say over the past couple days but I'm running on fumes and have had no time to post. Everything from why AVEN is a better place for an Aromantic forum than a stand alone site like AroPlane to what we did wrong this time around. But here's the thing: for the past two years there have been periodic waves of aromantics asking for a subforum on AVEN. Chances are there will be another one. What can we do to help them out?

For one, we can address the issues the mods brought up when they announced their decision. Mainly, that an aromantic forum would be singling out a certain group of people on AVEN. I'll admit, this didn't make much sense to me at first. But perhaps an "inclusive" idea for a subforum would be one that Arche has brought up repeatedly - the idea of a "romantic orientation" subforum. A place where romantic orientation in general could be discussed. It's something to think about.

Secondly, one thing that was pointed out several times was that Rels is not just for romantic relationships. I know it's awkward posting in there, and I admit I don't want to/don't feel welcome doing so, but perhaps if we do we will get a different response than the silence we're expecting. And if we don't, it's something to note - we can say we tried. It's also an easy way to increase visibility of what it means to be aromantic, and the issues that we deal with.

I think there were other things I was thinking about, but I'm quite sleep deprived -_- . I wish we had our own forum, but I can't say I'll leave because of the mods' decision... like many asexuals say that AVEN feels like coming home, that's what this thread is for me.

Edit: Oh! Completely unrelated, but look what hexaquark put together! There's now an Aromantic FAQ on AVENwiki.

[5_♦♣]

"I know it's awkward posting in there, and I admit I don't want to/don't feel welcome doing so, but perhaps if we do we will get a different response than the silence we're expecting".

It was easier for me to post in there before I realized I am gray-lithromantic. Because now, if I were to post about my lithromanticism in Relationships, I'd probably get told that I'm an Aro in denial and things to that effect. Or perhaps more likely, that it wouldn't really get any views at all, let alone responses.

[Guest]

"I know it's awkward posting in there, and I admit I don't want to/don't feel welcome doing so, but perhaps if we do we will get a different response than the silence we're expecting".

It was easier for me to post in there before I realized I am gray-lithromantic. Because now, if I were to post about my lithromanticism in Relationships, I'd probably get told that I'm an Aro in denial and things to that effect. Or perhaps more likely, that it wouldn't really get any views at all, let alone responses.

Actually I don't think you would. What would probably end up happening is that people would ask what a lithromantic is.

I think a good idea would be to have an aromantic sticky somewhere explaining the terms and what they mean. If you ask a mod to sticky it, they just might do that :) (disclaimer: this is speaking purely from experience as a member)

[5_♦♣]

Thanks for trying to reassure me, tea, but I'm still too scared to post in there now.

[The Great WTF]

Gaaah! *flails* I can't keep up with AroPlane! It's so much harder to navigate/post on my phone than AVEN is and everything's exploded by the time I get back to my computer at night. Now I REALLY want that aromantic forum...

[5_♦♣]

I have the same problems and I don't even have a phone.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

Yeah I keep looking in it and putting off registering until I'm sure I'll use it enough.

It takes me ages to like a forum enough to join it. >_<;

[Cousin It]

Good evening (morning, afternoon, whatever) fellow Aros. I've been a serial lurker (in a friendly, kittenish way) on this thread, but not recently enough to have caught up with the news about the subforum until now.

I just thought I'd offer tea, sympathy, and to add my voice to the general wailing. Also to offer this observation:

As I said, I'm a (recovering) serial lurker, but haven't visited here for a while. And you know what? I couldn't bleeding-well find you for about ten minutes. I even tried looking in the 'relationships' subforum (very quickly, mind, it's not somewhere I enjoy being).

My point is: from a user perspective the present arrangement really doesn't work. How is someone new to the site to find this thread, if I knew it was here and still had trouble?

Yeah, I know it's all finished and done and over-with (and I'm posting on a moribund thread, which seems to be my new hobby) ... but .. well, for the record: I totally agree that this thread really needs and deserves to be made more visible somehow.

[maven]

Welcome, Cousin It! Glad you finally found us - I know it's not an easy thread to stumble upon. Can I ask where/how you searched? It might help in figuring out a way to make this thread more visible.

[Cousin It]

Hi there. High time I unlurked, I guess.

Can I ask where/how you searched? It might help in figuring out a way to make this thread more visible.

Hmm ... how did I find you? Well, I knew you were here, so it's not quite as though I had only just discovered the thread.

However, I'll see if I can remember: I started off in 'community' because - well - I've been reading my way through a couple of the Gender threads, and it seemed logical from that perspective that Aro should be there, as a subset of the Ace community.

But no.

So I scrolled up to the top and thought - well, not welcome, then checked Q&A, and then thought 'oh surely it's not in 'relationships' ...?' took a deep breath, and went in to check...

So 'Musings and rantings' was just next on the list. Thank heavens this thread's pinned at the top!

I think, given how damned big this site is getting (I've been here on and off for years, and I do recall when it seemed much easier to find stuff), there needs to be some sort of master post up in the welcome area that will help newcomers (and serial lurkers) to find forums and major threads that suit them. I know there's a quick guide to the forums, but it doesn't really explain anything (to a newcomer, what's 'grey spectrum' or even 'discussions of gender' going to mean?) and, of course, it stops at the forum level.

I think it would help people if there was some easy way for them to locate things like: threads for people of various ages, a few of the gender threads, probably a few of the longer running relationship and grey threads, and - of course - this thread. Quick definitions - if only to pique the newcomer's curiosity - would also help a lot.

Lots of raving. Hope it all makes sense and maybe even helps.

[AsexyGurl1990]

I appreciate romance in terms of decent movies and books- reading and watching it from afar. When it comes to my personal life, however, I find I don't really seek it out in much measure.

In fact the types of stories I love (and even write fanfiction about because I enjoy writing and would like to see more asexual works) are stories with characters developing deep bonds of frienships that transcend our- society's -concepts and expectatons of what a true frienship entails. (examples; Captain Kirk and Spock, Holmes and Watson, etc.)

For me, I don't know whether to call myself aromantic or just... I don't know.

All I know is that I enjoy the stories- or even just the idea -where this innocent bond of trust and love form between two people (regardless of gender) and is so deep and everlasting it makes your heart pound to see them together, and you wish them all the best and happiness... but they are not in a traditional "lovey dovey" romantic relationship.

In fact, they are... friends. Just friends.

Friends that may hold hands, cuddle each other or give affectionate kisses or comforting touches, to one another. Friends that are there for each other, always, cry with one another, laugh, explore the world, etc. (It seems to me that media and culture makes it seem that only romantic couples can do such things, or spend their lives together like that- as if two people who are friends engage in such intimacy, they must be "on their way" to a romance, or being friends is a step under or below being "a couple".

If you think about it, two friends- or more -can be love each other deeply and that love can be just as enriching as a married couple's love for each other.)

I guess you could call it a "romantic friendship" of sorts, where the two (or more) people are heavily devoted to one another throughout their lives, maybe even forsaking marrying/being with others in favor of the frienship or- if marrying someone -still finds that friendship to the other person of significant importance.

It may be romantic, I guess, when you get to the bottom of it. But I don't consider romance to only entail being "goo goo eyes" or "head over heels" with someone, and that you suddenly can't be a normal person anymore. Haha.

I see romance as an innocent form of love that- with sexuals -can be a basis for a lifelong relationship. Just as two friends can form a romantic relationship not involving sex. A little cuddling there, hand holding here, or even a devotion that lasts a lifetime, but they still identify as friends.

The best way to sum it up is in the case of Rizzoli and Isles, in an episode where the doctor is talking to the detective, and she says, "I like your brother... a lot."

The detective starts to look crestfallen, and the doctor continues sincerely "... but I love you and value your frienship so much more."

She goes on to tell the detective their frienship means so much to her, more than the feelings she has for some man. (The characters are both female and I doubt television is yet that progressive to make them become romantically involved, even though they are both pretty much the main protagonists.)

That's what I love- a frienship so deep it can withstand outside influences or pressures, and while it may be considered romantic, there is no sex involved at all.

... haha. But as much as I adore the thought of an "innocent" romance, or a deeply enriched romantic frienship, I don't consider *myself* to be overtly romantic.

Or, at least, romantic in the traditional sense.

Hmm.

I don't know what that "makes" me.

[YGR1913]

I appreciate romance in terms of decent movies and books- reading and watching it from afar. When it comes to my personal life, however, I find I don't really seek it out in much measure.

In fact the types of stories I love (and even write fanfiction about because I enjoy writing and would like to see more asexual works) are stories with characters developing deep bonds of frienships that transcend our- society's -concepts and expectatons of what a true frienship entails. (examples; Captain Kirk and Spock, Holmes and Watson, etc.)

For me, I don't know whether to call myself aromantic or just... I don't know.

All I know is that I enjoy the stories- or even just the idea -where this innocent bond of trust and love form between two people (regardless of gender) and is so deep and everlasting it makes your heart pound to see them together, and you wish them all the best and happiness... but they are not in a traditional "lovey dovey" romantic relationship.

In fact, they are... friends. Just friends.

Friends that may hold hands, cuddle each other or give affectionate kisses or comforting touches, to one another. Friends that are there for each other, always, cry with one another, laugh, explore the world, etc. (It seems to me that media and culture makes it seem that only romantic couples can do such things, or spend their lives together like that- as if two people who are friends engage in such intimacy, they must be "on their way" to a romance, or being friends is a step under or below being "a couple".

If you think about it, two friends- or more -can be love each other deeply and that love can be just as enriching as a married couple's love for each other.)

I guess you could call it a "romantic friendship" of sorts, where the two (or more) people are heavily devoted to one another throughout their lives, maybe even forsaking marrying/being with others in favor of the frienship or- if marrying someone -still finds that friendship to the other person of significant importance.

It may be romantic, I guess, when you get to the bottom of it. But I don't consider romance to only entail being "goo goo eyes" or "head over heels" with someone, and that you suddenly can't be a normal person anymore. Haha.

I see romance as an innocent form of love that- with sexuals -can be a basis for a lifelong relationship. Just as two friends can form a romantic relationship not involving sex. A little cuddling there, hand holding here, or even a devotion that lasts a lifetime, but they still identify as friends.

The best way to sum it up is in the case of Rizzoli and Isles, in an episode where the doctor is talking to the detective, and she says, "I like your brother... a lot."

The detective starts to look crestfallen, and the doctor continues sincerely "... but I love you and value your frienship so much more."

She goes on to tell the detective their frienship means so much to her, more than the feelings she has for some man. (The characters are both female and I doubt television is yet that progressive to make them become romantically involved, even though they are both pretty much the main protagonists.)

That's what I love- a frienship so deep it can withstand outside influences or pressures, and while it may be considered romantic, there is no sex involved at all.

... haha. But as much as I adore the thought of an "innocent" romance, or a deeply enriched romantic frienship, I don't consider *myself* to be overtly romantic.

Or, at least, romantic in the traditional sense.

Hmm.

I don't know what that "makes" me.

Oh wow , all you said i feel like it applies to me too , i feel no connection to the ideal of romance but i can read and watch about it and i value deep friendship more than romantic relationships for myself, so in other words i completely agree with you lol but i do personally identify as aromantic asexual as well cause i dont want romance or sexual relationships, i dont need them in my life to feel fulfilled so i personally believe that im aromantic asexual you can identify yourself as you wish or how you feel it applies to you

Oh BTW do any of you guys have twitter or facebook? idk if its ok to ask but i would like to have more Ace friends to talk to outside the forum

[ithaca]

Oh BTW do any of you guys have twitter or facebook? idk if its ok to ask but i would like to have more Ace friends to talk to outside the forum

We have a thread called Facebook in Meet Up Mart forum, where you can share your profile and add the ones who are listed there if you want.

[YGR1913]

Oh BTW do any of you guys have twitter or facebook? idk if its ok to ask but i would like to have more Ace friends to talk to outside the forum

We have a thread called Facebook in Meet Up Mart forum, where you can share your profile and add the ones who are listed there if you want.

Oh ok thanks

[Quick-step]

I think perhaps it can be a fluid state.. Or in my opinion. I have been aromantic/asexual since day one and never gave romance a second thought. Until I met the woman who was my best friend, and as I got to know her as a person I became very very romanticly attracted to. Long story short our friendship went down in flames due to her own poor choices, but the point I am trying to make is that I haven't been romantically attracted to another individual since. But I know the possibility exists. Lol either that or whatever floats your boat. I will point out a aromantic character in tv: BBCs Sherlock Holmes. ( Sherlock holmes in general). I identified very strongly with this character.

[Nymzie]

I thought I'd leave you here a nice aro comic :)

Autobiographical Story about A Hopeless Aromantic

Why is there no reblog button?? Why does Aven not have the perfect emote to explain how sad I am that there is no reblog button?? This comic explains my feelings perfectly and I want all my followers to see it :(

@AsexyGurl1990

You just described my favorite thing in the world! Deep, deep, life-long friendships <3 I love them more than anything. One of the most upsetting things for me is when they turn romantic, or sexual (usually both) because then I can't relate at all.