The Aromantic thread

[5_♦♣]

As a lith, I can definitely relate to you-as far as crushes go. However, I do know that I want to remain single, because I think I'm better off single, not to avoid questions about my non existent love life as it's been ages since I've last been asked why I'm still single and such.

[@ce]

I feel so confused about my aromaticism or my lack of it, or my whatever the hell I am with it.

Is it possible to be aromatic and be in a relationship and like being in the relationship? I have a boyfriend, who is sexual, and I do love and care about him very very much. But I really love the platonic part of our relationship. I don’t really care for the sexual stuff or the romantic stuff but I have no issue doing it for him to make him happy.

I dunno I just feel so confused about it. I’m sure I’m ace, but I just dunno if I’m aro and ace =/

[The Great WTF]

I feel so confused about my aromaticism or my lack of it, or my whatever the hell I am with it.

Is it possible to be aromatic and be in a relationship and like being in the relationship? I have a boyfriend, who is sexual, and I do love and care about him very very much. But I really love the platonic part of our relationship. I don’t really care for the sexual stuff or the romantic stuff but I have no issue doing it for him to make him happy.

I dunno I just feel so confused about it. I’m sure I’m ace, but I just dunno if I’m aro and ace =/

I'm an aro ace and my relationship is quite similar to yours. Just like an asexual can have sex (and even enjoy it) an aromantic can have a relationship and very much enjoy it. My partner and I are both aromantic and our relationship is more about the mutual support and companionship than anything else. Infatuation, devotion, codependence, and other generally "romantic" things are pretty much lost on us, but we're still very much a couple and we're still very close to each other.

[@ce]

I feel so confused about my aromaticism or my lack of it, or my whatever the hell I am with it.

Is it possible to be aromatic and be in a relationship and like being in the relationship? I have a boyfriend, who is sexual, and I do love and care about him very very much. But I really love the platonic part of our relationship. I don’t really care for the sexual stuff or the romantic stuff but I have no issue doing it for him to make him happy.

I dunno I just feel so confused about it. I’m sure I’m ace, but I just dunno if I’m aro and ace =/

I'm an aro ace and my relationship is quite similar to yours. Just like an asexual can have sex (and even enjoy it) an aromantic can have a relationship and very much enjoy it. My partner and I are both aromantic and our relationship is more about the mutual support and companionship than anything else. Infatuation, devotion, codependence, and other generally "romantic" things are pretty much lost on us, but we're still very much a couple and we're still very close to each other.

Well that does quell my mind a little bit. I dunno I’ve had so many issues with my a/sexuality and now my romantic identity as well. I’m just glad to see that I do fit in here. I’ve read a fair bit of this thread and I was like: “Thats not me” and when I see if I fit with romantics I know thats not me either Ive never even had a crush. -_-

I guess its becuase I’m a teenager and sort of immature but I want a label so I feel like I belong somewhere :P

[The Great WTF]

I feel so confused about my aromaticism or my lack of it, or my whatever the hell I am with it.

Is it possible to be aromatic and be in a relationship and like being in the relationship? I have a boyfriend, who is sexual, and I do love and care about him very very much. But I really love the platonic part of our relationship. I don’t really care for the sexual stuff or the romantic stuff but I have no issue doing it for him to make him happy.

I dunno I just feel so confused about it. I’m sure I’m ace, but I just dunno if I’m aro and ace =/

I'm an aro ace and my relationship is quite similar to yours. Just like an asexual can have sex (and even enjoy it) an aromantic can have a relationship and very much enjoy it. My partner and I are both aromantic and our relationship is more about the mutual support and companionship than anything else. Infatuation, devotion, codependence, and other generally "romantic" things are pretty much lost on us, but we're still very much a couple and we're still very close to each other.

Well that does quell my mind a little bit. I dunno I’ve had so many issues with my a/sexuality and now my romantic identity as well. I’m just glad to see that I do fit in here. I’ve read a fair bit of this thread and I was like: “Thats not me” and when I see if I fit with romantics I know thats not me either Ive never even had a crush. -_-

I guess its becuase I’m a teenager and sort of immature but I want a label so I feel like I belong somewhere :P

To each their own. Aromantics come in all varieties.

[Kelsea]

Hey, I'm new to this thread, and I've just recently come to the surprising realization that I'm aromantic. (This, after having been married for 15 years!)

Actually, before finding AVEN, it was already glaringly obvious that I was aromantic. I never liked kissing, candlelight dinners, or lovey-dovey stuff that most "romantic" women supposedly like. But upon finding AVEN and trying to figure out my official romantic orientation... I figured that the fact that I'd been married for 15 years, and felt very emotionally attached to my partner, indicated that I was probably heteroromantic.

But since our separation I've come to realize that I truly don't miss any of the physical contact, or cuddling. And when I think about my options moving forward, the thought of finding another partner to hold hands with, and cuddle, and hug, is... Yuck!!! Just the idea of that is nasty to me.

So I think I really am aromantic. Which is great, because I want to be aromantic! I hate dating, and it's unlikely I'd find a compatible partner even if I tried. So being aromantic is a godsend for me, because it means I don't have to (a) put myself through the nightmare of dating, or (b) worry that I'll be miserable forever if I don't find a special someone.

But I am brand-new to the aromantic lifestyle, and I really appreciate having a place to get to know other people who are content to not be in a relationship. I've never been particularly good at platonic friendships either; but I need to learn, because from now on, that's what I'll be dealing with. And the idea of building a network of close platonic friends is so much less daunting than trying to find a compatible romantic partner (which I realize I don't even want!)

I know it probably sounds like I'm trying to justify my decision to 'give up' on dating. That I'm truly romantic, and suppressing my true desires. And I suppose it could just be a phase I'm going through; but I honestly hope not.

I am grateful to embrace my new identity as an aromantic asexual, and for the first time since my separation, I feel a sense of hope, that I can experience love, emotional fulfillment, and meaningful human relationships in the second half of my life, without it having to be a 'romantic' thing.

[GenAJ]

I'd say I'm aromantic because I was never attracted to other people sexually or romantically.

[maven]

Hey, I'm new to this thread, and I've just recently come to the surprising realization that I'm aromantic. (This, after having been married for 15 years!)

Actually, before finding AVEN, it was already glaringly obvious that I was aromantic. I never liked kissing, candlelight dinners, or lovey-dovey stuff that most "romantic" women supposedly like. But upon finding AVEN and trying to figure out my official romantic orientation... I figured that the fact that I'd been married for 15 years, and felt very emotionally attached to my partner, indicated that I was probably heteroromantic.

But since our separation I've come to realize that I truly don't miss any of the physical contact, or cuddling. And when I think about my options moving forward, the thought of finding another partner to hold hands with, and cuddle, and hug, is... Yuck!!! Just the idea of that is nasty to me.

Hey Kelsea! Welcome! I'm not a fan of lovey-dovey stuff either, though there are many aromantics who like actions labeled as "romantic" like candlelit dinners or holding hands. I'm actually one of the aromantics who likes cuddling and hugging, but there are plenty out there that don't like it, like you don't. Neither of these qualities define an aromantic person though - the question you may be asked is whether you felt romantic attraction towards your partner, and if you had any crushes before or after your marriage.

I totally agree that dating sounds like a little bit of a nightmare (I think it is for romantics too, though, until they find someone they like), and not one I'm interested in. The fear of being alone (or dying alone?) isn't restricted to romantics - to some extent, I think all people feel it as they grow older, it's just we deal with it in different ways. Romantics are more likely to find a romantic partner. Aromantics are more likely to develop a tight platonic friendship with people (or one person, in the case of QPPs), and maybe become active in their community as well. But that's just a guess! Feel free to ask questions here if you have any :)

I know it probably sounds like I'm trying to justify my decision to 'give up' on dating. That I'm truly romantic, and suppressing my true desires. And I suppose it could just be a phase I'm going through; but I honestly hope not.

You've been on AVEN for a while, I hope you know by now we're not here to judge! Romantic orientation is all about YOUR feelings, and no one is going to know how you feel except for yourself. If you've never felt romantic attraction, or felt it less often than it seems like most people do, you're on the aro spectrum, regardless of how many people think you're just giving up on dating.

[Naosuu]

Well, well... let's just say I'm questioning myself now, especially after a rather... messy bridge burning with a very dear friend of mine.

To be honest, I still don't... quite understand the difference between romantic and platonic love anymore, nor do I really understand aromanticism. When I was younger, I did get these intense crushes on people, so I do know what it's like. On the other hand, I realized that I was in love with the idea of love, so I've more-or-less shifted gears, so to speak. Shallow, but intense crushes based on a fantasy of romance does not really constitute to real romance, I guess. Before this revelation, I did want a relationship... but afterwards, it has more-or-less completely disappeared.

It's even more messy because I have people in my life whom I love with every atom of my heart. Completely platonic. One good example is my friend A, whom I've written about in another post. (I'll spoiler it for folks who are interested)

As a romantic ace, to say that romantic love trumps platonic love in terms of intensity is myopic. Some of the greatest loves of my life are definitively my brother, my parents, my gay best friend and my teacher from high school (whom I shall call A). I guess for this topic I'll focus on A.

I don't know how to describe my love for A. She is an older woman, but she's incredibly active and loves dancing. High school wasn't hard in terms of being sociable, but I had some deep, personal issues I had to deal with. She was there for me when I needed her. I generally don't use "new age" terms, but sometimes I wonder if we are kindred souls. She was a guide, she is my friend, one of my most trusted confidants... and she is also a walking, talking guide to Naosuu. I don't know how she does it, but she just seems to totally understand what I try to say and why.

We love each other very, very much. The first time I saw her after a very long time, I almost burst into tears. She's not normally a huggy or touchie person, but she gives me hugs and kisses on my cheeks. When we meet or exchange e-mails, she'll always tell me that she loves me very much with a warm smile on her face. Just writing this makes me miss her and want to shoot an e-mail off to her.... actually, I think I'll do that right now.

(BTW, I did send that e-mail off to her)

Shallow feelings aside, I'm a huge, huge sucker for romantic stories. But I'm definitively more interested in how they bond to each other... how they support each other in time of need, how well they connect. Then I realized this is what people constitute as romance as well!

Anyway, I think I'll just be keeping an eye on this thread... as well as hopping on AroPlane and lurking around there.

[5_♦♣]

Anyone else having problems with Skype, or is it just me?

[Xrys]

It seems that this describs me quite well. Lets look at the evidence. I am 27. I have never gone on a date. I have never kissed. I have never cuddled or snuggled. I have no desire to in the future. Friendship is all I have ever been interested in, nothing more. Guess that makes me aromantic. Now I know. Am I anti-romantic? No. I may not understand or relate to other people's need for a romantic relationship, but I do respect their need for one. They should be as free to seek their hapiness as anyone else.

[Kelsea]

Welcome Xrys! :) That is a great attitude to take.

And thanks Maven & Mr. LG... I'm definitely going through a confusing period of change here. It's clear to me that I did have romantic feelings toward my husband; but at this point I don't feel that I could ever love anyone else again, the way I loved him. (Which I suppose is probably a typical feeling for a broken-hearted romantic!)

But I'm going to hang out here in this thread, because aromantic folks are my heroes, and I fervently wish I can learn to be happy without being in a relationship!

[Tabula Rasa]

It seems that this describs me quite well. Lets look at the evidence. I am 27. I have never gone on a date. I have never kissed. I have never cuddled or snuggled. I have no desire to in the future. Friendship is all I have ever been interested in, nothing more. Guess that makes me aromantic. Now I know. Am I anti-romantic? No. I may not understand or relate to other people's need for a romantic relationship, but I do respect their need for one. They should be as free to seek their hapiness as anyone else.

Hello from another Arizonan!

I have never been interested in these things either. I tried to feign interest in romance for a while, thinking that's what I had to do to fit into society. But that's over. I'm aromantic.

[ithaca]

Two posts from this thread have been split into their own topic, now named "About the God Gene, Anti-romanticism and polyamory" and moved to the Hot Box Forum.

[5_♦♣]

Thanks, Doc.

[maven]

Oh, good. The topic will probably get many more responses in the Hot Box than it will here. Also, it saves me from feeling the need to reply :lol:

[Cakey]

Anyone else having problems with Skype, or is it just me?

Do you need to go and see a Skype Counsellor?

[5_♦♣]

Anyone else having problems with Skype, or is it just me?

Do you need to go and see a Skype Counsellor?

:lol:

You're freaking hilarious.

[Junebug03]

I am almost positive I am aromantic. I do not like being touched and being romantic confuses me and grosses me out. I still watch some romantic movies, but its usually with friends and I usually make fun of the characters and think of how they are wasting their time when they are being romantic. But it makes me disgusted to even think about sex, kissing, etc. Plus whats the point? If I ever do get in a relationship, the guy is going to be living on the opposite end of the house and we can share health benefits.

[Kozlov]

I am almost positive I am aromantic. I do not like being touched and being romantic confuses me and grosses me out. I still watch some romantic movies, but its usually with friends and I usually make fun of the characters and think of how they are wasting their time when they are being romantic. But it makes me disgusted to even think about sex, kissing, etc. Plus whats the point? If I ever do get in a relationship, the guy is going to be living on the opposite end of the house and we can share health benefits.

This.

Bonus points if the guy is also rich. He can get a whole harem, as long as I get his money.

[Junebug03]

I am almost positive I am aromantic. I do not like being touched and being romantic confuses me and grosses me out. I still watch some romantic movies, but its usually with friends and I usually make fun of the characters and think of how they are wasting their time when they are being romantic. But it makes me disgusted to even think about sex, kissing, etc. Plus whats the point? If I ever do get in a relationship, the guy is going to be living on the opposite end of the house and we can share health benefits.

This.

Bonus points if the guy is also rich. He can get a whole harem, as long as I get his money.

LOL. Yeah rich.... I forgot rich. Plus, I think I will be pretty well off too, so. :)

[ithaca]

Now that this thread has a home in this A/Romantic Identities Forum and can be easily found by members, it can be unpinned.

Rather Be Batman and ithaca

A/Romantic Identities Moderators

[blueblur91]

Coolio, an aromantic thread. :)

I have considered myself an armomantic asexual asexual about as long as I have considered myself an asexual. When I went through the list of types of asexuals I instantly connected with it.

I have never been in a relationship with a "partner" because I have never had the drive to do so. I have never had a crush or squish on anything.

If I were to be in a relationship with someone one I definitely would not want it to be a romantic one. I would want it to be a really strong friendship.

I am also disgusted by any romantic or sexual touch. I am disgusted by seeing it and I am disgusted when people talk about it. I am o.k. with hugs and such, but I would rather not.

I notice people's personalities and want to become friends with people whose personalities are I like.

I have also always been overly emotional for a guy. I guess my romantic feeling got put it my normal feelings instead.

I also do not pick up on romantic stuff like my brain wasn't programmed for it.

I like the idea of living alone, but at the same time it I am scared of it. I like the idea of being able to do whatever because nobody is there to judge me, but I do not think I would be able to permanently live alone because I would get lonely.

I can relate to not having a role model. After a while I got used to being my own role model if that makes sense.

I also like animated movies. I don't mind romantic stuff in animated movies because they are animated characters instead of real actors I guess. I generally do not like romantic stuff in other movies and I try to ignore it and focus on the storyline/action. Brave is awesome.

Well, I think that is it. Feel free to comment/ ask questions. :)

[Feather]

I'm finally back on Aven. I've missed this thread in particular so much. =) I finally figured out my orientation, and I am comfortable with it. =) Aromantic Asexuals for the win! All other romantic and sexual orientations are awesome too!

[abnor]

*waves* Yo. I can't speak for all, but for me it's not the irresponsible picnic I think most people would assume. I avoid sex because for me it is inseparable from relationships and only complicates things. I would love to be totally asexual, because sometimes my desires lead me to awkward situations. Even if it's mutually understood to be a fling, it wouldn't feel right. To me, sex, like any other drug, isn't something to be taken lightly. It may be fun at the time, but the consequences can ruin you.

Yes! Another abstinent aromantic!

I NEVER EVER EVER want to hurt other people. Even though I may desire sex way more often than I desire romance (if I desire it at all, ever), I avoid it because I don't want to hurt others. (It has happened before, and I regret it so much!)

[Special Agent Korin]

I'm bisexual and aromantic so yeah...

[dunhauren]

whooooo!! an aromantic thread! i mean, im aromantic and i have some questions. since everyone around me is either sexual or romantic (normally both) and they tell me "when i was your age, that happened to me also". but im 26, so come on! normally people at 20 know if they are straight, gay or...right? its what i have seen. i could be wrong, of course. so, here are my questions:

1-i dont like much to hug or similar. how many of us here are like me? is that common? i know nobody like us aromantics, so i cannot know

2-has somebody felt they had some difficulties to find someone aestheticaly atractive?

3-sometimes if i find someone aesthetically atractive, the "someone" tends to be women. still, i feel i'm aro, not a single piece of interest about having a romantic relationship with women. or men. so what does it make me?

thank you for reading my message

[Quiverfree]

whooooo!! an aromantic thread! i mean, im aromantic and i have some questions. since everyone around me is either sexual or romantic (normally both) and they tell me "when i was your age, that happened to me also". but im 26, so come on! normally people at 20 know if they are straight, gay or...right? its what i have seen. i could be wrong, of course. so, here are my questions:

1-i dont like much to hug or similar. how many of us here are like me? is that common? i know nobody like us aromantics, so i cannot know

2-has somebody felt they had some difficulties to find someone aestheticaly atractive?

3-sometimes if i find someone aesthetically atractive, the "someone" tends to be women. still, i feel i'm aro, not a single piece of interest about having a romantic relationship with women. or men. so what does it make me?

thank you for reading my message

I don't care much for hugs or using gestures to show affection in general. I think there are really a lot of people like that, of all romantic orientations, just some cultures and subcultures are more tolerant of us than others.

And aesthetic attraction doesn't need to have anything to do with romance or romantic orientation.

[Oswald]

1-i dont like much to hug or similar. how many of us here are like me? is that common? i know nobody like us aromantics, so i cannot know

2-has somebody felt they had some difficulties to find someone aestheticaly atractive?

3-sometimes if i find someone aesthetically atractive, the "someone" tends to be women. still, i feel i'm aro, not a single piece of interest about having a romantic relationship with women. or men. so what does it make me?

1: I am very, very, very selective about the people I hug. I don't even like hugging my dad. I've been greeting him with a formal handshake since I was able to express a preference for greeting style. I do hug a choreographer I had for two musicals. I don't hug my best friend because she's aware I have a preference for not hugging, but I do hug this one casual acquaintance I have because he's extremely huggy and doesn't like to part ways with anyone without hugging them.

2: Yes. Yes times about a billion. My dad's girlfriend still likes to interrogate me on whether I find random people attractive. She even asked me to tell her if I thought my own grandfather was aesthetically attractive, which I can't figure out a way to answer that wouldn't make me sound really messed up.

3: What Quiverfree said.

[dunhauren]

well, it's true that you can find a person from your same sex aesthetically atractive. but in my case some months ago i had like six (more less) romantic dreams. they happened in a tiny amount of time. and the person i was with usually was a woman. just twice with a guy and it was disguisting. but i think the reason i didnt like it was that it was sexual. still, i think that if it was as romantic as the others, i wouldnt like it. in the dreams with women some were fictional, other anonymus and others actress/singers. in some i kissed them, in some i was their respective girlfriends

and when i awake, i dont feel a thing towards the famous ones, nor other women, platonic or not. i dont know what to think. not that i care, but it makes me wonder