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The Aromantic thread

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I will join aroplane now since my want to be here has been cut in half due to the forum decision. I face enough lack of visibility in my day to day life. And now I feel as though we have been boiled down to a sub topic rather than a large and important spectrum.

*sigh*

I'm surprised to find that I sort of feel the same way. I voted for the forum, but I wasn't really excited about it or anything... and now I realize I'd really gotten attached to the idea. I'm trying not to take the decision "personally", but eh. I'll definitely check aroplane out and see where to go from there.

The forum decision pisses me off. You aro's are some of my favorite AVENites!! :( Don't gooooo......

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Data

That is some serious bs, Yes (121 votes [78.57%]), and no sub forum? About 1/3 of aces had said that they are aromantic in some other big poll, and no aro sub forum.

Discussing in one big thread is just a horrible mess.

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5_♦♣

I liked that comic.

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Sussexdowns

I will join aroplane now since my want to be here has been cut in half due to the forum decision. I face enough lack of visibility in my day to day life. And now I feel as though we have been boiled down to a sub topic rather than a large and important spectrum.

*sigh*

I'm surprised to find that I sort of feel the same way. I voted for the forum, but I wasn't really excited about it or anything... and now I realize I'd really gotten attached to the idea. I'm trying not to take the decision "personally", but eh. I'll definitely check aroplane out and see where to go from there.

The forum decision pisses me off. You aro's are some of my favorite AVENites!! :( Don't gooooo......

I agree. It pisses me off quite a bit, and I am not easy to truly anger. I am sure I will stay. A lot of you are truly wonderful people, and I know it would be silly of me to just stop coming here. Though the decision, in my eyes, was huge. And handled in such a poor fashion that left a lot of people feeling ignored and/or not valuable to the community.

That is some serious bs, Yes (121 votes [78.57%]), and no sub forum? About 1/3 of aces had said that they are aromantic in some other big poll, and no aro sub forum.

Discussing in one big thread is just a horrible mess.

Exactly! There was obviously a want from the statistics and responses to that poll. It wasn't a matter of making one romantic orientation more important than another. It was about opening a forum that would foster discussions about the romantic/aromantic spectrum that is so important to a lot of us. It would make visibility, access, and offer knowledge on a topic that is widely misunderstood. As it has been even in the poll.

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Nogitsune

I will join aroplane now since my want to be here has been cut in half due to the forum decision. I face enough lack of visibility in my day to day life. And now I feel as though we have been boiled down to a sub topic rather than a large and important spectrum.

*sigh*

I'm surprised to find that I sort of feel the same way. I voted for the forum, but I wasn't really excited about it or anything... and now I realize I'd really gotten attached to the idea. I'm trying not to take the decision "personally", but eh. I'll definitely check aroplane out and see where to go from there.

The forum decision pisses me off. You aro's are some of my favorite AVENites!! :( Don't gooooo......

Aw, thanks, that makes me feel better! :cake:

In my case, I don't think I'll disappear completely, just (maybe) cut down on my AVEN time a bit because I really fail at being active in several forums at once, and because I'm honestly miffed at that decision. It just sort of feels like a slap in the face. Asexuals make up about 1% of the population, and while there may or may not be more aromantics than asexuals, at the moment we're pretty much only visible as a subgroup of the asexual community, so I'd have expected a bit more support, considering the poll results were pretty clear. Ah well.

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Guest

Not to mention that if AVEN wants to spearhead changing attitudes toward sex and relationships, including aromantics would go far in facilitating that goal.

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maven

That is some serious bs, Yes (121 votes [78.57%]), and no sub forum? About 1/3 of aces had said that they are aromantic in some other big poll, and no aro sub forum.

Discussing in one big thread is just a horrible mess.

I think this is what makes me the most sad. We had the numbers, but it still didn't work out.

Anyway. AroPlane is cool and all, but remembering to check two forums is a pain. And I feel like I know everyone on here much better. You're welcome to join on there AceofClubs, one of the founders/heads/mods is an ally.

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The Great WTF

I'm starting to feel increasingly alienated by the emphasis on romance and relationships around here. I'd never leave AVEN, I love this place, but I like the idea of having a forum where the "I'm so sad what if I never find my true love?!" and similar comments are a minimum is really appealing. I'm constantly confused, amazed, and irritated by the obsession people have with falling in love and having relationships, but I can't say much for fear of offending someone.

Choosing not to have an aromantic forum is a mistake, as far as I'm concerned, because I'm sure I'm not the only one like this.

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Guest

I'm starting to feel increasingly alienated by the emphasis on romance and relationships around here. I'd never leave AVEN, I love this place, but I like the idea of having a forum where the "I'm so sad what if I never find my true love?!" and similar comments are a minimum is really appealing. I'm constantly confused, amazed, and irritated by the obsession people have with falling in love and having relationships, but I can't say much for fear of offending someone.

Agreed!! I've been in relationships most of my life but I don't think they're amazing and I don't seek them out. And i was always really, really happy when single (which I think is part of how I end up in relationships in the first place...). I don't care about weddings and I don't want to hear about your love.

You don't have to be aromantic to find teenage "love" irritating as hell.

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5_♦♣

I'm starting to feel increasingly alienated by the emphasis on romance and relationships around here. I'd never leave AVEN, I love this place, but I like the idea of having a forum where the "I'm so sad what if I never find my true love?!" and similar comments are a minimum is really appealing. I'm constantly confused, amazed, and irritated by the obsession people have with falling in love and having relationships, but I can't say much for fear of offending someone.

Choosing not to have an aromantic forum is a mistake, as far as I'm concerned, because I'm sure I'm not the only one like this.

Not to mention, the "I just broke up with my boy/girlfriend" posts. Even as a romantic myself, I at times feel alienated by the posts on romance and relationships.

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5_♦♣

You're welcome to join on there AceofClubs, one of the founders/heads/mods is an ally.

Thanks. Though I don't think I'll do good at remembering to check both forums. In fact, if I do join, I'll probably be active for a week or two then forget about it. As history repeats itself and that's what I've done on every forum I ever joined. (Except this one, obviously).

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5_♦♣

Oh, no wonder. I just looked at the Aromantic forum poll that tea did and I just remembered that tea said the results are 'non binding'. :rolleyes::unsure:

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Gho St Ory Qwan

I will join aroplane now since my want to be here has been cut in half due to the forum decision. I face enough lack of visibility in my day to day life. And now I feel as though we have been boiled down to a sub topic rather than a large and important spectrum.

*sigh*

I'm surprised to find that I sort of feel the same way. I voted for the forum, but I wasn't really excited about it or anything... and now I realize I'd really gotten attached to the idea. I'm trying not to take the decision "personally", but eh. I'll definitely check aroplane out and see where to go from there.

Agreed. I've very disappointed. Might just migrate to Aroplane. I also suck at being on more than one forum so I probably will be simply swapping over. *shrugs*

AVENs the only thread I use really, but I do feel a bit like we're being sort of swept under the carpet or something.

That is some serious bs, Yes (121 votes [78.57%]), and no sub forum? About 1/3 of aces had said that they are aromantic in some other big poll, and no aro sub forum.

Discussing in one big thread is just a horrible mess.

That is pretty dire.

I wonder what their decision was based on if the poll had so little effect.

It must have been something big really.

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5_♦♣

I suppose one could always ask an admod what the decision was based on. In fact, that's what I'll do now.

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Trava u doma

I just don't know what was even the point of the poll. Couldn't they tell us up front that they just don't want any aromantic forums on AVEN, regardless of how many poeple vote for/against it?

I don't know, maybe I'm not being objective but I found the way it was handled rather insulting.

Frankly... if I had known how unimportant "my" place in the asexual community is, I wouldn't have bothered joining. I'm not sure about my romantic orientation the way I am about asexuality (minus the "late bloomer" issue, I guess), so I can't feel about AroPlane as "my" forum, the way I initially did about AVEN. Is AVEN in any way supposed to cater to my needs? Well, obviously, it isn't. But, at the same time, I'm not really sure there's any reason for me to stay here, as, honestly, to me "We encourage the aromantics in AVEN to make threads in the various forums as they see fit" felt somewhat like "eff off, we don't care". And reading on and on about romantic relationships isn't really what I was looking for.

And, actually, I don't think it's at all surprsisng that AVEN is so much concentrated on (romantic) relationships. After all, after the initial "wow, I'm asexual" phase, how much can you really talk purely about asexuality? (Unless you're unsure if you're somewhat "different" asexual, but there is the gray area for that) It's the implications that matter more, which are, for the romantic people, all that romantic relationship drama and all.

And, apparently, having the board "infested" with romantic relationship drama and all is fine (no offence anyone with relationship problems, I hope - it wasn't intended), but once you ask for a haven for all those who value other forms of interpersonal contact more than romantic relationships/are questioning their romantic orientation, you are refused on the grounds of not making one one orientation appear more important... there is one one thread for people on the whole aromantic spectrum - more important? really?

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5_♦♣

For me, after the initial 'I'm Asexual' stage, came questioning my romantic orientation. Which I did for the better part of 2011. But even after figuring that out, I never posted about relationship issues, due to the fact that I've never been in a romantic relationship and my desire for a romantic relationship isn't exactly constant like it is for most other romantics (Asexual and sexual alike).

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Sussexdowns

I don't understand why some people are having difficulty understanding that posting in a majority romantic forum (asexual relationships) will make those who aren't romantic/completely romantic, feel uncomfortable. Wouldn't the majority of asexuals feel uncomfortable posting about an asexual reltionship on a majority sexual romantic forum?

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5_♦♣

I don't understand why some people are having difficulty understanding that posting in a majority romantic forum (asexual relationships) will make those who aren't romantic/completely romantic, feel uncomfortable. Wouldn't the majority of asexuals feel uncomfortable posting about an asexual reltionship on a majority sexual romantic forum?

Even here, I don't really feel comfortable posting in SPFA.

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Gho St Ory Qwan

I don't understand why some people are having difficulty understanding that posting in a majority romantic forum (asexual relationships) will make those who aren't romantic/completely romantic, feel uncomfortable. Wouldn't the majority of asexuals feel uncomfortable posting about an asexual reltionship on a majority sexual romantic forum?

Even here, I don't really feel comfortable posting in SPFA.

What do those letters stand for?

I personally am not uncomfortable with the romantic stuff, I just find it a bit strange that so many people cry about lack of relationships. Also, I might not get any sympathy here for this, but I think I have trouble with relationships because I'm aro, and it's hard to talk about in a romantic or sexual place because I'm just told 'Why are you doing it then'. I think with our own sub forum, those sorts of awkward things could be better discussed.

I could put it on the relationships thing here, but it'd get buried quickly because it isn't as interesting as something gushy and romantic. And that's just the truth. =.=

I'm trying not to feel let down about this, and wait until we heard word from any mods about why the decisions was made, but I don't think I feel terribly attached to AVEN any more.

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5_♦♣

Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies.

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The Great WTF

I could put it on the relationships thing here, but it'd get buried quickly because it isn't as interesting as something gushy and romantic. And that's just the truth. =.=

This. Just... this. Anything that isn't a "woe is me I'm going to be alone forever" or a love stort post in relationships post gets buried in there. Even the posts asking for legitimate advice disappear alot in there. It's ridiculous.

I admit that I feel very uneasy talking about certain aspects of my relationship because I know it's upsetting for die-hard romantics and I've gotten outright hate about it on other forums. It's not even our aromantic tendencies so much as this weird idea people get that we're somehow abusing each other or "settling" because we're not madly, dramatically in love like they expect a "normal" couple to be. I'd love to have an aromantic area to escape that.

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Sussexdowns

I could put it on the relationships thing here, but it'd get buried quickly because it isn't as interesting as something gushy and romantic. And that's just the truth. =.=

This. Just... this. Anything that isn't a "woe is me I'm going to be alone forever" or a love stort post in relationships post gets buried in there. Even the posts asking for legitimate advice disappear alot in there. It's ridiculous.

I admit that I feel very uneasy talking about certain aspects of my relationship because I know it's upsetting for die-hard romantics and I've gotten outright hate about it on other forums. It's not even our aromantic tendencies so much as this weird idea people get that we're somehow abusing each other or "settling" because we're not madly, dramatically in love like they expect a "normal" couple to be. I'd love to have an aromantic area to escape that.

All of this. I posted about my life partner commitment ceremony (queer wedding? sure) in the celebration forum, and a lot of wonderful people responded. I doubt it would get a second glance in the relationships forum.

A few of us from AroPlane have set up a queerplatonic/aromanticism advice blog.

http://aromanticplatonic.tumblr.com/

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Quiverfree

I don't know whether to bother joining an Aro forum since doing so, I can only imagine, would be as awkward it (likely) is/was for sexuals to join AVEN.

I think it'd be great to have as many allies as we can on AroPlane.

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5_♦♣

I don't know whether to bother joining an Aro forum since doing so, I can only imagine, would be as awkward it (likely) is/was for sexuals to join AVEN.

I think it'd be great to have as many allies as we can on AroPlane.

I joined yesterday.

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5_♦♣

Just got a reply back. I can't repeat what was said, as PMs remain private; but basically, although the results were non binding, member participation in the discussion was taken into consideration. (Even though it may not seem like it).

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Cakey

And their rational argument for an anti-democratic decision is?

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5_♦♣

*Shrug*. They didn't go into detail about that.

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The Great WTF

So basically they're repeating the same load of nothing they said in the decision thread? Lovely. I have the very childish urge to start posting 'Does it ever surprise you to realize people are romantic?' and 'Why is society obsessed with romance?' threads just to irritate people. I'd probably just get reported a million times for being antiromantic though.

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Cakey

*Shrug*. They didn't go into detail about that.

So it's official, the 'Aven Politburo' exists. ;)

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