Kink, BDSM, and Cake

[EvaLynn]

I like to be chained, especially on or to cold stone. It's never part of sexual activity. It's more like a non-sexual roleplaying. Maybe I've read too many* gothic novels.

 

 

 

*Never too many!

 

 

 

P.S. I actually looked into this thread for the cake. Your marketing worked!

Edited October 28, 2022 by EvaLynn
Added postscript

[Guest]

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[Siimo van der fietspad]

I have several kinks and this has confused me no end about my asexuality. One is pretty common, others are middlingly common and one of them is very rare, I have not met another person with it. (NB whilst none are in any way dodgy and I am opening up about them a bit more I'd rather not share on public thread, so PM if you are curious to know).

 

I have actually met up with other people via a site for a particular kink, all of whom were thoroughly decent, respectful people and as a result felt safe and comfortable doing what we did. To be honest, you can suss out who is going to be creepy or more likely a time waster pretty early on.

[nutterwithasolderingiron]

On 10/28/2022 at 10:29 AM, Notaradish said:

@nutterwithasolderingiron

Posting ads on fetlife isn't completely useless, but it's one of those things where if you want to do it you should just post it and move on. They tend not to have good success rates as many people flat out ignore them altogether. You should never solely rely on them to find partners.

 

The best way to put yourself out there on fetlife is to interact in groups in particular, as well as writings and statuses and everything else. Doesn't even have to be explicitly kink related. People see your comments in groups and posts, get curious, then click on your profile to read more. Works much better than ads if you can give interesting interactions in a variety of places.

 

And you could also try to dm dommes directly. It can work but it also has low success rates and you need to carefully read the domme's profile to know how to interact with them or if they're even open to dms in the first place.

 

And this is assuming you have a well made profile for people to see if they do click. It's vital for online first impressions and many dommes will check your entire profile, groups, activity feed etc when considering you.

 

"But you're so good at being the dom" sounds like they weren't taking your needs seriously, which isn't ok. And if you're always being "forced" into dom roles then something is going very wrong here. This sounds like a lack of communication and not advocating for what you want. If you're looking for a domme to submit to then make it explicit that that's what you want upfront. And if your partner isn't wanting to play that role, then they're not compatible for it and you should find someone who is.

And you are going to local munches and kink events right? It sounds like you might be but it's also a little confusing. Those are very important in finding partners and connections. Many times much more so than trying online.

i honestly also kinda hate it beacuse i see it as putting myself out there and being vulnerable enough to actually open up about the things i want (which for someone who was told "don't talk about what you want" when i was growing up, makes me feel like i've put so much time, thought and effort into something that's just going to get ignored. 

[Sister Mercurial]

The main forum for the kink I'm interested in has had a big scandal lately because a bloke who was very active on it got convicted for groping a sub.  Some other members on that forum are also agitating for another guy on there to be removed, saying that he behaved unprofessionally to another sub.  And another thing I learnt while everyone was venting about all the f**kery that's been going on is that if you're in a video related to the kink, even if you're fully clothed, then from a trade unionist perspective, you're classified as a sex worker.  I've never been in a video offered for sale, but all this stuff that's coming out is scaring the living daylights out of me.  Help!  

[nutterwithasolderingiron]

9 minutes ago, Sister Mercurial said:

The main forum for the kink I'm interested in has had a big scandal lately because a bloke who was very active on it got convicted for groping a sub.  Some other members on that forum are also agitating for another guy on there to be removed, saying that he behaved unprofessionally to another sub.  And another thing I learnt while everyone was venting about all the f**kery that's been going on is that if you're in a video related to the kink, even if you're fully clothed, then from a trade unionist perspective, you're classified as a sex worker.  I've never been in a video offered for sale, but all this stuff that's coming out is scaring the living daylights out of me.  Help!  

thank you for reminding me of the other reason why fetlife scares me. it seems every few weeks there's a big drama going on there. 

[Sister Mercurial]

1 minute ago, nutterwithasolderingiron said:

why fetlife scares me

That was a forum for a specific kink, not Fetlife.  

[nutterwithasolderingiron]

29 minutes ago, Sister Mercurial said:

That was a forum for a specific kink, not Fetlife.  

my bad. 

[RandomAce8701]

11 hours ago, Sister Mercurial said:

The main forum for the kink I'm interested in has had a big scandal lately because a bloke who was very active on it got convicted for groping a sub.  Some other members on that forum are also agitating for another guy on there to be removed, saying that he behaved unprofessionally to another sub.  And another thing I learnt while everyone was venting about all the f**kery that's been going on is that if you're in a video related to the kink, even if you're fully clothed, then from a trade unionist perspective, you're classified as a sex worker.  I've never been in a video offered for sale, but all this stuff that's coming out is scaring the living daylights out of me.  Help!  

What exactly is it that scares you? Just all the drama?

 

Sometimes drama is necessary! An abuser was convicted in spite of the kink involvement - that sounds like a very good thing to me; kink has a troubled relationship with the law.

 

Are you concerned that videos including you will be distributed without your consent?

[Siimo van der fietspad]

13 hours ago, Sister Mercurial said:

The main forum for the kink I'm interested in has had a big scandal lately because a bloke who was very active on it got convicted for groping a sub.  Some other members on that forum are also agitating for another guy on there to be removed, saying that he behaved unprofessionally to another sub.  And another thing I learnt while everyone was venting about all the f**kery that's been going on is that if you're in a video related to the kink, even if you're fully clothed, then from a trade unionist perspective, you're classified as a sex worker.  I've never been in a video offered for sale, but all this stuff that's coming out is scaring the living daylights out of me.  Help!  

I think I know what you're referring to. There were some frankly mysogynistic comments come out of the subsequent pile-on, doubting the victim and seeming to have more sympathy for the perpetrator, and others who were going to lose business as a roundabout effect of this. It wasn't a nice read. The fact that personal and possibly compromising images and video could go anywhere from such sites is also a constant reason to be unnerved.

[RileyA]

14 hours ago, Sister Mercurial said:

The main forum for the kink I'm interested in has had a big scandal lately because a bloke who was very active on it got convicted for groping a sub.  Some other members on that forum are also agitating for another guy on there to be removed, saying that he behaved unprofessionally to another sub.  And another thing I learnt while everyone was venting about all the f**kery that's been going on is that if you're in a video related to the kink, even if you're fully clothed, then from a trade unionist perspective, you're classified as a sex worker.  I've never been in a video offered for sale, but all this stuff that's coming out is scaring the living daylights out of me.  Help!  

I can tell you that's not the biggest scandal that site is associated with by any means. 

[Guest]

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[Sister Mercurial]

On 10/30/2022 at 12:48 PM, RandomAce8701 said:

What exactly is it that scares you?

Firstly, whereas more widespread kinks have places you can go to engage in them where someone is there to step in if things start getting out of hand, there isn't an equivalent for niche kinks, so I'm worried about creeps.  Secondly, people may have different views about whether sex work is like any other work and I don't really want to get into that debate, but: a) if I did anything that associated my name with that label, it would damage my chances of getting other jobs and b) since I don't really know if I'm a sexual person at all, hence being on here, I don't like the idea of being called something that implies that one is highly sexed.  

[Sister Mercurial]

On 10/30/2022 at 4:37 PM, RileyA said:

I can tell you that's not the biggest scandal that site is associated with by any means. 

Now wondering if there are a lot more people on here who browse that site than I imagined, or if some folks have taken it upon themselves to do detective work, or if more than one site has had scandals of late.  What would you say the biggest scandal is?  

[RileyA]

5 hours ago, Sister Mercurial said:

Now wondering if there are a lot more people on here who browse that site than I imagined, or if some folks have taken it upon themselves to do detective work, or if more than one site has had scandals of late.  What would you say the biggest scandal is?  

If you're talking about fetlife, then it would be the house of caldifor stuff in Australia, or the murders in the US.

 

Pm me if you want links

[Sister Mercurial]

24 minutes ago, RileyA said:

If you're talking about fetlife

I already said on Sunday that I wasn't.  

[RileyA]

20 minutes ago, Sister Mercurial said:

I already said on Sunday that I wasn't.  

Most people in on kink sites are on Fetlife..I more see it as the online kink scene than a site thing. 

 

But kink is rife with abuse, assault and general shitty behavior. 

[Sister Mercurial]

4 hours ago, RileyA said:

But kink is rife with abuse, assault and general shitty behavior. 

What can one do to avoid the &£^(s?  Especially if there aren't any organised events for one's preferred kink?  

[Siimo van der fietspad]

10 hours ago, Sister Mercurial said:

Now wondering if there are a lot more people on here who browse that site than I imagined, or if some folks have taken it upon themselves to do detective work, or if more than one site has had scandals of late.  What would you say the biggest scandal is?  

Assuming we are talking about the same site, it would have been a few years ago when several months' worth of posts from a well-known participant turned out to have been a sockpuppet. IIRC there was some possibility of a fabricated illness too, but don't quote me on that.

[Siimo van der fietspad]

7 minutes ago, Sister Mercurial said:

What can one do to avoid the &£^(s?  Especially if there aren't any organised events for one's preferred kink?  

I'm not sure one can entirely, other than being very discreet, and very careful about meeting others.

[svrn]

Hello! I'm so very glad that someone pointed me to this thread, because I realized/learned recently that I have been asexual, instead of "broken", all this time. This confused me quite a bit, because how could that be? I've known for a lot longer that I was probably quite kinky, after all. Not feeling too "broken" about the latter, I even created a FetLife account once, only to promptly abandon it, thinking "what am I even doing here?" (Thanks, unrecognized asexuality, lol.)

 

Anyhow, I loved reading about the many different perspectives and kinks in this thread, and learning that I can be asexual and kinky. Thank you! ☺️

[RandomAce8701]

46 minutes ago, svrn said:

Hello! I'm so very glad that someone pointed me to this thread, because I realized/learned recently that I have been asexual, instead of "broken", all this time. This confused me quite a bit, because how could that be? I've known for a lot longer that I was probably quite kinky, after all. Not feeling too "broken" about the latter, I even created a FetLife account once, only to promptly abandon it, thinking "what am I even doing here?" (Thanks, unrecognized asexuality, lol.)

 

Anyhow, I loved reading about the many different perspectives and kinks in this thread, and learning that I can be asexual and kinky. Thank you! ☺️

There are many grey aces on Fet, including several very helpful boards. I left mainly because there's no chance of me engaging in kink as a practical hobby for the time being.

[ThannaA]

sorry deleted my stupidest question ever xx 

 

[Maria-paula]

I realized that I am asexual and into BDSM at the same time very recently, and I suddenly remembered the drowning of what-you-want-to-be-in-the-future in my childhood: I drowned me wearing the leather tight fitting and having a whip. I just happened to solve the mysteries of my life.

[Séraphine-Joliecoeur]

So, i'm a greyace xenogender (monstergender to be precise) woman and i have a vampire kink.

This isn't sexual at all, it just gives me warm and fuzzy feelings to be someone's willing meal. 

I am terrified ot death because i have been in and out of hospitals since i was a small child, but the idea of dying like this looks very... comforting ? She holds me gently, whispering into my ears that i'm ok and that my blood is delicious (in fact, the best she has tasted for decades).

It's very sweet and wholesome.

 

Sadly, i never found someone (ideally a pretty and evanescent blonde straight from a 1970's european horror film) to do this. I am searching for a sex worker, but i still live with my parents at 30 years old (for anxiety reasons), which makes it extra difficult.

 

If i eventually find the right person, do you have any ideas how we could do this scene ? I have heard that biting could be dangerous, so maybe they would just sucks my neck while adding fake blood.

 

Thanks for reading and sorry for my messy english (bonjour !) .

Have a great day/night.

[svrn]

On 4/5/2023 at 12:17 PM, Séraphine-Joliecoeur said:

If i eventually find the right person, do you have any ideas how we could do this scene ? I have heard that biting could be dangerous, so maybe they would just sucks my neck while adding fake blood.

In addition to artificial fangs and blood, erotic hypnosis might be helpful for increasing your immersion. (Unless you have a contraindication concerning hypnosis.)

 

Finding a play partner with relevant skills would be ideal, or look into post-hypnotic triggers, to be used by your chosen creature of the night or yourself.

[winter solstice 冬至]

While my partner doesn’t into this and most drama or manga about this make me feel unsafe, I really appreciate the experience you share in the thread.

[Squirrel Combat]

I was on FetLife for a while some years back, but there weren't enough local people I could potentially explore my boot fetish with. Too bad kinks can't be less taboo. 😑

[Zoroark]

I haven't really explored this at all bc I'm not interested in doing sex things with randos and my ex... well, let's not get into that LMAO, but I have slightly masochistic fantasies sometimes, that I think I'd like to explore if I ever have a partner I trust with it. I'm not interested in bondage or whips or whatever, but being cut just a little, or bitten or something like that, during sex is a little appealing to me for some reason. I haven't really talked to anyone about it much bc it seems weird to just bring up and I haven't even had a partner in... years at this point. Ah well.

[bob_mot]

On 11/6/2022 at 1:23 PM, svrn said:

Hello! I'm so very glad that someone pointed me to this thread, because I realized/learned recently that I have been asexual, instead of "broken", all this time. This confused me quite a bit, because how could that be? I've known for a lot longer that I was probably quite kinky, after all. Not feeling too "broken" about the latter, I even created a FetLife account once, only to promptly abandon it, thinking "what am I even doing here?" (Thanks, unrecognized asexuality, lol.)

 

Anyhow, I loved reading about the many different perspectives and kinks in this thread, and learning that I can be asexual and kinky. Thank you! ☺️

Haha, I just had a similar experience and feeling -- right down to the quickly-abandoned FetLife account. 😀

 

Here's something I'm curious about: I've heard advice before to seek out local kink communities, play parties, etc., but I think that's probably not for me; I just like enjoying my kink by myself (which ends up basically like self-bondage) and have never really thought or desired to involve anyone else -- plus I'm socially anxious as it is already.

 

Has anyone experienced a similar hesitation before, but later joined in their local kink community activities and found them worthwhile? Or for those who did become active in their local kink communities/groups, did you already know that you wanted to indulge in your kink with other people?