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OwlSaint

Demi's

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint

So.... are there any other people out there who identify as demi? On the forums maybe? Anyone?..... *hopeful*

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The Evil Cashew   
The Evil Cashew

whats a demi?

~Cashew

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BleedingThrough   
BleedingThrough

^I dunno either.

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thylacine   
thylacine

I think you need to define demi for some of us...

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint

A demisexual is, in my book at least, someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people in general. I've yet to see a single person and think "hot" or "10 out of 10" or "I'd like to hit that". Sex with someone rarely crosses my mind and when it does it's usually more along the lines of "could i force myself to with.... ew no".

In that respect, I can and do identify as asexual.

However, with someone I'm in love with, it's completely different, and I might as well be a "full fledged" sexual, but only with that one person. Full fledged meaning actually desiring sex, both for the physical and emotional aspect, being attracted to that special someone, and feeling sexual arousal in terms of wanting to do something on multiple levels instead of simply the biological reflex or "ugh not again".

That to me is the definition of a demisexual. The person who invented the word may have a different definition, but that's what it means to me.

Anyways, I've been wondering if there's anyone else on aven like that.

Demi pride!!! ^_^

PS: this is also the most I've "explained" about myself in detail to complete strangers. be nice please *hides*

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Shinnok   
Shinnok

Wow..demisexual actually sounds more like me then asexual does. Thank you for explaining that to us OwlSaint. It gave me another label I think fits me alot ^_^ And yeah, I guess from now on I'm a demisexual kind of asexual. I guess my orientation is fluid or something lol.

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint

yaaaay ^_^

that's 2..... *feels awesome*

demi pride ^_^

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sonofzeal   
sonofzeal

As.... erm... the inventor of the term (unless Owly derived it separately), I figured I should poke my head in here.

So yeah, hi, demisexual here!

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint
As.... erm... the inventor of the term (unless Owly derived it separately), I figured I should poke my head in here.

So yeah, hi, demisexual here!

Woot 3! We're taking over! XD

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PatricioINTP   
PatricioINTP

I might be. I'm still new here and have trouble deciding between being a gray-A and a full asexual. The problem: I am in no way anxious to have sex, but extremely curious about how its like for a woman. I am certainly living like an asexual now, but if I pair up with a sexual who, if she wants sex, hopefully will like it in ways that I can keep my pants on. (oral and hands, in other words) If I like it and she likes it, then I might become a asexual nymphomaniac.

Unless by demi you mean someone who also likes being on the receiving and not just the giving end. My curiosity makes me a giver, but receiving will just bore me.

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint
Unless by demi you mean someone who also likes being on the receiving and not just the giving end. My curiosity makes me a giver, but receiving will just bore me.

I don't want to draw lines for demi. It's pretty much agreed on these forums that lines don't work for other sexual orientations, especially not asexuality. Why would it work for a subgroup of asexuality?

It's really up to you to decide, but to me the definition is to be like a sexual with the individual(s) you share a romantic connection and relationship with, but asexual with everyone else. I myself would consider it closer to gray-a than demi to want to please a partner but have no interest in sex for one's own pleasure. It's really up to you how you identify though.

Demi pride! ^_^ we so need a flag and a triangle.

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint

I made a triangle and/or flag.

Yes, that was fast. Yes, I was bored.

demiprideod2.gif

Yes, I would like this to be re-made someone who does have line-editing software and can make it properly.

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BleedingThrough   
BleedingThrough

^Like this?

avenimageuf2.png

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KetchupKid   
KetchupKid

I couldn't possibly know whether I am demi-sexual, as I have never fallen in love, and doubt I ever will.

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cait   
cait

hmmmm... I think ... I think you might be onto something!

Perhaps I would more fit the mold of a "grey-demi"? Haha.

How am I EVER going to explain that one?

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint
^Like this?

avenimageuf2.png

Yaaay! shiny! thank you!!.

Demi pride!!

hmmmm... I think ... I think you might be onto something!

Perhaps I would more fit the mold of a "grey-demi"? Haha.

How am I EVER going to explain that one?

Ofcourse we're onto something! *mad scientist look*

Don't worry about explaining it though: Everyone's different, but some are more different than others, and some differences are more complicated than others. As long as it makes sense to you and everyone that you care to tell, then it's all good imo.

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BleedingThrough   
BleedingThrough

^You're welcome. :D

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Haunter   
Haunter

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the topic's title suppose to be "Demies"? :?

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sonofzeal   
sonofzeal
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the topic's title suppose to be "Demies"? :?

Pluralizing a prefix is always awkward grammatically. "Demies" might be technically correct, but would obscure the meaning for many people. In situations like this, pluralizing with the " 's " is, while not correct in the strictest sense, still a good choice.

BleedingThrough, thanks for the awesome logo!

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint

Demie pride? ^_^

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Lunacy   
Lunacy

OwlSaint, your definition of demi-sexuality describes me so well! I really think I am a demi, because although I usually feel very asexual, when I fall in love (which happens very, very rarely), I become obsessed with the person and feel really attracted to them.

What is that book you're reading from which you got your definition of demisexual? Seems like an interesting book.

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint

In this case, "in my book" means Zealous invented the term and I modified and/or expounded on it.

No real literature on demisexuality....

yet....

Also, if by "your book" you mean my head, yes it is very very interesting and random and has these interesting things and there are lots of voices everywhere that will be tour guides.

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OwlSaint   
OwlSaint

So um.... Are we at 3 or 4 or....

I think we got 5.... *runs off*

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BleedingThrough   
BleedingThrough
BleedingThrough, thanks for the awesome logo!

You're welcome! :D

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Shinnok   
Shinnok

OwlSaint and BleedingThrough both made good Demi logos :D They oth look cool.

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emmarainbow   
emmarainbow

You know? I think I might be. Still not attracted to the individual, but reckon I could act pretty normally sexual with someone if that's how the relationship went - as long as they told me what the hell I'm supposed to be doing! I can't do any of it automatically.

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onmyway   
onmyway

I'm still sort of working through my feelings and trying to figure out what I want, but I think I'm closer to demisexual than asexual. I like that there's a term for this, though, so I could simplify my self-description without undermining those who are truly asexually oriented.

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sonofzeal   
sonofzeal
In this case, "in my book" means Zealous invented the term and I modified and/or expounded on it.

Actually, I think there's another poster on this site who goes by "Zealous". You can call me Zeal though if you want...?

I developed the term primarily because of Rabger's model of human sexuality, which differentiates between "primary sexual attraction", which is that instant horniness most people get upon seeing a sexy member of the appropriate gender, and "secondary sexual attraction", which only builds with emotional intimacy. I have one but not the other, a sexual person has both, and an asexual has neither. Bam! New category!

In other news, I FINALLY got Hallu to properly add Attraction meters onto the Radar Graph! Now Demisexuals are (more) accurately expressed! :lol:

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Grey-A   
Grey-A

Its probably because I'm quite new to AVEN, but was hoping maybe someone could clarify the difference between a grey-A and a demi? I know there are definitions on Wikipedia, but it seems the usage can get a bit muddled. Are they pretty much the same? Subtle differences I guess?

As you may have guessed from my user name... :rolleyes: I think I'm sort of in the grey-area of asexuality, but maybe I'm actually more demi, or even grey-demi like cait said… ;) I do have sexual thoughts occasionally, but definitely wouldn’t want “spontaneous-sex” (by “spontaneous-sex” I mean sex with anyone who I’ve known less than a year) with just anyone. I’d want to feel I could really trust them and that they understood my feelings toward sex, and not force me into anything. I’d want to feel we had some deeper connection beyond sex. Would that make me demi? Grey-A? Grey-Demi? :unsure:

I suppose as peoples thoughts and feelings towards sex, romance etc are bound to fall on a spectrum, in theory you could have countless sub-orientations. And even sub-sub orientations..

But, I suppose all this would confuse the world… so in the end its best to just be who we are and identify with the nearest group.

In some ways sexual could be said to be the nearest group for me, but it just doesn’t sit right, as I have such awkward feelings toward sex too. And asexuality isn’t a perfect fit either, as I can’t deny that I have sexual feelings and may one day with the right person even be happy to have sex (maybe.. not sure yet :mellow: ).

Therefore, like bisexuality is between heterosexual and homosexual people, there has to be a mid point between asexual and sexual people. 6 main groupings, but there will always be sub groupings, and even sub-sub groupings eventually I guess… Anything more than that and we begin to weave a near indecipherable web of limitless categories……..

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sonofzeal   
sonofzeal

"Grey-A" is a wide blanket term, encompassing all variations that aren't quite asexuality and aren't quite fully sexual either. "Demisexual" is a specific example, where a person lacks "primary sexual attraction", but has "secondary sexual attraction". Here's what Rabger's definitions had it:

Primary sexual attraction is an instant attraction to people based on instantly available information such as their looks or smell. It may or may not lead to arousal or sexual desire.

Secondary sexual attraction is an attraction that develops over time based on a person's relationship and emotional connection with another person.

If you feel Secondary but not Primary, congrats - you're probably Demisexual! Otherwise, well, you're probably some other flavour of Grey-A. Either way is totally cool. ^^

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