Demi's

[OwlSaint]

A demisexual is, in my book at least, someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people in general. I've yet to see a single person and think "hot" or "10 out of 10" or "I'd like to hit that". Sex with someone rarely crosses my mind and when it does it's usually more along the lines of "could i force myself to with.... ew no".

In that respect, I can and do identify as asexual.

However, with someone I'm in love with, it's completely different, and I might as well be a "full fledged" sexual, but only with that one person. Full fledged meaning actually desiring sex, both for the physical and emotional aspect, being attracted to that special someone, and feeling sexual arousal in terms of wanting to do something on multiple levels instead of simply the biological reflex or "ugh not again".

Hey there, my good chum.

I am basically the exact opposite of what you call a demisexual. I have sexual desires practically all the time (urges are less common). And considering I'm not a "playa" or actively looking to hook up with anyone, it's sometimes difficult going out in public places and having to pass by all kinds of attractive women!

Yet there are times when, due to the person or the sexual circumstances surrounding us, I might as well be a full-fledged asexual. Urges won't come, and desires are nonexistent and I know they'll remain that way in the present circumstances. It's a pretty intense feeling to experience your sexual outlook changing at the drop of a dime.

But if "demi" just means "half"... what would you call the exact opposite of a demisexual? (demiasexual? :lol:)

Humm... I'm thinking the opposite of a demi would be someone who has sexual feelings for everyone BUT those they are in love with... which would be odd but for a population of 6 billion I don't doubt there are at least a handful.... and I'd refer to them as Antidemi's. And also really bad ideas for long-term relationships for most people. There was actually a post on this thread from someone who might have been an Antidemi.

However, from what you said I think you're describing losing attraction to someone thanks to personality or circumstance, which sounds pretty normal even for a "normal" sexual. If you really wanted to be picky with the title of your orientation you could say "situational heterosexual", but the term Demi/Antidemi was made to describe orientations that dealt mostly or exclusively with people who are romantically bonded to said person vs those who are not.

[GoblinQueen]

I've never been in love before,but I've always said that if I was in a deep loving relationship, I would consider sex. I can't see myself having sex willingy any other way. Demisexual describes me.............

[OwlSaint]

I've never been in love before,but I've always said that if I was in a deep loving relationship, I would consider sex. I can't see myself having sex willingy any other way. Demisexual describes me.............

The question for whether or not you're a demi is... would you start wanting to once you fell in love? Would you start being sexually attracted to your mate? Otherwise, an "regular" asexual that might like sex or at least be comfortable with it in the right context :)

[OwlSaint]

We have a facebook group now!!

[Jeanette]

A demisexual is, in my book at least, someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people in general. I've yet to see a single person and think "hot" or "10 out of 10" or "I'd like to hit that". Sex with someone rarely crosses my mind and when it does it's usually more along the lines of "could i force myself to with.... ew no".

In that respect, I can and do identify as asexual.

However, with someone I'm in love with, it's completely different, and I might as well be a "full fledged" sexual, but only with that one person. Full fledged meaning actually desiring sex, both for the physical and emotional aspect, being attracted to that special someone, and feeling sexual arousal in terms of wanting to do something on multiple levels instead of simply the biological reflex or "ugh not again".

You know, I joined this forum about 4 days ago in an effort to understand myself better. I've flicked through so many labels in the past year and have spent months in anguish at not understanding myself.

But now I've got it. I definitely definitely identify as demisexual. ARGH you have no idea what a relief reading this post has been! I'm joining the FB group too. :D

I especially identify with (allow me to quote you): 'with someone I'm in love with, it's completely different, and I might as well be a "full fledged" sexual'

See, that's the reason I identified as straight when I was with a guy I was in love with, bi when I still had the guy but started falling in love with a girl, and lesbian when I was completely in love with her and her only.

I wonder though...does this work with being polyamorous as well...??

[OwlSaint]

You know, I joined this forum about 4 days ago in an effort to understand myself better. I've flicked through so many labels in the past year and have spent months in anguish at not understanding myself.

But now I've got it. I definitely definitely identify as demisexual. ARGH you have no idea what a relief reading this post has been! I'm joining the FB group too. :D

I especially identify with (allow me to quote you): 'with someone I'm in love with, it's completely different, and I might as well be a "full fledged" sexual'

See, that's the reason I identified as straight when I was with a guy I was in love with, bi when I still had the guy but started falling in love with a girl, and lesbian when I was completely in love with her and her only.

Congratulations!! I'm ecstatic for you! A lot of us know or remember what it's like to not know exactly what to not understand that part of themselves and the lucky ones among us know the rush of joy and relief to finally realize what it's been the whole time :)

Congratulations and to you on your lucky day and welcome to the facebook group! :D

I wonder though...does this work with being polyamorous as well...??

I don't see why not! :)

[Eras]

Awsome I'm a demi-asexual!

[Seien Hananosei]

Hm... I still think that if I were to be in a relationship then I might be able to compromise some sexual stuff... But I won't know for sure until I find someone I'm close to. I think I'll keep identifying as Asexual for now, but I might add grey-a in the future. Consider this a rain check. XD

[OwlSaint]

Hm... I still think that if I were to be in a relationship then I might be able to compromise some sexual stuff... But I won't know for sure until I find someone I'm close to. I think I'll keep identifying as Asexual for now, but I might add grey-a in the future. Consider this a rain check. XD

Hmmm, probably not a demi... a demi wouldn't see it as compromise at all

Still need more peeps for the facebook group! *shameless advertising here*

[elessars_patriot]

ooh 'demi' thats a new one to explain to my mum....... it kinda remind me of when people say 'you just havent found the right man/woman'

[AVENCakes]

Hm... I still think that if I were to be in a relationship then I might be able to compromise some sexual stuff... But I won't know for sure until I find someone I'm close to. I think I'll keep identifying as Asexual for now, but I might add grey-a in the future. Consider this a rain check. XD

Hmmm, probably not a demi... a demi wouldn't see it as compromise at all

Well, it's hard to tell until you experience it. I mean, you can speculate all you want- and then when it comes down to it, realize that's not how things are.

[OwlSaint]

ooh 'demi' thats a new one to explain to my mum....... it kinda remind me of when people say 'you just havent found the right man/woman'

Yes, we're probably the reason all the "complete" aces get bombarded with this... sorry about that

Hm... I still think that if I were to be in a relationship then I might be able to compromise some sexual stuff... But I won't know for sure until I find someone I'm close to. I think I'll keep identifying as Asexual for now, but I might add grey-a in the future. Consider this a rain check. XD

Hmmm, probably not a demi... a demi wouldn't see it as compromise at all

Well, it's hard to tell until you experience it. I mean, you can speculate all you want- and then when it comes down to it, realize that's not how things are.

That's true for a lot regarding orientation and the like. It's complicated.

[AVENCakes]

ooh 'demi' thats a new one to explain to my mum....... it kinda remind me of when people say 'you just havent found the right man/woman'

Yes, we're probably the reason all the "complete" aces get bombarded with this... sorry about that

Eh, Sexuals would do it anyways. You're just their "proof" (of their own ignorance of hte nature of asexuality vs demisexuality).

[elessars_patriot]

ooh 'demi' thats a new one to explain to my mum....... it kinda remind me of when people say 'you just havent found the right man/woman'

Yes, we're probably the reason all the "complete" aces get bombarded with this... sorry about that

Eh, Sexuals would do it anyways. You're just their "proof" (of their own ignorance of the nature of asexuality vs demisexuality).

was that at me RDraconis coz i dont get what you mean?

[OwlSaint]

ooh 'demi' thats a new one to explain to my mum....... it kinda remind me of when people say 'you just havent found the right man/woman'

Yes, we're probably the reason all the "complete" aces get bombarded with this... sorry about that

Eh, Sexuals would do it anyways. You're just their "proof" (of their own ignorance of the nature of asexuality vs demisexuality).

was that at me RDraconis coz i dont get what you mean?

I think what he means is that discreditors of asexuality use demisexuals as an example because said individuals "were asexual until they found someone", hence they assume that every other person that identifies as asexual will as well.

Quote pyramid!

[AVENCakes]

Yes, we're probably the reason all the "complete" aces get bombarded with this... sorry about that

Eh, Sexuals would do it anyways. You're just their "proof" (of their own ignorance of the nature of asexuality vs demisexuality).

was that at me RDraconis coz i dont get what you mean?

No, no, it was at sexuals, like OwlSaint said. I find "You haven't met the right person" to be a nicer way of saying "there's no such thing as asexuality". People will say it no matter what, but demisexuals give them people that they can drag over and say "see? see? They said they were asexual and met the right person and now they're sexual!".

[kt8]

A demisexual is, in my book at least, someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people in general. I've yet to see a single person and think "hot" or "10 out of 10" or "I'd like to hit that". Sex with someone rarely crosses my mind and when it does it's usually more along the lines of "could i force myself to with.... ew no".

In that respect, I can and do identify as asexual.

However, with someone I'm in love with, it's completely different, and I might as well be a "full fledged" sexual, but only with that one person. Full fledged meaning actually desiring sex, both for the physical and emotional aspect, being attracted to that special someone, and feeling sexual arousal in terms of wanting to do something on multiple levels instead of simply the biological reflex or "ugh not again".

That to me is the definition of a demisexual. The person who invented the word may have a different definition, but that's what it means to me.

Anyways, I've been wondering if there's anyone else on aven like that.

Demi pride!!! ^_^

PS: this is also the most I've "explained" about myself in detail to complete strangers. be nice please *hides*

I still don't get the whole "hot" thing... I've just never really seen anyone that I really felt was "hot" or "sexy" or whatever. But if I had to say I was attracted to someone, it would be someone I liked for who they were...

So yes, that fits me perfectly! :P

-Katie

[Shinnok]

At times I wish I wasn't Demi because I already know the other person would betray me anyway if I ever felt that kind of attraction to them and actually acted out on it. Sucks..oh well..maybe I can supress it somehow.

[OwlSaint]

At times I wish I wasn't Demi because I already know the other person would betray me anyway if I ever felt that kind of attraction to them and actually acted out on it. Sucks..oh well..maybe I can supress it somehow.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. I'd like to think that you could find someone who wouldn't betray you.

I happen to like being a demi, as it coincides with my personal beliefs on sex: that it's a good thing, but that it should wait until the context of a loving, committed relationship.

[Guest Pelagic]

...

[OwlSaint]

So demisexual is kind of like pansexuality..?

It's confusing me even more! Ah!

But I may be a grey-demi-A! Bahah! Great discussion over dinner!

Well, not really.

A demi is exclusively attracted to someone they are in love with and connected with emotionally; if they're single, they're "asexual". A demi could only be a pan if he/she was in love with everyone.

Anyways the whole romantic orientation still kicks in, so that would probably disqualify one from being pan as well.

[AVENCakes]

So demisexual is kind of like pansexuality..?

It's confusing me even more! Ah!

But I may be a grey-demi-A! Bahah! Great discussion over dinner!

Well, not really.

A demi is exclusively attracted to someone they are in love with and connected with emotionally; if they're single, they're "asexual". A demi could only be a pan if he/she was in love with everyone.

Anyways the whole romantic orientation still kicks in, so that would probably disqualify one from being pan as well.

pan means "attracted to all sexes". It doesn't mean attracted to everyone any more than het means attracted with ALL of the opposite sex or gay means all of the same sex.

So if they're panromantic, well, yes, they're pan. Otherwise, they're whatever romanticness they are.

[OwlSaint]

So demisexual is kind of like pansexuality..?

It's confusing me even more! Ah!

But I may be a grey-demi-A! Bahah! Great discussion over dinner!

Well, not really.

A demi is exclusively attracted to someone they are in love with and connected with emotionally; if they're single, they're "asexual". A demi could only be a pan if he/she was in love with everyone.

Anyways the whole romantic orientation still kicks in, so that would probably disqualify one from being pan as well.

pan means "attracted to all sexes". It doesn't mean attracted to everyone any more than het means attracted with ALL of the opposite sex or gay means all of the same sex.

So if they're panromantic, well, yes, they're pan. Otherwise, they're whatever romanticness they are.

I was joking a bit there, but RDraconis has it right. A demi's sexual orientation could be referred to as whatever his/her romantic attraction is or whoever he/she is in love with at the time.

My perspective says that Demi is an orientation in and of itself, with romantic orientation being something different. It just makes more sense to me that way.

[Shinnok]

Yeah Demisexual is kind of like Asexuality in a sense of you can be any romantic orientation with it but your "sexual orientation" is still the same regardless of "romantic orientation"

I know this post wasn't of any help it was just my thoughts O_o

[OwlSaint]

Yeah Demisexual is kind of like Asexuality in a sense of you can be any romantic orientation with it but your "sexual orientation" is still the same regardless of "romantic orientation"

I consider it to be its own orientation, except this one is determined by one's current emotional connects, which are determined by romantic orientation. I think that in theory, any person's romantic orientation could be anything regardless of their sexual orientation and vice versa, though if I'm correct, they're usually identical in sexuals.

[One Winged Angel]

I think I definately fit this group. Way to go OwlSaint!

[OwlSaint]

I think I definately fit this group. Way to go OwlSaint!

Our number are growing! Soon we shall have enough to found DAVEN!

[Riven]

So.... are there any other people out there who identify as demi? On the forums maybe? Anyone?..... *hopeful*

I've recently discovered that I just might fit into this category too.

[Guest]

I more or less fit into this cat. too....

[kaeda]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is me as well :) and actually my best friend too. We joked for years about being mutually asexual. It's been difficult because as I began exploring my lack of interest in sex, she found a boyfriend she truly loves and is interested in it for the first time in her life. (we're both 21-22ish)

Makes me wonder if there are more demisexuals out there than we think, and just don't realize it because they're in happy sexual relationships or have been in the past.

Thank you for this post!