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Jon Snow

Feeling sexual attraction, does it mean living in a world of temptation?

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Jon Snow

I 'm just wondering...

I know, there is a lot of topic about sexual attraction, but I didn't find the answers.

Is sexual attraction really noticeable?

Is it a temptation? A frustration? A nice feelling that makes you feel more alive?

How often Do you feel it? Daily / weekly / monthly / yearly?

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Janus DarkFox

I'm wondering this myself, I feel some kind of weak attraction which is noticeable but not quite tempting or frustrating that does happen on an almost daily occurrence.  

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sheridan

Being asexual, I'm not qualified to answer this.

From hanging around my sexual friends, it must be noticeable. I remember they started talking about sex after a viagra commercial and one of them kept saying how he couldn't imagine not wanting to have sex. None of my friends know I'm an asexual, that was a pretty awkward moment for me >.<

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gnik

I 'm just wondering...

I know, there is a lot of topic about sexual attraction, but I didn't find the answers.

Is sexual attraction really noticeable?

Is it a temptation? A frustration? A nice feelling that makes you feel more alive?

How often Do you feel it? Daily / weekly / monthly / yearly?

Just like seeing in color verses not seeing in color, what you are used to feels normal. as a homosexual, I feel sexual attraction on and off throughout the day. But it's not distracting, it's easy to put on the back burner so to speak. I really have to choose to want sex for it to effect me. It's very noticeable, but at the same time it's nothing out of control. if it is, the person is probably hypersexual.

When having sex with someone you feel sexually attracted to is a feeling that makes you feel loved and more alive, but if it's with someone that you don't like romantically, it can be a rotten experience even for a non asexual person.

Honestly, I don't normally notice when I am feeling sexual attraction. But that's also because it's not like a switch, you can be at different levels.

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Goonie

For me it comes and goes so to say. Mostly it depends on what else is going on at that point if it's low enough.

It's very tempting and frustrating at times when it's there and I don't act on it.

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Olivier

I like to compare it to your sense of smell. Something that's always there, but usually unnoticed or backgrounded. But occasionally something that motivates you to action, or makes you frustrated if there's something delicious that you can't have. Like smell, though, even if you can't have the delectable thing, that's still a pleasant sensation, despite the frustration (up to a point, anyway ;))

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Jillianimal

I like to compare it to your sense of smell. Something that's always there, but usually unnoticed or backgrounded. But occasionally something that motivates you to action, or makes you frustrated if there's something delicious that you can't have. Like smell, though, even if you can't have the delectable thing, that's still a pleasant sensation, despite the frustration (up to a point, anyway ;))

Wait, so you basically want sex with someone all the time? :blink:

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Olivier

Nope. As I said, "usually unnoticed or backgrounded". You can always smell something, but its only occasional that you smell something and it comes to the foreground and you think "Yum" and even more occasional that that "Yum" is strong enough to think "Gotta have me some of that".

In the sense that you're aware of the level of sexual attractiveness of everyone around you, yes it's there all the time, but most people register so low on that scale that it totally unconscious, and even when it's pleasant, it's often no more of a distraction than being in a pleasant-looking room would be.

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sexualwithasexual

I like to compare it to your sense of smell. Something that's always there, but usually unnoticed or backgrounded. But occasionally something that motivates you to action, or makes you frustrated if there's something delicious that you can't have. Like smell, though, even if you can't have the delectable thing, that's still a pleasant sensation, despite the frustration (up to a point, anyway ;))

Excellent! Perfect way to describe it.

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samepage1

I like to compare it to your sense of smell. Something that's always there, but usually unnoticed or backgrounded. But occasionally something that motivates you to action, or makes you frustrated if there's something delicious that you can't have. Like smell, though, even if you can't have the delectable thing, that's still a pleasant sensation, despite the frustration (up to a point, anyway ;))

Excellent! Perfect way to describe it.

This makes so much sense! I understand this! :)

Obviously one sexual person agrees; I wonder if most would. I'm gray-a, and this is definitely not my experience.

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accurate stereotype

No. At least not for me. Sexual attraction does not automatically equal the desire to have sex with someone. Usually it's like "oh, he/she is kinda sexy, whatever" not "I WANT TO RAPE YOU!"

For example, let's say you pass by a perfume shop in the mall and you can smell some good and bad scents. Even if you find a scent that is really nice, doesn't mean you even want go into the store to buy it.

And most of the time, I don't even notice anybody enough to think they're sexually attractive or not.

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Gingerme

I like to compare it to your sense of smell. Something that's always there, but usually unnoticed or backgrounded. But occasionally something that motivates you to action, or makes you frustrated if there's something delicious that you can't have. Like smell, though, even if you can't have the delectable thing, that's still a pleasant sensation, despite the frustration (up to a point, anyway ;))

Excellent! Perfect way to describe it.

That seems like a really good description. I'm certainly aware of it much of the time, that's not to say I want to have sex with everyone I see who I think is attractive, but I'm definitely aware that they are. Its not something that I've ever thought of before but the smell analogy seems spot on.

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Jillianimal

Is it possible that some of the cases here are reffering to aesthetic attraction? Like just recognizing & appreciating that someone is good looking but no desires to go with it?

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Olivier

Is it possible that some of the cases here are reffering to aesthetic attraction? Like just recognizing & appreciating that someone is good looking but no desires to go with it?

Sort of, but not really. It's definitely sexual - I also experience aesthetic attraction, and it's not the same. But I've always experienced desire to act quite separately from attraction - the idea that attraction is always accompanied by a desire to act on it seems a bit weird and automaton-like to me.

Back to the smell analogy, sexual desire is like when you smell something delicious, and you have a desire to stop what you're doing and go get some of what you're smelling to eat/drink. For me, that happens with smell even more often than with sex (I'm looking at you, freshly brewed coffee :P).

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Gingerme

I can sort of agree but with me there is usually a sexual element to any attraction. Just the way its always been, since I was a teenager. As I said, that doesn't mean that I want to have sex with them, or that I'm even interested enough to act on the attraction. But for me attraction is usually in a sexual context. If I find someone attractive, it is usually because their physical appearance is in line with what I find sexually attractive.

I hope that doesn't sound bad, in reality its barely noticeable and I'm not thinking sex related thoughts when I see someone I think is attractive.

To answer your original questions (this is just my experience):

Is sexual attraction really noticeable? If you let it be, in some environments (less social environments or places where i am paying attention to something) attraction doesn't even pop into my head. If I were at a party or on a night out then feeling attracted to someone is more common, but even then its usually just a brief, passing thought.

Is it a temptation? - Sometimes, usually in a positive way, if i'm attracted to someone and I'm single I might approach them, see if the is mutual attraction. Its a positive temptation. I cant think of any negative temptations I've had, and I'm sure that, as with the positive temptations, they would be easy to ignore if I choose to ignore them

A frustration? - Again this can sometimes be the case, for example if you were attracted to someone who didn't see you in the same way. If you mean more immediately, as in at the point of thinking someone is sexually attractive, then generally not, if you don't think about it, which I find very easy, then it quickly goes away (sometimes that takes less than a second).

A nice feeling that makes you feel more alive? - I have experienced this, when I'm starting a new relationship particularly. I don't think I get an alive feeling immediately, for me that's more common once mutual attraction has been established.

How often Do you feel it? - I would say i usually feel it multiple times in a day, but to varying degrees. Im in university, so when I'm out i may feel sexual attraction towards a few different people, but usually the actual thoughts and feeling last for less than a second, its like a quick flash and then you carry on with whatever it is your doing. If your more attracted to someone, especially if there is a mutual attraction, these flashes may be stronger and last longer.

its not something i have ever put into words before, so that might cause more questions than answers, but that's the best i can come up with at the moment, and it may be completely different for another person, everyone's different.

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skullery

Just like seeing in color verses not seeing in color, what you are used to feels normal. as a homosexual, I feel sexual attraction on and off throughout the day. But it's not distracting, it's easy to put on the back burner so to speak. I really have to choose to want sex for it to effect me. It's very noticeable, but at the same time it's nothing out of control. if it is, the person is probably hypersexual.

When having sex with someone you feel sexually attracted to is a feeling that makes you feel loved and more alive, but if it's with someone that you don't like romantically, it can be a rotten experience even for a non asexual person.

Honestly, I don't normally notice when I am feeling sexual attraction. But that's also because it's not like a switch, you can be at different levels.

All this ^^

Is it possible that some of the cases here are reffering to aesthetic attraction? Like just recognizing & appreciating that someone is good looking but no desires to go with it?

See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of the time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

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Lady Girl

See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of the time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

I'm pretty sure I agree with this...there's always been something I couldn't figure out here. This might be it. It seems that there's some crucial element that wasn't taken into account in regards to sexuality and asexuality and what they mean in a relationship. :huh:

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Jillianimal

See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of the time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

Then...wait, what makes sexual attraction sexual? Or anything at all? And what separates it from other types of attractions?

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Narval

This thread is so interesting. I keep trying to imagine what it would be like. I mean, if it's not too noticeable, would it be possible to go through life without ever noticing it? Or without ever knowing full well what you were feeling? Is it easily confused with aesthetic attraction? Is it usually paired with romantic attraction? Or is the pair of those two what makes you want to get into a relationship in the first place?

Sorry for all the questions, this is just quite interesting to hear it described.

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Lady Girl

And besides the attraction/part that just happens to you, there's also the contribution you give of yourself to the endeavor.

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Jillianimal

See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of the time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

Then...wait, what makes sexual attraction sexual? Or anything at all? And what separates it from other types of attractions?

It's...really hard to explain. And I hope I do it right...but all I can speak for is myself...

It's kind of like a desire, but not really. Desire implies that you would actually go through with having sex with the person, given the chance. Or that you want (or, hell, crave) sex with the person. Or that you masturbate thinking about them. Or that seeing them or thinking about them or interacting with them is arousing. But that's not always the case.

For me, it's...a part of me is interested, in a way that is distinctly not platonic, not aesthetic, not physical, and not romantic. It is this urge to be with the person. To get as close to them as possible, to fuse, to join. It feels instinctual, it feels like a physical closeness is necessary, and the urge sort of feels centered in the downstairs region. But it's not arousal, just a...soaring sort of feeling.

It's not a desire to actually do anything. It's not even a desire to do anything specifically sexual, necessarily. It's not really a physical feeling. It's just this...drive. It's obvious that it's sexual because the feeling itself triggers other things - the sexual desire, arousal, fantasies, etc. But those traits aren't needed every time you're sexually attracted.

To sort of contrast, romantic stuff feels sort of centered in your chest, right? If you're heartbroken, it's almost literal. If you're romantically happy, it feels like you're flying, and the feelings soar out of your chest. That's my experience anyway. A desire for hugs - a desire to bring your chest to the other person, to embrace their heart next to yours.

Wow I'm sounding cheesy.

Anyway yeah, it's damn near impossible to explain. But for those of you who feel romantic attraction, for example - what is it, at the core? Is it a desire to do romantic things? Not really, right? Is it a craving for a relationship? No. Sort of play with that feeling. I think sexual attraction, at its core, is similar, but different, in the way I've described. It's sexual in the way the "energy" is centered.

*shrug*

huh...well I'm not sure how much that helped me to really get it, but that was interesting. Kind of leaves the issue of trying to explain what the different attractions feel like in that pamphlet I wanted to make though. At first I went with a desire to have sex with someone, then figured I should say it's basically being sexually aroused by someone which may trigger sexual desire for them. Guess I can't really make it any more accurate than that as an ace. Is it the kind of thing that may vary from person to person in a way romantic attraction might? I know it can fluctuate in intensity but is it possible that some people feel it somewhat differently?

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Olivier

See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of the time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

Then...wait, what makes sexual attraction sexual? Or anything at all? And what separates it from other types of attractions?

At the risk of icon_deadhorse.gif...

That to me is like asking "well if you smell coffee but don't want to go get one right now, how can you still think it smells good?". Thinking coffee smells good = attraction. Wanting to go get a coffee = desire. Sometimes the two go together, and thinking coffee smells/tastes good and periodically wanting coffee are certainly related. But you can think coffee smells good without wanting to drink the coffee you smell, and you can want a coffee without smelling some first.

Sure, sometimes you smell fresh coffee and you decide you'll have one right now, thanks, but there's no rule that says that's the way it always has to go down.

As far as differentiating sexual and aesthetic attraction, put crudely, it's the difference between "Oooooh, pretty!" and "I'd hit that." It's unmistakeably sexual in nature to me, and it was unmistakeably sexual to me for years before I had any sexual experience. I hate to put forward "you just know" as an explanation, so I've mulled it over, and really the best I can do is that it's a form of attraction that's tied in with sexual arousal and sexual fantasy, so even when you feel it on its own, you know it's sexual. The closest I can get is that it feels like sexual fantasy feels, even if there's no specific fantasising/mental-scenario-building going on.

Edit: I walked away from my computer for hours midway through that post, and in the meantime Augenblick said pretty much what I'd typed, but hey, now you have it from two people ;)

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skullery

At the risk of icon_deadhorse.gif...

That to me is like asking "well if you smell coffee but don't want to go get one right now, how can you still think it smells good?". Thinking coffee smells good = attraction. Wanting to go get a coffee = desire. Sometimes the two go together, and thinking coffee smells/tastes good and periodically wanting coffee are certainly related. But you can think coffee smells good without wanting to drink the coffee you smell, and you can want a coffee without smelling some first.

Sure, sometimes you smell fresh coffee and you decide you'll have one right now, thanks, but there's no rule that says that's the way it always has to go down.

As far as differentiating sexual and aesthetic attraction, put crudely, it's the difference between "Oooooh, pretty!" and "I'd hit that." It's unmistakeably sexual in nature to me, and it was unmistakeably sexual to me for years before I had any sexual experience. I hate to put forward "you just know" as an explanation, so I've mulled it over, and really the best I can do is that it's a form of attraction that's tied in with sexual arousal and sexual fantasy, so even when you feel it on its own, you know it's sexual. The closest I can get is that it feels like sexual fantasy feels, even if there's no specific fantasising/mental-scenario-building going on.

Edit: I walked away from my computer for hours midway through that post, and in the meantime Augenblick said pretty much what I'd typed, but hey, now you have it from two people ;)

I like the coffee analogy!!

I would go so far as to say that aesthetic attraction doesn't exist... I think it was Bad Karma who said that he'd prefer it be called aesthetic appreciation... attraction is attraction is attraction, for the most part. Exactly where that line is, I'm not sure anyone knows.

EDIT: Love the coffee analogy. I have upgraded my appreciation to LOVE.

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5_♦♣

See, this is one of the biggest misconceptions I see on AVEN... sexual attraction has no element of desire in it. Most of the time people have no desire attached to the attraction they feel. Desire is rare, attraction is common.

Then...wait, what makes sexual attraction sexual? Or anything at all? And what separates it from other types of attractions?

As explained on a tumblr post I came across on my dash earlier today: Sexual attraction: 'Damn, that guy/girl is hot. I want to bang him/her.

Aesthetic attraction is like: 'That guy/girl is gorgeous. I want to take a photo of him/her and hang it up on my wall'. I can't remember the exact words, as I'd really have to scroll down on my dash to find it, but that's basically the difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction.

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Jon Snow

Thank you all for your answers!

They were very interesting.

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