How do you define "love?"

[PsychedX]

I know that this question might sound weird coming from a sexual like me, especially because I want to direct this question to both asexuals and sexuals. Anyone is welcome to answer.

Basically, how do you define the concept of love? How much is sex a characteristic of love? Is it that a lot of people cannot separate romantic feelings and sex? Do "love" and "romance" mean anything different to you?

A reason why I ask this, besides my own personal benefit, is to help try to get a general "scale" of the proportions of love, romance, and sex. If possible, it would be appreciated if you could link with a more thorough explanation of labels if you want to use them.

Condensed version:

How do you define love and its elements?

Please take a slice of on your way out, thanks. :)

[trisarahtops]

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.

They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents

and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling..

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

If only I understood love like they dooo... Sorry I'm not much help, I just immediately thought of this.

[sips]

love is more general I think

I love my cats and I love my friends

romance include romantic feelings like needs to be with a lot and wants to hold hands and show feelings much more than wit....this is really complicated

I don't even know if I have been in love romantic love I mean because I've always thought being faithful and loving and always doing my best to please and honest and ....all that stuff, was enough. I also always was so thankful for anyone interested in me and wanted more than sex, I just felt I had to be with them (haven't been many just the two I've been in relationship with)

but that's not romance from my side or is it? Can romance develop from being thankful and faithful and then respect and love?

[Shinnok]

triSARAHtops post almost got me teary eyed. Those sayings by those kids are too innocent and sweet

To the OP. It depends on what you mean by "love". Love as in the kind that usually involves romance? Or love as in neighborly love?

I am sexual. My brain feels like it's hard-wired to whenever I feel romantic feelings, I also feel sexual feelings. It's hard for me to try and split the two apart. But I feel the strongest sexual feelings when it involves romantic feelings with it. Without the romantic feelings, it feels like something is lacking

When it comes to neighborly love, I haven't really had a chance to experience that thoroughly..so I don't have much input on that

[Cakey]

Love is another four letter word !!

[Henny]

Love is another four letter word !!

Er... yes. "Hamburger" is a nine-letter word. Words usually mean something, though, and I doubt "love" is an exception.

[AGLET]

Hmm... I can't define love very well. The best way that I can define love in general is that it's just all things good. (Aha... that does sound kind of silly, though, doesn't it?) Romantic love is even harder for me to define, but I do think that it really is separate from sexual attraction, and that a lot of people either confuse them or experience both at the same time. I'm sorry, I'm not very good at defining things.

[NigelFt]

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.

They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents

and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling..

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

If only I understood love like they dooo... Sorry I'm not much help, I just immediately thought of this.

This times infinity ....

As the old saying goes, out of the mouths of babes comes the voice of angels ...

I can't say to much about love ... I am still getting used to the fact that I am in love with someone, and more to the point, they love me too ...

But for me love is all about the small things about that special someone ...which is why they are special ...

Like

says ...

[Pandoren]

Hmm... Love is... smiling just because you can see them or when you think about them... love is missing them before they've even walked out the door... love is doing things for someone not for yourself but to make them happy... I've never been romantically in love, but that's the idea I get.

I'm asexual and don't connect sex with love personally. It's hard to describe in words the difference between general love for a particular and romantic love for a particular person although I can feel the difference myself. I've had short term crushes and I guess the romantic feeling inspired me to think about what it would be like to live with that person, to cook dinner for her ready for when she got home from work, to make her happy, to merge her own plans and dreams with mine. I've also had a very close friend that I had an obsession with but that wasn't romantic- I just imagined him being around and maybe coming over for a drink and a chat on a regular basis.

[Cakey]

Love is another four letter word !!

Er... yes. "Hamburger" is a nine-letter word. Words usually mean something, though, and I doubt "love" is an exception.

And there is an implication of its meaning to me in my sentence :)

[ilovebunnies]

I was jsut thinking about this the other day because I dont feel I have ever loved a person, just my animals. So love to me is when you cannot live without them. In a way, they define you. You want to be a better because they inspire you. Love always involves compromise and doesnt just appear. That is, it takes work and dedication. Love is when you would do anything for the thing you love. Love is the things you feel most protective over. I dunno, theres so much more.

[ilovebunnies]

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.

They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents

and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling..

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

If only I understood love like they dooo... Sorry I'm not much help, I just immediately thought of this.

Thats cute and funny

[ilovebunnies]

<=== theres my bunny named Love

[Henny]

Love is another four letter word !!

Er... yes. "Hamburger" is a nine-letter word. Words usually mean something, though, and I doubt "love" is an exception.

And there is an implication of its meaning to me in my sentence :)

I suppose you've never heard of the Use-Mention Distinction, then.

[Cakey]

It is not exactly on my list of priorities and I would probably be less interested in finding out than falling in love !

In fact:

"All things are subject to interpretation; whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth"

[Observer]

I've been toying with the idea of love heavily relating to understanding or attempting to understand, along with empathy and compassion. That's not my definitive definition mind you...just an idea. I don't connect love or romance with sex. If I could find my soulmate...I heavily doubt I'd need sex as I'd just be happy enough to be involved with this being's existence. Sex just ISN'T the deal-breaker for me...not by a long shot.

[Tabula Rasa]

My working definition of love is "freeing others to be".

And triSARAHtops, that is lovely.

[PsychedX]

These are all very interesting interpretations - keep on giving yours!

triSARAHtops, though, I think pretty much summed up the idealized purity of love.

However, in our world, we can't seem to separate the idealized from the fleshy connotations of it, most of the time... I mean, the fact that there is an accepted notion that love and sex have to be intertwined is evidence of this.

Unfortunately this is how the world works.

When I came to that realization, I wanted to get the views from someone whose senses aren't overly flooded with hormones. And I just realized that I wasn't specific enough with the kind of love I was trying to ask about, as Matt Engarde pointed out.

However, I don't think that that matters at this point.

What does is that sometimes love can be tarnished. I've personally seen this happen... (Long story short: Sister gets married to this useless sloth, despite clear signs of real love's absence, and she's still under some sort of spell, and it's affecting their children.) But I could go on and on about that if given the liberty to discuss it.

When I reread these definitions, I see that love is diverse. Let's see how diverse it can be. Please continue to furnish with your definitions!

[sips]

Love is another four letter word !!

Er... yes. "Hamburger" is a nine-letter word. Words usually mean something, though, and I doubt "love" is an exception.

And there is an implication of its meaning to me in my sentence :)

I suppose you've never heard of the Use-Mention Distinction, then.

I think she might mean that if she's aromantic the word love just has no meaning for her except being a word?

[Henny]

Love is another four letter word !!

Er... yes. "Hamburger" is a nine-letter word. Words usually mean something, though, and I doubt "love" is an exception.

And there is an implication of its meaning to me in my sentence :)

I suppose you've never heard of the Use-Mention Distinction, then.

I think she might mean that if she's aromantic the word love just has no meaning for her except being a word?

Ah. That would make for more sense.

[Coriander]

I immediately thought fluffy hugs meant something more like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-letter_word.

As in, 'love' is vulgar and offensive.

I don't really agree, though.

[eee]

love is a perception...........when I wasn't a asexual and aromantic, love was a feeling, self knowlege, test of time and enduring the odds and still remain in faith, love was strong and selfless and often accompanied by pain....love, romance and sex use to go hand in hand, like feel, touch and connect.

Now as a slow revelation of my asexual and aromantic identity, love comes from within, it's universal and has no favorites, romance is a whim of euphoric appreciation of the air surrounding, romance can be gained when alone, sex is irrelevant, just a itch that the body needs to scratch.....done by self

[sips]

love is a perception...........when I wasn't a asexual and aromantic, love was a feeling, self knowlege, test of time and enduring the odds and still remain in faith, love was strong and selfless and often accompanied by pain....love, romance and sex use to go hand in hand, like feel, touch and connect.

Now as a slow revelation of my asexual and aromantic identity, love comes from within, it's universal and has no favorites, romance is a whim of euphoric appreciation of the air surrounding, romance can be gained when alone, sex is irrelevant, just a itch that the body needs to scratch.....done by self

I think this is really a good description.

wrapped in beautiful words.

Recognice a lot of it.

[Guest member31022]

I think at it's simplest, love is wanting someone else to be happy for no other reason than that you care about them enough that you wish that. At least, that's what it is to me - love for my friends has that same quality as romantic love.

It's difficult to explain the difference between the two for me, though there clearly is one. You know if you were asked to choose between, say, the pleasure you got from reading a really good book, and the pleasure gained from listening to good music? And it's kind of got the same quality, but there's also something distinctly different that you can't quite put your finger on? It's like that.

But yes, I think a huge part of love is the fact that you are willing to do whatever you can to make the other person happy.

[Library Cat]

I think at it's simplest, love is wanting someone else to be happy for no other reason than that you care about them enough that you wish that. At least, that's what it is to me - love for my friends has that same quality as romantic love.

It's difficult to explain the difference between the two for me, though there clearly is one. You know if you were asked to choose between, say, the pleasure you got from reading a really good book, and the pleasure gained from listening to good music? And it's kind of got the same quality, but there's also something distinctly different that you can't quite put your finger on? It's like that.

But yes, I think a huge part of love is the fact that you are willing to do whatever you can to make the other person happy.

This sums up my definition, too. I love everyone the same, but in different ways. Its hard to explain I guess...

[standup]

My first reaction to answering this is romantic love, and how when you think of a person you love, you glow inside and feel nothing but happiness. Wanting to be near them all the time, talk about them all the time, and make sure nothing bad ever happens to that person because suddenly your world pretty much revolves around them. Your whole perspective shifts. It's like seeing that person, and they're perfection personified. They can do nothing wrong, and you'll always forgive them no matter what. Love is so many things... I feel like I'm only able to hit the tip of the iceberg, but it's the best I can do at 4 am.

My secondary reaction was to think of friendship love, and that's the kind of bond you can have with a person that never goes away. I think that kind of chemistry is a lifelong thing... it's dependable love, where you accept a person's flaws for what they are (while acknowledging that they're indeed flaws, because in the first instance of romantic love, I would personally reject the notion that they could ever have flaws. Sadly. Love is blind. D:) I think romantic love and friendship-based love can be just as strong, it's just different flavors. Different varieties. Best friends, family, whatever - that's a close relationship that you form as a bond that is pretty much unbreakable. Romantic love is more fragile, but just as long-lasting in the heart. (I don't think you can ever stop caring for someone.)

And I think it's true that you can tell a lot about how a person thinks of you in the way that they say your name. You can just tell.

[sindi]

Basically, how do you define the concept of love? How much is sex a characteristic of love? Is it that a lot of people cannot separate romantic feelings and sex? Do "love" and "romance" mean anything different to you?

I think that love is a very, very deep attachment to someone and sincere caring for their best :) Love even makes you do really unselfish things for the other one, unlike a shallow liking.

I think it's very different from romance - romance can lead to love, but I think pure romance is about a crush/infatuation to start with, and the attachment might feel very strong, but it's quite shallow when it comes down to it. I mean, if you haven't developed a deep love for the person yet when the romance ends, you might get over the whole thing quite quickly, unlike if you lose someone you really love

Sex is quite different from love too - sure, love can include sexual attraction & sex, but doesn't even nearly always include that. The love for your friends and family, for instance, doesn't include sexual feelings... (even for sexuals).

You can even feel romantic love without the sexual aspect, and I think (I'm not sure if I understand it right, though ) that it's a combination of very deep friend's love and romantic infatuation.

[Lady Heartilly]

I think "love" itself can be a very broad term. Love is a feeling of happiness you get just by knowing someone is alive, well, and content with their lives and the desire to make sure that they stay that way, even if you have nothing to gain from it. I think of romantic love as a desire to be close to someone as often as possible, and just the mere thought of them makes you happy, while the sight of them makes you ecstatic. I think of sex as simply an act performed between two people, which does not necessarily have to involve love at all.

[Pamcakes]

Love, to me, is when your enjoyment becomes secondary to someone else's.

It's seeing that movie you have no interest in, it's having their family stay over for the weekend even though you'd rather have a quiet one, it's canceling a big night out with friends to stay in with them when they're sick, it's offering them the last brownie.

It's not selflessness, but compassion. It's not suffering for them, or choosing to live a unfulfilling life - that's called martyrdom, and it's not attractive - but it's about doing everything you can to make them smile, even if that means sometimes passing up your first choice of activity.

P.

[Señor Podrido]

Love: something that's hard to find, especially when it's true

Or

Love: Not based on first sight if you're asexual