Littleredrider Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I have been thinking a lot lately about my lack of sex drive and my intense fear of being touched/being close to anyone, and the reasons for why I could possibly be this way. So I was just curious... Have any of you been abused in the past, physically or sexually? It could be as simple as a parent's disciplinary spankings getting out of hand, or as terrible as a spouse hitting you... But the basic idea of being taken advantage of or being hurt is the main thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Shinnok Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I've been verbally abused by family and friends. Does that count? Link to post Share on other sites
cosmia Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I clicked "no". Link to post Share on other sites
Astryda Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I think you might be interested to see this poll (has 141 votes) Were you ever abused/molested a child, if so...?. Link to post Share on other sites
TheMuffinMan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I had quite the volatile youth, but I think that was just the nature of my family (They're an old-world matriarchal-style family, full of family intrigue and politics, it's pretty fun sometimes) and I dished out just as much physical and verbal 'abuse' (though I don't really consider it that) as I recieved, so I clicked no. Link to post Share on other sites
Littleredrider Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Ah, thank you Vei :) I looked back about 3 pages just to be sure it hadn't been done before... Guess I should have looked back a few more, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
CreakyKeegan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 No, ftw! Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow girl Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Yeah I have been physically and emotionally abused. Sexual wise I haven't been raped or anything like that but I've had sexual harassment directed at me many times. Link to post Share on other sites
ProdeFemme Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Yes I was. No I do not believe it contributed in any way to my asexyness. I had quite the volatile youth, but I think that was just the nature of my family (They're an old-world matriarchal-style family, full of family intrigue and politics, it's pretty fun sometimes) and I dished out just as much physical and verbal 'abuse' (though I don't really consider it that) as I recieved, so I clicked no. I come from a matriarchal family too. And I am the eldest female in my generation; I suppose that's why I come off as such an dominant bitch sometimes; my family groomed me for the role so it's their fault...:lol: Link to post Share on other sites
niku-bot Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 sexual abuse victim. I don't want to go into detail. Link to post Share on other sites
mechboots Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Nothing puts you off sex faster than being mandated to satisfy the husband minimum twice/ three times a day. Pain all of the time, just wasn't built for it. And I knew early on that my attraction to him was a lie, horrible, for me and him. Six years. So... divorce over something completely different. Before that, self-abuse from my late teen's on. Sure that I just wasn't doing it right, sure that there was something wrong with me. Horrible, then the above marriage happened. So much time wasted in being unhappy. Finally, I figured it out. At last. Link to post Share on other sites
happylife Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Nothing puts you off sex faster than being mandated to satisfy the husband minimum twice/ three times a day. Pain all of the time, just wasn't built for it. And I knew early on that my attraction to him was a lie, horrible, for me and him. Six years. So... divorce over something completely different. Before that, self-abuse from my late teen's on. Sure that I just wasn't doing it right, sure that there was something wrong with me. Horrible, then the above marriage happened. So much time wasted in being unhappy. Finally, I figured it out. At last. mandated to satisfy the husband minimum twice/ three times a day. Pain all of the time.. my goodness.. can't believe this.. how could you.. "Finally, I figured it out. At last." good for you! here's some.. with a bite of this cake, hope you scare the unhappiness away for good! maybe one of the good preventive measures would be to check if there's anything in you that pushed you down into the pit and might be waiting for the next chance to victimize you. a bad thing doesn't really have to happen twice. Link to post Share on other sites
NigelFt Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I am an incest survivor. Have written about it elsewhere on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
mechboots Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Nothing puts you off sex faster than being mandated to satisfy the husband minimum twice/ three times a day. Pain all of the time, just wasn't built for it. And I knew early on that my attraction to him was a lie, horrible, for me and him. Six years. So... divorce over something completely different. Before that, self-abuse from my late teen's on. Sure that I just wasn't doing it right, sure that there was something wrong with me. Horrible, then the above marriage happened. So much time wasted in being unhappy. Finally, I figured it out. At last. mandated to satisfy the husband minimum twice/ three times a day. Pain all of the time.. my goodness.. can't believe this.. how could you.. "Finally, I figured it out. At last." good for you! here's some.. with a bite of this cake, hope you scare the unhappiness away for good! maybe one of the good preventive measures would be to check if there's anything in you that pushed you down into the pit and might be waiting for the next chance to victimize you. a bad thing doesn't really have to happen twice. Thanks! Cake is just the thing! I've done quite a bit of soul-searching, not sure if that's a thing you are ever done with. Glad to be here, this site is a blessing. Link to post Share on other sites
iamnotforever Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 What about verbal abuse or emotional abuse? Link to post Share on other sites
Liberty Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I voted "not sure". I almost voted "no" which might have been a better answer, actually, since I was blessed with wonderful parents who were always good and loving with me, and I never suffered from the trauma of rape or incest or anything devastating like that. BUT I suffered a lot of emotional and verbal abuse from classmates in school, for years, which damaged my self-esteem to a degree I still haven't been able to overcome--and I know that had a profound impact on my feelings of being unattractive, undesirable, and fearful of intimacy. One boyfriend (briefly fiance) was also emotionally and verbally abusive, which didn't help!! I guess you could say that I was molested as a child. Nothing major--just an elderly (male) neighbor when I was 8 or 9 years old who had as many hands as an octopus (lol) and kept putting them in places I knew they didn't belong! But I don't feel that caused me any deep-seated emotional trauma, and thankfully it never went beyond fondling, so no real physical abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
alienentity Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Yes, but I don't see it as relevant to my asexuality. I don't really want to go down the path of suggesting that asexuality is a 'symptom' of 'trauma'. I see it as a valid orientation and not something that was 'caused' or is a sign of 'damage'. Link to post Share on other sites
Puiseag Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I've never experienced sexual or physical abuse, but I have been emotionaly and mental abused, but I don't think that it had much, if any, effect on my asexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 The problem with these kinds of polls is that we'd need a poll of sexual abuse in other orientations to compare it to. You can say x number of asexuals were abused = could sexual abuse be a reason for asexuality? when a similar number to x might show up in the other polls... I have to admit though that it seems a lot of people on this site have suffered some form of abuse... I'm hoping that's because AVEN is a nice open forum where we seem to be more comfortable with talking about that kind of stuff and it's more relevant to the topic over all (ie, I wouldn't talk about my childhood/sexual history on a rabbit forum) but then again if the amount of sexual abuse written about on this forum is typical... that actually scares me a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
skai Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 yeah, but I always used to think everybody experienced it. Link to post Share on other sites
Blerdivor Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 The problem with these kinds of polls is that we'd need a poll of sexual abuse in other orientations to compare it to. You can say x number of asexuals were abused = could sexual abuse be a reason for asexuality? when a similar number to x might show up in the other polls... I have to admit though that it seems a lot of people on this site have suffered some form of abuse... I'm hoping that's because AVEN is a nice open forum where we seem to be more comfortable with talking about that kind of stuff and it's more relevant to the topic over all (ie, I wouldn't talk about my childhood/sexual history on a rabbit forum) but then again if the amount of sexual abuse written about on this forum is typical... that actually scares me a bit. I read somewhere that abuse is a fairly (unfortunately) common occurrence; and with the matter of various forms of abuse, all can cause some serious damage to the victim. Though everyone I know who has been sexually or physically abused is sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Pentachromacy Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Replied yes. It is rather common, which is unfortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I've heard lots of stories of abuse over some years and they've all happened to sexuals. Of course, I've never known any asexuals that I'm aware of. But the people who told me the stories all appeared to be quite sexual in their lives. I think abuse is unfortunately very common. Link to post Share on other sites
Blerdivor Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I think being physically or sexually abused and even psychological abuse are all far worse than child neglect. Link to post Share on other sites
KieranTheWerewolf42 Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I have no idea but I think I have since I bullied rather viciously. I flinch when people touch me unexpectedly. I think it's because I got the crap kicked out of me from a group of kids almost daily in elementary school. I don't think it has anything to do with my asexuality though. I just hate being close to people. I even put my friends at arm's length. Link to post Share on other sites
AFlyingPiglet Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I Replied Yes (and other types of abuse, mostly at home, too) - My family situation was not exactly idyllic. It has most definitely shaped me as a person but I don't know that's its linked to me being Asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Some physical but no sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
seneca Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 I was sexually abused while I was serving in the military. Of course, no one wanted to know about it, or admit that it happens, so I was confused for a while. At one of my stations a few friends tried to "help" me by sending me to a well known prostitute. Of course, nothing happened. I just tried to keep quiet at my next station, but was labeled "gay".Sigh. Can't win. Link to post Share on other sites
mackat5 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Yes, I was raped as a child twice by the same perp. I always thought that it had a lot to do with the fact that I never had any sex, and I am now asexual. But that's just for me, not anybody else. In spite of what people say, I still think so. I have gotten rid of all the rage(finally!) BTW, it was not family, but a neighbor boy that I barely knew.(16 or so) Link to post Share on other sites
Trini Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 I voted for 'not sure' because I can recall some form of abuse (perhaps it can be described as emotional or psychological) but it wasn't really too bad so I don't know if that counts for what your looking for. Also, my father did spank me as a child and I always saw it as a form of abuse when I was little and I think I still do, which is why I'm strongly against it. It doesn't work with all kids. It made me feel vulnerable and violated. Today I'd say that I'm afraid of looking vulnerable or feeling vulnerability. Link to post Share on other sites
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