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starrysky

Were you ever abused/molested a child, if so...?

Were you ever abused/molested a child, if so do you think it contributed to your asexuality?  

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  1. 1.

    • Yes, I was and I think it contributed to my asexuality.
      26
    • Yes, I was but I think I would have been asexual without it.
      53
    • Yes, I was and I don't know if it made a difference or not.
      38
    • No I was not.
      282
    • Other.
      18


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Ziffler

I voted other here cause this is a weird subject for me.

I was NEVER molested but WANTED to be.

I know. It sounds so wierd.

I wanted physical love when I was 12 years old. Didn't get it at home not even hugs.

I dreamed, imagined and hoped to be taken by some man and loved. I didn't want to be hurt. and I had no idea what sex was. Remember this was in the dark ages when kids grew up innocent about sexual things.

But I most definately wanted to be molested and fondled and huged and kissed and loved.

I don't think this desire has anything to do with me being asexual. But then I don't know.

Once puberty was over, for me that was about 16 or so, late bloomer. started 14. I know longer had those dreams or wished to be molested. That is also why for awhile I thought I was gay, because I always dreamed of guys never girls. But I associated girls with sex and I didn't want sex. Guys I associated with fondling, and playing around not sex.

Yes. I was a niave kid. But most kids back then were niave.

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mackat5

I was about ten and was raped twice by the same fellow. Closed down after the second time!

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Caiterz

Ah i never wasnt..

but like Ziffler i had those same desires.. and i dont know why o_O..

I also.. had no physical contact at home... Actually i still dont *shrug*

I was never hugged or kissed or anything..

But this is what i have my bf for ^_^ <3

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Roe Deer

Seventeen people out of forty-nine in this poll were molested or abused? That's terribly sad...

Yeah, I was, and I highly doubt it caused my asexuality. I was twelve, but was already lacking in sexuality at the time, compared to... eh... everyone. Never got what all the other little girls were fussing about.

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Aeriel

I was physically abused but not molested. I don't think it has anything to do with my asexuality. It came to a stop when I was 12 and big enough to throw a punch in retaliation.

It is horrible, how many others went through this too.

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genuineillusion

I was, and while it may have contributed to the degree of my asexuality, I've no doubt that I'd have been so without the events.

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squiggle

Does other schoolkids jumping on your back and pretending to bum you count?

I got 'teabagged' on the head by somebody at school too once. That was totally vile!

I was asexual before that tho. -Things like that just made me think that a lot of boys were idiots.

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Shinnok

No I was never abused or molested. Anyone who would've got near me in that kind of sense I probably would've shot them or kicked the shit out of them

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silentdreamer

Never been molested. But I was emotionally abused because my father was a giant asshole and my mom got her mother's traits and I was always told I wasn't good enough or gonna be anybody. Horrible for my self-esteem but didn't contribute to my asexuality.

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Porygon

No.

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Pentachromacy

Yes.

It is not the cause of my asexuality.

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Forensic

Nope... and I grew up in an affectionate family, so I wasn't slighted affections either.

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metal
Yes.

It is not the cause of my asexuality.

i was abused physically and sexually at a very young age before my teens. and no it did not contribute to my sexual orientation..i just have trouble trusting people and always have to be on the lookout because if i date i might get abused by the person since they will see me as vulnerable, the statistics say abuse victims have a very high chance of chosing an abusive spouse later when they marry. but i became normal heterosexual and then asexual not because i dont truast people, im not afraid of men i just find them boring and stupid and sexual things are lame now. i could beat guys up,i have kicked guys in the crotch when necesery when they were mean.i know self defense

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toujours
Does other schoolkids jumping on your back and pretending to bum you count?

I got 'teabagged' on the head by somebody at school too once. That was totally vile!

I was asexual before that tho. -Things like that just made me think that a lot of boys were idiots.

I know this is a little bit off-topic but I couldn't help but laugh at your avatar. It's WAAAAY tooo coool :D

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Liberty

I said yes but not sure if it had any effect on me--I don't think it did really.

Had it been serious abuse, yes, I believe that would have definitely affected my sexuality.

But in my case it was just a few instances of (one) elderly man fondling me.

I found it more embarrassing than anything else! :blush:

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gray_imagination

Not in any...normal sense, which is why I don't think it had anything to do with it.

I was "molested" by a younger cousin. Yeah, I had to ASK my therapist how to qualify it. In terms of what happens to other people its nothing.

He had a rough childhood and was prone to attention seeking behavior. When he was 3 he decided he was in love with me and would marry me. He's not blood related to me (divorces, adoptions, etc, its kind of a messy thing). At first it was supposed to be sort of cute, I guess, and he would just kiss me whenever he could. I didn't see him that often, and you'd think he'd outgrow it. But for several years that was as far as it went, he'd grab me and kiss whatever he could get. He also hit me and bullied me a lot and once he shoved me down and ripped my glasses off my face and bent them in half. I would tell on him when he hurt me sometimes, but that never helped.

by the time he was like 10 he started touching me inappropriately. I would tell him not to and try to stay near the adults where he would only kiss me and "play" around about how he was going to marry me. But how do you tell your aunt and uncle their kid he's groping you? Particularly when he's YOUNGER? I knew what I was supposed to do if someone older than me touched me, but I was unable to figure out what to do about someone 5 years younger than me.

It never occurred to me to like...HIT him, either. I just whimpered and said "don't" and tried to squirm away.

he DID grow out of it, eventually, though partly maybe because I started faking headaches when he would visit so I could hide. I think he finally stopped by the time he was like 14. Probably not all that long after he could like date and get more positive female attention?

As far as I know, he only ever bothered me. I know he never bothered my little sister who was his age, but she's an aggressive personality and I am...obviously not.

If I wasn't completely terrified of him, I wouldn't even think of counting it as ANYTHING. Even if he'd been an adult it would have been pretty mild.

In the end, I have no idea why he did it, but for me it wasn't really about sexuality so much as being terrorized.

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Orion

I think that I wouldl be asexual regardless. It has more to do with my internal character and I was the same way about wanting to hang out with other people before my abuse. I think that the only thing that would change would be that I might have been more cuddly or open to hugging. Life sucks sometimes.

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NigelFt

I voted other here cause this is a weird subject for me.

I was NEVER molested but WANTED to be.

I know. It sounds so wierd.

I wanted physical love when I was 12 years old. Didn't get it at home not even hugs.

I dreamed, imagined and hoped to be taken by some man and loved. I didn't want to be hurt. and I had no idea what sex was. Remember this was in the dark ages when kids grew up innocent about sexual things.

But I most definately wanted to be molested and fondled and huged and kissed and loved.

I don't think this desire has anything to do with me being asexual. But then I don't know.

Once puberty was over, for me that was about 16 or so, late bloomer. started 14. I know longer had those dreams or wished to be molested. That is also why for awhile I thought I was gay, because I always dreamed of guys never girls. But I associated girls with sex and I didn't want sex. Guys I associated with fondling, and playing around not sex.

Yes. I was a niave kid. But most kids back then were niave.

Ah i never wasnt..

but like Ziffler i had those same desires.. and i dont know why o_O..

I also.. had no physical contact at home... Actually i still dont *shrug*

I was never hugged or kissed or anything..

But this is what i have my bf for ^_^ <3

I understand how you both feel ... I grew up in a family where physical and emotional affection simply did not happen ... both my parent were, and still are, quite emotionally detached people ... all I ever wanted was to have what all the other kids at school seemed to have ... loving parents.

That was before the abuse started ... during the six years it happened, and after it ended, I was left with this ....void .... that is still there. But I can't tell what effect it had on my asexuality.

Seventeen people out of forty-nine in this poll were molested or abused? That's terribly sad...

At this point in time, a total of 214 people had voted, 52 of which voted that they have been abused, or molested, which is roughly 25%, or 1 in 4. Sadly, studies which I have come across, state an incident rate of 1 in 3 for women, and 1 in 5 for men, having been sexually abuse or molested in their life, in both the US and the UK ... given population size, and that is enormous number of hurt people...

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toujours

Does it matter???

[Deleted everything I previously wrote]

I voted 'Other'.

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cold fire

no, thankfully i was never sexually abused.

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PlasticFishMonger

-snip snip tmi-

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AsExUaLGaNgStA

I was. Um, by my.. uh anyway I do think it in some way affected my sexuality (or lack thereof) due to the fact that it lasted so long, and now everytime I think of being with a man, I get the image of... and it's just suddenly completely unappealing. Then the sight of men make me tense, and possibly angry... distrusting... and as for girls... well, that's where I assume that maybe being molested didn't do anything. Unless in reality I was just suppose to be straight, and he fucked it up for me. Either way, the fact that he caused sex to be pinned to him would have me shun away from sex anyway, from the way i see it.

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Silly

I was molested by the son of a babysitter (I was probably 6 and he was 14) - this is something that I "remembered" in the past 10 years or so, and did a bit of therapy to deal with it.

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dezdimona

I would have to say yes, but it was not rape and a reflection of them not me. I remember bits and pieces when I was about 5 with the first, then 8 with the second was a minar one time thing, then 12 with the third. I was able to get away from all of them before it became rape, the third was ongoing which was the worst because he was a deacon/leader in one of the churches and gave me an expensive gift so I felt kind of obligated, but the politics were stupid, but because of the lack of support I was able to leave the church and be independent so I do not see it in a bad light, it was one of the things that freed me from religion which was worse. As for having an asexual tendancy it did play a role and till this day I have trouble excepting expensive gifts especially from heterosexual men but I think it redefines itself consistently and there can be more than one contributing factor, I wasn't born this way but made this way. All these experiences did play a factor but more so being around many religious types of men who were a very bad influence. People do not see religion as being abusive but it can be and it is divorced from God, it is great to be free of it. But the thing that also tops the list would be neglect. My parents have wonderful qualities but because they were war children, and because of the trauma, they could not be emotionally supportive and I have always I guess, been on my own. I do have fantasies and romantic desire sometimes but when given the actual opportunity, freeze up. It becomes completely undesirable and confusing to the point I can't breath, if I was in love I would be intimate though but as much as I would love to be loved and truly held, I guess when love is foreign we throw it away. I am 36 and have not dated in many years, it is impossible for me to fathom being a wife and mother or realistically speaking being in a sexual relationship unless I was emotionally connected supported and in love then I would really be into it and morphe into the sexual world because it is far more than just sex. I think maybe there are many types of asexuals. When reality hits, I am indifferent to sex or it may be sort of good or okay but confusing and I need to run, better left on the shelf which is where it has been for many years, I would take it down if I fell in love with someone good. I have never admitted these things to anyone until now. I am not sorry things happened because it sharpened my intuition, grounded me in that I can understand and helped me be the strong person I am at the end of the day there is nothing wrong with me, if I don't fit in, so often, I take it as a compliment. It is up to me to make myself content, not anyone else anyways.

Thanks for reading this and taking time for it and I enjoy doing the same, I am a new member and I think it is great to be able to say for the first time what is happening underneath. The truth is very freeing. It is great to not be the only one out there.

Yours Sincerely,

DEZ

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Samael

Nope, I was never molested or abused, not at least in any physical manner. What I have always been has been untrusting and emotionally distant towards people. But that's an innate trait, I suppose, because I had affectionate guardians when I was growing up.

I can't explain the reason(s) why I am asexual and why I have always been one, but I don't think the environment had any part in that.

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Tashishka

I was both abused and molested at points in my childhood.

I was emotionally and physically (though not sexually abused) by my mother and grandmother from being very young until I was 9 or 10 years old and taken into local authority care.

That didn't impact on my sexuality, but I am pretty sure it has impacted on how I view and interact with people. It has made me far more suspicious and guarded which isn't great when meeting new people, but that's just how I am now, so... *shrug.*

I was later sexually abused when I was in foster care. I can't say that what he did has not impacted on me, as it has. It has not however defined my sexuality. It may have coloured how I view sex in general, but not my personal take on it if that makes sense.

I was abused from when I was 16/17, by which point I was already identifying as asexual. He did not make me this way. That definition was already there. He just made me far less open to people and even more suspicious than I already was.

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joy_and_sorrow

I voted other because we don't know... Something may have happened at a home daycare when I was 2.... I've always been really self-conscious about my body & have genophobia so it would REALLY make sense.

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Sally

I've known a number of women in my life who were molested as children and they all had sexual relationships in which they were attracted to other people.

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sexyd

My mom and I were both sexually abused by her dad. In her case it was full intercourse for many years, in my case it was only a little fondling. As I was growing up she got very big into talking about it and helping other victims, and stressing that nothing was my fault. Therefore, I never felt any guilt and pretty much erased all the memories. She claims, tho, that the abuse was the reason I had premarital sex. I say it was because I (at the time) loved the guy. I'm sure if she were to know I now label myself as a hypersexual, she'd blame the abuse also. I simply enjoy the physical sensations.

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