Well, I guess I'm a fetsexual, are you one too?

[m8476]

2 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

using hands or grinding 'can' be conventional for some couples, especially lesbian couples.

 

 

I'm pretty ambivalent to those activities, although there may be others who identify with a similar sexuality as mine and may find enjoyment in them.

[Ceebs]

As a side note, fisting terrifies the crap out of me haha. 😅 I know some people enjoy it and say it's not painful, though. Based on my ex-girlfriend using part of her hand (not enough to count as fisting for sure), and the fact that I found it quite unpleasant, I think I'd stay well away from it. Penises, mouths, just a finger or two, and external stimulation with a hand are all fine, though.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@m8476 I'd consider fisting a more 'extreme' sexual act, but those types of acts can be conventional too. More extreme or fetish-based sex is common enough.
Some people are more into those than just traditional sex. And some people can't or don't want to penetrate, for different reasons, so people try to make it work with their partner (or find someone who matches).

I guess in one sense being fetishist is unconventional because someone might mainly only be into their fetish, but they might still have conventional parts to their sex.

[m8476]

7 minutes ago, Ceebs said:

Well, handjobs and masturbating together are pretty common sexual activities, so they're pretty far from counting as an unconventional kink or whatever. Edit: yeah, fisting is not particularly uncommon either.

Thank you. I genuinely appreciate your input regarding what qualifies as conventional sex, and I value your opinion. Given your expertise in this matter, I believe you are better informed than I am.

 

I kindly request you to review the new definition I have formulated below and provide suggestions if you believe it could be worded more effectively. This is an ongoing process, and I am enthusiastic about expanding my knowledge.

 

Fetsexual:  Individuals who primarily derive sexual pleasure and fulfillment from engaging in or exploring various fetishes, either alone or with a partner.  These individuals experience sexual attraction, but have no interest in penetrative sex, instead focusing on the realm of sexual fetishes as a means of expression and gratification.

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

2 minutes ago, m8476 said:

Fetsexual:  Individuals who primarily derive sexual pleasure and fulfillment from engaging in or exploring various fetishes, either alone or with a partner.  These individuals experience sexual attraction, but have no interest in penetrative sex, instead focusing on the realm of sexual fetishes as a means of expression and gratification.

It's quite specific. Won't it be even harder to find others to relate? But maybe youre more concerned in just finding a word for yourself ?

[m8476]

Just now, Sarah-Sylvia said:

It's quite specific. Won't it be even harder to find others to relate?

You think?.  Perhaps.  What would be a better definition do you feel?

 

2 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

But maybe youre more concerned in just finding a word for yourself ?

That was the original idea, but I realise it's perhaps too exclusionary, but I've reconsidered and would prefer to allow for some flexibility and variation even though it doesn't 100% fit my personal sexuality. Perhaps a more inclusive approach would be to state that the individual has no interest in or is averse to intercourse.  And leave it at that.  What do you think?

[Reindeer]

3 hours ago, m8476 said:

Hi Reindeer.  Just a quick question.  Do you experience sexual attraction and a desire for nonconventional sexual activity revolving around your fetishes?

I ask this because I updated the definition of "fetsexual" to mean that YOU DO.  If you now feel that the label "fetsexual" no longer resonates with you, I will remove you from the list I made of fetsexuals on the AVEN forums.

Yes, I only experience in context of those activities. In rare cases I find a subject I like but even than my brain only views attraction in context of those activities. As well as if someone does something that's part of said fetish I'll be instantly into it regardless of persons /sex/race/sexuality ecs. So my attraction is almost 100% situation/Fetish based. Which is extremely problamtic. Also think this along with forced unwanted activity has started to make me develop a "Touch phobia". Outside context of these situations/fetishes I tend to become annoyed when forced to do activities I'm not auctully into. As well as not receptive if I'm already repulsed by a person. So I'm only receptive to people I already fond or feel Nuetral towards. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

15 minutes ago, m8476 said:

You think?.  Perhaps.  What would be a better definition do you feel?

 

That was the original idea, but I realise it's perhaps too exclusionary, but I've reconsidered and would prefer to allow for some flexibility and variation even though it doesn't 100% fit my personal sexuality. Perhaps a more inclusive approach would be to state that the individual has no interest in or is averse to intercourse.  And leave it at that.  What do you think?

I guess the way I see it, it's normal for there to be variance between people, which is why having a label that has larger range helps build a community/group and then just having the usual thing of getting to know each other and the similarities and differences. It might be quite hard to find someone who feels exactly like you.

 

I like umbrella labels but there's nothing wrong with having a micro label as well, it's just that if there isn't an umbrella label to tie in the micro labels it makes it hard to build a community around the similarities.

So here's an example of what I would see in my mind::

Fetsexual: Individuals who primarily derive sexual pleasure and fulfillment from engaging in or exploring various fetishes.
-(as extra info) These individuals may or may not be on the asexual spectrum.

Fet-Asexual:  Individuals under the fetsexual umbrella who feel no or little sexual attraction but still derive sexual pleasure and fulfilment through fetishes.

 

Fet-Apensexual: Individuals under the fetsexual umbrella who may experience sexual attraction, but have no interest in penetrative sex, instead focusing on the realm of sexual fetishes as a means of expression and gratification.

Alternative spelling i thought of for the last example: ApenFetsexual. And AceFetsexual for the one before. just what came to me.

[m8476]

36 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I guess the way I see it, it's normal for there to be variance between people, which is why having a label that has larger range helps build a community/group and then just having the usual thing of getting to know each other and the similarities and differences. It might be quite hard to find someone who feels exactly like you.

 

I like umbrella labels but there's nothing wrong with having a micro label as well, it's just that if there isn't an umbrella label to tie in the micro labels it makes it hard to build a community around the similarities.

So here's an example of what I would see in my mind::

Fetsexual: Individuals who primarily derive sexual pleasure and fulfillment from engaging in or exploring various fetishes.
-(as extra info) These individuals may or may not be on the asexual spectrum.

Fet-Asexual:  Individuals under the fetsexual umbrella who feel no or little sexual attraction but still derive sexual pleasure and fulfilment through fetishes.

 

Fet-Apensexual: Individuals under the fetsexual umbrella who may experience sexual attraction, but have no interest in penetrative sex, instead focusing on the realm of sexual fetishes as a means of expression and gratification.

Alternative spelling i thought of for the last example: ApenFetsexual

I have considered everything you have said very carefully and have come to understand that finding someone who shares the exact same feelings and experiences as oneself can be quite challenging. This realization supports the idea of using an umbrella term instead of a micro label. However, my focus is on creating a single label, "fetsexual," that fully encompasses my personal sexuality.  Within the new definition, I will allow for some slight variation or omissions to avoid excessive exclusivity, thus enabling others to adopt the label. The goal is to form a small community of like-minded individuals who share similar perspectives and experiences, fostering a sense of belonging and connection. It is important to note that if others wish to create labels such as Fet-Asexual, Fet-Apensexual, or any other term that best describes their own sexuality, I fully support their decision and wish them the best of luck in their journey of self-expression.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

28 minutes ago, m8476 said:

I have considered everything you have said very carefully and have come to understand that finding someone who shares the exact same feelings and experiences as oneself can be quite challenging. This realization supports the idea of using an umbrella term instead of a micro label. However, my focus is on creating a single label, "fetsexual," that fully encompasses my personal sexuality.  Within the new definition, I will allow for some slight variation or omissions to avoid excessive exclusivity, thus enabling others to adopt the label. The goal is to form a small community of like-minded individuals who share similar perspectives and experiences, fostering a sense of belonging and connection. It is important to note that if others wish to create labels such as Fet-Asexual, Fet-Apensexual, or any other term that best describes their own sexuality, I fully support their decision and wish them the best of luck in their journey of self-expression.

Ok then. Additional thoughts from me,
Usually someone can use an umbrella label And a micro label. I'm not sure how exactly you were looking at it but thought to mention that in case.

It'd also be possible, to make fetsexual the micro label that's more specific to your sexuality and an additional umbrella label could 'encompass' this one. So in that case it'd be the reverse of the examples I gave, as in another word would be the umbrella and fetsexual would be the micro label.

I guess if you really want just a small groupt though, you can nevermind a wider umbrella label, even if it it might make it harder to find similar people (simply because the whole thing is less talked about around, if that makes sense.)
 

Depending on what gets started, I doubt people will make more labels around it, I think that would mostly happen if the umbrella label is wide enough so that more people connect with it and then the ones that want to be more specific start thinking along those lines. I could be wrong though. If you just want to make something that fits for you and you feel is wide enough for people you want to connect with, go about it how you feel ;p.

[m8476]

Here is an updated definition of "fetsexual"

Individuals who primarily derive sexual pleasure and fulfillment from engaging in or exploring various fetishes, either alone or with a partner.  These individuals experience sexual attraction, but are indifferent/averse to intercourse, instead focusing on the realm of sexual fetishes as a means of expression and gratification.

 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Well, it describes how you are.

 

I was looking online and 'fetishist' is medicalized often (like as a disorder), so in a way it's not bad to have another word too, if someone feels it's how they are and not some kind of issue. Lots of sexualities and other things have been medicalized like that too.

[m8476]

6 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I was looking online and 'fetishist' is medicalized often (like as a disorder)

As someone who identifies with a sexuality that embraces fetishes, it can be frustrating to see the term 'fetishist' often medicalized and labeled as a disorder. It's essential for society to recognize and respect diverse sexual orientations and understand that consensual exploration of fetishes is simply a valid expression of our desires. We should focus on promoting understanding and acceptance rather than pathologizing something that brings pleasure and fulfillment to individuals.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@m8476for sure.

This is unrelated, but I was just wondering if you found any interesting discussions on reddit in the end. I know you wrote that you experienced a lot of bugs, but I'm just curious if therew as anything interesting talked about there.

[m8476]

9 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

@m8476for sure.
I was just wondering if you found any interesting discussions on reddit in the end. I know you wrote that you experienced a lot of bugs, but I'm just curious if therew as anything interesting talked about there.

I rarely visit Reddit because I prefer direct engagement with people, & the frustrating experience of creating and editing posts often discourages me from attempting to do so. However, I've found many interesting discussions about asexual individuals with fetishes, which as a fetish inclined individual myself with asexual aspects to my sexuality, I find quite interesting; And I'm always on the lookout for others who may share my specific sexuality.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

3 minutes ago, m8476 said:

I rarely visit Reddit because I prefer direct engagement with people, & the frustrating experience of creating and editing posts often discourages me from attempting to do so. However, I've found many interesting discussions about asexual individuals with fetishes, which as a fetish inclined individual myself with asexual aspects to my sexuality, I find quite interesting; And I'm always on the lookout for others who may share my specific sexuality.

Ok good enought. I thought there was direct engagement there too though, or do you mean there's more a focus on just responding to a post, moreso than replies?

[m8476]

2 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Ok good enought. I thought there was direct engagement there too though, or do you mean there's more a focus on just responding to a post, moreso than replies?

Apologies if my previous explanation was unclear. You're absolutely right, direct engagement does occur on Reddit. I've noticed that people do respond to both original posts and replies, although perhaps not as frequently as one might expect. It could be that I haven't been active on popular posts, and that's why I haven't witnessed extensive engagement.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

2 minutes ago, m8476 said:

Apologies if my previous explanation was unclear. You're absolutely right, direct engagement does occur on Reddit. I've noticed that people do respond to both original posts and replies, although perhaps not as frequently as one might expect. It could be that I haven't been active on popular posts, and that's why I haven't witnessed extensive engagement.

That's fair, I can kinda see what you mean, though there are posts that really have extensive discussions too. Just depends what the focus is i think.

 

I thought about trying out talking on reddit at some piont but maybe the reason i havent is something like that too, feeling like there's less meaningful engagement, i dunno.
Still might check out some day though.

[m8476]

2 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I thought about trying out talking on reddit at some piont

You've never checked reddit out before?  It's such a popular, well known site, plus you did suggest it to me, I thought you had.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

7 minutes ago, m8476 said:

You've never checked reddit out before?  It's such a popular, well known site, plus you did suggest it to me, I thought you had.

Lol yes I've been on reddit enough. I just haven't made an account to talk on it

[m8476]

On 5/22/2023 at 2:12 AM, Reindeer said:

my brain only views attraction in context of those activities. As well as if someone does something that's part of said fetish I'll be instantly into it

Not all, but a majority of my sexual attractions stem from fetishes. However, I completely understand if you only experience attraction through your fetishes. It appears that you, like me, may not be interested in intercourse. If engaging in conventional sexual activities such as anal sex, oral sex, or any other acts besides intercourse aligns with your fetishes, that is absolutely acceptable now, as I recently updated the definition of "fetsexual" to be more inclusive, accommodating various preferences.  You can find the updated definition in my signature below this message.