Describe your dream primary relationship

[aneczyk]

This doesn't have to be sexual or romantic, I'm just curious about how it would be and how people identify. I would most accurately say I'm mostly quoiromantic, so I haven't had many crushes - I would say I've definitely three so far - and a lot of the time it's hard for me to tell if something is or is not a crush. 

 

For me a dream relationship would include:

-someone who is politically and morally compatible with me

-no kids

-fun dates

-romantically coded things where we don't have to define it as romance

-lots of space when needed

-living together but with separate bedrooms so we could have as much space as we need

-physical intimacy, both sexual and nonsexual

-romance but also an understanding of what romance means to me and what my limits are, and the other person respecting and being okay with that.

[Ceebs]

The one I have.

 

Ability to openly be my weird self, not being judged on or criticised for my various mental and physical health issues, general everyday support, feeling safe and cared for and respected, openness and honesty and vulnerability, lots of laughter and silliness, strong romantic connection and compatible sexual desires, truly being best friends as well as partners, feeling like I have things to offer that my partner needs, understanding each other's struggles and traumas and insecurities and that sort of thing, similar music taste and lots of listening to and nerding out over stuff together, generally compatible worldviews...

[binary suns]

I've never dreamed about having a primary relationship. So I don't know what I would want. 

 

I just want to like the person, aesthetically and also who they are. I wouldn't stay with someone abusive. I would want someone who can enjoy film media. Also I guess if they like video games and tabletop games, that's a plus as well. And I want someone who likes me. But that's a given.

[Grace11223]

In addition to being ace and aro, I would also identify as poly-something? In addition I tend to be very on the move, not literally, more so I am always doing something, or have something going on and sometimes that means I am able to have all the time I want for my partner and sometimes it doesn't. So ideally I would be in some sort of throuple thingy, wherein we can all get the things we need from eachother, whatever that may be but also we all have the space and room for each other.

I guess it's kinda weird that my ideal permanent relationship is a throuple, but like, it makes sense in my brain, and I can't see any other form I would be in.

Kinda like 3 best friends living in a house together, but we all kiss and are kinky, and the whole thing, idk

[Guest]

A closed-ish polycule at a compound in the desert, basically the romanticized version of the Branch Davidians that my fellow Libertarians beat off to but without the abuse and the culty shit

[StarryNightAllAlone]

1 hour ago, aneczyk said:

This doesn't have to be sexual or romantic, I'm just curious about how it would be and how people identify. I would most accurately say I'm mostly quoiromantic, so I haven't had many crushes - I would say I've definitely three so far - and a lot of the time it's hard for me to tell if something is or is not a crush. 

 

For me a dream relationship would include:

-someone who is politically and morally compatible with me

-no kids

-fun dates

-romantically coded things where we don't have to define it as romance

-lots of space when needed

-living together but with separate bedrooms so we could have as much space as we need

-physical intimacy, both sexual and nonsexual

-romance but also an understanding of what romance means to me and what my limits are, and the other person respecting and being okay with that.

Exactly the same as your dream relationship, minus sexual intimacy.

[coolshades]

Someone who is just a really good and loyal friend that I can call at 2:00 am if I need to.

[Ceebs]

4 hours ago, Diabolical Diatribe said:

the Branch Davidians that my fellow Libertarians beat off to

Now there's a mental image. 😂

[Milque Toast]

I'm a bit similar to you, @aneczyk!

 

- living together, but with separate bedrooms for space/privacy. but we might sleep in the same bed from time to time

- a couple light forms of romantic touch, i.e. squeezing hand, gazing at each other, hugging from behind etc but doesn't necessarily need to be romantic

- no necessity for sex/romance

- we might not speak every single day, we might not do absolutely everything together, but still have a secure relationship

- we play video games/watch shows together

- someone I can have deep/emotional conversations with, and be completely comfortable with

[a little annihilation]

- absolutely no kids

- no dogs that are loud or rude 

- emotionally healthy

- living together and sleeping in the same bed and cuddling

- possibly polyamory

- not quite romance but some kissing involved

- basically like super close best friends

- someone who likes to talk philosophy

- liking nerdy stuff and having convoluted conversations about lore

- doing art together

- not a requirement but it would be really nice to have an autistic partner(s) so we better understand each other

[Ceebs]

13 minutes ago, lovelylikeschanel said:

basically like super close best friends

It's weird to me how I always said that strong friendship was pretty much a necessity for me in a romantic relationship until I got out of a relationship where I realised we were never even truly friends at all... and that was an odd realisation. Like, what the fuck.

[Sally]

Just what I had with late partner.  We fought constantly and our personalities rather abraded on each other in high drama, but he was lovely and he thought I was lovely.  To describe the relationship would take too long and not be interesting to anyone but me.  

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

Now there's a mental image. 😂

I'm totally down to build a mostly self-sufficient compound in the middle of nowhere and be left the fuck alone, with or without the massive stockpiling of weapons and preparation for the apocalypse.

[Black Tourmaline]

it's with G-d.

[Ceebs]

32 minutes ago, Diabolical Diatribe said:

the middle of nowhere

Much as I adore the peacefulness of nature and really need access to greenspaces and bodies of water and whatnot, having grown up kind of in the middle of nowhere and being prone to dissociation and panic attacks when I visit my parents' house (haven't done it in over four and a half years now, and I'm fine with that), I can't bring myself to romanticise the middle of nowhere anymore. 🙃

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Much as I adore the peacefulness of nature and really need access to greenspaces and bodies of water and whatnot, having grown up kind of in the middle of nowhere and being prone to dissociation and panic attacks when I visit my parents' house (haven't done it in over four and a half years now, and I'm fine with that), I can't bring myself to romanticise the middle of nowhere anymore. 🙃

My live in partner and I live right in the middle of a small town, and the long distance partner lives up in the woods (although still in a small town) way up North towards the border. I'd rather live with nobody around me, just myself and my partners. I'm used to a 35 minute commute to work each day and needing 20 minutes just to go buy groceries, so it's something I see as desirable to be that far out and rural. Definitely not for everyone.

[Anomaly Q3Xr]

My current relationship is pretty much the best I could wish for.

We live separately, but close enough to visit regularly (neither drive, but I moved to their town).
Plenty of time to ourselves when we need it, but talk most days on voice calls.
Both are autistic and have other mental health problems so are more understanding of each other's difficulties.
We don't agree on everything, but we discuss things and listen to each other respectfully, even if we still do not agree.
We are getting a dog together (psychiatric assistance dog).
We both enjoy plenty of cuddles, not into passionate kissing/snogging, and prefer to sleep alone.
We both have a lot of similar interests with TV etc (we both are long term fans of Star Trek, and I have been getting into anime with them).
We sometimes play games together.
 

There's probably more stuff I can list, but that's the main I guess.

I would be open to sharing a home if we had separate rooms on the opposite sides of the building, so we could just do our own thing when we wanted to, but for now I am happy as we are.

[Janus the Fox]

19 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

Ability to openly be my weird self, not being judged on or criticised

Quite the same actually, having my own relationship, I'm just openly weird of myself where the BF is totally the same way.  Perhaps it takes someone almost exactly as of myself to be unconditionally lived.

[Ceebs]

Being weird together is one of my greatest relationship joys. It's like... shit, you know all the bizarre stuff about me -- both the good and the bad -- and you're fine with it and you love me more for it and you're weird too lol.

 

My first ex is definitely kinda weird and I appreciated that about him haha, although it still wasn't the right connection as a whole. My second relationship... I stifled a lot of myself there. I wasn't dishonest, but there were parts of myself that I didn't feel safe enough expressing fully. And interestingly, I think stifling the 'good' weird is sadder somehow than when you try not to burden someone with the stuff that's less fun. If you're stifling things like silliness and playfulness and the odd little things in life that bring you joy because you feel like you want to safeguard that stuff because it won't be understood and... well, celebrated... by the other person, what's really even the point?

 

And when someone else tells you that you being yourself makes it feel safe for them to be themselves as well, I think that's one of the best feelings in the world.

 

And on that note, some Dr. Seuss:

 

[viemer]

i have thought about this a bit before

 

- being able to just have fun with each other and being ourselves

- respects my interests and me them and maybe we share a few

- have similar morals and ethical values (we dont have to agree on every single thing though but similar enough)

- i dont want biological kids myself but if my partner wanted i dont mind or adoption could also be option. we needed to have very stable life i dont really see myself having kids before i have everything going well with my education and work. or maybe no kids at all i would be fine with that too

- they need to love animals cause im no leaving my puppy for a relationship she is my everything

- i want to be with a person who i can talk everything to (that i wanna share to them). i want it to feel good and natural to do so

- we can do fun dates but also enjoy just staying home chilling

- we dont depend on each other 24/7 we can do things separately and have our own friends

- sensual stuff and maybe tiny amount of sexual. it depend how our relationship developed and where they stand on sexuality

[JustBeingPolite]

With little to no actual experience, it's hard for me to picture the details of a dream relationship, but there are things I'd expect in a healthy relationship for me:

- Direct communication and honesty

- Respect for me as a person (and me for them)

- Get along with each other's close friends

- Several activities we enjoy in common (ideally talking analytically about games)

- Mutual desire for each other's well-being

- Some shared sense of humor

- Ability to comfortably express affection and love with each other (may take time for me)

- I like looking at them, they find me attractive in some way

- Respect for boundaries, mutual trust

- Long-term plans are compatible

- Compatible ethics for cooperative decision making

[CaitI13]

If you've heard of a Boston marriage, I always joked that that is what I was looking for (before I realized I was ace), which is still to the point but it just clicked in my brain that that should have been THE moment I realized I was ace.

 

We'd be two rich as hell women living together in a townhouse, spending our days by the fireplace with our cats (we'd have many). Separate bedrooms and lots of space to get our alone time when needed, which would be often.

[Salmakia]

- Long walks in nature, both with and without talking

- All the board games & nerdy things

- Cuddles

- "Romantic" (poetic?) things like sunsets and candle-light dinners

- Traveling together

- Being each other's emergency contact

- No sex and happy about it

- Living together & doing living-together things like cooking

- Honesty

- Affection

- Consistent communication

[Zagadka]

- Casual decisions to go out when we feel like it

- Less casual plans for trips together

- Keeping each other company

- Honesty and communication

- Offering emotional support

- Sharing resources and responsibilities (picking up the slack on chores when someone else is busy, cooking together/sharing meals), but remaining independent

- Respect for boundaries

[SkyTheSnake]

For me, I'd like someone I'm comfortable touching (there's like three people who are allowed to even hug me) because I love cuddling, just not with any person. They would have to be either willing to have chill conversations with me about it, or have my same views on moral/political/religious things. I'd prefer that they're into reading, cooking, gaming, and music (like playing instruments) because those are all big parts of my life. I never want kids nor would I want the relationship to be romantic or sexual. Also, preferably either a woman or an afab non-binary because most women and afab non-binaries I've met are just amazing. Oh, and good communication would be a huge must.

[bananasnakies]

My dream relationship...

 

• Someone who is compatible to me and can enjoy the same things together. 
• No sexual relationship, and not having to worry about it. 
• Someone to share and do hobbies with
• Supporting each other
• No kids (adoption or fostering might be okay). 
• A life companion (no romantic (unless kissing on cheek or top of head, cuddling once and a while) or sexual)
• Enjoying each others company. 
• Someone to laugh with and share our fur babies with. 
• Just a companion in general. 

[Nana13]

Ok, lemme see here. 

I'm still young and not interested in a relationship right now. 

I'm gonna finish my college first👀

But my dream relationship would be like this... 

 

-a purely romantic relationship without sex or kisses 

-cuddling, holding hands 

-being ok with having no kids (but I'd adopt one) 

-doing stuff together like...

-playing video games, watching TV or baking cake together 

-enough space if needed 

-no jalousy 

-laughing together at bad jokes 

-traveling 

-gong for long walks 

-having a hobby like some kind of sports or art

-being supportive of each other 

-caring for each other 

 

Overall I want someone kind and funny. 

I'm really insecure about myself at times, so it would be amazing to have someone who loves me just the way I am. 

With all the little quirks^^

[canine_teeth]

i've done a lot of thinking on this and i think my dream relationship would be with someone who is somewhere between a girlfriend and a QPP.

 

-we'd maybe live in the same place but have different bedrooms and sleep separately, because everyone needs their own space. every once in a while we'd sleep in the same bed and spoon and cuddle while falling asleep  <33333

-no sex, but some cheek kisses and small kisses on the lips. lots of cuddling and non-sexual touches and hugging. hand holding too

-also having someone to give me pats on the head and put their hand thru my hair with no sexual connotations oh my goddddd <3333

-being able to be emotional vulnerable with each other. like just laying ur emotions bare and having your heart on your sleeve with no judgement from the other. being able to talk about anything on our minds with the other person

-not having the exact same interests but liking each other so much that it doesn't matter and gladly listening to the other person infodump about whatever they like

-playing video games together and screwing around and purposefully messing with each other in co-op games but with no malice or anything

-going places together, like to concerts or amusement parks and having fun with each other

-being able to hang out with other friends with no jealousy (like a lot of het allo couples get with the whole 'oh no my partner is hanging out with this other person a lot that must mean they're CHEATING) 

-taking care of our pets lol. MAYBE fostering kids in our later years??? but idk.

-just lots of respect and trust and support and honesty

 

god typing this out is making me put my head in my goddamn hands lol. this is so sappy

[Geekykitty]

I want someone who is loyal, respectful, kind and sensitive. I see so many couples where one of them is completely disrespecful to the other one, is mean to them, says nasty things, yells, is controlling, insensitive.... 😫

I could never "settle." I'd rather be alone then in a relationship with someone who treated me badly.  

The relationship I have with my cat is pretty perfect 😻 I love her so much. She is also very loving and gives me cuddles and takes care of me when I'm sad or depressed. And of course I always take care of her. That's real love. Where you try to be the best version of yourself that you can for that person. Where you care about eachother and look after eachother during hard times. Well if I can't find a human at least I have my cat 😊

[doggalogga]

On 12/17/2021 at 12:51 PM, Ceebs. said:

Ability to openly be my weird self, not being judged on or criticised for my various mental and physical health issues, general everyday support, feeling safe and cared for and respected, openness and honesty and vulnerability, lots of laughter and silliness, strong romantic connection and compatible sexual desires, truly being best friends as well as partners, feeling like I have things to offer that my partner needs, understanding each other's struggles and traumas and insecurities and that sort of thing, similar music taste and lots of listening to and nerding out over stuff together, generally compatible worldviews...

I think we can close the thread. I don't think anybody is going to sum things up much better than this

 

On mental health, I heed the saying, "If people can't take me at my worst, then they don't deserve me at my best."

In a healthy relationship, you accept people they way they are, for better or worse.

 

But above I think can apply to anybody that wants a healthy, strong relationship - even the 'compatible sexual desires.' I have none, and that's my ideal relationship. Doesn't mean I don't crave intimacy though.