Ceebs Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Just now, doggalogga said: I think we can close the thread. I don't think anybody is going to sum things up much better than this Damn, that's some good praise. 😂 And yep, compatible sexual desires encompasses any levels of sexual desire -- from none to lots. It's important to be on the same page with someone there (as in many other realms). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 22 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: Damn, that's some good praise. 😂 And yep, compatible sexual desires encompasses any levels of sexual desire -- from none to lots. It's important to be on the same page with someone there (as in many other realms). Yeah, but it is only me, so how much weight you wanna put on that is debateable 😄 But really, it was a well-balanced post that covered many facets of a healthy relationship. Credit where credit is due 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowocollie Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 I just want a best friend who is my roommate and we and like similar things and watch anime together and just click really well. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 4 hours ago, doggalogga said: Yeah, but it is only me, so how much weight you wanna put on that is debateable 😄 But really, it was a well-balanced post that covered many facets of a healthy relationship. Credit where credit is due I am, of course, the supreme expert on relationships lol, so. (Maaaaaaaassive sarcasm. 😅) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HugsNoKisses Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 Someone that won't try to hug and kiss me, I don't like that I told this dude once to stop abut he didn't listen. That's number two someone who will listen to me, when I say stop you stop. But not just that, I want to be able to carry on a conversation all of the previous 'relationships" guys could never hold a convo unless it was about sex. (This was before I realize I was ace btw) I need substance, I would want someone I could trust and who could be their for me as I would them. Who won't ignore me until its convenient timing for them. That what I look for but I know its just a dream. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lulu48 Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 I'm honestly pretty open to any kind of genders and would say panromantic, but as of now I have only emotional attraction towards women. So, for me: - Any gender doesn't really matter, asexual woman is preferred though. - Want to commit to be romantic, deeply emotional and perfectly honest with each other. - Able to connect intimately (kissing, holding hands, cuddling). - Very little to no sexual activity. I'll probably allow my partner to have sex with someone else if they want to. - Lives together with one bedroom. - If absolutely sure, marriage - but not required. - No kids, no adopting either. - Pets are highly preferred but not required. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiestitius Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 I guess i would like somebody I could be comfortable with while spending time together and sharing every day life and problems with. I don't mind cuddles but I guess he would have to be asexual too because atm I don't think I could be in a open relationship. I would like someone who makes me laugh. And I think I want kids too, and a cat maybe. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSwan Posted February 2, 2022 Share Posted February 2, 2022 - Someone who's interested in growing and developing as a person over their lifetime - Someone who's different from me, that challenges me in a good way, but still shares enough values/interests that I connect with them - Someone who reminds me of joy, especially in the hard times - Someone who seeks adventure, even in the everyday - Someone who'll give me the space I need but still be there - Someone who's into abstract thought and loves going down rabbit holes - Someone who's interested in collaboration - Someone who can see things in a unique way - Someone who would give me affection - Someone who's not afraid to dive deep into things - Someone who can cut through all the negative voices in my head and make me love coming back down to earth Most of these apply to both my ideal platonic and romantic relationships. Affection would be more important in a romantic relationship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KaiBMama Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 Great post! Reading through the comments and writing my own has really helped me figure out what it is I even want, which has been so hard up until now. My ideal scenario: - Living separately with the option of sleep overs (would possibly consider living next door or otherwise nearby a partner, I don’t tend to be able to sleep with another person in the same bed but do enjoy knowing someone is sleeping over in the same house as me and seeing them in the morning) - Spend time together several times a week though are each there for the other in case of emergency - Each have our own independent lives that we come together to share - Both financially independent of one another - Partner ideally doesn’t have kids. While I have my own kids and while I love and adore my kids I don’t think I have the executive functioning capacity to deal with more, BUT would consider for the right person - Currently undecided on relationship style, considering being solo poly (I am autistic and found the constant flux and change of kitchen table poly overwhelming and destabilizing, though I think it may be better being solo poly) - Partner would ideally also be asexual, themselves, and ideally sex-neutral with a low libido - Mainly hanging out, sharing hobbies and parallel activities, cuddling/affection when both in the mood 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cassiotone Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 this is the best. okay, for me, what i imagine when i think about this: > someone who is first and foremost kind. also: decent, generous, and caring. > also someone with really good make-each-other-laugh chemistry and share-ideas-on-a-long-carride chemistry. > someone who gives a safe, homey, cozy feeling. if this is a masculine person, someone who models positive and relaxed masculinity, not toxic/aggressive masculinity. (any gender is good, tho recently i've been imagining this person on the masc side) > non-sexual, definitely romantic relationship. it's ok if this person seeks sexual adventures/other relationships outside of ours, but i would only want one romantic partner myself at a time. > we live together, maybe a mix of cosleeping and separate bedrooms. > lots of animals. like, two big dogs and a sweetie cat. lots of hikes with the dogs. > shares at least some common loves of physical sports (hiking, basketball, climbing, frisbee), geeky stuff (crosswords, puzzles, books, games), travel (train, roadtrips, seeing friends in other cities), but also brings their own stuff to the table! > either matches me on "eh i probably don't want to go to the party" energy or compatibly pushes me to actually go to the party (and have a good time) > is very different than me in ways i can't easily predict here > w/r/t kids, i'm undecided now so maybe they are interested in fostering, maybe they already have a kid/kids, maybe they don't want them, etc. not sure at this point in my life personally, but i do love and value kids setting aside parenting. > coffee and crosswords cuddled up on the couch. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 7 hours ago, cassiotone said: > either matches me on "eh i probably don't want to go to the party" energy or compatibly pushes me to actually go to the party (and have a good time) Haha... thanks probably to my anxiety and ADHD, I need someone who gently but firmly pushes me to do loads of various things in life -- but who's also compassionate and understanding when something really is beyond my ability to handle it at that particular point and doesn't criticise and shame me for it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lilacsandroses Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 I'm joining this thread a bit late but found it interesting to read each responders individual needs. It's taken me a lot of years and very frustrating relationships to understand that I truly enjoy the emotional bonding that occurs when you find someone you seem to connect with, and the signs of affection that proclaim your respect and love for the other that go way beyond the need of validation through sexual intimacy. Now at the age of 67 I finally came to understand and embrace the fact that I am asexual but I haven't given up total hope of finding a friend/companion/lover who has the ability to love and care deeply without feeling that it must be consummated by sexual expression. I believe I would like to have the same elements as the original author of this thread minus the need for the sexual aspect. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 On 12/17/2021 at 1:16 AM, aneczyk said: This doesn't have to be sexual or romantic, I'm just curious about how it would be and how people identify. I would most accurately say I'm mostly quoiromantic, so I haven't had many crushes - I would say I've definitely three so far - and a lot of the time it's hard for me to tell if something is or is not a crush. For me a dream relationship would include: -someone who is politically and morally compatible with me -no kids -fun dates -romantically coded things where we don't have to define it as romance -lots of space when needed -living together but with separate bedrooms so we could have as much space as we need -physical intimacy, both sexual and nonsexual -romance but also an understanding of what romance means to me and what my limits are, and the other person respecting and being okay with that. same but without the sexual intimacy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RightInFrontOfMe Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 On 1/27/2022 at 1:38 PM, canine_teeth said: -also having someone to give me pats on the head and put their hand thru my hair with no sexual connotations oh my goddddd <3333 This literally made me laugh out loud 😅 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RobL2415 Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 I ultimately want a monogamous, romantic relationship with a Christian girl, preferably a girl who's ace but is at the very least accepting of my ace-ness. She would be someone who's ambitious, driven, passionate about helping the less fortunate, and has a gentle soup. She has to "get me". My personality is hard to describe, but I like to crack meme jokes and reference SpongeBob and other nostalgic shows and what not. I'm a casual gamer so bonus points if she also likes video games. Some girls take guys' personalities so seriously, it seems. I'm not that. I'm authentic. I don't make myself out to be something that I'm not. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 7, 2022 Share Posted February 7, 2022 I couldn't think of a better relationship than the one I'm currently in. My spouse is incredibly supportive, understanding, and caring. I won the jackpot with her. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kym Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 On 1/25/2022 at 10:35 AM, bananasnakies said: My dream relationship... Someone who is compatible to me and can enjoy the same things together. No sexual relationship, and not having to worry about it. Someone to share and do hobbies with Supporting each other No kids (adoption or fostering might be okay). A life companion (no romantic (unless kissing on cheek or top of head, cuddling once and a while) or sexual) Enjoying each others company. Someone to laugh with and share our fur babies with. Just a companion in general. Someone who enjoys the same things as me. Likes to cuddle but doesn't try to get down my pants. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 On 2/5/2022 at 8:15 PM, RobL2415 said: he would be someone who's ambitious, driven, passionate about helping the less fortunate, and has a gentle soup. Chicken noodle? French onion? Tomato? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RobL2415 Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 On 2/26/2022 at 1:38 PM, Ceebs. said: Chicken noodle? French onion? Tomato? Sorry, meant soul. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted March 2, 2022 Share Posted March 2, 2022 21 hours ago, RobL2415 said: Sorry, meant soul. Haha yeah, I know. Not being critical, just joking around. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted March 2, 2022 Share Posted March 2, 2022 I've been single for over thirty years, if I'm honest with myself, anything more than friendship scares me now, I've got used to being on my own and commitment scares me, my niece says I'm a commitment phobe Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hopefulforensic Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 Someone I can laugh with, that I can genuinely spend hours and hours of time with and can be myself with. Someone that doesn't have to be as weird as me but can appreciate my weirdness. That I can support and be supported by in all the very little to the biggest decisions in life. Also of course loyalty and honesty. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sovvah Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 I’m romance repulsed so I don’t really want anything romantic in a relationship, so just something that looks like typical friendship but with more cuddles, being always for each other, living together and just chilling:] idk if you know dan howell and phil lester but a close relationship that looks like what they have on screen is perfect to me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamer23 Posted March 6, 2022 Share Posted March 6, 2022 Someone to grow old with 👨🦳🤝👩🦳 Someone to share the good as well as the bad times with ☀️⛈️ Someone to support when they are down, and who will support me when I am 🤗 Someone to talk to - to broaden horizons with and expand the scope of my experiences 💬 Someone to relax with - to share the joy of a good book or beautiful autumn day with 📖🍁 Overall, just someone whose presences enriches my life while I am allowed to enrich theirs for the rest of our lives (for an experience shares is almost always better!) ❤️ At the end of the day, I think a primary relationship is for one just a really strong friendship (and who doesn't want to have close friends?!), but the perpetual closeness and sharing of experiences just brings people even closer together. I'm really glad that today long-term relationships don't have to be forever any more and people accept that they can grow apart, but at the same time I marvel at how many people married early in the past (when they definitely didn't know as much about each other yet) and ended up in wonderful, loving, many decades long relationships. Sharing every day of your live together, albeit sounding very scary, definitely does change people and can bring them closer together. That being said, I don't even know whether or not I want to end up in a relationship long term 😅 A dream relationship definition doesn't necessitate that I want to be in it, does it? Because I go forth and back hard on that all the time, and am very much perpetually indecisive on! xD Be it alone, with some good friends, or with a primary relationship - I don't see why any of those couldn't lead to long-term happiness. Whichever of them ends up leading to happiness, who cares as long as the end-result is the right one?! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 On 3/3/2022 at 10:39 PM, Hopefulforensic said: Someone that doesn't have to be as weird as me but can appreciate my weirdness. One of my favourite things about my relationship is that I discovered that my partner is actually far weirder than I initially thought when we were getting to know each other just as friends at first. 😂 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StrayCat Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 Dream? I can't even find one other person who can talk and I won't hate... How do you people do it? Where can I find someone else I can like? 😺 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BeakLove Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 7 hours ago, Ceebs. said: One of my favourite things about my relationship is that I discovered that my partner is actually far weirder than I initially thought when we were getting to know each other just as friends at first. 😂 I think being weird/silly together is arguably the most important thing. A shamelessness in being who we are, and embracing who they are, across all dimensions of our personality and life. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 59 minutes ago, BeakLove said: I think being weird/silly together is arguably the most important thing. A shamelessness in being who we are, and embracing who they are, across all dimensions of our personality and life. Yeah I've come to realise that after keeping that part of who I am largely to myself in my last relationship. I wasn't even hiding its existence necessarily, there just... wasn't the dynamic that allowed for it to exist. I remember someone once made a comment directly in reply to something I'd posted here on AVEN, about how couples had that whole shared language sort of thing... stuff only the two of you get, laughing at shared jokes, etc. I recall being hit by the realisation that my ex and I had very little of that at all and it made me feel sad and almost ashamed and embarrassed, and it seemed like a genuinely seriously bad sign. It was one of a number of aspects of who I am that just didn't get to come out in that relationship. I'd had the silliness and weirdness and playfulness to some degree in a previous relationship (though not to the same full extent as in my current relationship, but still very definitely openly there), so I knew it was both possible and important. It was just a matter of finding someone who was right in all the most important ways. The ex I could be weird and silly with wasn't someone I was compatible with romantically/sexually, but the one where there was more sexual chemistry didn't involve genuine comfortable friendship and being openly myself in a lot of ways. I need all of those things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyn Corinn Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 Morally compatible with me (mainly just not a fundamentalist) Comfortable talking about emotions and more or less soft spoken Probably also asexual No pets Idk if I want kids or not but definitely not until I'm reasonably sure the relationship will last Someone who can sit and talk while doing nothing (I get easily stressed if there's too much 'background noise') but mainly someone who can share my predator/prey fantasies and sees "the real me" (your search did not match any documents) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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