#GenderProblems

[Celyn: The Lutening]

10 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

 

I'm starting to wonder if I'm making people soo uncomfortable with my physical presentation that their internalized prejudices and phobias are slipping out

Oof that could definitely be a thing.

 

Re: menstrual hygiene stuff- I'm just about ok getting them off the shelf but I couldn't hand them over to a cashier so I have only ever bought them at shops that have self checkouts. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I've become so able to dissociate I can put up with all sorts of gendered shit. I've been out all morning and it doesn't even feel like it was me.

[nerdperson777]

11 hours ago, Celyn said:

Re: menstrual hygiene stuff- I'm just about ok getting them off the shelf but I couldn't hand them over to a cashier so I have only ever bought them at shops that have self checkouts.

The last time I bought any was at work.  I wasn't prepared because dysphoric me would never keep a pad in my backpack.  So I drove down the street to get some at Rite Aid.  I felt so dysphoric and awkward buying them with some pain reliever so the cashier would know exactly what's happening.  I shouldn't have this experience ever again.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

I want to get referred to the GIC but I haven't been here long enough to get comfortable enough around my doctor to come out to them. I wish I had an SO to hold my hand through it at least.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

2 hours ago, Celyn said:

I wish I had an SO to hold my hand through it at least.

I wish the nurse would do my blood test in the car park 😕

[nerdperson777]

On 12/9/2018 at 12:51 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I'm 33 years old and I still have my parent buy any "feminine products" for me, because I'm legitimately embarrassed to buy those things myself.  I internally panic just passing by the aisle seeing all the items on the shelves.  I won't walk through the aisle in the store, I avoid it.  The times I had to pass through, I looked straight ahead and pretended it wasn't happening.

 

I'm nonbinary and have dysphoria btw.  Not fun at alI.

I used to spend as little time looking at the stuff in that aisle when I went with my mom.  I'd get super uncomfortable when she asked if I needed any.  I just wanted to get in and get out.

[General]

13 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I used to spend as little time looking at the stuff in that aisle when I went with my mom.  I'd get super uncomfortable when she asked if I needed any.  I just wanted to get in and get out.

It's difficult for me to be anywhere near predominantly "female spaces" because I look very masculine to the point where people legitimately think I'm a teenage male and don't belong there.  So basically I look like a pervy young boy oogling at Kotex pads and coochie cream.  LMAO

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

It's difficult for me to be anywhere near predominantly "female spaces" because I look very masculine to the point where people legitimately think I'm a teenage male and don't belong there.  So basically I look like a pervy young boy oogling at Kotex pads and coochie cream.  LMAO

Once my mom and I were at Target and she was silent laughing at this man who just left an aisle and looked very confused in the big main aisle while holding pad packs in each hand.

[General]

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Once my mom and I were at Target and she was silent laughing at this man who just left an aisle and looked very confused in the big main aisle while holding pad packs in each hand.

LOLHAHAA! 

 

He was probably like....

 

Why do some say "with wings?"  Do they fly around or what? 

😂😂😂

[nerdperson777]

12 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

LOLHAHAA! 

 

He was probably like....

 

Why do some say "with wings?"  Do they fly around or what? 

😂😂😂

Well I think he was looking for whoever came with him so he looked left and right as if he was crossing the street.  He wasn't looking at the packaging, more like if anyone was holding any random two items, one in each hand.

[no-longer-in-use]

I woke up feeling kind of like a demigirl today, and thought I was okay with she/her pronouns, but then someone called me her and I was like, nope. So now I'm confused again.

 

Edit: It's like I'm fine with perceiving myself as (partially) female, but if the world perceives me that way, it becomes a "no thank you". So does that mean I was never a demigirl in the first place, or am I just overly sensitive? It's confusing.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

18 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

I woke up feeling kind of like a demigirl today, and thought I was okay with she/her pronouns, but then someone called me her and I was like, nope. So now I'm confused again.

 One time I was at the zoo and I used the women's, and there was a poster saying something like "A third of women suffer from low iron" and I thought "Yes, women, that's me! I am one of those!" Followed pretty much immediately by "UUUHHHH what? No?"

[no-longer-in-use]

5 minutes ago, Celyn said:

 One time I was at the zoo and I used the women's, and there was a poster saying something like "A third of women suffer from low iron" and I thought "Yes, women, that's me! I am one of those!" Followed pretty much immediately by "UUUHHHH what? No?"

Haha, that's so me 🤣

[nerdperson777]

2 hours ago, Coddiwomple said:

I woke up feeling kind of like a demigirl today, and thought I was okay with she/her pronouns, but then someone called me her and I was like, nope. So now I'm confused again.

 

Edit: It's like I'm fine with perceiving myself as (partially) female, but if the world perceives me that way, it becomes a "no thank you". So does that mean I was never a demigirl in the first place, or am I just overly sensitive? It's confusing.

Well, one of my roommates is a they/them, although identifies kind of female when it comes to attraction.  They're lesbian who is into both women and non-binary women so it's kinda gay whatever happens.  So it's possible to still be some sort of they but have feminine leanings in attraction or gender.

[no-longer-in-use]

1 minute ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, one of my roommates is a they/them, although identifies kind of female when it comes to attraction.  They're lesbian who is into both women and non-binary women so it's kinda gay whatever happens.  So it's possible to still be some sort of they but have feminine leanings in attraction or gender.

Yeah, true for sure.

[Purple_Panda]

Coming down from an anxiety freak out because my grandparents showed up with no warning and I felt like I had to rush to get ready out of my pajamas because it’s the weekend and I’m not going anywhere today, but this just happened: 

 

So my grandma is going to fix the dress I have to wear for my friend’s wedding that I’m in as a bridesperson and my mom slipped it over her own head to show the length which has to be altered, and they mentioned the top of the dress and my mom said I would fill it out nicely. Or something like that. 

 

All I could think was “What if I don’t want to?”

[General]

10 hours ago, Purple_Panda said:

Coming down from an anxiety freak out because my grandparents showed up with no warning and I felt like I had to rush to get ready out of my pajamas because it’s the weekend and I’m not going anywhere today, but this just happened: 

 

So my grandma is going to fix the dress I have to wear for my friend’s wedding that I’m in as a bridesperson and my mom slipped it over her own head to show the length which has to be altered, and they mentioned the top of the dress and my mom said I would fill it out nicely. Or something like that. 

 

All I could think was “What if I don’t want to?”

I dodged a huge bullet.  I'm no longer good friends with a girl who wanted me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.  As a masculine nonbinary person, I absolutely despise being forced to wear feminine clothing.

 

She was a hell of a toxic person.  I've never been so happy to lose a "friend" in all my life.  

[nerdperson777]

I'm usually interacting with people who can sense energy.  They make it sound like it can be learned but I have yet to try it.  So the best way to describe trans to a cishet woman was that the trans woman has more feminine energy.  But I feel like she still treats her like a guy.  Today she said that she could be a boy or a girl whenever she wants.  She didn't seem to understand that in no way does the trans woman have any boy times.  Hearing her say that twice was a bit cringey.

[Ms. Carolynne]

10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Today she said that she could be a boy or a girl whenever she wants.  She didn't seem to understand that in no way does the trans woman have any boy times.  Hearing her say that twice was a bit cringey.

 

 

Sorry about the brightness, I couldn't get the other one I found to work. I have no idea why it looks overexposed

[nerdperson777]

11 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

 

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Sorry about the brightness, I couldn't get the other one I found to work. I have no idea why it looks overexposed

 

Then there's this one previously that the trans woman said something that only a girl would really know.  The cis woman said, "oh, [name] understands because he is a girl."  I guess that was an almost, but the newest one is like, nope, missed the mark there.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

43 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

The cis woman said, "oh, [name] understands because he is a girl." 

1) She tried. Failed, but tried.

2) Now I'm racking my brains for The Secret Girl Knowledge and I simply can't think of what the Secret Girl Knowledge is. Must be because it's only for girls....

[Guest]

@Celyn "Secret Girl Knowledge"...? (O_o)

 

*stares blankly at the screen...*

[no-longer-in-use]

On 12/16/2018 at 12:51 PM, Purple_Panda said:

they mentioned the top of the dress and my mom said I would fill it out nicely. Or something like that. 

  

 All I could think was “What if I don’t want to?”

Bleh... that made me cringe. My well-meaning family members have said similar things to me before and comments like that really make me dysphoric. I'm sorry that happened  

[Purple_Panda]

@Coddiwomple, I’m not sure if that’s exactly what was said. I kind of blocked it out as soon as it happened, I think.

 

But I did think that.

 

Thank you. 

[PixleyDust✨]

On 12/14/2018 at 12:22 PM, Coddiwomple said:

I woke up feeling kind of like a demigirl today, and thought I was okay with she/her pronouns, but then someone called me her and I was like, nope. So now I'm confused again.

 

Edit: It's like I'm fine with perceiving myself as (partially) female, but if the world perceives me that way, it becomes a "no thank you". So does that mean I was never a demigirl in the first place, or am I just overly sensitive? It's confusing.

This is me, this is me, OH MY LORD IS THIS ME. 😩🙌

 

Being genderfluid, demigirl is also one of the states I’m in (though not much at all recently). So, sometimes I spiral out at the thought of maybe using male pronouns more prominently because I freak out at the idea of ONLY being seen as that by my family/friends from now on, despite really wanting to give my demiboy side some air time since I’ve been a “girl” for what, almost 25 years (I’m 26, but I stopped identifying as cis since Summer 2017, I think).  

 

Anyways, so I give into my freakouts and update things on online profiles like putting “genderfluid” instead of just non-binary, and saying that I’m cool with female pronouns, the works. 

 

And then I see my stepmother mention in an email to Venmo (I was part of the chain since I was the recipient having issues) that I was her daughter, repeatedly, and I get this rotten feeling in my stomach. 

 

Or I see old Facebook posts where I called myself a woman AND CRINGE. And not just because WOW IS THAT WRONG, but also because I remember how weird I felt typing it, like I thought “that’s technically what I am” and not understanding that weirdness. Even now just recapping “that’s TECHNICALLY what I am” made me cringe, cause UM NO. NO ONE’S “TECHNICALLY” ANYTHING, INCLUDING YOU. 

 

You just are what you are. 😊✨

 

Now after those freakouts happened, when I returned to sanity, and found myself longing for maleness again, I used to think MY GENDER CAN’T MAKE UP ITS MIND UGH. 

 

But now I’m thinking, it’s not so much as worrying about being perceived female, it’s why I am. Like, it’s cool if I tell you to use female pronouns, it’s cool if I tell you I’m also a girl, but when you’re deciding it for me based on my appearance and mannerisms, that’s when I get dysphoric. 

 

I like my body the way it is, but a part of me gets down knowing that these involuntary things I don’t want to change are also the reason people are assuming things about me I didn’t give them permission to assume. 

 

Maybe that’s where your discomfort comes from too? Not so much as being classified in that way in general, but more along the lines of not having the power to decide when you want to be classified that way. Having people assume you’re comfortable with that, having people just assume that about you period not because you expressly told them, but because of something they “observed” in you and read as female. 

 

It can be disheartening the things people read in you as “female” when you’re just trying to be yourself. 🙁

[PixleyDust✨]

1 hour ago, Coddiwomple said:

Bleh... that made me cringe. My well-meaning family members have said similar things to me before and comments like that really make me dysphoric. I'm sorry that happened  

*shiver* SAME. ICCK. 🤢

 

For me, that just seems gross anyways even if I were cis. Like, “Thank you for noticing I have big boobs, I guess? Because that’s inherently good for some reason, FAMILY MEMBER?” 🤨

 

It’s like, just...don’t. Shit is weird. I don’t need commentary (good or bad PERIOD) on my secondary sexual characteristics from a relation THANKS. 

 

But yeah, now especially since I don’t like you putting those in the spotlight. Like yes, I’m aware they exist, doesn’t mean I want everybody else to be as well. They’re going to start assuming shit I don’t want them assuming. 

 

THANKS. 

 

AND THANKS. 😬

[nerdperson777]

4 hours ago, Celyn said:

1) She tried. Failed, but tried.

2) Now I'm racking my brains for The Secret Girl Knowledge and I simply can't think of what the Secret Girl Knowledge is. Must be because it's only for girls....

I guess there must be a secret booklet somewhere.

 

17 minutes ago, PixleyDust✨ said:

This is me, this is me, OH MY LORD IS THIS ME. 😩🙌

 

And then I see my stepmother mention in an email to Venmo (I was part of the chain since I was the recipient having issues) that I was her daughter, repeatedly, and I get this rotten feeling in my stomach. 

 

Or I see old Facebook posts where I called myself a woman AND CRINGE. And not just because WOW IS THAT WRONG, but also because I remember how weird I felt typing it, like I thought “that’s technically what I am” and not understanding that weirdness. Even now just recapping “that’s TECHNICALLY what I am” made me cringe, cause UM NO. NO ONE’S “TECHNICALLY” ANYTHING, INCLUDING YOU. 

 

You just are what you are. 😊✨

 

Now after those freakouts happened, when I returned to sanity, and found myself longing for maleness again, I used to think MY GENDER CAN’T MAKE UP ITS MIND UGH. 

 

But now I’m thinking, it’s not so much as worrying about being perceived female, it’s why I am. Like, it’s cool if I tell you to use female pronouns, it’s cool if I tell you I’m also a girl, but when you’re deciding it for me based on my appearance and mannerisms, that’s when I get dysphoric. 

 

I like my body the way it is, but a part of me gets down knowing that these involuntary things I don’t want to change are also the reason people are assuming things about me I didn’t give them permission to assume. 

 

Maybe that’s where your discomfort comes from too? Not so much as being classified in that way in general, but more along the lines of not having the power to decide when you want to be classified that way. Having people assume you’re comfortable with that, having people just assume that about you period not because you expressly told them, but because of something they “observed” in you and read as female. 

 

It can be disheartening the things people read in you as “female” when you’re just trying to be yourself. 🙁

Ah yes, that growing up part when you call yourself by how you were then because of not knowing how to be anything else but cis.  I remember having to correct people who did call me a boy when I was younger, mostly online.  Once I played a game where this one guy helped me out a lot and I invited a classmate from school to come.  The classmate called me she and that's when the guy found out about me.  I'm not sure if he treated me any differently but he did help me out quite a bit.  He still interacted with me for a while.  I forget why we stopped playing.  Probably I stopped playing.  I really don't remember.

 

It's hard with family when they're only know you and me as female.  They then only understand how to be cis.  But then the thing with being AFAB is that we're allowed more masculine gender expressions than our AMAB friends so we can still do all that while people still think we're cis.  It's probably good that we're judged less but the double standard is still bad.

 

[no-longer-in-use]

4 hours ago, PixleyDust✨ said:

Maybe that’s where your discomfort comes from too? Not so much as being classified in that way in general, but more along the lines of not having the power to decide when you want to be classified that way. Having people assume you’re comfortable with that, having people just assume that about you period not because you expressly told them, but because of something they “observed” in you and read as female. 

 

It can be disheartening the things people read in you as “female” when you’re just trying to be yourself. 🙁

Yeah, exactly. I wish people didn't always pick either male or female based on appearance, but that's just how the world works I guess.

[no-longer-in-use]

5 hours ago, Purple_Panda said:

I’m not sure if that’s exactly what was said. I kind of blocked it out as soon as it happened, I think.

I do that when I get anxious/embarrassed too. You're not alone!

[PixleyDust✨]

4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

It's hard with family when they're only know you and me as female.  They then only understand how to be cis.  But then the thing with being AFAB is that we're allowed more masculine gender expressions than our AMAB friends so we can still do all that while people still think we're cis.  It's probably good that we're judged less but the double standard is still bad.

GOD DAMN IT. PREACH. 🙌

 

And right? I feel so bad for my AMAB sibs who want to express themselves in a more feminine way, but are afraid to because our culture has some weird, toxic idea that femininity is a downgrade and something to be scorned. 

 

Which is why people seem to be more chill about AFABS “masc-ing” up. It either seems harmless (cause we’re not really seen as a threat to masculinity) or like a respectable “upgrade”. 

 

Either way, boo. BOO.