ithaca Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Hey, apparently we all failed to properly keep track of Dan Savage :P http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=21189612 DEC 10, 2014 My intelligent, lovely, in-all-ways-phenomenal 18-year-old daughter just came out to me: as asexual! I am struggling with my reaction to this. If she had said she was a lesbian, I would have been fine with it, except for all that discrimination and stuff. I will always support her, but I can't help but think that (1) something bad happened to her that (despite my near-helicopter parenting) I don't know about, and/or (2) she'll miss out! Is asexuality really a thing? Can it be some sort of opt-out-of-this-sex-stuff-until-later thing? 'Cause that I get. Parenting Asexual Undergrad Since Evening Asexuality is a real thing, PAUSE, and your daughter could be an intelligent and phenomenal example. That said... for some, asexuality has functioned as an opt-out-of-this-sex-stuff-until-later thing. But just as some gay men identifying as bisexual before coming out as gay doesn't mean bisexuality is a phase (or nonexistent), the fact that some people identify as asexual before ultimately coming out ashere we goheterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, graysexual, demisexual, autosexual, antisexual, hyposexual, etc., etc., etc. isn't proof that asexuality isn't a real thing. Keep listening to your daughter, PAUSE, and learn more about asexuality at the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org). Just noticed because it was translated in Italian here: http://www.internazionale.it/opinione/dan-savage/2015/03/04/il-coming-out-che-non-ti-aspettiand I have google alerts ;) Link to post Share on other sites
LadyWallflower Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 His name rings a huge bell in my head. Why should I know him? Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 His name rings a huge bell in my head. Why should I know him? 2004: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/4716-another-dan-savage-column/ 2005: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/10869-village-voice-dan-goes-up-against-avenguy/ https://nextstepcake.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/dan-savage-on-asexuality/(from 2005 up to 2013) 2008: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/31249-savage-love/ Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes! Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 EDIT: Whoops. Misunderstood, I've done him a disservice Link to post Share on other sites
Steph Ace Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 We should get the daughter some cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Agape Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Started rolling my eyes as soon as I saw Dan Savage in the title. He did well in this one though... Link to post Share on other sites
DeletedUser Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 edited Link to post Share on other sites
Lydian Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Not sure if he's learned or if he's just back-pedaling and being an 'ally' so he looks good. I don't really trust him tbh, but here's hoping. Link to post Share on other sites
catsaregood Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I'm very surprised! Agree with Timbre, not sure if I trust Dan, but this could be the start of a better attitude from him...I'm not impressed that his podcasts have been tagged with 'asexuality' even when he generally never mentions it. It looks to me as though he's trying to trick aces into listening to a completely sexual podcast. So yes, not sure, but impressed at this response at least. :) Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Antisexual is an orientation? I thought it was a philosophy. Link to post Share on other sites
marararara Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 He didn't do too badly with what he said, which is great, but he also didn't answer PAUSE's question as far as I can tell -- she was worried that something had happened or that her daughter would miss out, and he just went on about how it's definitely real. It's not the worst answer he could've given (or has given in the past), but it's also not the best either. Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Another one was translated in Italian (months later): http://www.internazionale.it/opinione/dan-savage/2015/04/30/che-serataEnglish version is (HUUUUUUUGE TMI warning for the first non-asexy advice asked) here. Asexy one here: I'm a 32-year-old woman with two young kids, married five years. My husband and I never had an overly exciting sex life, but after the last baby, sex became very, very infrequent. I'm a pretty sexual person, I masturbate regularly, and I have a good sexual imagination. I tried to spice things up by suggesting toys and a bit of light kink, but he wasn't interested. He seems pretty asexual to me these days, and now I just fantasize about other men. Last week, a mutual friend came over to have a drink. When we stepped outside to smoke a cig—just me and the other guy—he kissed me and said, "I'm going to ask your husband if I can fuck you." He did, and surprisingly enough, my husband said go for it! What a night! I got permission to fuck someone else. Now I'm not sure if I want to swing or just fuck other people. Advice please.Horny Married Chick Solicited advice first: Swinging would theoretically involve you and your husband fucking other people, HMC, and if your husband isn't interested in sex, if he's low-to-no-libido or actually asexual, he won't be any more interested in swinging than he is in having sex with you. As for fucking other people: That "go for it" may have been a one-time thing, or it may have been a whenever-you-want thing, but you'll have to check in with your husband to find out which. It's possible that your husband is interested in cuckolding and knowing you're messing around with other men will awaken his libido, and it's possible that he's neither interested in sex nor threatened by the prospect of his spouse getting it elsewhere. Have a conversation with your husband about what is and isn't allowed going forward—talk about what you want, talk about what he wants, talk about safety and respect and primacy—but have that conversation when (1) you haven't been drinking and (2) there's not a gentleman caller with a boner waiting outside the front door.Unsolicited advice second: Stop smoking. It's bad for you and it's bad for your kids—even if you're careful not to smoke around them, HMC, carcinogens and other noxious chemicals cling to your skin, hair, and clothes after you've smoked. You're exposing your kids to those harmful substances whenever you hug, hold, or breastfeed them. Keep fucking other people (with your husband's okay), but quit fucking cigs. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshmallow Tree Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Is there any evidence of her saying it herself in any form? I have a feeling (that I hope isn't going to be proven right) that he'll turn around later and say something along the lines of "Oh she called herself asexual because she hadn't met the right one yet" etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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