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Lady Girl

The Good Partner Thread

Recommended Posts

HonorboundLT

This topic is amazing! My girlfriend has an automatic sense for how I'm feeling (this translates not only in person, but on the phone, via texting, etc.) at any given time and always knows what to say to make me feel better. Because she is asexual and not completely distracted and doesn't have extreme bouts of ADD like me as distracted as I can be, she listens to what I'm saying, how I'm feeling and then tells me its really okay to think and feel that way, about anything. She's so understanding I can't believe how lucky I am to have her.

Another thing is that she is a wonderful influence on me. It had never occurred to me what sort of bad decisions I may have made, since peer pressure was kind of my Kryptonite for a while, if her level-headedness hadn't intervened. I refer to her as a badass, since of course she is 8) . And, most importantly, she loves me for who I am and doesn't ask anything of me except to be myself :wub: Makes me feel so special!

Note: I believe this thread needs more of this ~ :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

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Lady Girl

He cleans the snow and ice off of his car, scoops the walk and then cleans the snow and ice off of my car. :cake:

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jojo2003

She reminded me of my parents wedding day in time for me to send a gift :).

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BlissfullyYours

Aww I love this thread! Focusing on all the sweet amazing things our partners do is one of my favorite pastimes. Now I'll just have to remind myself to do it when I'm flustered. ;)

For valentines day my wife got me daffodils, my favorite flower, after telling me 2 days ago she couldn't find any! she also got me some cute little toys for my new car and other little things that just made me smile and shows how well she knows what I like. Jewelry and fancy stuff just isn't my thing. She is also always getting me cute little presents for no reason because she knows how much I'll like something.

I am definitely one of the luckiest girls around. <3

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Lady Girl

I have definitely posted here when I was flustered or upset and it actually helped.

Sooooo, My Valentine was a handmade card from Mr. LG(husband) and zombies kitties!!! That's what he put on the card...it was so great! :wub:

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Gamerguy

For Valentines day my lady made me a flower out of pipe cleaners. the petals are little hearts, its soo cute :cake:

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Bushbaby

Hi all!

I'm new here and have been stuck on this site for hours now so n figured i'd contribute after being able to understand so much more bout my partner. We've had so much ups and downs, and so often all i do is highlight the bad and not give him credit for all the rights he has done by me.

As much as he drives me up the wall and commitment issues aside, he is by far the sweetest guy i have been with. He has always tried to cheer me up when i'm feeling plain awful (i reckon i have pms depression), giving me advice, taking me out for my fav food and massages cause he knows i like it that much. Also helps that i love his charms, charisma and am totally attracted to him physically too!

Although i kinda think he is an aromantic, I've hint that i wanted a dinner for vday recently and he gave me a full blown valentines surprise with flowers, chocs, soft toys and a dinner! It totally took me by surprise.

But what i love most (and dread most) about him is that he is never willing to throw our relationship away no matter how hard it is for him.. Mostly due to me wanting more sex, intimacy, commitment and not wanting to try anymore. I wish he knew how much he meant to me..

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Lady in Red

Here's the thing - the only negative thing I can think of is my husband's interest in sex doesn't exist.

Otherwise he's loving, caring, hard-working, will give the shirt off his back to help someone (and has), giving, has no problem if I'm late getting home making him late for recordings (he has a podcast with friends) because I took a detour to get a homeless person a hot meal, is an eternally patient father to our daughter (who was conceived by IVF because of my infertility issues), and is compassionate to all living things, is a full ardent supporter of equal rights in all ways, and spoils the hell out of me, whether that's buying me a treat we can't afford but he thinks I deserve just because it's Tuesday or doing the dishes and laundry after he gets home from a long day at work because I'm tired from chasing after our kiddo all day. He encourages me to take time out for myself and to spend with my friends. He supports my dreams, will do what it takes to help me get what I need to feel better about my medically ravaged body, give me back rubs whenever I ask for them, and puts up with my sometimes irrational fears about the world falling in. I can be angry over nothing or over something, and he'll never raise his voice, and the only time he's ever laid a not-nice hand on me was one day when I had a breakdown and tried hurting myself. He grabbed my wrists so I couldn't and shoved me onto the bed so he could follow and hold me still until I snapped out of things. So it was literally to protect me, and even then, he felt guilty.

The highlights of his day include getting home and our daughter screaming, "Daddy! Daddy!" and jumping for a hug, and watching My Little Pony with her or giving her an unexpected treat, like a new MLP, and watching her face light up. She's mildly autistic, and can be a handful, especially when she can't communicate what she wants. but he's patient, very patient, and does his best to hep her figure it out. Unlike a lot of parents, he's never been one to pass her off to me like she's a burden. In fact, after she was born (homebirth!), he mildly chastised me for changing ONE diaper in the middle of the night. He knew I had been tired and told me I should have woken him. In addition to trying to take care of me, he knew he'd have less time when he had to go back to work. He'll go out of his way to spend more time with her.

When my friends complain that their significant others never help around their homes or aren't supportive about something or spend too much time watching sports or playing video games, all I can think is how I have to demand he buy a video game I know he's been wanting when he otherwise would use that money on something for me. No, really, I had to demand he get it, and finally "won" when I posted on his facebook wall that wifey told him he had to get it. I knew he wanted it. It really takes pushing to get him to spend money on himself. He's all give-give-give.

I guess you could say the thing I don't like, aside from no sex drive, is how he's too giving. But is it really that bad to have someone who prefers to give?

He also makes me want to be a better person.

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Lady Girl

He also makes me want to be a better person.

Hi and welcome! :cake: What a fantastic first post. I really love the line I quoted...my husband does that for me too.

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Rollercoaster

Great thread!

Lady in Red, we are married to the same type of man. Mine brings me coffee in the mornings and tapes my favorite tv shows to watch when I am not falling asleep, usually the next day after dinner. He will clean up after the stupid dogs use the living room when they have a perfectly large yard to use.

Last night he said something really surprising and generous, but it has to do with sex, and there probably is a thread for this discussion. I will look for it, and if not, post here later.

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Lydian

I wonder if we should start a thread for the aces to talk about their partners. XP

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realcooldude

I can't place how much emphasis on how much it means to me that my girlfriend works with me, and is always willing to listen and try to work things out. I know that sex is something she'd never want to do, ever. However, knowing she's willing to go through with it just because it's a need of mine, just for me...the idea is enough to bring me to tears (of joy.)

I love how she entertains my ideas, even if she doesn't agree with them. That's not something anyone can do, sexual or otherwise. We can discuss topics that might be controversial, and she can take my side for consideration even if she thinks that such a view is full of shit, and she'll be very civil about it.

I once suggested she watch my one of my favorite anime, and she actually gave it a try, even though it's something she'd rather never watch again and never would even give it a try to begin with. I once suggested she play one of my favorite games with me, and she played it several times, despite really hating it. Not once, not twice, but several times, and just for me. That's dedication, yo.

She may not say the most romantic things, or very often, but her actions always speak for her. As a recent example, In one of our MMOs, there was a rare item I really liked and wanted. I had it earlier, but due to some circumstances, I ended up giving it away for the sake of another person. Of course, because of the item's rarity it was also expensive. She knew I really liked it, but I also knew she didn't have much resources to afford things, so I kept playing it off as being very nonchalant and indifferent towards the item. She ended up buying the item for me, despite having acted like I didn't care much about it, and when I saw that she had bought it for me, and ended up using up most of her resources, I was so touched and thankful that I have someone like her and started to cry.

I could not wish for a better partner.

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Lady Girl

I wonder if we should start a thread for the aces to talk about their partners. XP

Please post your good stuff here if you want! The sexual partners will love hearing it...everyone will. :)

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Lydian

I wonder if we should start a thread for the aces to talk about their partners. XP

Please post your good stuff here if you want! The sexual partners will love hearing it...everyone will. :)

Well allrighty then! I suppose I should start in saying that even though I'm not insecure about myself, I tend to be very insecure when it comes to trusting or letting other people in. I always have this nagging insecurity that I'm unimportant to the people I care about and had more or less come to the point of no longer getting emotionally attached to anyone at all. I wasn't really looking for a relationship but somehow I would up finding myself pulled into this one. My boyfriend however, always makes sure I know he loves me very much and wont let me forget it even for a second. Whenever I'm feeling insecure or worried about something, especially in the relationship, he always manages to make me feel better.

He's really understanding not only of my asexuality, but also of just me being a little different in other ways too. I took a really long time to actually warm up to him and even now that I have, I'm just not so good with the whole romantic things. Whenever he says something really mushy I tend to just clam up because I don't know how to respond or make some kind of joke to break the silence. He's really great for listening when I tell him it's not because I don't love him, I'm just awkward.

It's long distance, but we're always spending time together in the game and he's always going out of his way to do things to make me happy or help me out. The other day he bought me a prepaid card for the game before I could buy it myself because he know my mom would snap at me if she knew I spent more money on the game. It wasn't really expensive or anything, but it was really sweet of him to do that because I in no way expected him to spend real money on me >_<

He also reads over all my essays for me and gets on my case if I neglect my school work or go in skype during class. XD One time he even helped me do research for my essay because I was so behind.

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Mapleleaf

Aw, I love this thread!! :wub:

As an ace who's just put the pieces together, I love how my husband is so very patient with me. And how he's so loyal, too - he won't cheat on me, and I know he won't even if he is dissatisfied at times with our relationship. He's so patient, so kind, so sweet. A little obtuse since he's an Aspie, but he has the most generous and loving heart. I have to push him to buy things for himself or he'll just let me keep buying things for myself (when we have the money to spare), and sometimes it takes a LOT of pushing for me to get him to purchase something he wants.

He really is utterly astounding. :wub::wub:

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Anhamirak

I love this thread! It's nice to know we aces are not always horrible disappointments.

*picking up tips*

And isn't it sad that we so often feel like we are horrible disappointments?

Anywho, happy story: I had just discovered AVEN and was excitedly gushing about it to a coworker/friend who just as excitedly told me her sister is also ace. I thought it was a testament to the love between them that she is not only totally accepting of her sister's orientation, but was also excited for her sister's sake that there would be someone around who could understand that part of her.

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Kiboko

Absolutely everything. He's the perfect partner in every other way, which makes me feel bad for sex being important to me. I should be grateful for what I have instead of complaining about what I don't. So why am I feeling tearful?

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Caligo_Heart

:wub:

He is seriously the greatest thing to have ever happened to me.

My boyfriend is the most beautiful and genuine person I've ever known. The way he sees the world, it's full of so much color and wonder and I see all that beauty in his eyes. Before I met him I felt as if my heart was inaccessible, I felt as if I was broken but he changed all that. I feel myself full of so many emotions I never thought I'd have the chance to feel. Despite our mismatching libidos when I'm with him I always feel loved and cared for and safe. That's something I've never been able to say about anyone. He's very patient and understanding when I 'm having a day worn down by my depression and he always does his best to make me feel better. I love him so much he's my everything.

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I Shot the Serif

(I like it when people post in this thread, it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy.)

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Pan'sShadow

I'm Asexual married to a Sexual.... and he's a saint.

We had a very bumpy road in the past, but since our discovery of asexuality and this community its been clear skies and smooth sailing.

He is so understanding and patient and kind.

We have constant open dialogue about sexuality and asexuality, we have actually become closer and more intimate both physically and emotionally since we identified the words we needed to communicate about this.

Aside from all of that, he does dishes, and laundry, and walks the dog.

He's a winner and a rockstar.

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Pearl347

I just got here and I like this idea so Im gonna post even though the thread is a bit old. The best thing my partner has ever done for me is support me in leaving my fairly lucrative career to do something I loved instead. He knew it would mean less money and possibly sacrifices for us both but all he cared about was me being happy. He also tells me he loves me at least 3 times a day and tells me how wonderful I am. He is very verbally affectionate. And since he has started to realize over the last year how much non-sexual touch means to me he has made it a point to give me lots of hugs and snuggles and to hold my hand often. He is a very good partner and person.

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EruditeVolatility

Aww, I'm so glad that this thread was resurrected. It is soooooooo cute.

I'm gonna brag on mon amour for a minute because he's the best. Ever.

I am like 97% asexual (because I have a very low sexual desire for mon amour once in a while), but he is pansexual (oh yes, yes he is). When I came out to him he said "I only want sex if it makes you happy. If it doesn't, then we won't do it." And that was it. Done. End of story.

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SconesForDinner

This thread is wonderful! I've been feeling a little down because all the ways I show my girlfriend I love her seem mundane or childish, and it's so great to see so many people appreciating "the little things"! Successful mixed relationships make me so happy, and give me so much hope!

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candyfairy

I've noticed several asexuals comment on this thread in the general theme of "glad to see I'm not inherently a screw up/suck at relationships," so I thought I'd say some things specifically I love about my boyfriend that relate directly to his being asexual.

As someone who's been in crappy relationships before and been used, been sexually objectified, worried about display and behavior, and had to constantly question whether or not a guy was into me just for physical benefits and not because of actual feeling, dating an asexual (specifically my boyfriend who is already the greatest human ever born, I am convinced) has been an amazing change and relief for me. I AM lucky with regards to other sexuals in that he IS open to sexual things, just not sex thus far, but completely independent of that, I love knowing that his feelings for me and his commitment to me is based solely on what he sees in me as a person, that what he loves is my personality and interests and passions, that I don't have to do anything to earn his love. I am so much happier dating an asexual than I ever was when I could have sexual things whenever I wanted them.

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trumpetchick

My boyfriend once fought through swarms of fangirls to send me roses.

Yes, this was a fictional character that a friend created for a story of hers, but I was quite touched nonetheless.

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SerketDizzleD

My boyfriend is the sweetest, most adorable person to ever exist. Like, holy shit. How did I end up with such a caring, amazing person <33333

One recent example was that, since my dog is getting VERY old and senile, to the point where she pees on the floor more than twice a day, my parents are considering calling in a vet to put her down eventually. I told him that and it made me REALLY sad, because I love my dog as much as she is a pain in the ass.

His response?

"Y'know, when that happens, I can always call into school absent because of a death of a family member. So I can be there to comfort you in your time of need."

shdlkjsdhlkfdjhdkjhsdkjhsdjsd <3333333333333333333

Expect me to contribute to this thread a bit. Since he really is so nice and our good moments FAR outweigh our not-so-good ones.

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blue idiot

You know that feeling of being insecure, because you don't know what the future will bring? The fearing of change?

You have some vague dreams, but you're not sure what you really want nor how to accomplish it. You want to be with someone, but you're scared of how it might affect you. Nobody feels really right to you, and though you enjoy your friendships and don't feel lonely right then, you're afraid to live your life alone in the end, because you can see already how they're getting engaged and leave you little by little.

And when you finally come to terms with how everything's going, all of a sudden, this guy you don't know asks you if you want to go drink a coffee sometime, and you agree although you don't even like coffee. He surprised you like that. And he tells you that he doesn't like coffee either and you take a walk instead and he is unlike anybody you ever met before.

You meet him time and again and he accepts your every flaw and quirk and you grow closer by the minute and you talk and just LIVE so much more until you realize you haven't fallen in love but you love him with every fiber of your body and soul and he is so different from you and anyone and you can feel his love, too, and he shows you the world, he shows you to the world. He is just so warm. And you feel how you change, but it's all good.

Well, that's my boyfriend. We have our disagreements every once in a while, sometimes one of us feels sad, but we rely on each other. For support.

He can sense my every thought.

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Namidre

I don't think I can truly say something mean about my girlfriend and mean it. And I always feel horrible for the feeling of not being enough that she gets.

Everything that makes me happy about her is often in the small things. It's in the way she will notice that I am having a bad day and stop by the store to pick up ice cream or in the way she will stand behind the couch and lay a hand on my shoulder. It's that smile when I need it and even when she says those few words of comfort not knowing that I needed to hear them.

It's in the way she will open up even if she's uncomfortable talking about herself. It's the ability that we have to talk and laugh about anything. She has a wonderful sense of humour and though she struggles with many insecurities she's such a beautiful person that I wish that she could see.

She'll hit repeat on a song that I like and deal with my incessant need to listen to that same song for hours. There are times when she will bring me flowers. I cherish each kiss on the head and each brief show of affection even if we both know that it hurts.

It's in the way that she makes me want to change. She brings out the better person in me. If I could give up my sexual attraction to be with her I would in a heart beat. I would turn away with no regrets. She's just that beautiful of a person flaws and all.

Someday I hope that she can see what I see.

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"""

having an ace couple is cool as sex isnt a issue, but the whole relationship the same as any other

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