WhenSummersGone Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I'm curious if platonic orientations exist. I've struggled my whole life with making friends, and I'm getting sick of not only me but others being slapped with a disorder. It would be nice to be accepted for who I am and not what I'm not doing (socializing). Is it possible that aplatonic, demiplatonic and gray-platonic exists like with sex and romance? Sorry if this is the wrong forum to put this in. Link to post Share on other sites
eched Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Well, if you aren't romantically or sexually attracted to someone, you could still have sensual or aesthetic attraction. This would likely make you more drawn to specific people or groups. I do think there has to be some kind of attraction though for it to be an orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Well, if you aren't romantically or sexually attracted to someone, you could still have sensual or aesthetic attraction. This would likely make you more drawn to specific people or groups. I do think there has to be some kind of attraction though for it to be an orientation. No I mean like for friendships. Maybe some people don't have a desire to make friends? It's just a thought though. I know personally I seem like I need to hang around someone enough to be comfortable talking to them. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Heteroplatonic, homoplatonic, biplatonic, aplatonic... Since some people seem to socialise better with one sex/gender than the other/another, maybe... In terms of grey/demi/etc, that sounds rather a lot like being introverted or extroverted, which may or may not be related... Maybe I'm aplatonic, the way I've heard platonic friendships described by others here does not sound like the way I think of my friends... Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Heteroplatonic, homoplatonic, biplatonic, aplatonic... Since some people seem to socialise better with one sex/gender than the other/another, maybe... In terms of grey/demi/etc, that sounds rather a lot like being introverted or extroverted, which may or may not be related... Maybe I'm aplatonic, the way I've heard platonic friendships described by others here does not sound like the way I think of my friends... I seem to socialize better with men than women, however I have made a few female friends in my life. I just get along better with guys because of my personality. I could be Demiplatonic where I start off quiet and become more talkative after hanging out with someone for awhile. I guess I just wanted to bring this topic up because maybe if we talk about friendship orientations then maybe non-socializing wouldn't be a disorder? That not everyone is interested in making many or any friends. Just a thought I've had for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
FiddleKid Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I'm not really interested in making friends either and people shouldn't be pressured into it or seen as not normal if they don't want to socialise, I am tired of doctors trying to get me into social groups and all that rubbish. Some people are happy on their own it's not a disorder as some might think. Link to post Share on other sites
Lambda Corvus Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I have thought about platonic orientations somewhat, so it is interesting to see another person thinking about the idea. It's already been mentioned that such orientations can be phrased in terms of the typical gender-based class labels. The idea that keeps coming back is being lithplatonic. What if there was a person out there who does enjoy building platonic relationships (after a large amount of coaxing), but who becomes uncomfortable with such relationships when they begin to become stronger? Then again, those feelings seem to be more a part of introversion, albeit an extreme variety. I think the lithplatonic person could remain comfortable in their existing platonic relationships (if any), though the thought of seeking and building another relationship would not be too appealing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I just say I don't like people much. It seems to work for me Link to post Share on other sites
Arcovia Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 The concept and terminology actually already exist. According to Wikipedia, the terms used in sociology are heterosocial, homosocial, bisocial, and asocial; presumably the lack of pansocial is because of the invisibility of nonbinary people. The terms do usually refer to patterns of behavior instead of patterns of attraction, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out the behavior studied is prompted by attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 I'm glad platonic orientations have been considered. It makes sense to have a gender preference for some people. I would be demi and pan, because it doesn't matter who I talk with as long as they are nice. I seem to have issues holding friendships though. I'm not really interested in making friends either and people shouldn't be pressured into it or seen as not normal if they don't want to socialise, I am tired of doctors trying to get me into social groups and all that rubbish. Some people are happy on their own it's not a disorder as some might think. Same here it seems and I'm glad someone agrees that it's not a disorder. I'm tired of feeling broken that I can't socialize more easily like most people. Some people are just happier on their own, like asexuals who masturbate and aromantics who have no interest in romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Notte stellata Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I don't know what "demiplatonic" even means. Needing an emotional bond before forming a friendship? But a friendship is an emotional bond, so it goes in circles. Personally I don't think terms like aplatonic, demiplatonic and gray-platonic are necessary. I just say it's hard for me to get close to people or I rarely make new friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Sheogorath Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I suppose there could be. But most people wouldn't call it that, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 I don't know what "demiplatonic" even means. Needing an emotional bond before forming a friendship? But a friendship is an emotional bond, so it goes in circles. Personally I don't think terms like aplatonic, demiplatonic and gray-platonic are necessary. I just say it's hard for me to get close to people or I rarely make new friends. For me it's just working beside someone either in school or work before I'm more comfortable talking to them. Like seeing them a lot, get an idea or their personality then approach them for a conversation. This happens all the time for me because I don't usually jump into conversations unless I'm familiar with who people are. Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade Eden Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 First of all, I've been meaning to talk about this for quite a while, but you beat me to it. Thanks. I have thought about platonic orientations somewhat, so it is interesting to see another person thinking about the idea. It's already been mentioned that such orientations can be phrased in terms of the typical gender-based class labels. The idea that keeps coming back is being lithplatonic. What if there was a person out there who does enjoy building platonic relationships (after a large amount of coaxing), but who becomes uncomfortable with such relationships when they begin to become stronger? Then again, those feelings seem to be more a part of introversion, albeit an extreme variety. I think the lithplatonic person could remain comfortable in their existing platonic relationships (if any), though the thought of seeking and building another relationship would not be too appealing. Secondly, I've been thinking about lith-platonicism and grey-platonicism for quite a while. My experience is something like this: I really love people, and I am interested in getting to know people. I want to to do meaningful things with a number of people. I want to climb mountains with them, get caught in the rain with them, go on long walks together, watch their favorite movies with them, listen to them talk about their favourite books, cuddle with them, and just do anything they they want to do. In return, I mostly want them to think of me favourably, but I don't want, in almost any case, to be a number one person in their lives. I just want to be someone to whom they feel comfortable talking, and with whom they do many meaningful things. I want them to appreciate me in an abstract way, like "that person is a good person, and there are good people in the world. I am happy." There's more to it than that, but that's the gist of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pomz Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 :D this topic.. I'm a-platonic. I'm the most awkward person, it not that I hate people. It's I find them tiring. I do form bonds and such, I like to think I'm human. But I can go months without talking to a friend. Or socializing much outside of the people I live with... My parents. I enjoy socializing, but I'm also really uncomfortable about it. And I find watching people socialize is more enjoyable than actually socializing. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 :D this topic.. I'm a-platonic. I'm the most awkward person, it not that I hate people. It's I find them tiring. I do form bonds and such, I like to think I'm human. But I can go months without talking to a friend. Or socializing much outside of the people I live with... My parents. I enjoy socializing, but I'm also really uncomfortable about it. And I find watching people socialize is more enjoyable than actually socializing. I can relate to this. I'm mostly ok with just talking to my parents who I live with. I enjoy watching and listening to others rather than talking to them. Link to post Share on other sites
abacct Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I consider myself heteroplatonic for my own giggles and grins. I've always preferred males over females. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 I consider myself heteroplatonic for my own giggles and grins. I've always preferred males over females. I'm the same. I feel in real life I'm pretty laid back, less drama as possible, so I connect more with males. This is just from my own personal experience so I don't mean to offend any females here. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I guess I'm Aplatonic out of indifference. Although i enjoy my friends, i also enjoy my alone time and have no problem not seeing them for any period of time. Though i hate losing them and have no drive to make new ones. I'm just polite, and if someone ends up becoming a friend then thats fine. But seeing ppl interested in the same things i am does make me happy. I agree that giving these kind of titles, instead of "im not good around new ppl," is better; the alternative makes you sound broken. No, wait, I'm Lithplatonic? When i meet a stranger and find out we have things in common, i want to become their friend (which doesnt happen much so thats why i wrote whats above). But when i ask myself after feeling so; "do i really want to become their friend," i dont really care. ><; I know we'd probably get along but i dont actually want to know them or vise versa. I'm weird. Or maybe its just a reaction left over from when i had few friends; still currently have few interests, and what i was interested in; anime (and now also includes MLP: FIM), isnt often brought up in average conversation so i would have never known that about other ppl. So my platonic reciprocation was low then and i notice potential for that now. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 :D this topic.. I'm a-platonic. I'm the most awkward person, it not that I hate people. It's I find them tiring. I do form bonds and such, I like to think I'm human. But I can go months without talking to a friend. Or socializing much outside of the people I live with... My parents. I enjoy socializing, but I'm also really uncomfortable about it. And I find watching people socialize is more enjoyable than actually socializing. hmm, i wonder if i would truly be Aplatonic if i didnt get satisfaction from watching others interact/ it wasnt available. O-O OMG, its like porn to an Asexual (satisfaction from watching but not wanting to do it) Link to post Share on other sites
Chanter Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Not trying to derail this topic at all; just the opposite! The terms tractive and nontractive also exist, referring to an interest in forming friendships/connections with people or not. I know for a fact I'm strongly tractive. Link to post Share on other sites
virabelas Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Speaking in these terms I would probably be gray-platonic? But then again, pan-platonic could work as well. I just use the term introvert. People are really tiring for me, save for two of my friends, one of them is a celibate demisexual and the other is a sassy transwoman. And I guess I would be nontractive. I'm actually quite outgoing when I'm comfortable, like at cons or in familiar places or with my best friends, and I'll reach out to people who look as though they have similar interests or if I overhear them talking about something I also like. But after that quick connection is severed, I'm perfectly content not seeing them ever again. I suppose it's the awkwardness I feel when I don't have anything to talk about so I remain quietly freaking out until I flutter away which I commonly refer to as "fleeing the battle". I dislike the feelings of being tied down so I can actively engage with people as long as I am free to leave that connection for as long as I'd like. Commitment is really frustrating for me.So, in more specific terms I guess I'd be considered a gray-platonic with nontractive qualities? I couldn't really be lith-platonic at this point only for the fact that I am the only best friend of my two best friends and they both rely on me for platonic things. But the idea of lith-platonicism does ring a bell with my natural vibes. Link to post Share on other sites
xserpx Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 I'm probably heteroplatonic going on demiplatonic. I definitely connect more with guys, but it takes me a loooong time before I become comfortable calling anyone my "friend". Link to post Share on other sites
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