The concept of 'sexual privilege' is still being spread

[Member54880]

http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/01/privileges-sexual-people-have/

While sexual-romantic relationships are seen as the most 'valid' by society, just about everything in the list is really heterosexual privilege (most true for #1, 11 and 12). It also ignores that bisexuals and pansexuals still have their sexualities questioned and erased all the time, and point #18 suggests that all asexuals don't have sex drives!

I found out about this article just earlier today. I was surprised, because I was sure that 'sexual privilege' had been debunked. Maybe it has by much of the asexual community, but not all? Anyone here know if this concept still supported in some asexual communities?



2014 Edit - For future reference:

25 Privileges That Sexual People Have

January 24, 2014 by Erin McKelle

It’s assumed that if you’re a human being, you are sexual and interested in engaging in sexual activity.
From the time we are babies, we are inundated with messages about how we should and shouldn’t express our sexualities. And within those messages is a discourse that assumes that everyone is having sex – or at the very least desires it – when in fact, that actually is not true.
Approximately 1% of the population is asexual – although because of a lack of visibility is such an issue, this number is in actuality, likely higher – meaning that they do not practice active sexuality and don’t necessarily have sexual relationships or desire.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation – and it is legitimate.
Being asexual doesn’t mean you “just haven’t met the right person” or are sexually repressed. This way of experiencing and labeling attraction, just like any other, is authentic and deserves to be treated with respect. Its existence is not up for debate.
Although asexuals don’t experience sexual desire, they can and do still engage in romantic relationships.
Sexual orientations are about attraction, behavior, and desire, and are not necessarily contingent on relationships.
Sex and relationships often intersect, but are not dependent upon each other for existence.
In fact, many asexuals have a separate romantic orientation that informs their romantic connections to others. For example, if your romantic orientation is gay, that means that you desire to form romantic relationships with people who are of the same gender as you.
Just like any sexual orientation, asexuality exists on a spectrum.
This means that not all asexuals experience asexuality in the same way or to the same degree.
There are asexuals who masturbate, who perform sexual activities on others (for their partner’s benefit, for instance), and who experience arousal.
However, this experience is not the same as it is for sexuals, as the attraction and desire asexuals experience is not connected to partnered sexuality.
Asexuality is not a phase.
It is a sexual orientation like any other, which is central to one’s identity. It is not a medical condition, nor a pathology. Asexuality is a perfectly normal and healthy sexual orientation.
And if you’re sexual, you have privilege.
Having privilege means that you, by default, are afforded entitlement in society. You are given a disproportionate amount of representation, preferential treatment, access to more resources, and are seen as the “norm” or standard to which everything else is compared.
If you have privilege (which all of us do in some form), it does not automatically make you a bad person. We cannot help (most) of the privilege that we have been given and do not need to apologize for having it.
However, we do need to check the privilege that we have and make sure that we are not using it to perpetuate oppression, but rather, to change the status quo.
Having privilege and failing to recognize it does make you part of the problem.
Many people often don’t think about the ways in which their sexual selves afford them privilege. Because sexuality itself is so shrouded with guilt and shame in our culture, we rarely think to ourselves “By virtue of being a sexual person, I have privilege.”
But you do.
How?
Well, you can use this list as a mechanism of checking your privilege and understanding the struggles that asexuals experience every day.
Keep in mind that a lot of these items are things you probably never even considered as being of privilege. Keep in mind that asexuals’ experiences are usually unseen and forgotten. That is the very definition of privilege.
(Please note that some of these examples of privilege overlap with heterosexual privilege, and that some LGBTQ+ people may find that these examples do not apply to them, as they experience marginalization in their sexual identity as well.)
You have privilege by virtue of being sexual because…
1. You can easily see your sexuality represented in every facet of popular media.
2. You are not questioned about your sexuality, as you are assumed to be sexual.
3. You have information about sexuality and your experiences of sexuality at your fingertips.
4. You’re able to form relationships with other sexual people without having to go to great lengths.
5. You don’t have to worry about having to explain your status to people, especially those who are attracted to you.
6. You don’t have to face being misunderstood or uninformed reactions to your sexuality.
7. You can easily date people of your same orientation.
8. There is a wide range of platforms for dating available to you, including online.
9. You don’t face a lack of intimacy because of your sexuality.
10. You don’t have to educate others about your sexual preference.
11. Your sexuality isn’t invisible.
12. Your sexuality is the norm in society.
13. You don’t face being labeled as abnormal for your sexual preferences.
14. Sexual situations don’t have to be navigated with extreme caution or panic.
15. People know what your sexual orientation label means.
16. Your intimacy and relationships are not constantly questioned.
17. You don’t need awareness campaigns for your sexuality to be recognized.
18. Your sex drive isn’t a deal breaker for potential partners.
19. Society doesn’t question your sexual desires or why you have them.
20. Your form of sexuality will probably be discussed in sex education classes.
21. Your sexuality is not assumed to be an impossibility.
22. You aren’t told that your sexuality is a matter of having the right experience.
23. You don’t have to worry about others not knowing what your sexual orientation means or is.
24. You are not labeled as pathological or mentally deranged because of your sexual orientation._
25. The existence of your sexuality is not up for debate.
If you have sexual privilege, think about how you can use your privilege for good.
Something as simple as posting about asexuality (or this article!) on your Facebook or Twitter feed can make a world of difference and encourage others to be educated and realize the privilege that they, too, have.
If you’re a student, professor, or researcher, consider writing about asexuality or conducting much-needed research in this field.
If you don’t have sexual privilege, consider connecting with other asexuals for support and community.
AVEN, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, has online forums and discussion boards that you can join, as well as access to a plethora of resources about asexuality. If you like to write or do art, you can submit to their newsletter, AVENues.
Let’s all commit to making the world a more accepting place for asexuals and increasing their visibility to society, because we all deserve to be accepted, regardless of our sexuality.

Edited February 13, 2015 by ithaca

[Ravako]

I don't understand the question. Are you saying that sexuals don't have privileges over asexuals in our society? Because they do. Maybe you've never seen it first hand, but I've been in a very long relationship, and people are STILL shocked and appalled by the fact that I don't have or desire sex with my partner. They are more than certain that I'm either abusing him (by purposefully withholding something he apparently deserves so rightly) or that I don't love him. Maybe you've never had people suddenly think you're judging them just because you don't enjoy sex or talking about sex like they do. And people outside of the asexual community are almost always telling newly come-out asexuals that they don't know that, that they can't know that, or that they're wrong.

But I may be misunderstanding what you wrote? What do you mean "sexual privilege" has been debunked?

[~Rikki~]

Okay but that has to do more with having sex vs not having sex, not allosexual vs asexual.

My opinion on the article is that it's complete crap.

[Ravako]

Okay but that has to do more with having sex vs not having sex, not allosexual vs asexual.

I fail to see the difference in this context.

[5_♦♣]

I hate how #14 assumes we all are uncomfortable, even fearful in sexual situations.

Rav: Sexual & Asexual= orientation. Having or not having sex= behavior.

[Glitter Spock]

I don't think a privilege/oppression dynamic really fits asexual experiences well, and that's why I don't use the word privilege to describe them. There are certainly a lot of gross things that can happen to us, but I think the terms amatonormativity, heterosexism, and compulsory sexuality account for most of them. I do think there is specific anti-asexual prejudice, but I don't think "sexual privilege" explains how anti-asexual prejudice spreads.

I know of one asexual blogger (thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com) who still uses the phrase "sexual privilege." Unfortunately, none of their posts allow comments.

[Member54880]

I don't understand the question. Are you saying that sexuals don't have privileges over asexuals in our society? Because they do. Maybe you've never seen it first hand, but I've been in a very long relationship, and people are STILL shocked and appalled by the fact that I don't have or desire sex with my partner. They are more than certain that I'm either abusing him (by purposefully withholding something he apparently deserves so rightly) or that I don't love him. Maybe you've never had people suddenly think you're judging them just because you don't enjoy sex or talking about sex like they do. And people outside of the asexual community are almost always telling newly come-out asexuals that they don't know that, that they can't know that, or that they're wrong.

But I may be misunderstanding what you wrote? What do you mean "sexual privilege" has been debunked?

I know that a lot of people are still shocked when they find out an asexual doesn't want sex with their partner, and asexuals have a lot of difficulty coming out in relationships. I'm not denying that at all. I've had some of those you described happen to me too.

The concept of 'sexual privilege' suggests that all allosexuals are equally privileged over asexuals on the basis of sexual orientation. The problem with the arguments used in the article as being 'sexual privilege' is that nearly of them are examples of heterosexual privilege, and don't apply to other sexualities, which are still marginalized in different ways.

[Ravako]

The concept of 'sexual privilege' suggests that all allosexuals are equally privileged over asexuals on the basis of sexual orientation. The problem with the arguments used in the article as being 'sexual privilege' is that nearly of them are examples of heterosexual privilege, and don't apply to other sexualities, which are still marginalized in different ways.

Pfft. Well, now I look like an idiot. I fully admit to not understanding was "sexual privilege" means. Thank you. Yes. The article definitely does focus on heterosexual privilege. I noticed that myself. But when you word it like this, I understand now why the concept of allosexual privilege is a garbage concept. Thanks!

[Oasis]

A google search tells me an allosexual is a person who isn't asexual. I thought there was already a word for that. How does an allosexual differ from a sexual person (calling someone "a sexual" sounds a bit odd)?

[Member54880]

A google search tells me an allosexual is a person who isn't asexual. I thought there was already a word for that. How does an allosexual differ from a sexual person (calling someone "a sexual" sounds a bit odd)?

They're the same thing. It's just that 'allosexual' is an alternate term, and some people prefer it over 'sexual' because of the connotations 'sexual' has.

I prefer using 'allosexual', but because most people here don't, I end up not being consistent with what term to use.

[xserpx]

Yeah the levels of heterosexual privilege in that article are unbearable. Most of those points can be applied to every other sexuality aside from heterosexuality. And they don't want to address aromanticism either (well, that's no surprise). Also, "4. You’re able to form relationships with other sexual people without having to go to great lengths." is pretty awful, because it seems to suggest that in sexual/asexual relationships, it's expected for the asexual to accommodate the sexual's desires...

[Eilera]

I don't really care much for this article. Most of the reasons why have already been stated here so I won't rehash it but I do feel that the writer comes off a bit...accusing? It's like they are trying to make sexuals feel guilty for being sexuals. I don't know if its just because its writing and it is difficult to project the proper emotion when readers can't hear your tone of voice, but yeah...feels kind of like an attack on sexuals. O.o

[Philip027]

They're the same thing. It's just that 'allosexual' is an alternate term, and some people prefer it over 'sexual' because of the connotations 'sexual' has.

Allosexual sounds like someone that's into the allosaurus. IMO that term is a step backward as far as connotations go

[Sally]

). Also, "4. You’re able to form relationships with other sexual people without having to go to great lengths." is pretty awful, because it seems to suggest that in sexual/asexual relationships, it's expected for the asexual to accommodate the sexual's desires...

I'd take that to mean that neither person has to go to great lengths.

[Lambda Corvus]

The whole idea of sexual privilege has been discarded by most members of the asexual community. From the perspective of a sexual person, it may appear that asexuals have it better. I've heard the "you don't have to deal with unwanted physical attraction, or relationships" line far too often. In reality, sexuals and asexuals just face different challenges in their lives. Sometimes, society as a whole helps out with the challenges, and sometimes it even compounds them, but there isn't anything about being sexual that is inherent more easy than being asexual.

[Siggy]

Sexual privilege is "debunked" because in 2011 there was a huge kerfuffle about it that left everyone bitter (see this linkspam). Some valid points were brought up against the idea of sexual privilege, some not so valid points. I'm still sympathetic to the idea of sexual privilege, however I won't use the idea since empirically it's not an effective rhetorical strategy.

I believe the author of The Thinking Asexual originally proposed the idea of sexual privilege (under a different moniker). They got a lot of hate for it, and I respect those battle scars. (Edit: Actually looking back I'm no longer sure of this.)

[Member54880]

I don't really care much for this article. Most of the reasons why have already been stated here so I won't rehash it but I do feel that the writer comes off a bit...accusing? It's like they are trying to make sexuals feel guilty for being sexuals. I don't know if its just because its writing and it is difficult to project the proper emotion when readers can't hear your tone of voice, but yeah...feels kind of like an attack on sexuals. O.o

I know what the intent is with those articles that list privileges people of a privileged identity have; it's not supposed to make a person feel guilty, or attack them, but make them aware that there are things that they won't be subjected to systemically, on the basis of that privileged identity.

They're the same thing. It's just that 'allosexual' is an alternate term, and some people prefer it over 'sexual' because of the connotations 'sexual' has.

Allosexual sounds like someone that's into the allosaurus. IMO that term is a step backward as far as connotations go

There's that, but I've also seen 'consexual', and 'verisexual'. The second one sounds even worse than using 'sexual'. More often than not, I end up just using non-asexual, but I'm afraid that erases grays and demis.

Sexual privilege is "debunked" because in 2011 there was a huge kerfuffle about it that left everyone bitter (see this linkspam). Some valid points were brought up against the idea of sexual privilege, some not so valid points. I'm still sympathetic to the idea of sexual privilege, however I won't use the idea since empirically it's not an effective rhetorical strategy.

I believe the author of The Thinking Asexual originally proposed the idea of sexual privilege (under a different moniker). They got a lot of hate for it, and I respect those battle scars. (Edit: Actually looking back I'm no longer sure of this.)

Thanks for the info! I know that sexual relationships are more valued and taken seriously than non-sexual relationships by society, and asexuals are still frequently pathologized; I don't think that's sexual privilege, but rather, compulsory sexuality, and I think that the sexual privilege thing erases 'sexuals' who don't want sex.

I used to follow The Thinking Asexual on tumblr, and liked a lot of their posts, but they deleted their tumblr blog several months ago.

[Nogitsune]

Yeah, that list is really screwed up... and so is the name of the list. Asexual people face specific problems, sure, whether you call that marginalization or oppression or something else, but allosexual people definitely don't have that kind of collective privilege over asexuals. Like... just no. As you said, among other things that list seems to assume that allosexual = heterosexual, which is just... whut. Like, "You can easily see your sexuality represented in every facet of popular media." Seriously?

I don't see the concept of "sexual privilege" going around much anymore, but it needs to die for real.

ETA: The author seems like a well-meaning allosexual person... or at least hasn't written on asexuality before. She's also a "consent is sexy" person apparently (as if anyone should care if it's sexy instead of a basic requirement). Huh yeah, good to know. And she recommends problematic people's videos and just seems like a relatively uncritical sex positive feminist. I was thinking about how maybe contacting her would be a good idea if she's well-meaning, but I don't think I'm gonna bother, I have way too many hang-ups about writing to people at random to begin with. ETA 2: Though to be fair she probably is well-meaning, so if anyone else has less trouble contacting people and thinks it's worth it, that might work.

[Omnes et Nihil]

I don't think a privilege/oppression dynamic really fits asexual experiences well, and that's why I don't use the word privilege to describe them. There are certainly a lot of gross things that can happen to us, but I think the terms amatonormativity, heterosexism, and compulsory sexuality account for most of them. I do think there is specific anti-asexual prejudice, but I don't think "sexual privilege" explains how anti-asexual prejudice spreads.

I know of one asexual blogger (thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com) who still uses the phrase "sexual privilege." Unfortunately, none of their posts allow comments.

Well, if there's a system of compulsory sexuality and asexual people (and others) are harmed by it, are you suggesting that nobody benefits by being the norm?

compulsory heterosexuality ==> hetero-centrism and heteronormativity ==> heterosexual privilege

compulsory sexuality ==> sexual-centrism and sexualnormativity (or whatever other word people will use for that) ==> nothing? (I don't believe that)

Sexual and non-asexual people do benefit from being the norm and having their realities and the systems that work for them normalised, by virtue of their sexuality or non-asexuality, and that's a privilege. Just because this particular bloggers doesn't present a good conception of it doesn't make it a wrong concept.

Asexual people face an imposed invisiblity. Sexual or non-asexual people of any sexual orientation live in a society that recognises they exist (even if it doesn't like them-- homophobia regnises that LGB people exist). And in many countries where people have proctections on the basis for sexual orientation, professional organisations like the APA come out against reparative therapy targeting LGB but NOT asexual people. Asexual people have to fight to have their friends and families recognise their relationships as significant-- maybe because these are non-sexual romantic relationships, or because they are non-romantic relationships. And if ace people do have sex-- which, while happening in a context of compulsory sexuality is at least a little coerced, even when it's voluntary-- they face people denying their identity. (Even families who reject LGB relationships out of homophobia recognise on some level that these relationships matter and try to put them down by denying them acceptance). And when asexual people's romantic partners coerce sex from them (or coerce them to agree to sex), this isn't recognised as violence the same way that it would be if that person wasn't asexual (because of the expectation that people *owe* sex in a (committed or longterm) romantic relationship.

People who aren't asexual don't have to face these things by virtue of their not being aseuxal. (They might have to face them for other reasons, but not because of their non-asexuality). They are the social norm and they don't need to recognise it. That's a privilege.

I think there was so much anti-asexual hostility and backlash in 2011 when all this went down *because* it hit a nerve of unacknowledged privilege that sexual and non-aesxual people didn't want to acknolwedge (and usually when that happens, people hide behind one aspect of oppression to deny another aspect of privilege). But what didn't seem to get talked about back then was how talking about privilege is *ally work*. White people deal with White privilege and straight people deal with heterosexual privilege-- and part of that privilege (as Peggy MacIntosh noted when she published her article about White privilege in 1988) is the privilege to talk about privilege and be taken seriously.

Sexual privilege isn't useful as a rhetorical strategy to stop anti-asexual hostility *because* asexual people have been the ones using it, and as asexual people we don't have the power to do that. Someone coming from an ally position would need to do that.

But every time a group of people faces particular undeserved discrimination or hostility for being part of that group, somebody else benefits by getting to be the norm and that's a privilege.

Even the concept of heterosexual privilege could benefit from the concept of sexual privilege-- because some aspects of the things people consider to be heterosexual privilege are about the hetero-ness and some include the sexuality part. So hetero aces will still benefit from some aspects of heterosexual privilege, wihle not having sexual privilege. But that just needs these ideas would need more analysis not less.