Demisexual

[itsallnew]

Well heres my story. My mates are all able to pick up girls in clubs and have sex where as i need a stronger connection. It sucks as most girls where i am from arn't really into the idea of holding off sex until a relationship blossoms. Ive been in situations where a relationship gets awkward lol. Its really hard to come to terms with this and has took me a while to realize that im most likly going to be alone most my life. Is there any demisexuals out there who have successful relationships are most girls put off by this orientation?

[Lydian]

Don't be so negative. I wish I WAS demisexual, it'd probably come off better being able to say I'd be attracted to them down the road as opposed to never. If I can find myself a relationship, it's definitely not impossible for you. In fact I know a number of people who prefer to wait. If a person isn't going to be in a relationship with you because you wont have sex right off the bat (which even some sexual people wouldn't do), then they're not worth your time anyway. Besides, picking up a girl in a club hardly sounds like the meaningful kind of relationship you should be wanting anyway.

[ADP]

Being demisexual doesn't meant that you'll be alone. I've been in a relationship for about a year after seven years of friendship, so I don't have great advice on how to pair up in the casual dating scene, but I can assure you that relationships are possible. It's like anything else---if the other person can't accept it, then the two of you probably aren't very compatible anyway. It will work out with the right person.

[Guest]

Demisexuals are actually more likely to have successful relationships with sexuals than asexuals are, or so I would think, since they can behave exactly like sexual people in most romantic relationships that are at an advanced enough state (unless they're those demis who only experience sexual attraction for some partners/romantic interests). Don't give up, you're far from alone and you definitely have chances. :)

[howyoufeel_org]

hi,

It is always a bit tricky to be a mixed couple, but I am married.

I think begin demi sound easy but actually can be tricky, but if you know about it and not only run around in the dark and not understand yourself you can probably compensate a bit for it.

Okey, I know that maybe that does not so much sense so a couple of examples from my life.

- it pretty easy to start non-sexual relations and then it get weird when the attraction kicks in.

- I think when you get older it get easier because woman look more for more stable relations.

- It is easy to forget your own primary attributes because you have hard time to understands it is important for others, I do not care at all, does not mean that I am not take a shower, but I drive in a silly mini car, I cut my own hair, I love pink and strong colors and probably the most unmacho man in my city :-), but the point is I do not think you should care but just communicate about it.

- think like a Jedi, be calm and have patience and be humble and nice.

- people do get very confused because they can not figure you out, well, I fight with that almost everyday but too feel good about yourself helps a lot.

hmmm, maybe I like "the pink panther" that loves to surf , LOL

[itsallnew]

Thanks use have helped lift my mood. Its good to finally know im not alone in this.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

If a person isn't going to be in a relationship with you because you wont have sex right off the bat (which even some sexual people wouldn't do), then they're not worth your time anyway. Besides, picking up a girl in a club hardly sounds like the meaningful kind of relationship you should be wanting anyway.

I don't know what the OP is like, but the problem can be not so much the "waiting" itself, as the vibe you give off during the early stages of dating. Especially in the male->female direction. It's sort of expected (in the dating world) that the male pursues the female sexually, so then when you give ZERO vibe of sexual interest in her at all, she feels thoroughly "friendzoned". That's been my issue in dating in the past anyway. I basically act as if I'm just making a friend, and this can go on for months - oblivious to the idea that a "different" vibe is what's generally expected. :lol:

And yeah, when you're demisexual, that's REALLY how it is - "dating" is pretty much identical to just making a friend, initially and for quite a while. Which has a lot of subtle psychological vibes that throw the whole thing off. And I don't think it's even all because of that heteronormative factor above, but that's certainly a big part of it, as the dating world currently stands.

Still, it's probably true that the "pickup scene" isn't really the right place to look for meaningful relationships anyway. Not that I don't know people in good relationships who first met by picking each other up in clubs, but it's not exactly common.

[Lydian]

If a person isn't going to be in a relationship with you because you wont have sex right off the bat (which even some sexual people wouldn't do), then they're not worth your time anyway. Besides, picking up a girl in a club hardly sounds like the meaningful kind of relationship you should be wanting anyway.

I don't know what the OP is like, but the problem can be not so much the "waiting" itself, as the vibe you give off during the early stages of dating. Especially in the male->female direction. It's sort of expected (in the dating world) that the male pursues the female sexually, so then when you give ZERO vibe of sexual interest in her at all, she feels thoroughly "friendzoned". That's been my issue in dating in the past anyway. I basically act as if I'm just making a friend, and this can go on for months - oblivious to the idea that a "different" vibe is what's generally expected. :lol:

And yeah, when you're demisexual, that's REALLY how it is - "dating" is pretty much identical to just making a friend, initially and for quite a while. Which has a lot of subtle psychological vibes that throw the whole thing off. And I don't think it's even all because of that heteronormative factor above, but that's certainly a big part of it, as the dating world currently stands.

Still, it's probably true that the "pickup scene" isn't really the right place to look for meaningful relationships anyway. Not that I don't know people in good relationships who first met by picking each other up in clubs, but it's not exactly common.

This is why I think I'd prefer to date people I've known as friends and gotten to know first. I'm still kind of not sure if I'm demiromantic or grey-romantic or whatever but I do know dating someone I just met is totally weird and awkward. I would rather meet someone as a friend, become very close that way, maybe develop feelings and then get together. Or at least know them first I mean really....I find the way people avoid dating friends and prefer strangers to be so....backwards.