Sexual Attraction Question

[Treehugger7]

So I don't know if this is off topic or anything. I haven't identified as an asexual for very long, but I have recently faced some doubts. I get aroused when I watch sweet romantic parts of movies and tv shows, but I don't get aroused by the sexual scenes or seeing naked people. it doesn't seem to be directed at any particular person. I also have never had any desire to have sex. Would that count as sexual attraction? Or do I have to have the desire of having sex?

[Archaewok]

I'm a nudist. That matters because I can say that just looking at someone, even if they are beautiful and naked, doesn't mean I get "all hot and heavy." I am attracted to some people more than others, and that's life. I imagine "that person seems like they would be enjoyable to have sex with," yet I don't have sex with them. In fact, I haven't had sex with anyone yet, but it doesn't take a lot of rocket science to figure out what sex would feel like if I know what certain acts done on my own feel like. If you enjoy masturbation, like being physically close to people (cuddling) at least some of the time, and think you would be fine handling the "icky, sticky, ooie, gooie" of sex, then you are probably a sexual. If you haven't masturbated before, then that is probably the first place to start to figure out if you lean more toward the sexual side or asexual side.

As a side note, the label of asexual might feel good because it gives you an identity that makes you more unique than other people (considering you aren't sure if you are a sexual or not).

[Lady Girl]

This thread has been split from "Sexual Attraction" to give it a new life of it's own.

Lady Girl, Moderator

[Guest]

You don't need to desire to have sex in order to feel sexual attraction. Some grey-A people feel it but still don't want to have sex.

However, what you described counts as sexual arousal as far as I'm concerned. Sexual attraction is to one specific person or group of people; it's the feeling you get when you think that having sex with them would be a good idea, more or less. If you experience that with romantic scenes no matter who the characters are, it's probably not sexual attraction.

Of course, these are just my two cents. Ultimately, only you know how you feel, so feel free to contradict my statements.

[RainbowAfterTheStormy]

I'm a nudist. That matters because I can say that just looking at someone, even if they are beautiful and naked, doesn't mean I get "all hot and heavy." I am attracted to some people more than others, and that's life. I imagine "that person seems like they would be enjoyable to have sex with," yet I don't have sex with them. In fact, I haven't had sex with anyone yet, but it doesn't take a lot of rocket science to figure out what sex would feel like if I know what certain acts done on my own feel like. If you enjoy masturbation, like being physically close to people (cuddling) at least some of the time, and think you would be fine handling the "icky, sticky, ooie, gooie" of sex, then you are probably a sexual. If you haven't masturbated before, then that is probably the first place to start to figure out if you lean more toward the sexual side or asexual side.

As a side note, the label of asexual might feel good because it gives you an identity that makes you more unique than other people (considering you aren't sure if you are a sexual or not).

Just because you can handle sex doesn't make you sexual. Nor does whether or not you masturbate. Nor does cuddling (this is an activity considered to be part of romantic attraction or even friendship). Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to other people. Some also define it as a lack of desire to have sex with people. Many asexuals masturbate, cuddle, and even have sex. Some don't participate in any of those activities. Fetuses masturbate, does this mean they feel sexual attraction? Probably not, because the only thing they've ever seen is the inside of a uterus. Parents cuddle with their babies, and this is not a sexual or romantic activity. And people have sex with people they aren't sexually attracted to all the time.

And people really don't choose this label because "it's unique". Being an outcast is not fun, trust me.

Treehugger: only you can define yourself. I define myself as gray-ace, and I feel physical excitement during romantic scenes, but I never feel attracted to the characters. I also don't have the desire to act out my arousal with someone. I think it's different for everyone.

[joesantus]

A hetero sexual (and nudist and open married, I should add), I've been into drug-free natural bodybuilding since I was 16. Consequently, I'm used to viewing not only men but also women physique competitors. It's provided an unintentional laboratory for observing my sexual feelings/responses versus other feelings/responses to people and their appearances.

When I look at both men and women from a bodybuilding perspective, I experience "aesthetic" and "anatomically attractive". It's the same for me as when I look at a Greek statue or a classic nude painting -- I recognize beauty, I appreciate pleasing lines and symmetry and proportions, I enjoy what are ideal depictions of the human body, both male and female. However, I feel none of the "magnetism" or "desire-to-have" or "urge-to-physically-connect-with" that I experience in what I call sexual attraction.

So, I know for myself that it's possible to consider a woman to be "hot" yet not to experience desire for her. I suppose it's slightly parallel to seeing your favorite food when you're already satiated -- yep, that ice cream looks like quality ice cream but, nope, you feel no urge to eat it.