Realized today I'm a heteroromantic demisexual...

[unopeneddoor]

And have to say it's quite liberating and freeing. I always thought I was "strange" because I had such a low sex drive, thought I might even be asexual, but I have had sexual feelings before. I'll be posting here some more too. So I have a question...if you're a "grey-a" or Demisexual, when did you realize you were? I'd like to hear had stories.

[TheNaughtyNeutrois]

When I first realized I was demisexual, it was a 4 year online relationship that had turned into a reality (I flew half-way round the world from Perth, Australia to meet my partner in Detroit, Michigan, USA.) The moment it became "real", my attraction to them mutliplied tenfold. I was emotionally, physically and guess you could say, yes, my emotional attraction allowed me to finally experience sexual attraction for the first time in my living of 22 years.

Whenever they touched me sexually (which was very rare, probably twice in the two months I stayed there amongst all the numerous times I've pleasured them) I would get a jolt of arousal and it was quite... intense to say the least.

I knew otherwises, that if I wasn't attracted to them, I would and did have inklings of asexuality (or perhaps just a low sex drive) during the relationship. I would never initiate sex and sometimes they demanded it a fair bit that I would feel pressured.

Unfortunately, my partner became interested in someone else and broke things off with me in order to "officially" date the person she was romantically interested in. And effectively almost... well, emotionally ruined me in the process. 4 years of emotional connection that had been fleshed out in the 2 months I stayed with her, it was crushed completely. I was numb for several months and it only just hit me yesterday. I had a breakdown and finally allowed myself to feel the pain of the loss I've endured. I'm not sure if I'll ever love again because I don't trust people after everything that's happened. Besides, what is love? Two people in a relationship could have different definitions and values behind love that could clash. What's the point, really?

Sorry, its not a very positive one haha. Funny thing was I used to be very disinterested in love and sex before I met my partner online. And I've seen to gone back to my old ways again. I've never believed in love so I feel foolish to have let someone change my belief. I was given the hope that love is unconditional but fact of life is, love isn't forever, eventually someone will fall in love with someone else who fits their needs more.

[anon_anonymous]

rather than start a new thread...

bi-demisexual with strong preference for women and chaotic libido.

does that make sense [it may be me].

edited to add that if you'd asked me about sexual attraction at 21 i'd have cried and if honest would have said i only ever "wanted" one person.

i think that demisexuals

And have to say it's quite liberating and freeing. I always thought I was "strange" because I had such a low sex drive, thought I might even be asexual, but I have had sexual feelings before. I'll be posting here some more too. So I have a question...if you're a "grey-a" or Demisexual, when did you realize you were? I'd like to hear had stories.

me, i always knew i was in control... i can choose to find someone attractive, because i can choose who to get closer to. that's it, right??

interesting question - the interface between intimacy and romance.

[maccheese]

Unfortunately, I found out after I was married with one kid. I never enjoyed, was impressed with, or found sex a priority. I thought it may have had something to do with religion and that after I got married, inhibitions would go away. Nope! I really do love my husband and while he is very much sexual and feels that sex is what keeps us close, it has never been that way with me. I could never have sex with him again, and love him and feel just as close and connected.

I will say I think that I am bi romantic semi or demisexual/gray A. I have been open to having romantic or sensual relationships with both males and females, but the sex part of a relationship with a female, not interested in, but I know I could have an awesome relationship. Kind of liberating as the only real reason homosexuality is wrong in the eyes of a Christian is because of the sex. I was never interested in the sex, but the relationship yes. I could be in a relationship with a female and technically not be morally wrong.

[howyoufeel_org]

I knew I always was different at least from my 20s and up, I kind of had alot of female friends, but I kind of never hook up with them, I like womans but I felt really not desperate to have any relationships.

I never had any cruches on womans I did not know fairly good, and if something happend on a nightclub I kind of sneaked out of it and my male friend thought I was strange because I could say no to womans.

In my 30s I accually understand I was different, I can not see what other can see, I have a hi libido, but the attraction I have is only on emotional strong bounds.

And somethimes I think it actually is a part/effect my personallity, I kind of is abit gender neutral, and I really do not understand the macho man stuff or the fansy woman stuff, I know it is like a game that is there but I kind of pretty blind for it and I really do not understand any of it.

[BlindWolf8]

I knew I always was different at least from my 20s and up, I kind of had alot of female friends, but I kind of never hook up with them, I like womans but I felt really not desperate to have any relationships.

I never had any cruches on womans I did not know fairly good, and if something happend on a nightclub I kind of sneaked out of it and my male friend thought I was strange because I could say no to womans.

In my 30s I accually understand I was different, I can not see what other can see, I have a hi libido, but the attraction I have is only on emotional strong bounds.

And somethimes I think it actually is a part/effect my personallity, I kind of is abit gender neutral, and I really do not understand the macho man stuff or the fansy woman stuff, I know it is like a game that is there but I kind of pretty blind for it and I really do not understand any of it.

I 100% agree with this! The media loves to play games.

[Fulie]

I found this out during middle school & high school. I felt different in that I wasn't attracted like the other girls. They would be like: "OH MY GOD HOT DAMN" & I was sitting there thinking: "Maybe that guy isn't the right one for me... or I don't know him well...or what if he's a jerk..." & other things.

My way of thinking was WAAAY different. I thought that maybe this was just how it was for me: always single, but not really alone. I was totally focused on my friends & maybe since I studied a lot, I just didn't want to get distracted... but that's not how it really turned out. Even if I was so into my studies, I would have at least found somebody that I would fall in love with or found at least kinda cute... but that wasn't the case at all. It wasn't until later in my junior year that I actually fell in-love, for the first time ever. I was shocked (As funny & hilarious as it sounds). I knew that as far as I was concerned, I was pretty much destined to not fall in love. I had known the guy since sixth grade, but I never really bothered to get to know him too well. We were in a class together & we just had casual convo, then it escalated from there. By my senior year, I had gotten to know him pretty well. I was pretty close with him & I had the guts to tell him how I felt. My close circle of friends found out about this & established a ship, which I currently regret ( :lol: ). I had loved the guy because he was seriously one of the closest and most intimate guy relationships I ever had. He was the one guy I could talk to about things that I would never say in public. I enjoyed his company & he was great to be around. I became a bit romantically involved, which complicated my senior year. I wasn't together with him, but I just shared this deeply strong & close connection to the guy.