Hate my extremely feminine body

[hansamuariga]

I used to be very skinny as a child, but when I went through adolescence, my body started developing curves. Now, I am pretty slender, but I am soft and have ridiculously large breasts, as well as a bigger butt/thighs.

I am so envious of the women who have stick thin bodies with little fat and small breasts. I want to look more androgynous. Unfortunately, the only way I can see that happening is if I go for a breast reduction surgery and a lot of weight loss.

Can anyone else relate to this? I've been frustrated by my body for so long now. I hate how because I have a very feminine, curvy body, I am always sexualized by other people. As if I am trying to show off my big breasts whenever I wear a tank top... no, I just want to wear a tank top. I wish I just had a very skinny body so I didn't have to deal with these problems and with men thinking of me in that way. Plus, my fat grosses me out a lot and I think I have a lot of body image issues. :/

[Vyanni Krace]

Ahh I'm the same way. According to my mum I used to be quite a skinny child (but the healthy sort of skinny, not the stick-figure sort) before puberty which I was quite happy with.

But then puberty struck. (And a bit of depression due to bullying which caused me to comfort-eat a few times, thus gaining a bit of weight.)

And now I'm stuck with a more or less hour-glass figure. -_-

I am genderqueer so I pretty much hate the femininity of my body. To make up for it I try to hide my curves (which often makes me look a tad over-weight but if it means my curves don't show then I don't care) and I absolutely refuse to wear feminine clothes (skirts and dresses in particular) or do anything to 'pretty-up' my features.

The one time I wore a dress was during the mock-wedding my school set up. My mum pretty much forced me into a dress. A long, velvety dark purple/black dress that clung to my figure, had a low neck-line and no sleeves, only thin straps. Not to mention the slit in the side of the dress that went up to just above my knee. Then she forced me to straighten my hair which made me look somewhat close to a brunette Rose Tyler. Long story short I was horrified and hated every second I was wearing the damned thing.

The only 'good' thing I got out of wearing it was seeing my classmates reactions to me looking feminine. Because I make efforts to hide the femininity of my body no ones seen it. They all did that day and they all seemed to be pretty shocked by it which made me laugh a bit.

[Guest]

I understand completely, I've always had small breasts but a little bigger butt and thighs... Since I gained weight and went from underweight to normal weight I look so ridiculously much more like a female that I cant stand it! I will start working out to lose the extra fat and try replace it with muscles... >>

[hansamuariga]

Hugs for everyone

[oog]

i have a friend with BDD. it's not nice. as a guy i had huge issues with hair on my arms and legs. like really dark hair. it effected me to the point of not being able to wear short sleeves etc. or shorts. so it was always a jumper. even in the sun. or at the beach. i still don't like my arms and legs out infront of people. i know it's not anywhere near the level your talking about. also, i walk one hell of alot. my legs are a really odd shape from muscle growth. it's also made my shoulders quite broard compared to my upper body. i look wierd.

also i studdied art for 2 years. so i did abit of life drawing. basically naked people. a different one each week. we had to study bodies down to intricate detail and i just sort of accept stuff now. i would never be one to judge. but thats not where your coming from at all.

i don't know if that helps you. but i've become alot more accepting of my body since.

[Queer As Cat]

totally identify with this. (very) occasionally i wonder what it would be like to get top surgery.... not because i dislike my chest at all (it's not large anyway), just to eliminate a major thing that people use to gender me... but then i remember my large butt and "ample" thighs and it's like.... what's the point? without question i don't want bottom (sex neutralizing) surgery (although it would be nice to do away with my period), but i sure as hell would love to have something surgically done about my butt and legs..... except that nothing can really be done about those things.

sighs.

even baggy clothing does nothing to hide my butt. it does indeed annoy me a lot...

[vervain]

This. I wish so much the femaleness would go away. :(

I can't even offer hugs or be hugged because it makes me feel the female-shaped parts even more acutely.

[dreaming cat]

Very much identify with this. My body is much more female than I feel internally. Even when I've lost a lot of weight, I don't lose it from my breasts, which just accentuates them. I've pretty much stopped wearing tank tops outside of the house, even though we're coming up on summer in Arizona.

[BannedForSatire]

I used to experience extreme gender dysphoria but I found a partner that accepts me and acknowledges that I am mentally genderless even if my body and appearances are feminine. Since then I've been far more comfortable in my own skin. I think it would help if you had a good real life friend or community that would acknowledge this for you then you wouldn't feel the need to change yourself.

[vervain]

I think it certainly doesn't help that my best friend (who is otherwise insightful about sexuality and gender issues) doesn't get the notion of agender at all, and thinks I am confusing gender with sexuality and romantic orientation. That was a serious kick in the teeth.

It is really wonderful to hear about your (MissDigitalis') partner and how validated you feel now. I am a bit jealous, a bit inspired, and a lot happy for you. :)

[friedchickenftw]

Aww thats so sad don't let perverted guys make you think that about your body, your very lucky to have curves

[Maledicte]

I hear ya. I used to be rather slender (more than I realized, really) and over a decade I've gradually gained 40 pounds. (I'm pretty short, so the increase is significant). Even though I'm learning to appreciate my boobs, I do wish I could flatten them on a regular basis, and either successfully pass as a guy or at least screw with people's perceptions once in a while.

Basically I wish I could shape-shift my body to suit my mood. haha

[MXC]

I feel very similar things. even if I don't have particular problems with the rest of my curvy body, breast has been. I like them but I don't like how they define me to other people. I've always wear cup iperfemminine bras as they make it look good, but recently I've started wearing sport bras that flatten it a lot and can't see myself no more with the other kind of bra. I think that maybe a breast reduction surgery would be the best solution but I'm scared I'm not going to like my "new" breast; also I have tattoos and piercing and I'm not kin in ruin them as the chest/breast piece is my favourite and has a deep meaning for me.

is there anyone who tried or know someone who tried breast reduction surgery?

anyway don't let other people put you off even if it's hard keep your chin up! ;)

[spunkaloidal]

Thank you!

I have large breasts and I've never felt comfortable with them. I can never find a bra that fits well enough to hold the two little miscreants in place so that they don't jiggle when I go. I feel physically uncomfortable even in a 'fitted' bra because one breast is slightly smaller than the other and the assymetry drives me mad to the point of tears - I'm always hiking that one breast up, even in public (although I try to make sure no one is looking) because I feel so uncomfortable. I don't care how they look - whether they're symmetrical in appearance - it's just that the minor asymmetry felt when I don a bra is on the level of irritating one feels when they have an itch that they need to scratch.

When I was 18yrs old, I went to see two different plastic surgeons about getting a breast reduction, as given the size, I did qualify for government coverage of the operation, but both of the surgeons (who were 60+ yrs and MALE) suggested that I should wait until I had children... you know, so that i could breastfeed them. I told them both, flat out that I did not want children, but of course, they didn't believe me. Neither did they take me seriously when I explained that I had issues with the assymetry in my breasts. It had nothing to do with aesthetics and everything to do with how I feel. I'm 30 fucking years old now and I've had major shoulder pain from always lifting up my right shoulder to compensate for the bra/breast assymmetry.

When I fly long distances, I always book my seat so that I'm located on the right side of the plane, against a window, so that when I hike up my right breast 50-to-100 times during the flight, no one will notice...

Right now, I would KILL for a full mastectomy. I never asked for large breasts. I was the girl who always wanted to play with the trucks and the action figures and the guns and carpentry tools - and got overlooked for the often, less competent boys in my vicinity. My overtly feminine body thwarts my best intentions, even when I don masculine/androgenous clothing. The b00bs still get noticed.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

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Right now, I would KILL for a full mastectomy. I never asked for large breasts. I was the girl who always wanted to play with the trucks and the action figures and the guns and carpentry tools - and got overlooked for the often, less competent boys in my vicinity. My overtly feminine body thwarts my best intentions, even when I don masculine/androgenous clothing. The b00bs still get noticed.

It makes me sad to hear that you get overlooked for something that was a matter of random chance. If it's any consolation, I told my management to definitely NEVER overlook or discount the ability of women to build my complicated instrumentation and based that on my data that the most competent and talented assemblers of this class of equipment were women. They broke far fewer components because they often had better motor skills and tended never to try to 'manhandle' something or get mad and beat on it.

I had a friend who had a breast reduction done about 10 years ago, and she was very happy with the results but did say it was more painful that she was led to believe. Her partner was happy for her, too, and supported her all through the healing.

Best wishes for finding a doctor who will be more cooperative. I can empathize with the feeling that one's body is betraying one because of my own tribulations with biology.

[Meihua]

I can relate... been struggling with picky eating for years, put on a lot of weight because I prefer to eat high-energy foods and loathe fruits and vegetables, and have this awful figure that everyone describes as "curvy" and "womanly"... it gets to me quite a lot. I don't understand the concept of "curves" being attractive. It's just a bunch of fat that makes it much harder to run, jump and climb. As soon as I move out of home for university and get a part-time job, I'm seriously considering getting non-surgical lipo, since I think it would help my dysphoria a lot. But since I'm probably a lot larger than you, that might not be the best suggestion. Still, I can sympathise.

[Annie1]

Same here. I do not like my large breasts. I look very feminine too. I have long legs, quite wide hips (not wide in a way that would make me look overweight, just wide for a skinny person), a smaller waist line and quite big breasts, so hour-glass shape. I am not saying it in a positive manner since I do not like it myself. I do not feel comfortable in this body.

Actually I have been thinking about this topic for several days and wondering if anyone else feels the same way. I came on AVEN with relationship problems so I have mostly been in that section and have not yet managed to browse though all other sections.. but it's cool that there are people here to discuss it with.

I have not once wore shorts or skirts this summer, I always wear pants. I also try to avoid tank tops.. but it is hot in the summer and I hate the fact that if I put on shorts and a tank top I am a freaking sex object for several guys outside. I put a lot of energy into trying to find clothes that would fit certain weather/situations (parties etc) but would not bring out my feminine features. Oh well, luckily the autumn is here..

I have considered surgery, but haven't done any research about it yet. I also do not like the fact that I have to get my body cut open in order to stop some people from staring and making comments. I have to think about the possible surgery, I know I would want to do it, but there are many negative sides to it too (pain, the operation itself, the cost, healing etc )

[KingTitan]

As a pre-everything FtM, I really hate my body. I'm actually pretty lucky in the fact that I have a fairly masculine face and a small chest that can easily be concealed with two sports bras, but my thighs and butt are large and feminine and my hips are a bit too wide. I always wear a belt to help conceal the size of my hips and butt, and baggy pants or shorts help to hide the size of my thighs, but even just knowing that your body isn't the way you want it to be even when no one else can notice is unsettling.

A couple years ago I figured that the root of the problem was my weight, so for a long time I actually stopped eating. I wouldn't eat breakfast, wouldn't have lunch, no snacks, and would only eat a small portion of whatever my mom cooked for dinner. I lost weight pretty quickly and dropped down to about 108 pounds but it was pretty brutal on my body and after a while of maintaining that weight I figured it was better to eat and just be a slightly feminine looking boy for a while than to starve myself and do more damage. I've gotten back up to about 122 pounds, which is much healthier considering my height (5'5), but sometimes that underlying feel to not eat still lingers and even sometimes if I forget to eat then I'll feel a bit relieved that I didn't and it kinda scares me.

[Syatten]

totally identify with this. (very) occasionally i wonder what it would be like to get top surgery.... not because i dislike my chest at all (it's not large anyway), just to eliminate a major thing that people use to gender me... but then i remember my large butt and "ample" thighs and it's like.... what's the point? without question i don't want bottom (sex neutralizing) surgery (although it would be nice to do away with my period), but i sure as hell would love to have something surgically done about my butt and legs..... except that nothing can really be done about those things.

sighs.

even baggy clothing does nothing to hide my butt. it does indeed annoy me a lot...

This is exactly what I feel. Even if I lost a lot of weight, I've got this pear-shaped body, so even if I got top surgery I would never look androgynous. I just try not to think about it. I don't want to become obsessed with my body shape, I don't want to start diets (which are more harm than good), I don't want to undergo surgery because it's painful.

That's why I just resign myself to this body I have. A friend asked several times why I am so careless about my clothing, even offered to help me to customize my t-shirts, but I refused because it wouldn't help. I feel slightly better when I wear long t-shirts or shirts, or I just avoid looking at my butt in the mirror. Since there's no solution for my problem, I'm just cowardly avoiding it.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

If it seems like I'm talking out of turn here, as I'm not an FTM but did grow up as a slightly feminine looking boy (and still get 'misclocked' as female sometimes), please know I mean no disrespect? I don't know what you're going through, I'm only asking questions and relating my own experiences?

Like those in gym class, where in the boys locker room, I used to get physically bullied and made fun of because I had "a really bad case of girlbutt". Having a slightly cantilevered spine made it even worse.

As a pre-everything FtM, I really hate my body. I'm actually pretty lucky in the fact that I have a fairly masculine face and a small chest that can easily be concealed with two sports bras, but my thighs and butt are large and feminine and my hips are a bit too wide. I always wear a belt to help conceal the size of my hips and butt, and baggy pants or shorts help to hide the size of my thighs, but even just knowing that your body isn't the way you want it to be even when no one else can notice is unsettling.

A couple years ago I figured that the root of the problem was my weight, so for a long time I actually stopped eating. I wouldn't eat breakfast, wouldn't have lunch, no snacks, and would only eat a small portion of whatever my mom cooked for dinner. I lost weight pretty quickly and dropped down to about 108 pounds but it was pretty brutal on my body and after a while of maintaining that weight I figured it was better to eat and just be a slightly feminine looking boy for a while than to starve myself and do more damage. I've gotten back up to about 122 pounds, which is much healthier considering my height (5'5), but sometimes that underlying feel to not eat still lingers and even sometimes if I forget to eat then I'll feel a bit relieved that I didn't and it kinda scares me.

There's a very good chance that if and when you go on HRT, your body fat distribution will change. Drastically. I've seen first hand how testosterone is a miracle at shapeshifting, maybe even more so than estrogen deriatives for those on the other vector.

May I also ask that if someone were to come up with a way to make an inexpensive prosthesis, would that be something you'd consider to help camoflague your gender? I've made some of my own and they can be a little clunky, but you might be amazed at the results?

[Zii]

Well being transgender, I would never or gotten the HRT without a few struggles along the way...

When I was 12, I hit puberty. I went from 88lbs to 98lbs. But I also grew a bit. To 5'2.
I hated hated HATED my body. My chest. My bottom. Especially my thighs.
My family is European so we all hold it on our bottoms. I cried myself to sleep every night for a year.

That's when I discovered transgenders. I came across it online and boy am I glad I did.
I don't know if I would of made it this far without knowing that there was hope for me.

I started seeing a therapist at age 14 (for GID diagnosis (so I can get on HRT))
But it was no good. He couldn't do anything as I was too young.

I became even more depressed. If I wanted to look like a boy, I had to lose some weight.
Even though I was "slim" I didn't look like a boy. Too mushy.

Some people are emotional eaters. I'm the opposite. I can't eat anything/feel sick if I am even remotely sad.
Well, being depressed I lost 40 pounds in half a year. at lowest I weighed 68lbs. That number scared me so I tried to keep myself at 70.
And I did, for at least a year....

Social Services took me away on Valentines day. Worst day ever. My mom was in shock.
The reason they took me was because they thought my mom was abusing me.
They also diagnosed me with anorexia (which is bullsh*t I just had depression)
So the state sent me to rehab for over 2 months. I have never been more miserable in my life.
They force fed me until I weighed 108lbs, highest weight in my life.
Only reason I didn't actually commit suicide was because I couldn't do any more harm to my mom. I felt just as bad for her.
She had to have a big fight with social services. She basically sued them, and won. (but they had to monitor me for 6 months after the case)
So when I came home (of course I dropped that wight again!) Took a bit longer, since I was still under watch.

But now I comfortably weigh 85-90lbs and I have much more muscle mass (still a puny twig but more than I used to)
I am comfortable with my body weight wise. My chest is nearly flat, my bottom is smaller, and my thighs don't touch.

I look like a 13 year old boy.
I am 17.
At least I don't look like a girl anymore.

Moral of story, losing weight can really help with your feminine body hate.
Just be careful and don't lose too much. Never go below whatever weight would make your BMI 16.5

Play around with a BMI calc. (google one) I recommend getting it to 18 if you are already pretty slim. Try not to go under 17. It will become dangerous

[HeartsStarsAndButterflies]

I used to be very skinny as a child, but when I went through adolescence, my body started developing curves. Now, I am pretty slender, but I am soft and have ridiculously large breasts, as well as a bigger butt/thighs.

I am so envious of the women who have stick thin bodies with little fat and small breasts. I want to look more androgynous. Unfortunately, the only way I can see that happening is if I go for a breast reduction surgery and a lot of weight loss.

Can anyone else relate to this? I've been frustrated by my body for so long now. I hate how because I have a very feminine, curvy body, I am always sexualized by other people. As if I am trying to show off my big breasts whenever I wear a tank top... no, I just want to wear a tank top. I wish I just had a very skinny body so I didn't have to deal with these problems and with men thinking of me in that way. Plus, my fat grosses me out a lot and I think I have a lot of body image issues. :/

I know how you feel, I feel the exact same way, the difference is that for me its the exact opposite way around,

I hate my extremely muscular body, while you hate your extremely feminine body, I would love to have your body, live in it, love it, but I would like to keep my height of 5 feet 7 inches or become taller with little longer or longer looking legs.

If I could trade my body with you, I would happily do it, I hate being shapeless, for me having the v shape is really boring, I would love to be feminine and with soft curvaceous body, also I would accept other things that comes with being a girl.

It would be a dream come true for me, if I could become a girl or at least live in a girl body, having ridiculously big breasts and juicy bubble butt, thicker thighs, along with everything else.

I envy women with the body I want so much, I'm very frustrated with my current body, I would love to wear a tank top with big breasts sticking out, I would not mind being sexualized by other people, getting whistled at, and so on.

Perhaps we can become good friends, hopefully you don't live too far from me.

Hope to hear from you.

HeartsStarsAndButterflies