Disturbed by Knowing People Fantasize About You

[Lydian]

I'm aware my boyfriend involves me in his fantasies and even though it seems fair enough, it's still really weird to think about. Imagining me in a sexual way is just so bizarre....like imagining my cat barking at me or something. Part of me wonders how out of character I am in his mind, but really...I'd rather not know. He started telling me about a dream of his once and I was starting to freak out a little bit....but it turns out he was telling e about this dream because dream me looked uncomfortable and he stopped without doing anything, so he was all proud of himself and wanted to tell me about it. I somehow imagine fantasies where he's more in control go a lot further than that but uh...at least he doesn't tell me about them.

Basically, I'm not that weirded out be sexual talk or themes until it involves me personally and then I'm just like "wait woah what, you did WHAT with dream me?" Still so long as he's not coming and telling me about all these things going on in his head, I'm not so ridiculous as to be telling him what he can and can't think about. He can fantasize all he wants to long as I don't have to hear about it after. My sole worry is his fantasy me is going to build his expectations and then reality is gonna be a slap in the face. : /

[raventhatrefusedtosing]

Yep, I find that quite disturbing. So I try not to think about it and live in my asexual bubble.

[SweetDreamsMyLove]

Ill explain with an example.

If I am with a guy and we are cuddling and he's tellin' me I am all beautiful and stuff, flattery.

When he starts to try to touch me in any way or tells me I have a sexy body, I am instantly creeped out.

[Mondo_Eric]

As long as they don't hit on me in a disrespectful way I don't give a d who fantasizes about me. First I cannot avoid it. Second, if they don't let me know, what is the difference? In my 30 years of life, I have not known of a single person that I can be 100% sure I have been the subject of her or even his fantasies.

[LowTech]

It's interresting, but now that I really think about it, I have NEVER ever used a "real" person in a fantasy of mine. They're always people I've created in my mind, characters of stories that I've written, or artwork I've drawn, but never once have I ever taken a "real" person, whos name, voice, and mannerisms I can clearly imagine, and put them into a fantasy, sexual or otherwise. As silly as it may seem, I really think it to be inappropriate for me to do that, essentially, "using" them even in a way that isn't real and is totally undetectable.

I've thought about people not doing the same to me in reverse, and never thought it creepy or unsettling, just a mystery as to why they'd choose ME to fantasize over, I'm hardly good looking or interresting or exciting and certainly not sexually appealing.... I know that sexual attraction often doesn't follow societal norms 100%, but even so, the fact that people would be turned on by me enough that they'd want to imagine me being that way is just so unfathomable that I take it as ultimate proof that I just don't "get" what makes your average person's sex drive work.

[Quinoa]

Honestly, the idea of people being sexually attracted to me doesn't bother me unless they are acting on it. I would probably not want to know if someone was fantasizing about me, because that would just be awkward and I'd have to respond in some way. I have no idea what the correct way to respond to that kind of thing is.

It seems like I'm less worried about this than my sexual friends. Whereas they're all "Don't you DARE look at my chest!!!", I don't think of it as something worth worrying about. If people want to look at my chest, I just hope they don't make it so obvious that I have to respond.

[Guest]

If anyone ever had such thoughts about me (I kinda doubt it), I'm glad that the person in question didn't tell me about it...

[KarenWilde]

don't care

[Kaninchen]

Ugh, thinking about people thinking of me in this way is super grody on an intensely special level. I like to go around pretending it doesn't happen at all.

[Wyrmcraft]

I hate, hate, hate; being hit on. It bothers me to such an extent, I'm not a piece of meat, I'm not your toy, and honestly I don't find your short-shorts or excessively showy shirt attractive so please park yourself somewhere else and enjoy a smoothie or something. I've honestly almost smacked someone who kept pressing things and grabbed me with a "you can't be serious" after I rebuffed her advance. I like getting to know people, and the harder someone pushes at me the sterner the resistance shoves them back.

[Caya]

While having some issues with self-conscience, I am flattered when I am object of someone's fantasies. And it actually happened few times. As long as it's only in his mind, it's ok and I don't even mind if he tells me. Problem is when there are tendencies to make dream come true. I once ended with particular part of his body in my hand and at the time I finally realized how serious his crush on me was(or rather is...) and felt quite stupid for being so blind. When comes to this I act kinda childish, not by my expression, I just don't suspect people I am acquainted with from having such thoughts at all. It was awkward and hopefully it won't ever happen again.

Despite of my experiences I still think it's nice to be object of someone's fantasies, but fantasies should remain only fantasies.

[Anhamirak]

Honestly, the idea of people being sexually attracted to me doesn't bother me unless they are acting on it. I would probably not want to know if someone was fantasizing about me, because that would just be awkward and I'd have to respond in some way. I have no idea what the correct way to respond to that kind of thing is.

It seems like I'm less worried about this than my sexual friends. Whereas they're all "Don't you DARE look at my chest!!!", I don't think of it as something worth worrying about. If people want to look at my chest, I just hope they don't make it so obvious that I have to respond.

Yeah, I definitely think it's the awkwardness of trying to figure out how to respond that gets me. I mean, if they're telling you about these fantasies, then clearly they want a response, otherwise they'd keep it to themselves. So what the heck are you supposed to do? Say, "Um, ok, I'd really rather not know about it"? Doesn't seem like that would decrease the awkwardness at all.

[Zerο]

I'm a model so I imagine I'm the object of many guys fantasies and I meet lots of people who actually tell me that they think I'm uber sexy. I loath the attention. But I have to be polite about it. However the fantasy bit is cringe-worthy. Total disgust!

Modeling's an interesting career choice given your feelings about this.

I'm a little repulsed by the thought of people fantansizing about me sexually, but at the end of the day I guess it doesn't matter.

[SorryNotSorry]

On one hand, I'd feel very flattered when women who aren't rude or selfish fantasize about marrying me.

OTOH, I'm very put off by women wanting me to father their child, as if I'm a prize stallion.

[Kindris]

I don't mind it at all. It's just something that happens. Someone interested sees something interesting, it's gonna stick in their mind. As far as I'm concerned, people can think about me all they merry well want - I just don't care to know about it.

A couple of years ago a friend of mine said, in much baser terms, that he thought about me all the time. I just looked at him, all the while wondering what the hell he expected me to say; it was a tad awkward.

We're still friends, although a lot less close now, and I'm sure he still thinks of me sometimes. Fine, whatever - I just want him to keep his happy thoughts to himself.

[Janus the Fox]

Not bothered either way, I don't actively think about how others want to... um... 'do me' in various sexual ways...

[highcakedrive]

I can safely say I don't have this problem, as I was gifted with just enough ugly to avoid others asking me out. No one has ever found me attractive, and I'm thankful for that (some people have been frank enough to say that the idea of sex with me is enough to vomit in one's mouth just a little) plus, I'm a guy so no one asks me out and I don't ask them out. I have no idea how I would react if someone fantasized about me or anything.

[yamato_rena]

Nyugh, tough topic. On the one hand, to a certain extent, I don't mind. Fantasies are a way of entertaining a possibility in your mind and figuring out how it would play out. My own experience with personal fantasies is that they tend to end up with me reaching for brain bleach because I tried to play something out that ended with fantasy-me embarrassed or in some other unpleasant situation (On the other hand, fantasies that involve, you know, actual fantasy genre tend not to involve me and are often genuinely awesome ^_^). If someone else was playing out a hypothetical in order to figure out how it would end, well, I can't hugely fault them for that. Telling me about it, or hearing about it from someone else, however? That makes me really awkward.

[Noisy Cricke7]

I have to admit I would be rather flattered if I knew. Nothing would come from the information. But at the very least, I know I'm looking good. Whether or not they try to act on these fantasies is another story, and a short one at that.

As long as they keep it to themselves, no worries.

[leahvstheworld]

I always get freaked out when I find out that anyone fantasizes about me or is attracted to me. I can understand why people would do it to each other, but something in my brain just cannot process those feelings towards me. I mean, I know that I'm a relatively attractive individual, but I just can't empathize with how they feel.

[John Dee]

I am not creeped out by people fantasizing about me.... but honestly I think there are better guys to fantasize about, I would question their taste, it seems like they have have poor taste in men if I was their fantasy. :lol:

This. Actually I am kind of creeped out, but it's so rare anyway, I don't really know. Plus I'm already happy with my girlfriend, I'd hate it if someone took offense at that. But I agree, what strange taste- pimply little nervous geek that I am...

[Argentum]

I find it... really, really creepy, and almost sickening.

I'm usually quite good at blocking out said feelings, though.

[JagodaDevojka]

I try not to think about that. EEEK!

[inqueertime]

As I have been told, I am a rather attractive-looking individual. So, especially earlier on in my freshman year a few months ago, I got hit on a lot by others in LGBTQ-related events and whatnot. I've heard and seen conversations in real life and through Facebook. Some of the words said are rather disturbing to me. My name was posted by an anonymous person on the GMU Crushes Facebook page; I was declared to be "really sexy", and "if only..." Or something to that effect.

I mean, sure, there's a plethora of funny pictures that say stuff like "Just remember: you're somebody's reason to masturbate". But thinking about that, what if that really were the case? Um, no thank you. I mean, if I had a boyfriend and he told me I was really sexy or something, then it would be okay. I guess that reasserts the possibility that I could be a demisexual. In any case, I just don't want to be reduced to a sex object. Is that too much to ask?

[Jubbles]

I find it slightly flattering and slightly creepy... I don't feel comfortable knowing someone is (excuse the language) jacking off to my image but at the same time I feel; 'meeh, live and let live.'

Ditto. I guess I prefer the person to be happy in their own private matters than coming directly to me and to expect something else. Sure is flattering and it does wonder to your self steem but that's where it stop.

[EruditeVolatility]

I don't mind it, and because I'm narrcissisticly dammaged, I often use people's attraction against them, or manipulate them to procure things I need.

So I totally do this because I've found it is much easier in my life if I use my objectification rather than constantly demand respect and shit. But generally speaking I scream I AM A FUCKING LADY AND YOU WILL TREAT ME WITH HONOR AND RESPECT BOW MORTAL than people are never flagrant about their sexualization.

BUT

I know a LOT of people fantasize about me. Probably because of the above reason. I've always been the intimidating, beautiful, mysterious chick who everyone is to scared to approach.

[Linctagon]

Joke removed.

[The Insomniac]

I hope, "pray," wish, and desire feverishly that people just keep those kinds of thoughts to themselves, if they MUST have them, but really, I wish such thoughts would never ever involve me in any freaking way. Yet, saying that, I feel bad because then it would mean the thoughts would be turned to someone else which isn't quite fair either.

Re-statement: I wish that people who fantasize about other people in sexual ways would keep those thoughts restricted to people who actually want that kind of attention.

Amen. I remember the first time a guy told me that he fantasized about me (to make it creepier, he was a married regular at a restaurant where I, then 20, worked). I just remember thinking If you fantasize about me, there really isn't anything I can do to make you stop. It's normal for sexual people to fantasize about others. But, for the love of God, why would you tell me that?

Some people need TMI boundaries.

[swim2thesun]

I can't say this has ever happened to me (that I know of) but if it did and they told me...for whatever reason... I don't think I'd be flattered, but I wouldn't be totally creeped out either. I'd find it strange to say the least but I feel like I'd just laugh it off.