OC47 Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 I'm 22 and I've never been in a relationship. I haven't told my mum about asexuality. When I was in high school, my mum used to ask me about boys from my school. She doesn't do that anymore. I guess she thinks I'm too busy with school to have a relationship. My mum's boyfriend often makes these sexual jokes and expects me to laugh at them. Well, I don't. I told him several times I don't like his jokes, but I don't think he understands me. Link to post Share on other sites
Peix Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 I told him several times I don't like his jokes, but I don't think he understands me. Join the club... :roll: --El Peix Link to post Share on other sites
theblackwatch Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Very interesting topic... I'm 19 years old; and I have had about six 'relationships' with very nice girls who really appreciated me (more than I did them) ... until they found out I wouldn't sleep with them. At sixteen the first one forced me to have sex with her, though I didn't want it, it seemed obvious to me a normal boy should have intercourse, so I tried. But it didn't work out. One month later she threw me out of a car ... The end. My mother was wondering about my troubeling and darkening love life. I used to be a very shy boy, small, always bullied. But at fifteen I grew taller, bigger than the bullies; I outsmarted them. So girls started looking at me ... the foolish boy of last year turned into a nice man kina thing. But all wanted more than the platonical. And I didn't want it, but didn't realise the cause of it. While very independent at sixteen, a year later I was once more very dependent. My mother has some money, most of it we use to travel. Two years ago I travelled to South Africa. We were a group of people. Half of 'em came from Flanders, Belgium, speaking Dutch and the other half came from Wallonia, Belgiu, speaking French. At Jo'burg airport I already knew the One was there. But I was afraid... What if this turned out to be once more a disappointment? It wasn't. The girl had the same opinion about relationships as I did. My mother, paying the voyage, was there as well. She was very glad that I finally met a nice girl. I telephoned my father, he already heard the wedding bells. He had some problems with her being frenchspeaking and all that, but very glad to know I had found my dream partner. Little did they know we did not fill our nights in SA with steamy sex adventures, but with looking at the stars and semi-drunk 'funny' conversations. Divine Providence has many ways of showing itself. Her parents, like many Walloons, considered the Flemish to be 'peasants', and no good for her daughter. I was seventeen, she was eighteen. What could she do? Her parents gave her the advise not to see me again, after the voyage, to rest with the idea of having had a nice holiday love. Little did they know we are one-of-a-kind. And that it may take centuries before two people meet eachother like that again, being both asexual. Hell they know how difficult it is to find someone like that again... So at the airport we kissed goodbye. And my parents boring me all the ride home and days after that: "She was a nice girl, but everyone has holiday loves, get over it!" What do they know? That my one chance of spending my life with a person who thinks just the same about affairs as I do, is over? Two years past, and, logically, I still think about her, and likewise (I think) on the other side of Belgium. I told my folks I couldn't see her anymore because she lives so far away, a lie of course... My mother doesn't understand why I am still thinking about her. I meet her once or twice a year, and it is lovely. We don't need to speak, we understand eachother. I don't to pretend I am athlete and Einstein II in one, she doesn't have to appear Miss Belgiumwise and Athenawise... It's lovely. Last month I had a serious conversation with my mother. She asked where all the girlfriends, I once had, were. I said they had too explicit desires, and that we weren't One. And then she gave a tirade about grandchildren. I felt not strong enough to blame my studies. So I asked her to look up a biography of Andersen, then she would understand. Being perhaps the most perfect example of an asexual, Andersen would surely open the eyes of my mother. She read it. Then she asked why Andersen never got married. Ahypocritical as I am, I answered: because he favoured female company over female 'company'. Then she asked if he had a disease or so. ...Parents... They don't support you, only give you money and an occasional hypocritical hug. Until they are dead, you can only be ashamed about them and they can only ashame you. And it grows worse with the years. God I'd like to emigrate to South Africa! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Shion Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 sorry about that, blackwatch. its moms that gives the most headaches at times. i have been pretty discrete, and im putting myself more and more into work that she has began to switch her attention asking for "potentials" at workplace. OH MY GAWD. :cry: i missed the days when my brother hasnt got a girlfriend and she spends most of her energy worrying about the elder one, and didnt think too much about my situation. it seemed to me my mom's life long goal is to have everyone paired up and make babies. :roll: Link to post Share on other sites
Xumbra Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 That sucks, Blackwatch. I hope things get better for you. Waay better. Hugs for you! I'm getting the impression that parents become desperate for grandchildren. I don't know what it is, maybe the thought of seeing grandchildren, but there's gotta be something that fuels their need. I wonder what it is? Link to post Share on other sites
Wario Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 My topic on Plato kinda explains the grandchildren thing. And that's what it really boils down to. Parents, most especially moms, try to find potential mates for their children for their happiness, but also for grandchildren. Let's face it, they just like grandkids, but it also means the family continues on. Link to post Share on other sites
theblackwatch Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 If I would 've been my mums perfect son (she wanted five, but only got one coz she had cancer - maybe that's the reason she has my life drawn out) - I would have married 16 - I would have a first (male child) at 18 - I would have graduated from university magna cum laude at 21 - I would have done postgraduates til 25 - I would have a second (female child) at 27 - I would be president of the world at 30 ... So, nineteen and failed the first two ... And she already nags about it each week ... I'm afraid to reach 30 !!! :) God knows... :D I think it's like that with a lot of parents. It's like you see, daddy politician, son politician. Daddy doctor, son doctor. It's the influence they have to indoctrinate us for at least 12 years... Link to post Share on other sites
bearded Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I'm 25 and I haven't dated, that never bothered my parents, so when I came out as asexual they were really supportive. The only people who seem to have a problem with me not dating are, my brother and sister, my friends, the people at work. One friend at a party told everyone I was a 'tart waiting to happen', so I decided to tell her. She thought it mean't I was a hermaphrodite, so I directed her to this website and she was fine about it. Not sure others will be, have a couple of friends who think I have had sex ( I never told them I had sex, I just use a lot of innuendo when I'm with them) because they have big problems with virgins. Link to post Share on other sites
theblackwatch Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 have a couple of friends who think I have had sex ( I never told them I had sex, I just use a lot of innuendo when I'm with them) because they have big problems with virgins. Indeed, why do people assume you're into sex when you turn a certain age? It's like, at family parties, you can sit at the bigboys table coz you MUST have done something already that disables you from being treated as a child... Link to post Share on other sites
theblackwatch Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 it seemed to me my mom's life long goal is to have everyone paired up and make babies. :roll: I so understand your point. What's wrong with these people? They've raised children for at least twenty years, and then when they retire... THEY WANT TO SEE CHILDREN!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Xenoglyph Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 My mom has been bugging me about that. She doesn't want me to have children this early (I'm 19 too), but it's bothering her that I've never once had a girlfriend. She mentions having grandchildren now and then, kind of giving hints about it. But I definitly DEFINITLY don't want children. I'd feel like I'm playing god with someone's life. But yeah man, I feel your pain. Here in America sex isn't looked so high upon. Hell, sex is a bigger no-no here than seeing some guys head getting cut open and then having their brains being eaten with a fork (happened very realistically too). But if there's sex involved, WOAH! cover your eyes!! rate this movie X for crying out loud!! Can you talk to each other on the internet or something? It's a shame that you aren't really capable of keeping in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
theblackwatch Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Myes Xenoglyph it is so... You live in the new world were old customs reign I live in the old world were new customs were introduced (after a hard knock fight, that is) America is, in fact, if you consider its constitution, its state structure, a part of the Ancien Regime. That is why the Early Modern History stops in 1789, and not in 1776.... Link to post Share on other sites
Xenoglyph Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I kind of glad about the state systems, it allows for universal rules while still being able to change things for regions. Though there probably are too many states... Link to post Share on other sites
theblackwatch Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Precisely, that's why the US ain't a nationstate, like France. totally off-topic now... Link to post Share on other sites
Avalon Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 My grandparents think that I live in a lesbian relationship with my roommate. Really. They never say anything about it; they’re just too “polite” to do so. We do have a few gay uncles in the family so it’s not really that big of a deal to them. My roommate just wonders why she gets invited to all our family gatherings. :roll: And my mom thinks that I’m just not that interested… and then she beats herself up about it, you know, in a what-did-I-do-wrong kind of way. But my sister is the funniest. She keeps saying that I should fall in love ones in a while, it’ll do me good. Link to post Share on other sites
Xumbra Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 That's funny, Avalon! I can see the look on your roommate's face already. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Are we discussing cross-dressers (cross-dressing is fine), or are we perhaps confusing this with transsexuals (people born with the wrong plumbing)? People who are CD, TV, or TS are all OK, as are gays (and asexuals, too :) ). But if you say that you see a "man" wearing a dress, if the person is transsexual, then she is a woman with an unfortunate birth issue. If they dress as a woman at work, they are not cross-dressed, but dressed as their own gender. Many male-to-female transsexuals are forced to cross-dress as a male from birth until they transition and live as their own selves, including dressing as women at work. Vice versa for female-to-male transsexuals. Anyway, just wanted to clear up a possible confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Peix Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 The posts on cross-dressing were split and moved to Off-A because there were way too many off-topic posts in this thread. Sorry for any inconvenience, guys. http://asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=11921 --El Peix, forum mod Link to post Share on other sites
Dixie Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 I'm 17, and I'm asexual. I've had one boyfriend when I was 16 and he was aromantic asexual. My mom would ask me "do you have anyone in mind to go to prom with" and I'm just going with my friends more than likely. I don't know what she really thinks of me, but I don't care much really. Let her think what she wants of me, and when I'm ready to tell her, I will. Link to post Share on other sites
Xenoglyph Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 I didn't go to prom, I just stayed home with a bunch of friends and played video games, 8) Link to post Share on other sites
flyingsolo Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 ha! that sounds good to me, it's probably what I'll end up doing anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
birdnerd Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 I never went to a dance the whole time I was in high school, and was actually able to construct a pretty good case for it after the fact. See, the proceeds from all the dances go towards your class's senior gift. The senior gift from 1992 or 1993 was all these nice trees out in front of the school... that they cut down when they moved our math department into a trailer. So I boycotted our senior gift, and not going to prom (or homecoming, or turnabout, or whatever) was... er... noble of me! Link to post Share on other sites
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