I Don't Want Sex and That's Okay? How it Feels to Hear About Asexuality!

[Saudade]

Euh.... traduction pas top🤔!

[The Daz]

I've always hated my lack of sexual desire, my mates always pity my virginity and I've never understood their seemingly constant desire to screw anything with legs. I do get horny sometimes, but more often then not I've got to be worked up to it. Because of this the women I've been with often ask me if I'm gay because of my lack of desire to go any further than kissing and cuddling.

I'm happy that there's a name and a community of similar people that won't judge me and jump to conclusions.

[Double A battery]

When i realized that i was an ace, there was no revelation, i was just like ''oh, cool''. the worst part of it is that i live in Russia (you should know that Russians are not very accepting of different sexualities)

[DexDiamante]

On 10/20/2018 at 9:13 AM, will123 said:

It's a great feeling isn't?

Absolutely!

[Bejawa]

Realizing I was asexual was a long process for me. Honestly probably since I was 13 I knew  I didnt want sex, in high school I started to become aware what asexuality was and then just was scared that I was ace or that I was wrong about being ace. After high school I kind of just accepted it.

Accepting it felt amazing. Learning about it felt empowering and hearing others stories helps me every time someone gets confused now. This website helped me to find the words I needed to express my thoughts and feelings, and helps me to put things in way that is less confusing to others and myself.

 

Figuring out I'm ace has been a rollercoaster form "cool" to "oh God no!" to "what if this is a mistake?" and now "I regret nothing!"

[Artemis96]

I have never really felt any sexual attraction towards anyone. I've had crushes but whenever I would read books or watch movies that had scenes with sex in them or even if my friends told me about their partners kissing them, I just felt grossed out and weird. I figured that was just because I had never had a relationship like that. And then I recently read a book where the main character was asexual and it honestly felt like something clicked. I am super relieved that there are other people who feel that same way as me and this site has been really helpful to help me figure out more about my identity.

[Aloney]

Ah, well! 

I think I heard about asexuality for the first time when I was... maybe seventeen? At the time, I just dismissed the whole thing as yet another thing that exists in the world, not relating to it, because I really didn't know what it was exactly and the variety it entailed. Seven years passed, and nothing really happened on this area of my life. Then, just maybe a month, or two ago..? Yeah, something like that, I was watching videos about different lgbtq+ stuff, since I'll admit I had been searching myself from their descriptions, sick and tired of feeling like I'm just a defective human being. Then, a youtuber I followed came out as asexual. They explained some stuff about the orientation, and I started feeling this anticipation of "what, wait a second this feels... familiar..?" I then drifted to finding AVEN, where I read some more information. After a while, it just clicked. "...OH." was my initial thought. I had a whole week or two of just relief and astonishment and glee, seriously, it must show through from my earliest comments here, too :'D I'm not too keen on putting myself in a very specific box, but identifying as just "asexual" has been a great experience, so far! 

[chawanmushi]

Hello! Never really thought that I was different until my partner of two years pointed it out to me recently. I didn't realise my lack of sexual needs was affecting him that much and it eventually led to a strain in our relationship. So glad to find out about this community and it made me feel like it wasn't my fault that I felt that way! Still sad that the relationship didn't work out tho

[MikiS]

The day I realized I was asexual, I felt so much relief!

At this point in my life, most of my friends have been in multiple relationships and I was still confuse by most of it. What is the point of a sexual relationship? Huh? As more of my friends continue to get married and engaged, I still have never had a crush or wanted to. My parents have even attempted to set me up on a date and continue to nag me about being more "open-minded". I have even been told that not getting married is 'selfish'. When my little sister suggested that I might be asexual I decided to look the unfamiliar term up online. As I read, the descriptions felt more and more familiar to me. Suddenly, I realized that it was ok not to be interested in intimate relationships. I felt relief that I am not alone and I don't have to feel pressure to force myself in to a relationship just to be 'normal'. I am so happy to finally find a way to describe myself!

[Guest]

On 11/23/2012 at 8:32 PM, Lady Girl said:

How it feels to first hear about asexuality obviously varies from person to person. Reactions range from relief to total joy and for some a bit of sadness. Most people are pretty happy to find out they are not 'broken', as this seems to be perhaps one of the most common assumptions upon realizing they don't feel strong or any sexual feelings at all towards other people.

This thread is going to be a collection of the first thoughts you had when you realized you are asexual. Newbies are certainly welcome to contribute (you're having these feelings...please contribute!). Anyone else who cares to recall those early days of discovery and how it felt to join a group of people who can relate to not feeling sexual attraction or who may not have any real desire for sex, please contribute as well!

New members post here, start your own intro thread, or both!!! I want to kick off this thread with the post that inspired this project, it's from our own ithaca!

 

I am crying! It feels like a mountain of shame has just tumbled off my back. Thank you for saying that we are not broken. Thank you for existing. Thank you to everyone for speaking their truth. I am so grateful!

[will123]

On 11/4/2018 at 1:17 PM, Bejawa said:

Realizing I was asexual was a long process for me. Honestly probably since I was 13 I knew  I didnt want sex, in high school I started to become aware what asexuality was and then just was scared that I was ace or that I was wrong about being ace. After high school I kind of just accepted it.

Accepting it felt amazing. Learning about it felt empowering and hearing others stories helps me every time someone gets confused now. This website helped me to find the words I needed to express my thoughts and feelings, and helps me to put things in way that is less confusing to others and myself.

 

Figuring out I'm ace has been a rollercoaster form "cool" to "oh God no!" to "what if this is a mistake?" and now "I regret nothing!"

Great post!

[AttractiveRock]

During high school, I had felt weird. All my friends were gushing over how hot different actors were, and I just didn't care that much. I eventually made a fake celebrity crush list so I could stop explaining to everyone that I didn't feel that way about anyone, and getting told I was weird.

 

During my freshman year of college was when I first heard about asexuality. I had just gotten a Tumblr account, and someone had reblogged an article where an asexual woman talked about her experiences. As I read this article, I felt this profound realization that everything she was saying - how she felt different from others, how she never had that sudden attraction to other people during puberty, how she wasn't interested in sex while it was all anyone else could talk about - was exactly what I felt.

 

As soon as I finished reading the article, I felt amazed. I wasn't wrong, or weird, or broken, there we're other people who felt like I did. I began an immediate search for other insights into what asexuality is, and found myself matching with the descriptions.

 

Unfortunatly, I also stumbled on a lot of people claiming that asexuality was not real, and people who are asexual are just straight people looking for attention, gay or lesbian people who are not out of the closet yet, or bi people who were confused. This set off a full semester of identity crisis, before I became secure in that I am asexual, and it's normal.

 

Regardless, I don't think I will ever forget that initial rush of relief when I first found  this community, and had a word for what I felt.

[nimativ12]

I created an account on this site back in 2013 when I first saw that Netflix documentary "asexual".

It was such a lightbulb moment.  I remember sitting alone on my couch the entire time literally saying "omg yes!" multiple times to the TV.

I had never heard of asexual before that.  I didn't really even know how to express myself... I just knew I didn't want sex and never did.  In High School people started getting all excited about the prospect of experimenting sexually, of impressing the opposite gender, etc.  I never did.   People told me I must be gay.  But I knew I wasn't.  I tried to watch gay pornography but just found myself repulsed by it (to clarify-- I was also repulsed by straight porn-- I have nothing against the gay community... in fact, I have many gay friends!)

Anyways, I just felt compelled to finally reach out.  I've never met another asexual person.  I had a chance back in 2015 when I was in Berlin during the CSD parade and there was an asexual group walking, but I wasn't able to make it to the meeting spot in time.  Just thought for whatever reason it'd be nice to make contact for once with the ace community.  To know for once that if I said "I'm asexual" that I wouldn't have to explain for 30 minutes what that means and answer the standard questions (and deal with the "there's no such thing") reaction.

So that's what I'm doing, just saying hi 

❤️

[Lilia Buchanan]

I see a guy I'm attracted to and my first thought is 'God, I'd love to talk to you for hours on end and binge Mad Men and go hiking and just spend time together."

 

Never "God, I want to snog the cr*p out of that guy".

 

I mean, I don't know if the above is how non-Asexuals think, but I have never wanted to kiss, make out or have sex with any guy I've liked. I didn't think it was weird until someone was actually interested and he tried to kiss me and I was utterly horrified when he did. It didn't feel right - it didn't feel like something I'd ever want to do. So I talked to a mate who's part of the LGBT+ Community and she mentioned the possibilty of me being aAexual and when I researched the concept, it seemed to fit perfectly. It's been lurking in my mind ever since then, for over a year, and I'm gradually coming to terms with the fact that I'm very likely Asexual. 

 

I feel mainly relief, to be honest - that I'm not messed up and it's okay not to want to have sex. I've always felt under pressure to loose my virginity, even though the idea  does nothing to thrill me, but now I feel liberated because I know why I don't want to and that I don't have to. At the same time, though, I feel like I might be missing out on a wonderful thing and people will view me differently; whether as a pathetic virgin or an awkward weirdo.

[Maya_]

I feel relieved, excited, and scared.

[Rose81]

I'm still coming to terms with being Asexual.

The realization was brought on by comments from my now ex husband. 

He always said I must be asexual since I couldn't seem to become interested in having daily sex with him. (Monthly was a struggle).

The more I think about it the more I realize that any amount I did have (which was never enough for any partners) always felt like a play on my part.

I wasn't doing it because I wanted to.  I did it because they did and I felt obligated. 

Now that I realize why, I feel liberated!

I don't need to play my part anymore and that's okay. 

Any relationship from now on will start out right,  at least with respect to my asexuality.

Feels so good. 

[Hyzer373]

I knew all along that something was really different about me but it took me so long to realise what I am, I love the cuddling up with Women, the snuggling and little kisses but I do not enjoy the act of sex, I have even felt suicidle about it in the past but I have grew stronger and now realise what I am and that I’m not alone, I would really love to have a lady partner though to share life with but it’s so difficult to find a women who doesn’t want sex, sometimes I just feel so alone and would love a lady to cuddle up with watching movies and just spending time with them, I don’t like the idea of being forever alone, I live in the UK, all my friends have relationships and I’m just still on my own at 31 years old, I hope one day I can find somebody who matches me.

[Rose81]

1 hour ago, Hyzer373 said:

I knew all along that something was really different about me but it took me so long to realise what I am, I love the cuddling up with Women, the snuggling and little kisses but I do not enjoy the act of sex, I have even felt suicidle about it in the past but I have grew stronger and now realise what I am and that I’m not alone, I would really love to have a lady partner though to share life with but it’s so difficult to find a women who doesn’t want sex, sometimes I just feel so alone and would love a lady to cuddle up with watching movies and just spending time with them, I don’t like the idea of being forever alone, I live in the UK, all my friends have relationships and I’m just still on my own at 31 years old, I hope one day I can find somebody who matches me.

37. Live in Iceland. 

Would you be interested in chatting sometime? 

[Homer]

On 12/13/2018 at 10:12 PM, Rose81 said:

Live in Iceland.

 

I'm not jealous. No idea what you're talking about. No I'm definitely not!

[Neutral Charge]

Hi everyone, 

 

It took me a really long time to find this and from your stories i now understand this is a way of being and im not alone, i never heard of this before a year ago as i come from a 3rd world country where sex is not really talked openly about at home, and all my life i tried to fit in, pretend to enjoy it so i can have relations which made me feel sick of myself and made me think im damaged. When i first realised im different i was talking to my best friend about her sexual experience and the way she felt and understood it was completly strange for me. As manny of you i have often felt atracted by both men and women but never in a sexual way.

This discovery is helping me think and adapt and figure out how will i live now, im happy i know and gratefull again that im not alone and even tho this is a bit upsetting as im in a relation with a normal man who doesnt understand asexuality and i wish it could work but its hard to be sexual when i biologically cant..i never realised this could be the main reason for my feeling of not understanding whats up with all the sex focus.

my road to adapt to the new understanding of who i am will be a bit dificult due to the long term relation i got in without knowing myself but i will find strength in your stories of courage.

Thank you for this forum..

 

 

[Rose81]

Welcome @Loreh

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

Welcome to the new members.

[Lstorm]

When I first found out about asexuality it was originally for a friend whose demeanor and attitude about relationships and sex puzzled me. Although it wasn’t til after me and my fiancée of two and half years broke up, that I started to explore the my personal feelings and truly understand who I was. I knew I loved her very much but it wasnt the same. It was a very friendly love and I felt exhausted of being sexual intimate with her. I wanted her in my life forever still but couldn’t verbally express exactly how. None of this really made sense until recently. Still figuring it all out but understanding being asexual/aromantic really helps comes to terms with who i am and how I engage with people in the future.

 

New to the forum can’t wait to meet all you beautiful people ☺️.

[Rose81]

3 hours ago, LikReese said:

Although it wasn’t til after me and my fiancée of two and half years broke up, that I started to explore the my personal feelings and truly understand who I was. 

Right there with you

It's liberating isn't it,  figuring yourself out? 

[NickyTannock]

@Loreh Welcome to AVEN!

 

@LikReese Welcome to AVEN!

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[Lstorm]

3 hours ago, Rose81 said:

Right there with you

It's liberating isn't it,  figuring yourself out? 

Liberating is basically a perfect way to describe it lol 

 

@MichaelTannock that cake looks pretty serious lol 

 

[NickyTannock]

1 minute ago, LikReese said:

@MichaelTannock that cake looks pretty serious lol 

A cake is serious business!

[Jojo86]

I'm new!!! I honestly went to the doctors endless times thinking there was something wrong with me. When I found out Bout this I felt instant relief. I'm so happy to find out that I'm not the only one. 

[Homer]

On 12/18/2018 at 5:23 PM, MichaelTannock said:

A cake is serious business! 

[will123]

On 12/18/2018 at 4:19 AM, LikReese said:

When I first found out about asexuality it was originally for a friend whose demeanor and attitude about relationships and sex puzzled me. Although it wasn’t til after me and my fiancée of two and half years broke up, that I started to explore the my personal feelings and truly understand who I was. I knew I loved her very much but it wasnt the same. It was a very friendly love and I felt exhausted of being sexual intimate with her. I wanted her in my life forever still but couldn’t verbally express exactly how. None of this really made sense until recently. Still figuring it all out but understanding being asexual/aromantic really helps comes to terms with who i am and how I engage with people in the future.

 

New to the forum can’t wait to meet all you beautiful people ☺️.

I've identified as asexual since 2005 but only figured out I was aromantic until last year (a long story). But yes, it does make life easier (at least for me).