Does anyone else here find themselves attracted to people in movies?

[ColoursThatFlickerInWater]

Ok so, I read erotic and romantic fiction (with and without sex) and I can, and do get turned on by this. I also find myself sexually attracted to

fictional characters, in tv programs and movies and even on occasion the actors that portray them, and musicians. So I know I definitely can experience sexual attraction. However, when it comes to people I see/meet in real life and my two relationships with guys I just don't feel it. In my first relationship I thought there was something there for a bit, but it quickly disappeared when I got to know him more (as bad as that sounds.) It's almost like the idea of me having sex is a turn off for me :S Is there anyone else here that has a similar situation?

[MiniLo]

Yeah for basically the first 20 years of my life I was content without anything resembling physical intimacy from anyone while simultaneously crushing on and fantasizing about fictional characters, reading and writing fanfic, etc.

My first sexual encounter wasn't my idea but I went along with, with a guy I was involved with long-distance who I'm not married to. I include that part not to make it sound rapey, because I consented, but more the fact that it just didn't occur to me to end the long session of cuddling and watching a movie with that. In fact, I was going to get up and go to bed when he stopped me. I had fun, even though I was obviously inexperienced, but I wasn't repulsed or disinterested so much as it didn't seem like a natural expression of... being human for me. I still find sex to be more like theatrical cuddling. There's other stuff that does it for me way more, and I discovered that part of myself in (or maybe that was shaped by) reading lots of kinky fanfic. But I've learned to start craving sex because of all the other goodies that we associate with it in terms of fetish stuff.

[Aspiecat]

When I was in my teens I was mad about Humphrey Bogart and Yul Brynner - I would watch their movies when aired on the telly as often as I could (my family didn't have a VCR until I was about 20) - but it was a security, safety thing, not a sexual thing. I never fantasised about them sexually, and simply wished that when I was older I would meet someone who was internally strong enough to stand up for me and show me love, as my parents did not.

Since then I have never been attracted to any celebrity.

[itssnix]

I've been there! I feel like I get all attached to all these characters in shows and movies. But, in real life I've only ever really been attracted a couple people, and I've never really desired sex enough to actually go through with it.

[sync]

Definitely. I can be attracted to fictional characters once I've spent enough time watching a show/reading a book to get a feel for their personality, and I also enjoy romantic/sexual fiction. It's easier for me to develop attractions to fictional characters, I think, because it's easier and quicker to "get to know them" than it is to really get to know someone in real life. I can't relate to the bit about never wanting sex, though. Once I form a strong romantic relationship I'm all about it, and I can experience sexual attraction to people IRL once I know them well. It just doesn't happen all that often.

[RevReed]

I fall in "love" with every character Colin Firth plays. And I've been in "love" with Billy Joel since I was 12! LOL But I find those attractions are based purely on intellectual/emotional aspects and seldom on anything even closely related to sex... I have to really, really know a person in order to feel attached to them on a sexual level. Once I've made those emotional/psychological/spiritual/intellectual connections, the sex is great. But it takes a while to get to that point and that puts a cramp on the dating life... sometimes I think that's why I have my crushes on movie stars and musicians. In my head they are exactly what I need to be turned on. I always say that I don't want to meet any of my celebrity crushes because they will almost certainly burst my bubble and kill the fantasy.

[Linzibug]

sorry i mess up ignore this.

[ConfusedFemale]

Of course I find myself in exactly the same situation!!! I mean ALL THE TIME!!! As a matter of fact the ONLY men I have ever felt TRULY (and not faking it or trying to press myself to believe it) attracted to were actors and one singer!!! I am not attracted so much to the character, although that happens often as well, but to the person who is playing that role. I get really infatuated! Ever since I was like 5 years old I always fell for men in the movies and very few men -or none most of the times-in my surroundings (like school). As I grew older actually the situation got worse. I don't feel attracted to ANYBODY in real life. I find 95% of real-life men as hideous (I mean really appalling to the point of making me gag and feel nauseated, that ugly!!!)and the remaining 5% is made up of 3-4% of average men to whom I am indifferent most of the times and ONLY 1% who could make me desire them sexually. Of course that happens , as you can understand, once in a blue moon!!! On the other hand, I do find, from time to time, some actors and singers as sexy and attractive. Not a lot of them though. Just a few but definitely MORE than the men I meet in my everyday life.

So yes, my only true "loves" in my entire lifetime were unrequited and unreachable b/c they were celebrities!!! The other men with whom I had a relationship never really turned me on that much (my first actually turned me off completely but I still was stupid enough and I had sex with him for 3 years which I know REGRET!!!) except for one who came close but not quite...Plus, he was a real jerk so it didn't work out b/w us.

I often wonder about this myself. Why am I ONLY attracted to actors or singers (I had this "thing" for a singer mainly when I was a teenager. It dissipated after that and now I am mostly attracted to men in movies), why can't I find other men attractive when all the women I know (friends) seem to like them (or so they say! I doubt it however! I still can't believe that a SANE woman would find some of these...monsters... handsome. Sorry that's how I feel!!!), why am I so different?

I have come to the conclusion that, in reality, MOST MEN (and women for that matter) must BE UGLY. It is true. I believe it is a fact!!! The human species as a whole is not particularly attractive. We are not "cute" animals. We are unattractive like say a crocodile or a snake (even they may be prettier than us for me sometimes!!!). We are not good looking like cats or deer or birds. We are disgustingly ugly as a species. Period! That's my take on the matter. And I think whoever sees that fact is a minority by definition. Whoever doesn't feel attracted to many humans, society, driven by the self-serving bias, looks down on him/her and cannot admit that its members are ugly so it dubs that person as "abnormal" when he or she might actually be the ONLY normal person in the group!!! The one who can see humans for what they REALLY are...ugly beings (I mean in terms of external appearance. I am not referring to personality here. That's another big issue!!!).

[LauraSusanJohnson8888]

Ok so, I read erotic and romantic fiction (with and without sex) and I can, and do get turned on by this. I also find myself sexually attracted to

fictional characters, in tv programs and movies and even on occasion the actors that portray them, and musicians. So I know I definitely can experience sexual attraction. However, when it comes to people I see/meet in real life and my two relationships with guys I just don't feel it. In my first relationship I thought there was something there for a bit, but it quickly disappeared when I got to know him more (as bad as that sounds.) It's almost like the idea of me having sex is a turn off for me :S Is there anyone else here that has a similar situation?

I experience attraction to actors and singers all the time. I have a handful of actors I refer to as my male harem, but in reality, if they were within 5 ft. of me, I'd run the other way. I prefer to admire from a long distance. I'd never have sex with any of them, even if one of them asked me to LOL. I simply cannot do it. And would not do it. I write gay erotica, and I write it with relish, and I use my fave actors as muses for my characters, but again, in real life, I just don't have sex. It's very odd, but it's me.

[ColoursThatFlickerInWater]

yay lol, good to know I'm not the only one! :P

I am in exactly the same position, Etheral! I wrote in another thread actually that I can get physically and mentally aroused by sex scenes in movies, books, tv shows etc... yet applying it to myself is a different matter entirely. I've slept with 5 different partners and at no point have I felt anything when having sex with them or enjoyed it in the slightest. It's like I become totally detached. I actually find having sex pretty traumatising and violating. Yet if I'm watching a sex scene in a movie or something I just think, wow, I want to go and have sex right now! And same with being sexually attracted to particular actors and musicians etc. I don't know if it's because they're so separate from us and "2d", almost, that we can project this idealism on to them that people in real life don't actually have, or what. Also, things don't happen in real life like they do in the movies haha. Maybe that's also the problem :P

You know I do wonder what would happen if I saw any of these people in real life, would my feelings just completely change or stay the same? I guess if people were just like that in real life than maybe? It's times like this were I wish I'd experienced some sexual attraction for people in real life haha as it would make things seem less confusing for me. I think it's partly the way these characters are portrayed (or in the case of actors and musicians just how they come across) because when you see people in real life it's going to be different, and you don't get the full picture with people on tv or especially in books. I think it's also a little down to projection as well.

[feministnerd]

Ok so, I read erotic and romantic fiction (with and without sex) and I can, and do get turned on by this. I also find myself sexually attracted to

fictional characters, in tv programs and movies and even on occasion the actors that portray them, and musicians. So I know I definitely can experience sexual attraction. However, when it comes to people I see/meet in real life and my two relationships with guys I just don't feel it. In my first relationship I thought there was something there for a bit, but it quickly disappeared when I got to know him more (as bad as that sounds.) It's almost like the idea of me having sex is a turn off for me :S Is there anyone else here that has a similar situation?

This sounds a lot like me. I easily get attached to some characters (gender doesn't matter) and I think about them having sex with other characters. I've never had any sexual thoughts of myself with other (real) people and gotten turned on by it. For a while I wondered if this invalided me being a demi (still kinda do).

[~Princess~]

I always struggled with that too! My dreams have been the only other time I feel sexual, but in real life, the closest thing I feel to sexual attraction or desire is always with fictional characters (from movies, books, etc)! It used to frustrate me soo much when I was younger because I'd become obsessed with them and couldn't have them... but they were all I ever wanted! I couldn't feel that way about people in real life and if I did for a bit, then like others have said too, I'd loose interest as soon as I get to know them more. I've tried to force myself to feel this way about real people and channel those feelings to suit real life, but it's very difficult and often ends up being unsuccessful, ultimately. I feel like I always have to settle with these real people that I'm not interested in and am constantly teased by these perfect fictional characters that I can't help but love... FRUSTRATION

[Kate88]

Ok so, I read erotic and romantic fiction (with and without sex) and I can, and do get turned on by this. I also find myself sexually attracted to

fictional characters, in tv programs and movies and even on occasion the actors that portray them, and musicians. So I know I definitely can experience sexual attraction. However, when it comes to people I see/meet in real life and my two relationships with guys I just don't feel it. In my first relationship I thought there was something there for a bit, but it quickly disappeared when I got to know him more (as bad as that sounds.) It's almost like the idea of me having sex is a turn off for me :S Is there anyone else here that has a similar situation?

I experience attraction to actors and singers all the time. I have a handful of actors I refer to as my male harem, but in reality, if they were within 5 ft. of me, I'd run the other way. I prefer to admire from a long distance. I'd never have sex with any of them, even if one of them asked me to LOL. I simply cannot do it. And would not do it. I write gay erotica, and I write it with relish, and I use my fave actors as muses for my characters, but again, in real life, I just don't have sex. It's very odd, but it's me.

I think you are me. :)

I wouldn't run the other way though, I'd probably flail and try to have a normal conversation but fail. Even though I'm female I find it easier to be sexually attracted to gay couples than straight or lesbian... hmm

[Guest]

Even though I'm female I find it easier to be sexually attracted to gay couples than straight or lesbian... hmm

You may possibly find this thread or this other one interesting, then... :)

[Kate88]

Even though I'm female I find it easier to be sexually attracted to gay couples than straight or lesbian... hmm

You may possibly find this thread or this other one interesting, then... :)

Hey thanks!! That was so nice of you. :)

They are wonderful!

[feministnerd]

Even though I'm female I find it easier to be sexually attracted to gay couples than straight or lesbian... hmm

You may possibly find this thread or this other one interesting, then... :)

I haven't read all of it but I find the terms guydyke or girlfag really problematic especially of they're used by either straight-cis people or hetromantic aces. I don't think straight cis and hetromantic aces have the right to use derogatory slurs that are often used in hate crime.

[Hevski]

Yes, in my teens I had a crush on one boy.. I even asked him out but then changed my mind.. But I always fancied and fantasised about movie stars and singers.. Never really attracted to anyone in reality at that time..

[teiku]

To answer the original question, yes I do occasionally find myself attracted to people in the movies. I basically have the same sort of problem a lot of people seem to share - I can find myself falling for a fictional character, but it's hard for me to fall for a real person, and therefore develop a sexual attraction to them. The reason for this is quite simple, I think - we don't have to deal with those fictional characters (however "real" they may seem in the movies, they're still not real people) in real life, we don't have to deal with all those things that may annoy us in other people. If we want to spend time with these characters, all we have to do is turn the movie on, and when we had enough of them, all we have to do is turn the movie off. So it's simple and a lot less stressful than having to deal with a real person. Besides, when you watch a character on the screen you have this opportunity to observe them carefully, to develop certain feelings at your own pace - like I said, a lot less stressful way to form a relationship. And of course practically impossible to reapeat with an actual person you know.

[zombieeme]

Ok so, I read erotic and romantic fiction (with and without sex) and I can, and do get turned on by this. I also find myself sexually attracted to

fictional characters, in tv programs and movies and even on occasion the actors that portray them, and musicians. So I know I definitely can experience sexual attraction. However, when it comes to people I see/meet in real life and my two relationships with guys I just don't feel it. In my first relationship I thought there was something there for a bit, but it quickly disappeared when I got to know him more (as bad as that sounds.) It's almost like the idea of me having sex is a turn off for me :S Is there anyone else here that has a similar situation?

I experience attraction to actors and singers all the time. I have a handful of actors I refer to as my male harem, but in reality, if they were within 5 ft. of me, I'd run the other way. I prefer to admire from a long distance. I'd never have sex with any of them, even if one of them asked me to LOL. I simply cannot do it. And would not do it. I write gay erotica, and I write it with relish, and I use my fave actors as muses for my characters, but again, in real life, I just don't have sex. It's very odd, but it's me.

Omg, okay so I'm still new here but honestly like every thread I read just makes me happier and happier to have found this place because I am the exact same way. I'm biromantic though so I have a male and female harem of actors where I'm like "OMG I'M SO IN LOVE WITH THEM!" but if the opportunity every arose irl to do anything about it I'd be like "Oh no, please don't touch me. I do not enjoy that."

[Xarixian]

Oh, this exactly.

I haven't really identified with A/Grey-A, but am more toying with the idea that it might apply to me. But when I meet people, sex isn't something I think about. Even with characters, I don't fantasize about them and me, but them with other characters (love me some slash ^^) and still tend to prefer sweet and sappy to wild and kinky. I think I just tend to form romantic attachments more than sexual ones, and when there's a character who hits all the right buttons, it's easy to obsess over them. After all, they're fictional, so it's not like they're gonna care.

It's the same with celebrities. I love to watch my favourites, fawn over how pretty and lovely they are, and listen to them talk, but I don't fantasize about them and me.

[Uhh]

I can definitely relate to being (not sexually) attracted to characters in books/movies/tv, though not so much their real life counterparts. I think for me it's an escape. I know that I've never been romantically attracted to anyone in real life, but I do experience those sort of butterfly/romantic feelings occasionally. Through fictional characters I can imagine the ideal.. everything. Especially ever since I discovered fanfiction way back in middle school... where you can put any character in any situation and make the perfect story. If I do experience those romantic feelings then I can watch a movie/tv show and live through the characters or I can read a romantic fan fic and even if I'm not picturing myself in place of one of the characters I can still get that romantic sort of feeling. And idk, I guess it's sort of weird, but for me that's enough. I guess it's kind of messed with how I picture a relationship, my expectations. Through liking fictional characters I can get that feeling and imagine the perfect relationship that doesn't have to have sex or anything involved... so when it comes to real relationships I know that something like that is so rare. Sex is almost always an expectation and that almost does become a turn-off. Also, another part is that with fictional characters, with fanfiction, you always know what the character is thinking and feeling... or even if you don't know exactly you at least know everything about the character that there is to know because as the viewer you are omniscient. That's obviously not the case with real people whom you have to spend time with and get to know but that you'll never know everything about. With real life if I meet someone I like then I start to get to know them there is ultimately going to be something about them that turns me off romantically... it's inevitable. Like one of the other posters pointed out, with movies or tv shows you can watch for as long as you like and turn it off when you've had enough. I don't experience romantic feelings that often so if I do have a sort of romantic urge then living through movie/tv/book characters is perfect. I think that's what I like about it.

[Kikiki]

Yes. Definitely. For me it all falls under the 'fantasy' circumstances of my ability to feel more than aesthetic/romantic attraction. :\ But if you put the same actors/people in front of me to actually be able to get with them sexually, it wouldn't work.

[AthenaCain]

Of course I find myself in exactly the same situation!!! I mean ALL THE TIME!!! As a matter of fact the ONLY men I have ever felt TRULY (and not faking it or trying to press myself to believe it) attracted to were actors and one singer!!! I am not attracted so much to the character, although that happens often as well, but to the person who is playing that role. I get really infatuated! Ever since I was like 5 years old I always fell for men in the movies and very few men -or none most of the times-in my surroundings (like school). As I grew older actually the situation got worse. I don't feel attracted to ANYBODY in real life. I find 95% of real-life men as hideous (I mean really appalling to the point of making me gag and feel nauseated, that ugly!!!)and the remaining 5% is made up of 3-4% of average men to whom I am indifferent most of the times and ONLY 1% who could make me desire them sexually. Of course that happens , as you can understand, once in a blue moon!!! On the other hand, I do find, from time to time, some actors and singers as sexy and attractive. Not a lot of them though. Just a few but definitely MORE than the men I meet in my everyday life.

So yes, my only true "loves" in my entire lifetime were unrequited and unreachable b/c they were celebrities!!! The other men with whom I had a relationship never really turned me on that much (my first actually turned me off completely but I still was stupid enough and I had sex with him for 3 years which I know REGRET!!!) except for one who came close but not quite...Plus, he was a real jerk so it didn't work out b/w us.

I often wonder about this myself. Why am I ONLY attracted to actors or singers (I had this "thing" for a singer mainly when I was a teenager. It dissipated after that and now I am mostly attracted to men in movies), why can't I find other men attractive when all the women I know (friends) seem to like them (or so they say! I doubt it however! I still can't believe that a SANE woman would find some of these...monsters... handsome. Sorry that's how I feel!!!), why am I so different?

I have come to the conclusion that, in reality, MOST MEN (and women for that matter) must BE UGLY. It is true. I believe it is a fact!!! The human species as a whole is not particularly attractive. We are not "cute" animals. We are unattractive like say a crocodile or a snake (even they may be prettier than us for me sometimes!!!). We are not good looking like cats or deer or birds. We are disgustingly ugly as a species. Period! That's my take on the matter. And I think whoever sees that fact is a minority by definition. Whoever doesn't feel attracted to many humans, society, driven by the self-serving bias, looks down on him/her and cannot admit that its members are ugly so it dubs that person as "abnormal" when he or she might actually be the ONLY normal person in the group!!! The one who can see humans for what they REALLY are...ugly beings (I mean in terms of external appearance. I am not referring to personality here. That's another big issue!!!).

I feel the same way; moviestars/rocksingers etc. are much better looking and more a "turn on" to me than small men with a tummy...

[AtroposHeart]

Yes, but mostly in a romantic, but not sexual way

[Hevski]

Ok so, I read erotic and romantic fiction (with and without sex) and I can, and do get turned on by this. I also find myself sexually attracted to

fictional characters, in tv programs and movies and even on occasion the actors that portray them, and musicians. So I know I definitely can experience sexual attraction. However, when it comes to people I see/meet in real life and my two relationships with guys I just don't feel it. In my first relationship I thought there was something there for a bit, but it quickly disappeared when I got to know him more (as bad as that sounds.) It's almost like the idea of me having sex is a turn off for me :S Is there anyone else here that has a similar situation?

Thought I'd expand on this more.. Erotic fiction turns me on too. As can more romantic novels... But erotic fiction especially so..

Just breaking up with someone now, met guys before that.. In all of these "pairings" I've fancied the guy, obviously, they have been somewhat good looking, or not in some cases, looking back. But even with the cutest, or most attractive I've not felt that desire.. I've sometimes made the first move. But I've never felt that real passion to start something. To make love. That pull, drive or desire to "rip someone's clothes off".. I feel guilty because of it. Sex isn't a turn off for me, but I don't get much pleasure out of it. And it can be quite painful. I get turned on initially, but then that feeling quickly goes like my body isn't wired up correctly to my mind. So the arousal doesn't last long. I don't know if its a fear of intimacy or just the fact there may be a little bit of a asexual or Demisexual in me.. It's so hard to understand..

I much prefer the intimacy of cuddles, that can lead to sex.. Or just plain cuddles instead of any sex.. I can't understand people who have sex then move apart and sleep on separate sides of the bed...

[Snarkyaxolotl]

I wonder if it has something to with being demi-sexual in that the romance novel or movie "does all the work" in leading you into what a romantic experience is like and then you get the sexual arousal. Personally for me, I think I'm demi-sexual, but I also feel like it takes too much effort on my part to get into a romantic relationship to even take it it to the next level.

It's sort of like I have a demi-sexual/aromantic paradox going.

[Silmaril]

To answer the original question, yes I do occasionally find myself attracted to people in the movies. I basically have the same sort of problem a lot of people seem to share - I can find myself falling for a fictional character, but it's hard for me to fall for a real person, and therefore develop a sexual attraction to them. The reason for this is quite simple, I think - we don't have to deal with those fictional characters (however "real" they may seem in the movies, they're still not real people) in real life, we don't have to deal with all those things that may annoy us in other people. If we want to spend time with these characters, all we have to do is turn the movie on, and when we had enough of them, all we have to do is turn the movie off. So it's simple and a lot less stressful than having to deal with a real person. Besides, when you watch a character on the screen you have this opportunity to observe them carefully, to develop certain feelings at your own pace - like I said, a lot less stressful way to form a relationship. And of course practically impossible to reapeat with an actual person you know.

I agree totally. I also find I am drawn to characters who embody some kind of ideal for me, and if they are aesthetically pleasing as well, it all works to increase the attraction. I don't know if this can be considered sexual attraction though. For instance, the character of Justin Quayle in The Constant Gardener (book and film) is a quiet, gentle and loyal soul, whose unassuming exterior hides a deep reserve of determination and bravery. Would I like to meet someone like this in real life? Hell yes. Would I necessarily want to have sex with him? Can't say, as I have no real life experience.

Just breaking up with someone now, met guys before that.. In all of these "pairings" I've fancied the guy, obviously, they have been somewhat good looking, or not in some cases, looking back. But even with the cutest, or most attractive I've not felt that desire.. I've sometimes made the first move. But I've never felt that real passion to start something. To make love. That pull, drive or desire to "rip someone's clothes off".. I feel guilty because of it. Sex isn't a turn off for me, but I don't get much pleasure out of it. And it can be quite painful. I get turned on initially, but then that feeling quickly goes like my body isn't wired up correctly to my mind. So the arousal doesn't last long. I don't know if its a fear of intimacy or just the fact there may be a little bit of a asexual or Demisexual in me.. It's so hard to understand..

I much prefer the intimacy of cuddles, that can lead to sex.. Or just plain cuddles instead of any sex

Never had sex but I feel I totally relate to the bit about the body not wired to the mind, and a preference for cuddles.

[Amelia107]

I have come to the conclusion that, in reality, MOST MEN (and women for that matter) must BE UGLY. It is true. I believe it is a fact!!! The human species as a whole is not particularly attractive. We are not "cute" animals. We are unattractive like say a crocodile or a snake (even they may be prettier than us for me sometimes!!!). We are not good looking like cats or deer or birds. We are disgustingly ugly as a species. Period! That's my take on the matter. And I think whoever sees that fact is a minority by definition. Whoever doesn't feel attracted to many humans, society, driven by the self-serving bias, looks down on him/her and cannot admit that its members are ugly so it dubs that person as "abnormal" when he or she might actually be the ONLY normal person in the group!!! The one who can see humans for what they REALLY are...ugly beings (I mean in terms of external appearance. I am not referring to personality here. That's another big issue!!!).

I find it very interesting you believe human beings are an ugly species. I've never really considered it before but it's a valid point. Do you think it's something to do with our hairlessness? I mean, look at the majority of other creatures. Mammals come to mind, they generally are all covered in fur and we aren't, but we are mammals and closely related to the apes which I find cute but rather ugly .

Amelia x

[SugarSprinkledFox]

I do actually. When I read or watch a long series and get to know the characters personalities better I do feeling attraction. But it's more romanticly then sexually.

[noe]

I'm exactly the same way! It's like...other people having sex turns me on but me having it does nothing for me :P no idea why but hey !