Does 'he' like me? Or is he just curious about my asexuality?

[Lizzia]

hi everyone, i'm new here and at this point of my young life, I consider myself to be asexual. I'm having this dilemma with a certain guy...

I've known this guy for 5 months and during that time, we've had a very interesting...friendship.

I've only seen him outside of school 3 times but he texted me constantly, sending me 25-50 texts a day. Most of our conversations revolve around my asexuality, our lives, and our romantic histories.

Something very interesting about our friendship is that I'm a very secretive and closed person and he's the exact opposite-he's a very open person.

There are things I haven't told anyone before, and yet, he prys them out of me. He is a person, who despite having known me for such a short period of time, is more interested than anybody else in me. (this was always the case, even before he knew I was asexual)

This guy is also heterosexual and has already had sex with a few girls.

He doesn't believe relationships between heterosexual and asexual people ever work out.

And he mentioned that would might be eventful in a relationship to me would be uneventful for him.

So...why does he hold me? Why does he hold hands with me? Why does he hug me? Why does he tell me some of his darkest secrets, like being abused and that he use to cut himself? (No worries, he stopped doing it.)

And finally....why did he say 'There's something I want to do to you...but it would be mean and might confuse you' and then do it? (It was a kiss on the cheek.)

To add, he always asks me how I feel about these actions (as an asexual.)

What does guy think of me as? A good friend? A little sister who knows nothing about sex? A guinea pig he's testing in a lab? Or...does he have feelings for me? Does he know that? Or is it something he's not admitting to himself? Would he date me...if I was heterosexual? Is he considering dating me..even though I'm an asexual? Are there romantic feelings attached to his actions, or is he doing it out of simple curiosity of me being an asexual, indicating that since he's had sex with other girls, these actions mean nothing to him? Is he bound to develop feelings for me if he keeps being so affectionate? Am I just another girl to him...or someone he trusts and cherishes? Why does he wait for me, even if I'm late and not get mad about it? Why is he so willing to hang out with me, even if he's tired and just left swim practice?

What do I do? Should I continue hanging out with him? We get along really well...but I'm afraid of developing feelings for him and being rejected because I'm asexual. I also don't want to have sex with him. Help!

*The texting decreased after we got into an argument over him coming uninvited to my b-day party (I was only allowed to have girls over, which he knew). We both felt guilty and didn't talk for a week. The silence was finally broken when I had to return his sunglasses (which he left at my house during the party.) He insisted that I didn't just return them, but that we should hang out. My friend told me that if he wanted to hang out with me but hadn't texted me, he might have had something to tell me. What do you think...did he ponder over what he thinks of me during that week and imply his feelings for me (the 3rd time when he hung out, when he was very touchy) ?

*He was more touchy than before our argument, but he still touched my back, held my hand,etc. and asked how I felt about it (as an asexual) before the argument.*

[GeoffBrady]

I'm a bit curious and sceptical, I'm afraid! I'm confused by his actions, so I'm not surprised you are!

Have you asked him what he wants? He might be purely interested in friendship. He might want to date. He might see your sexuality as a challenge (that's happened to me :( ).

It's not a bad thing to develop feelings for someone… of course it might make things more painful later. That doesn't mean you should fear becoming close to people though. Sometimes it's best to come right out and ask people what they want outright (DISCLAIMER: I said sometimes, not every time!). But be yourself (oft overused phrase, but in this case, I think it's important)!

[clarinetchick]

Afriad I can't help, since I am in a similar situation myself, and am toatlly clueless!

Feel free to private message me if you want to talk more.

Good luck!

I'm just taking it one day at a time, and being totally honest with the other person.

[femto-15]

It appears I'm going to be your "protective older brother" for this post:

Be very cautious.

It sounds like this guy sees boundaries not as the solid lines they are but rather as something blurry. He violated your wishes by coming to your party, didn't ask your permission to kiss your cheek, and he prods you to share more than you would have otherwise. His openness about his past is something I also see as a red flag. And you say he's taken a great interest in you in a very short amount of time. It all makes me feel very nervous for you.

Does he have other friends? Do you ever hang out with him in a group setting, or do you only see each other one-on-one? Can anyone else vouch for his character? What do your friends think of him? If he treats you like a secret, that's a very bad sign.

If he's really worth your time, he'll be patient with you. I would ask him your questions directly, and demand direct answers. He should give them freely. Be mindful. Don't let yourself be talked into doing anything you don't want to. I say this especially because he sounds like a "smooth talker."

He may be fine, but he's gotta pass basic "non-creeper" tests.

[Castor]

I agree with femto over here,in my opinion I think that he already have feelings for you, but he knows about the boundaries and he knows that a mixed relationship wouldn't work, stay his friend cause I see that he is an open person, and you have gain his trust, :)