Zenievre Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I am....terrified...of penises. Pictures, I don't care, I can stand those. But the real thing in front of me or around me, I can't stand. I don't know why. Does this make sense??? I have been this way for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend thinks I'm weird because of it. And he really wants me to get over it... But I can't. My ex constantly tried to have sex with me and I couldn't do it. Part of it was the penis thing....I don't want to touch, or even look at it... Why am I like this? Any advice to try to get over it??? Anyone else like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Zenievre, I looked at your avatar and it said what I'd say to you. There is no reason why you should feel you need to change. If you don't want to look at a real penis, you shouldn't have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Zenievre Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Zenievre, I looked at your avatar and it said what I'd say to you. There is no reason why you should feel you need to change. If you don't want to look at a real penis, you shouldn't have to. I just...I think it's weird though that I can deal with photos and videos of it, but I can't stand it if its in front of me.. Link to post Share on other sites
yobi Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I second the above answer. Also, it can be used as a filter of sorts. A people filter. A lot of people, like your bf, will probably think it's weird and won't be okay with it, but when someone finally is, you'll know that they're the right one for you. Nobody should be able to pressure you into thinking that you need to change to please them. If you're happy with yourself, it doesn't matter if you're afraid of penises, fruit roll-ups, mail trucks, beavers, or shower curtains. Just do what feels right to you. :] Link to post Share on other sites
SyncMyLife Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Oh man I thought I was the only one. I'm quite repulsed by penises. In fact even some of my sexual friends are disgusted by them. I totally understand you one this one. I realized that I had "penis-phobia" a while back in middle school. I'm 21 now and I'm still afraid of them. I had a friend of mine show his penis to me and all I remember telling him was, "Watch where you point that thing!" Yea...If I had a boyfriend, I would tell him to, you know "lock the cock". I would really discuss this with my boyfriend (if I had one) and let him know that you are serious about being terrified and maybe try to find what made you so terrified in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Zenievre Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Oh man I thought I was the only one. I'm quite repulsed by penises. In fact even some of my sexual friends are disgusted by them. I totally understand you one this one. I realized that I had "penis-phobia" a while back in middle school. I'm 21 now and I'm still afraid of them. I had a friend of mine show his penis to me and all I remember telling him was, "Watch where you point that thing!" Yea...If I had a boyfriend, I would tell him to, you know "lock the cock". I would really discuss this with my boyfriend (if I had one) and let him know that you are serious about being terrified and maybe try to find what made you so terrified in the first place. My boyfriend knows. Only because I start freaking out and wont look at him if he does anything with it. He has been very understanding for being sexual about me finding out that I'm asexual and both of us dealing with that. He promised he wouldn't do anything without my permission along the lines with his penis. So far, he has kept up with it. But I keep thinking he will change his mind and get bored with my asexuality and phobia and become like my ex ultimately... Link to post Share on other sites
SyncMyLife Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Oh man I thought I was the only one. I'm quite repulsed by penises. In fact even some of my sexual friends are disgusted by them. I totally understand you one this one. I realized that I had "penis-phobia" a while back in middle school. I'm 21 now and I'm still afraid of them. I had a friend of mine show his penis to me and all I remember telling him was, "Watch where you point that thing!" Yea...If I had a boyfriend, I would tell him to, you know "lock the cock". I would really discuss this with my boyfriend (if I had one) and let him know that you are serious about being terrified and maybe try to find what made you so terrified in the first place. My boyfriend knows. Only because I start freaking out and wont look at him if he does anything with it. He has been very understanding for being sexual about me finding out that I'm asexual and both of us dealing with that. He promised he wouldn't do anything without my permission along the lines with his penis. So far, he has kept up with it. But I keep thinking he will change his mind and get bored with my asexuality and phobia and become like my ex ultimately... Ah I see. Well I hope it doesn't end up like that. If your boyfriend continues to be understanding of your asexuality, then you both should be fine. If it seems that he might be having an issue with it, then talk to him about it and reassure your feelings with him; That you love and care about him and want him to be happy, but that you feel uncomfortable sometimes. Best of luck to you! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Makes a lot of sense to me... I feel much the same way even though such a thing is part of my own body, too. :( Pretty much the main reason why I've been avoiding real-life contact in the last six years, and do not consider a "real" (i.e. non-virtual) sexual situation ever possibly happening in my life. Zenievre, I looked at your avatar and it said what I'd say to you. There is no reason why you should feel you need to change. If you don't want to look at a real penis, you shouldn't have to. Completely agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Heartilly Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Yeah, I can understand this. I try to push past it because I don't like having a phobia, but it's still there, however slight. I think it's easier for me to touch them if I don't have to look at them. However, I would prefer to not have to deal with that particular body part at all. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
seinneadair Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Yeah, I definitely have this problem, although, for me, even pictures and videos that are not of a purely scientific nature disturb me a little. (Not paintings and old statues and things, but actual photographs, etc.). I agree with everyone else. You shouldn't have to change yourself. If it's something that really bothers you and your boyfriend is understanding, that's great. If he starts to pressure you, it's probably better to break up than to push yourself in ways that make you unhappy, because it wouldn't be fair to either of you if you were unhappy or unwilling. Link to post Share on other sites
Empty Chairs & Tables Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Oh man I thought I was the only one. I'm quite repulsed by penises. In fact even some of my sexual friends are disgusted by them. I totally understand you one this one. I realized that I had "penis-phobia" a while back in middle school. I'm 21 now and I'm still afraid of them. I had a friend of mine show his penis to me and all I remember telling him was, "Watch where you point that thing!" Yea...If I had a boyfriend, I would tell him to, you know "lock the cock". I would really discuss this with my boyfriend (if I had one) and let him know that you are serious about being terrified and maybe try to find what made you so terrified in the first place. My boyfriend knows. Only because I start freaking out and wont look at him if he does anything with it. He has been very understanding for being sexual about me finding out that I'm asexual and both of us dealing with that. He promised he wouldn't do anything without my permission along the lines with his penis. So far, he has kept up with it. But I keep thinking he will change his mind and get bored with my asexuality and phobia and become like my ex ultimately... Ah I see. Well I hope it doesn't end up like that. If your boyfriend continues to be understanding of your asexuality, then you both should be fine. If it seems that he might be having an issue with it, then talk to him about it and reassure your feelings with him; That you love and care about him and want him to be happy, but that you feel uncomfortable sometimes. Best of luck to you! :) Communication is key for any relationship, but seems to be increasingly so for mixed relationships (asexual with a non-asexual). As the asexual half of a mixed relationship, I would say that some of it boils down to trusting your boyfriend to be honest with you about how is feeling about your relationship. If you can trust him to talk to you about his feelings if/when necessary, such as if he were unhappy with the lack of sexual activity in the relationship, that takes a weight off of your shoulders and it one less thing to worry about. I agree with everyone else. You shouldn't have to change yourself. While I agree with the above as stated, it is important to consider whether you want to change (or even want to determine whether changing is a possibility). Going into a relationship expecting to change the other person is a bad idea. However, we all change as people over the years. There is a definite different between "having" to change because someone else is demanding it and "wanting" to change in order for you (and possibly others) to benefit. If you want to see whether you can overcome your phobia, I would say go for it. In things like this, if you want to try, you do not know what you can and cannot do until you do try. Yeah, I can understand this. I try to push past it because I don't like having a phobia, but it's still there, however slight. I think it's easier for me to touch them if I don't have to look at them. However, I would prefer to not have to deal with that particular body part at all. Good luck to you! I agree with this. I initially identified as repulsed until I became involved with my non-asexual SO. Part of my repulsion was definitely of male genitalia. We took things very slowly and eventually I became used to and comfortable with nudity (and we now do have a sexual relationship as well). For me, becoming comfortable with nudity and nude touching was made easier by initially doing so while covered with a blanket. I could not see anything by my SO's face (and shoulders) and at first all we did was lay next to each other, barely touching. We moved on to close cuddling and from there to touching. And no, we no longer only touch each other while covered with a blanket, but it was definitely a very helpful step for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zenievre Posted August 20, 2012 Author Share Posted August 20, 2012 Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm the only person I know like this and its good to know I'm not the only one with this phobia. This all helped a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
princesspeach Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Wow, it feels great to know I'm not the only one like this! I just recently got into a relationship (with a sexual) and I have told him that it's not that I'm not attracted to him, but I don't want to go near anyone's penis ever! But I don't believe that he's okay with it / believes me, so deep down I'm hoping something will change... :S Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I second the above answer. Also, it can be used as a filter of sorts. A people filter. A lot of people, like your bf, will probably think it's weird and won't be okay with it, but when someone finally is, you'll know that they're the right one for you. Nobody should be able to pressure you into thinking that you need to change to please them. If you're happy with yourself, it doesn't matter if you're afraid of penises, fruit roll-ups, mail trucks, beavers, or shower curtains. Just do what feels right to you. :] I do have a phobia of shower curtains Link to post Share on other sites
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