Why is there a need to promote asexuality to the world?

[Naosuu]

The fact is that asexuality is the least visible sexuality right now.

Think about it for a second: asexuals who aren't in a relationship for a long time are assumed to be celibate or "saving her/himself" for the right person; are really, really into kinky "weird" things; lacking in social skill; low libido, etc. Then when an asexual is in a relationship, it's assumed that they're hetero/homosexual/bisexual and will want to express that love through the sexual expression. Asexuality is extremely easy to overlook without taking a magnifying glass to the subject.

How do you show people that you don't have the drive or desire to have sex with people? You can't, because it's assumed that everyone wants to tap someone. You have to be explicit down to the last letter. It's extremely damaging when you feel something is wrong with you when there isn't; it is costly both in one's wallet and one's psychological being.

On a personal level, it's always a choice whether you want to be a flaming asexual. On the whole, it's extremely important to let people know that if they've never wanted to have sex ever, that's OK. It's extremely empowering when you realize the way you are is OK and there's a name for what you experience. That's the power of a label.

[tadkitty]

Thank you Ithaca for moving this

For and on be half of the AVEN Project Team

Tadkitteh

[Natari]

I am seeing a number of people who are claiming they believe that asexuality is completely unrelated to the LGBT+ community, so this post is for anyone who supports this idea. I have but two point to make:

a) Not all asexuals are heteroromantic. Those who find their life partner(s) to be of the same sex still have to face corrupts marriage laws, etc. as well as general public homophobia. These people would benefit greatly from the support of the LGBT+ community.

**The same goes for trans people. They are an expected member of the LGBT+ community, but why should only part of their identity be represented?

In either of these situations, keeping asexuality out of the picture would be like saying "Hello! I [am trans/and-or/love someone of the same gender as me]. I am also asexual. But don't worry! I won't trouble you with that part of me!"

b) Sexuality comes in every hue and shade. We get so caught up in thinking about sexuality being an issue about what you are attracted to, that we forget it also involves how attracted we feel. Adding in asexualtiy just completes the spectrum.

Do you feel sexually attracted to men but only romantically attracted to women?

Do you need to have a strong connection with a person before you can feel any attraction at all?

Etc, etc!

Therefore, even if you personally do not feel the need to associate yourself with the LGBT+ community, please remember that the entirety of the asexual community may benefit from it.

I initially did not feel asexuality belonged in the LGBT+ community, but as I learned more about the infinite complexities of the people of the asexual/graysexual community, I began to rethink things.

Thank you for reading this far!

--Natalie

[Rhino]

The way I see it, it's important to spread visibility so that asexuals out there who are struggling to find context for themselves in the world can find themselves. I used to be tearing myself up inside for the longest time wondering why nothing made sense; then, I decided to look into some of the visibility stuff that someone I know posts on Facebook.

In that instance, the spreading of awareness and visibility saved me, emotionally and mentally. And that's why it's important.

Pretty much this. Though it's important to me for people to not see asexuality as a problem and more so to educate other asexuals. I would never want another person to have to go through what I did so helping the people who it matters to most is important to me.

I am so glad there is visibility work done. I always assumed that everyone was sexual and i was just a late bloomer, eventualy Ill get it, eventually ill fit in, eventually Ill stop pretending because it will be real. A bisexual friend of mine told mine told me that asexuality was a recognised sexuality and i was so relieved. I am not the only one!

[Boo42069yomomma]

A little late, I know, but the world needs to know about asexuality so that they can form opinions about it, accept, etc. The world is sex-driven, and everybody thinks everybody's actions are sex-driven.

[Friend Without Benefits]

My thanks for this thread.

I TOTALLY get the whole visibility thing, and why it's important -- even necessary -- for the members of the community to get out there and explain asexuality and what it is (and what is isn't). It's a totally good, good thing.

At the same time, it totally isn't for me. I think that's why I keep going away from (and coming back to) AVEN. Because I don't think of myself as much a flag-waver on this. While I certainly define my sexuality as asexual, I generally don't define MYSELF that way -- if that makes sense. So it seems almost odd for me to be on a message board that's all about it. (I'm not on a message board for white people, or agnostic people, or short people, or any of those other things that defines a part of me, but isn't the whole me.) It's certainly useful for me to know this place is here when issues of asexuality come to the fore, but whenever I drop by, I feel like I'm sort of dwelling on asexuality, which isn't what I want to be doing on a full-time basis.

So, I mean, thanks for carrying the flag. I'll just be free-riding on all your efforts. :)

[WoodwindWhistler]

Just one more thing to add, asexuality usually includes people in the spectrum of gray-a or demi, which I personally believe have large numbers out there. It's not just about us asexuals- it's also about society gaining a more whole view of sexuality in general, for example low libido and secondary attraction. So many misunderstandings and stress could be avoided if this entered the mainstream consciousness.

[Lydian]

I for sure think it's important for people to know, just so they're more accepting. It can be incredibly frustrating to have people treat you like there's something wrong with you or tell you "asexuality isn't a thing. Everybody wants sex." Especially in a mixed relationship, it's incredibly important for the sexual to understand that it's not anybody's fault. In a relationship where neither person knows about asexuality, the sexual feels dejected and unattractive and the asexual feels that there is something wrong with them. In some cases people even go to therapy in attempt to 'fix' themselves. A lot of professionals don't even believe in asexuality and could likely only make things worse. My relationship works because my partner knows that my asexuality is just the way I am. It means he doesn't push me past my limits and it also means he doesn't take my lack of attraction towards him personally.

I would be happy if I could just say "I'm asexual" and not be treated like there's something wrong with me. Also if nobody had to feel ashamed of being the way they are either because of people rejecting their asexuality or just not knowing at all what they are and that it's ok.

[R_1]

I am seeing a number of people who are claiming they believe that asexuality is completely unrelated to the LGBT+ community, so this post is for anyone who supports this idea. I have but two point to make:

a) Not all asexuals are heteroromantic. Those who find their life partner(s) to be of the same sex still have to face corrupts marriage laws, etc. as well as general public homophobia. These people would benefit greatly from the support of the LGBT+ community.

**The same goes for trans people. They are an expected member of the LGBT+ community, but why should only part of their identity be represented?

In either of these situations, keeping asexuality out of the picture would be like saying "Hello! I [am trans/and-or/love someone of the same gender as me]. I am also asexual. But don't worry! I won't trouble you with that part of me!"

b) Sexuality comes in every hue and shade. We get so caught up in thinking about sexuality being an issue about what you are attracted to, that we forget it also involves how attracted we feel. Adding in asexualtiy just completes the spectrum.

Do you feel sexually attracted to men but only romantically attracted to women?

Do you need to have a strong connection with a person before you can feel any attraction at all?

Etc, etc!

Therefore, even if you personally do not feel the need to associate yourself with the LGBT+ community, please remember that the entirety of the asexual community may benefit from it.

I initially did not feel asexuality belonged in the LGBT+ community, but as I learned more about the infinite complexities of the people of the asexual/graysexual community, I began to rethink things.

Thank you for reading this far!

--Natalie

It is not that all of us that opposes direct affiliation with the LGBT+ community claims we are completely unrelated to them, but rather, the vast majority of us who opposes the connotation because we do not want to affiliate with them because we know that the LGBT+ community has to deal with violent behaviors as a result of presence of people who threatens the lgbt+ community. The controversy is more about how we should go by things with the lgbt+ community. The problem with the claims of the entirety of the asexual community is that the effects is that some of us will have to face problems with people who threatens the lgbt+ community and let's face it, why should they face persecutions from them when it's easier not to be affiliated and staying out? One could make an argument that it is beneficial for some asexuals for asexuality to have its own reputation.