Why is there a need to promote asexuality to the world?

[silvernlilac]

Sorry Im sure this has been asked before but I couldnt find anything when I did a search. And maybe this is the wrong forum to ask this as well. Ive been reading a lot about the worldpride day recently and I just cannot understand why there is such a need to go out and tell the whole world and make such a fuss that we're asexual. I mean to me its a really private thing. Ive only told a few close friends and havent even told my family although I suspect my dad knows from seeing aven and acebook in the google search bar haha. I wouldnt feel comfortable going on a march or to a pride event and telling the world Im asexual. But maybe Im in the minority there. So just wondered why its such a big deal to go to these pride events and promote it so much? I can understand gay pride and all that as the gay community still gets a lot of discrimination. I dunno just a bit confused by it all really . And when I read on another thread that people at the pride event were handing out condoms and dental dams I was like WTF :o :o Why those things lol when they are so related to sex? Seems a bit strange to me.

Ps sorry if I have wrote anything offensive, I didnt mean to :(

[Gatita Pequeña]

Well, some people actually don't know/believe asexuality exists.

And also, some people are perfectly proud of their sexuality and like to be around others that feel the same way. It's like when I go to an anime convention-- we walk around in costumes with other people who like anime and are proud of ourselves the way we are :D

(and Acebook? what is that? o3o)

[NamTar]

Increasing visibility would mean less people suggesting asexuality is a mental illness or the result of trauma, and increase the idea of it as a legitimate orientation.

[silvernlilac]

Well, some people actually don't know/believe asexuality exists.

(and Acebook? what is that? o3o)

Its a social networking site basically a way to meet other asexuals

Increasing visibility would mean less people suggesting asexuality is a mental illness or the result of trauma, and increase the idea of it as a legitimate orientation.

Some people think asexuality is a mental illness :o Wow I never realised. Gah I really dont know much about stuff like this :(

[seshat]

For me, I don't see it as being any different from being homosexual or bisexual. This is who I am, and I don't want to hide or pretend to be sexual. And while we don't face much legal discrimination, there is a lot of social discrimination amd ignorence, which is why there is such an emphasis on education. Not to mention homo-, bi- and panromantic people face similar predjudice as their sexual conterparts.

And as for the contraceptives, a lot of us are sex positive, and you don't have to be having sex to support safe sex. And there was a bit of a joke on them ('have our condoms, we don't need them!' if I remember correctly).

[Pawn]

Pretty much the same as homosexuality, in a way, although we aren't really frowned upon by religion, but rather by... norms. To gain attention, to be accepted as we are and to inform others that people can not be attracted by any gender.

Seriously, now, surely you know this already, but a lot of people seem to have problems accepting, or even merely tolerating, asexuality. In the same way, asexuals don't choose to be asexual, and still being part of the society as they are is the least could be done. Anyway, won't harm anyone knowing more about sexuality's extent, no?

But also, it's not a need, but rather a... way of making things easier for asexuals. Asexuals could very well live in shadows like they always did, but would choke by just staying locked up in closets. I guess it just feels good to know we're not the only black sheep of the flock.

[Verb]

The way I see it, it's important to spread visibility so that asexuals out there who are struggling to find context for themselves in the world can find themselves. I used to be tearing myself up inside for the longest time wondering why nothing made sense; then, I decided to look into some of the visibility stuff that someone I know posts on Facebook.

In that instance, the spreading of awareness and visibility saved me, emotionally and mentally. And that's why it's important.

[98slbrookes98]

For me, I don't see it as being any different from being homosexual or bisexual. This is who I am, and I don't want to hide or pretend to be sexual. And while we don't face much legal discrimination, there is a lot of social discrimination amd ignorence, which is why there is such an emphasis on education. Not to mention homo-, bi- and panromantic people face similar predjudice as their sexual conterparts.

And as for the contraceptives, a lot of us are sex positive, and you don't have to be having sex to support safe sex. And there was a bit of a joke on them ('have our condoms, we don't need them!' if I remember correctly).

I have to agree with this and as a homoromantic ace I too face similar problems to homosexuals sometimes.

[Wookieinmashoo]

The way I see it, it's important to spread visibility so that asexuals out there who are struggling to find context for themselves in the world can find themselves. I used to be tearing myself up inside for the longest time wondering why nothing made sense; then, I decided to look into some of the visibility stuff that someone I know posts on Facebook.

In that instance, the spreading of awareness and visibility saved me, emotionally and mentally. And that's why it's important.

Pretty much this. Though it's important to me for people to not see asexuality as a problem and more so to educate other asexuals. I would never want another person to have to go through what I did so helping the people who it matters to most is important to me.

[Cakey]

I totally agree with you, silvernlilac, to be in amongst barely dressed people, or those dressed in rubber, or just in their underwear, and then for us to hand out condoms etc, this does not reflect the meets that I go to or the people (generally ;) ). It is as though we have no identity of our own, just an LGBT clone, shouldn't we at least be handing out cake? ( Apologises if you did)

As for visibility, there are 42 countries in the British commonwealth, where being gay is illegal or punishable by death (From a radio 4 program) If we carry the LGBT tag, we are not going to sell our message there, nor in Russia, where Moscow has just imposed a 100 year ban on pride marches. Moscow Bans Pride You can also discount the 30 odd islamic countries, I guess. In fact, we could imperil asexuals in these countries. Where is our duty of care there?

If we maintain the LGBT tag, our message will be seriously diluted, very confusing and also have a limited audience. For instance, In Great Britain, the percentage of people who think homosexuality is 'always wrong' or 'mostly wrong', is around 37%, down from a height of three quarters during the mid eighties (because of AIDS) attitudes to gay couples

Check out the European statistics too. You are plainly reducing your target audience for 'visibility'

I'm a strong ally of our sexual minorities, but I want my identity as an asexual to be separate and plainly recognisable.

Though It is lovely and heart-warming to know, that some asexuals have found help from their universities LGBT society. It is very different from the scene.

Gay people are there to celebrate their right to be attracted to and have sex with the same gender (unless they are asexual, lol ;) ) What we are doing marching in a sexual festival?

As a marketing ploy. 'It is like selling vegetarian produce from a butcher's shop!'

[NamTar]

Though it's important to me for people to not see asexuality as a problem and more so to educate other asexuals. I would never want another person to have to go through what I did so helping the people who it matters to most is important to me.

Agreed. I feel bad for all the younger people who are still facing a lot of internal and external turmoil due to lack of understanding. I hate that some people automatically think you're mentally ill or have been sexually abused or whatever if you say you're ace, or that people think we all just need psychotherapy to "fix" us and make us sexual. I just want people to accept that being asexual is a legitimate orientation and shouldn't derided as if we're too loser-ish to "score" or that we have mental issues. And that's why I think it's important for visibility: it helps people who are asexual by telling them it's ok, and it helps everyone who knows an asexual by also telling them it's a legitimate thing and doesn't need "fixing."

i think AceofCakes has a point that asexuality doesn't really fit in with LGBT, though I can understand supporting other sexual minorities. I mean, I don't think anyone should be discriminated against because of sexuality, but I also don't think I fit in neatly with homosexuals and their specific problems.

[Guest]

If it werent promoted, you would not know you were asexual. I would still be freaking out just a bit. I would have likely had several high stress relationships by now. I may have come out as gay. I would be scared and stressed and lonley. Thats why we need visibility. We also need it because if I come out, theres a good chance I will be sent to doctors and psychiatrists.

As for if we fit with the LGBT community, I feel like (at least in my case) asexuals have similar experiences. I don't mind there being some distance becaude we dont all have to fight for rights. We do have to fight social norms and expectations about sex and love the same as the LGBT community.

[Janus the Fox]

Well, I believe that the promotion of asexuality is the last frontier of the mystery of sexual orientation, unless paraphilias want their own pride. Ok, asexuality don't fit, but it does not mean it shouldn't be represented at pride events.

[Guest]

For Me its so that know one has to live in a world feeling lost alone and different weird, with out the awareness that would be the result for so many who would never have heard of something that could be a anwser to all their confusion otherwise. Also its not to get everyone eles approaval but at least acceptance so we can say this is me and its perfectly normal like being gay, bi, or anything else has become.

8)

[silvernlilac]

shouldn't we at least be handing out cake?

Hehe thats what I was thinking too. Mind you the problem with handing out cake is that more of it would have got eaten then got handed out :P

[Trava u doma]

Because we need asexuality to be recognized as a legitimate thing.

Because we need to make world realize asexulity is not a teenage idiotism, which it still would be to many people who've never heard of it.

Because there are asexuals out there who have no idea asexuality exists.

I've been there and I saw people's faces upon seeing the leaflets - they were all surprised upon finding out about asexuality, so I guess efforts like these are very much needed.

And to those who think oppose our participation in LGBT events: what ideas do you propose to spread awarness? I don't criticize your point of view, because I agree, in a way, but I don't really see any alternative.

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

Very much what the others already said. How awesome would have been for me to know asexuality when I was younger, I'm thinking that there is a little yummy outside, alone, in this mean, mean world **cries, cries** (Ok. I'm taking acting classes, enough of drama haha), I want she to know she's not alone, she's ok, she have choices, she doesn't have to feel broken and sick because have decided to live a bit different than others and she have decided to be that way, because she feel that way -_- .

Little yummy come to Aven, I have cake for you!! :lol: :lol:

[Fricai]

Have you seen '(a)sexual'? I can recommend it! I think it very nicely portrays value in spreading the word. :)

Finding out about asexuality has certainly made me happier. I went from trying to be something I'm not to just listening to my own feelings, and that feels a lot better. Also, it's just so nice to share experiences with other aces, to know you're not the only one in your position.

So, spreading the word, and making anyone who might be asexual find out about it, it worth a lot of effort, imo. :)

Btw, I think we fit in pretty well with the LGBTQ really... It doesn't seem so focused on sex to me. It's all about being different and being accepted, isn't it? It's not about rights per se either. We have a yearly pride in Amsterdam, but rights here are already equal. :)

[Asexy51]

Well, some people actually don't know/believe asexuality exists.

And also, some people are perfectly proud of their sexuality and like to be around others that feel the same way. It's like when I go to an anime convention-- we walk around in costumes with other people who like anime and are proud of ourselves the way we are :D

(and Acebook? what is that? o3o)

LOL At the anime thing. As for pride, I think it's meaningless to parade when people even don't believe asexuality exists, for those who don't believe there is no possible way to explain. They'll just consider us freaks or something especially if we walk around in costumes.

[Fricai]

I don't think Gatita meant to suggest to parade in anime costumes. ;)

[Asexy51]

I don't think Gatita meant to suggest to parade in anime costumes. ;)

Yada Yada Yada!

[R_1]

There's two sides to the stories (three actually, but let just not get there)

One side is that they feel misunderstood and wants more people to come out as asexual. The other side is basically that they don't see one significant benefits out of it nor they see the point of it as they don't want to get involved nor care for the visibility of others. That other side just get along with life and have zero problem pretending if needed while they see it as none of their business.

I belong in the other side myself as I see no point and nothing can convince me out of it. A waste of time trying to convince me otherwise.

[Cakey]

shouldn't we at least be handing out cake?

Hehe thats what I was thinking too. Mind you the problem with handing out cake is that more of it would have got eaten then got handed out :P

Lol,call me picky, but only if it was glutton/dairy free. :)

[Lady Heartilly]

It's important for asexual people to know about so that they don't need to feel pressured by society to have sex even though they don't want to. It would prevent them from getting sexually abused without realizing it and from feeling like they're the only person in the world who feels the way they do and that there must be something wrong with them.

It's important for sexual people to know about because if they end up dating an asexual, they won't think that the asexual is the one with the problem and end up pressuring them to do all sorts of things they don't want to because they think it'll "fix" them.

It's important for those who are not partners in a sexual or asexual relationship to know because they might have friends who family members who will come out as asexual, and if they don't hear about it elsewhere, they will likely be less supportive and tell their friend/relative that they're making it up or that they need to see a doctor.

I think that about covers everyone.

[ChangelingGirl]

Increasing visibility would mean less people suggesting asexuality is a mental illness or the result of trauma, and increase the idea of it as a legitimate orientation.

I agree 100%. By the way, was your choice of the word "promote"intentional? This sounds like we're trying to convert sexuals into asexuality, and this is not the case. We're just trying to increase accetpance of those who choose to be out as asexual. Ideally, it would not be anything we had to "come out" as, since heterosexuals are not having hetero visibility days either, but this is because thereosexuality is assumed to be the norm.

[5_♦♣]

"Acebook? what is that"?

An Asexual dating site.

[Naru]

There's another reason as well as helping asexuals being accepted by society.

The concepts that matter so much to asexuals (queer-platonic relationships, the importance of friendship etc) can have a huge benefit for sexual people as well. For example, a good friend of mine is heterosexual, and he has a very lovely girlfriend. He also has a relationship with another girl, who is bisexual. Yet that second relationship is 100% platonic. It was making both of them rather confused and frustrated until he explained it to me. When I gave him the definition for queer-platonic, he jumped on it and it fit perfectly.

David Jay has explained this before I think, once on the A Life podcast. He said it far better than I can, but I can't remember which episode it was or what he exactly said.

[Guest member25959]

It may be a private thing on a personal level, but I don't think that they're going out there to promote themselves as asexual, they're promoting asexuality as a whole, as a valid orientation. That's pretty much what the ''Visibility'' part of AVEN is all about, promoting asexuality.

[Celeritas]

I think it's important - for years I thought there was something wrong with me, and it really upset me. Finding out about asexuality relieved me of that burden, because I'm not wrong, or broken, and it's acceptable to be what I am. If you don't know, and you think you're freakish, you're more likely to try and make yourself be something you're not, and be more susceptible to coercion and such.

[ithaca]

Moving this thread from Asexual Q&A to Visibility and Education Projects.