Can a sex-repulsed sexual work with a sexual?

[ChildfreeAggie]

Could outer-course work between both people perhaps? I know that's what I used to enjoy a lot with my ex; but, the one time she (TMI Warning) put my hand on her lady parts to get herself off I felt nauseous by the feel, smell, and sound of it all. Anal, oral, and penetration are repulsive to me but every other sexual act of intimacy I do not shy away from.

[Tool1989]

You both would have to compromise with each other...would she be willing to respect your wishes with feeling "unloved" and "not wanted" (as I have heard other people say when their partners don't want sex a lot)? It seems you know what you are willing and not willing to do so if she isn't able to accept the things that you mentioned you didn't want to do, then it may be best to both go your own separate ways. You will both only hurt each other in the end if you aren't honest with yourselves and with each other on what you need and don't need.

[sonofzeal]

There are a lot of shades of grey in sexual intimacy; the question is whether your comfort zones overlap sufficiently with her needs. And, really, nobody can answer that for you except the two of you in conversation.

Yes, it's possible for some.

No, it's not possible for others.

Finding out whether it's true for you will take time and effort and communication. I wish you luck.

[-V-]

If it was a problem for you when she had you touch her genitals I'm not really clear on what you could do to help her. Would you be able to use a toy/device on her? It would require staring right at them and possibly touching them anyway.

[maryjanewatson]

As a sex-repulsed person myself, I can say, for me, it would be impossible. But then again, I am so sex-repulsed that I can't even get into a relationship because when I find out a guy likes me, I get repulsed by them because I know they probably want sex.

So, if you have already made it into a relationship, you are already better off than me. Like others have said, it's just something you two have to talk about and deal with.

[SSRIs Fail]

As a sex-repulsed person myself, I can say, for me, it would be impossible. But then again, I am so sex-repulsed that I can't even get into a relationship because when I find out a guy likes me, I get repulsed by them because I know they probably want sex.

So, if you have already made it into a relationship, you are already better off than me. Like others have said, it's just something you two have to talk about and deal with.

Same here!

[miqui]

there is no way i could ever be sexual with someone who found me repulsive. ... the whole idea itself is repulsive. i would be way too miserable to feel sexual at all and i would feel miserable in the relationship because i would feel repulsive all the time. it doesn't have anything to do with the type of sex physically. there's no important difference to me between "coital sex", "oral sex", "mutual masturbation", "rubbing". it's all sex to me. having a different kind of sex would not be a compromise to me because the "not having sex" is not the issue for me. feeling repulsive and disgusting is the issue. there isn't any compromise to make when you know someone really does find you disgusting, i mean then it's not just an insecurity you have because they have a lower libido or lack a libido, they really do find your body nauseating! how do you compromise with that? why would i ever want to have any sexual contact with someone who i knew felt that way about my body? that would be humilliating.

one of the scariest things to me as a sexual, though, is becoming emotionally attached and opening up and being sexual with someone and THEN discovering that they're actually repulsed by me because of their reaction while i'm climaxing. this actually sort of happened to me once and now that's a major trauma for me. it's really hard for me to trust people sexually even when they seem interested and i ask a lot of questions and i'm scared it will happen again. i don't know if i'll ever really get over it. i think a lot of sex repulsed people aren't open about their feelings of repulsion for whatever reason, and that's a horrible, horrible way to find out. i also think there are a lot of people who are really repulsed by male bodies who still seem to want to have sex with male bodied people anyway! and i can't *imagine* why. so now i ask a lot of questions to people before feeling safe enough to have sex and i run from at the first sign of any repulsion. i'm really scared of it happening again. i have ended up in some relationships with sex-indifferent people, though, and it's hard for me emotionally to separate the two sometimes... i mean not to interpret the indifference as a sign of repressed repulsion. :/ but that's not fair to sex-indifferent people. i'm working on that.

[Sally]

Could outer-course work between both people perhaps? I know that's what I used to enjoy a lot with my ex; but, the one time she (TMI Warning) put my hand on her lady parts to get herself off I felt nauseous by the feel, smell, and sound of it all. Anal, oral, and penetration are repulsive to me but every other sexual act of intimacy I do not shy away from.

Most sexuals consider sex to be something involved with anal, oral, or penetration. I'm not sure what else would be considered to be sex, as it's commonly known.