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zoidberger

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”

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zoidberger

I saw this quote on tumblr this morning and it had some number of thousand likes.

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”

— Hunter S. Thompson 

What is it that some people find that makes such a statement make sense to them? Does anyone understand this quote or relate to it and can explain it? How does a lack of sex create hollow love? I'm not trying to start a fight or bashing anyone, I just really don't see how sex could ever be that important in my own life that it would negate all other forms/expressions of love.

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Leit Að Lífi

It is kind of an annoying quote. However the vast majority of people don't understand asexuality as it is relatively unheard of, and as a result may not understand that sex does not equate to love and vice versa for everyone. As a result I try not to get offended at such things. I explain my point of view, and if it gets ridiculed or belittled, then I'll start to kick off ;) However I also have to understand that just like people can't see things from my point of view, I will also find it difficult to see things from their point of view.

Also I think it's worth bearing in mind that some people will "like" anything that makes them sound remotely intelligent or poetic in any way ;)

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newgirl

Hunter S. Thompson probably was a sexual.

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Astryda

I once read an article (author of which I cannot recall at this moment, I guess it was some psychologist or someone of that sort), in which it was presented that sex makes up 10% of relationship, but without those 10% the rest doesn't exist. It seems some people really base their relationships on sex, one of the proofs is that not fulfilling sex life may be a cause of divorce. Apparently those who "liked" the quotation you mentioned do relate to it. I guess, those people simply have high sexual needs and don't want to seek a potential sexual partner every time the desire pops up. For some, it's enough if their potential partner is sexually attractive and moderately likeable to spend the time and have kids with. Also, some people do have sexual needs and want them to be met only within a relationship. So, if they aren't met, sometimes they choose to break up. In a way, society has conditioned such a behaviour- it's widely accepted to have sexual needs fulfilled in a relationship, yet it's still not acceptable to seek a sexual partner outside of a currently existing relationship. They break up in order to not be socially neglected and to conform to social norm (whether internalized or not). Mostly, it's about the needs and way of fulfilling them. Oh, I went kinda off- topic here.

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Allis

There's a HUGE problem with that statement from multiple angles.

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”

Most of us are in the love without sex camp, but i have plenty of people i know who are totally and completely fine with having sex without love being attached. Saying that it's hollow or meaningless is completely inaccurate and stems from the same ideas where we slut-shame people who have that type of sex. As long as you are not letting sex be the action that dictates your self-worth etc etc than there is nothing wrong with seeking it out without the pre-requisite of love.

Frankly, I hate this mindset and wish people would learn better.

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zoidberger

Mmm. It's also Hunter S. Thompson, the guy was wigged out on acid a lot... I guess I'm just surprised that anything in life could be so important to some people such that it would overshadow so much.

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Batman's Ace

Veisha makes sense saying that unfulfilling sex life can lead to divorce. If someone in a relationship isn't getting something that's important to them, the relationship is likely to fall apart. For most sexuals, sex is a really important thing. That small percentage of activity time can easily be a large percentage of thinking time, especially if there's something to brood about. Asexuals can brood about stuff, too, it's just more likely to be intellectual dissatisfaction, or an improper amount of cuddling time, or something. I still wouldn't call any of that hollow or ridiculous, though. Let's not minimize people, here. Unsatisfying and stressful would be more like it.

It is fascinating to hear that my relationship with my mother (and my dad and siblings and friends and dog and cousins and...) is hollow and ridiculous. I wish people would specify what kind of love they're talking about more often. Even though that would actually require, oh I dunno, an adjective or two? The English language is very flexible, but completely unsatisfactory when it comes to specific nouns in this area.

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Sally

Hunter Thompson was definitely sexual, and this was his statement, so it expresses his feeling. But my ex-partner felt the same way. To him, love and sex were intertwined. Love without sex was, for him, what you feel for family members. Sex without love would be unsatisfying because it wouldn't be an expression of love.

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Wozzeck

Why does sex need love? That's pretty ass-backward.

What Allis said.

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maven

I get the first part (kinda). Plenty of people think sex without love is missing a component and I don't disagree that sex with love probably creates feelings that wouldn't be there in sex without love. But love without sex as hollow and ridiculous? Can't really wrap my head around that one. I guess it could be that he was only talking about romantic love. But at the same time, everyone (including sexuals) has a period of time where they are not having sex with their partner. Due to distance, injury, pregnancy, or whatever. So a guy who isn't having sex with his pregnant wife somehow loves her less? Or feels a hollow and ridiculous version of love?

It's a huge generalization <_<

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Vampyremage

I don't particularly like universal statements as pertains to people of any kinds. For some people, that quotation may very well be accurate. For some, sex and love are very closely intertwined and its difficult for them to really enjoy or sometimes even concieve of one without the others. Not considering aseuals for a moment here, consider the number of sexuals who enjoy casual sex. I don't see anything wrong with that, but it certainly doesn't fit with the quote. There are also many sexuals who enjoy both casual sex and sex linked with love.

On the other side of things, obviously, are those who do not particularly enjoy sex at all, with or without the accompanying love. For them, the idea that love requires sex would likely be a pretty ridiculous idea. I would think that most asexuals would fall under this category.

Thus, the quote isn't offensive except in the message that it is true in all situations always. In point of fact, it is true in some situations sometimes and untrue in some situations sometimes.

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Delete This Acct Please

I saw this quote on tumblr this morning and it had some number of thousand likes.

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”

— Hunter S. Thompson 

What is it that some people find that makes such a statement make sense to them? Does anyone understand this quote or relate to it and can explain it? How does a lack of sex create hollow love? I'm not trying to start a fight or bashing anyone, I just really don't see how sex could ever be that important in my own life that it would negate all other forms/expressions of love.

I suddenly feel ill.

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The Gray Goblin

Many people have sex without being in love and many people in love have sex. Love should exist with or without sex. Sex will continue to occur regardless of love.

Let's say a man and woman "love each other" and they have sex regularily. One day the man becomes paralyzed and can no longer have sex. If the woman truly loves him she'd stay with him. For love must exist beyond sex! If she decides she won't be with him because she can't have sex with him, she never truly loved him.

Love and sex are two very different things. It's hard to know how they truly coincide with one another. It's definitely an idea we all have our opinion on. For me, I believe that real love trancends having sex and those who have sex should be in love ... pft, like that'll ever happen!

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zoidberger

I think for the most part the quote really just appeals to a small fraction of people who don't feel that casual sex is worth much and have a strong connection between love and sex.

Personally, I found it quite interesting that so many people found enough to identify with the quote that they would reblog or like such a thing. The blogger that reposted it to show up on my tumblr is someone that seems very universal and accepting in nature and to me the quote functions to segregate casual sex as hollow and sex as the all important pinnacle of love.

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CBC

Well... lots of people probably do think that. Sex is quite often a very romanticised and idealised activity in our culture. Hence the reblogs.

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bromance

One of the largest segments of Tumblr population consists of teenage girls who had years of romantic movies and their parents' religious propaganda ("don't be a slut and have sex before marriage!!11!!") rammed down their throats.

I'm not against casual sex at all. I'm also not against sexless relationships. As long as all parties are happy and healthy, who the heck am I to complain?

Also I think it's worth bearing in mind that some people will "like" anything that makes them sound remotely intelligent or poetic in any way

ALSO THIS THIS THIS. The said teenage girls also tend to think they're so "hipster" and "philosophical" because they looked up Sartre on Wikipedia. I actually know a few in real life.

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test account

A post.

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CBC

^^ Yeah, that very thought crossed my mind about focusing on the one half. The second half (about love involving sex) is, for or better or worse, almost a given in our society. Therefore I think the emphasis in that statement, the part that was supposed to sound all insightful and to which people wanted to relate, was the first bit.

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Skullery Maid

Who cares? It's a stupid quote on tumblr. I swear, 50% of internet content is idiotic "philosophical" quotes. Look, I have one right down there in my signature. Is it true, is it not true, is it some secret message that only sexuals understand... no, it's just a line that some guy googled to make himself sound thinky.

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Sally

Who cares? It's a stupid quote on tumblr. I swear, 50% of internet content is idiotic "philosophical" quotes. Look, I have one right down there in my signature. Is it true, is it not true, is it some secret message that only sexuals understand... no, it's just a line that some guy googled to make himself sound thinky.

Been wondering about that, Skull. Who the hell is Jeanette whats-her-name?

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mariachi

May i propose a rewording?

"Sex without desire is as hollow and ridiculous as desire without sex"

Love is rarely the problem in a mixed relationship.

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Percivel

Just some thoughts:

If you believe in angels and God...

Then you will know that angels and God are pure spirits. Spirits are neither male nor female...they have no bodies. Yet, they love. We, being physical beings, have bodies and are subject to the "realm of the physical." Because we are physical beings, the expression of love is often connected to the physical/emotional (sexual) drives of the body (in many of us, anyway). It is just how we were created or "hard wired."

If you look at Aces, you could say that they are in the company of angels and God. Their love seems to not be subject to the physical/emotional (sexual) drives of the body. In a way, you can say that Ace love is "purer" because it is closer to the love that angels and God have.

On a similar note, I would love to "make love with our eyes"...with my bride. That is when you can just sit and stare at each other and think all kinds of wonderful things about each other in love and adoration. That's "sex" without even touching each other! But, my wife is unable to maintain eye contact with me for more than three seconds. So we've never done that. I don't think it's because she's Ace, but because that's just how she is...some sort of self-conscious thing, I think.

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Lady Girl

Half the problem with that quote is the missing context. Some quotes stand alone, some don't.

I like what Skulls says about people trying to look thinky too. :blink:

And don't feel too bad Percivel...Mr. Lady Girl can gaze into my eyes really great, but that means he can cut me down with an icy glare too!

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goodyears

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”

— Hunter S. Thompson

Well I just watched "Friends with Benefits" last night and really liked it! :D

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Skullery Maid

Who cares? It's a stupid quote on tumblr. I swear, 50% of internet content is idiotic "philosophical" quotes. Look, I have one right down there in my signature. Is it true, is it not true, is it some secret message that only sexuals understand... no, it's just a line that some guy googled to make himself sound thinky.

Been wondering about that, Skull. Who the hell is Jeanette whats-her-name?

Jeanette Winterson is author of Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, Written On The Body, and other works... I've been thinking of changing the quote to a Homer Simpson line though. That dude's got some good quotes. :)

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Significant Form

If you strip the quote of context and look at it without making any assumptions whatsoever, it actually isn't at all offensive. It never actually states outright that either sex without love or love without sex are hollow, just that their degree of hollowness is exactly the same. Removed from cultural assumptions, one could interpret the quote as affirmation that neither sex without love nor love without sex are hollow at all.

As long as all parties are happy and healthy, who the heck am I to complain?
Precisely my sentiments as well.

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Vivi

and quotes like that remind why i dont think love exsist

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Squick

Love without sex is like a fish without a bicycle.

Yeah, I'm in a strange mood.

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CBC

Love without sex is like a fish without a bicycle.

I love this. I want to quote it everywhere now. :P

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Little Ally

You know, my mother insists to me that people who say these things are happy, and only want other people to be as happy as they are, but every person I know who puts so much importance on sex is desperately looking for a connection that they have to keep looking for, because sex does not solve the problem, and they haven't worked that out yet. There are lots of things I haven't worked out in life, but at least that's not one of them.

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