LaMaestra Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 The fish is caught for dinner but on being prepared, a very much still alive Jim is found. He is donated to Great Uncle Manfred's exotic park. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Turns out Great Uncle Manfred is next to a toxic sludge pile where all the waste from the New Jersey Shore goes. Jim crawls in and suddenly he is shocked to be turned back into a human! Go Jersey! Save Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Human Jim dies from toxins in the toxic sludge pile. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
LaMaestra Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Great Uncle Manfred, who also is well versed in magic, treats Jim with his healing potion of geezerfly larvae and a resin secreted by the rare Mbangi wasp. Save. (He's 141 next month, incidentally. Great Uncle Manfred, that is, not Jim!) Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Alpacaterpillar agents put Jim on their hitlist. Though nothing's happened yet, he effectively is already dead. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Said agents are trampled to death by a random stampede of alpacas that nobody was ever expecting ever. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Jim is trampled to death by the random stampede of alpacas that nobody was ever expecting ever. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 But Jim remembers his cowboy/rodeo/Legolas heritage, slinging himself up onto the back of the alpha-alpaca, screaming "ALPA-YIPPEE-YAY-DOODLE-OOOOOOOOOOO!!!" at the top of his lungs. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Jim's cowboy/rodeo/Legolas skills are not up to scratch and he falls off the alpha-alpaca and is trampled to death. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 But the alpha-alpaca is so much taller than the other alpacas that by the time he reaches the ground, the stampede (which was honestly on the small side to begin with) has already passed, leaving him with negligible injuries such as internal bleeding and third-degree burns from no discernible source. So it's easy to think he's dead. However, an old mystical dude finds him and magically restores his health to the point where some other dude calls a hospital and airlifts him to an awesome hospital man, where they fix him up and shit. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Shortly after Jim is fixed up and shit the hospital helicopter crashes into his ward due to secret alpacaterpillar agent long-range electronic interference technology. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Sun Rises Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Jim sees the helicopter as it crashes into his ward, which is on the second floor, and hurls himself out the window and into a Jag convertible just before the chopper hits. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Too bad jags are british. The car malfunctions and blows up in a medium by american standards explosion. Jim is now a million little bits on the pavement . Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 The million bits on the pavement are only from his arm, though, so really he's okay. He's taken to another hospital in a car that is not liable to malfunction at any point (and it doesn't), where he's fixed up. Now he has one arm, but he's okay. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Jim eats hospital food and dies of food poisoning. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 He throws it up before it can do any significant damage. Jim demands better food, so they bring him McDonald's. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Jim eats McDonalds and dies of food poisoning. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Jim has out of body experience..but eats a ghost taco and dies of food poisoning....kill Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 During his out-of-body experience, Jim is met by a genie, who grants him three wishes, which he uses to 1) be completely recovered from his food poisoning and missing arm, 2) know whether or not there is a god, and 3) break the fourth wall so he can talk to these horrible masochists that keep trying to kill him on the internet. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Jim sticks his head out of my computer screen and barely begins demanding something when he is blasted by alpacaterpillar security. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
LaMaestra Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Your alpacaterpillar security obtained their weapons from the G.L.Y.N. Shopping Foundation so they don't work! Save. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Curiously enough, that's where the genie gets his wishes from. The wish malfunctions and the door through the fourth wall closes. Jim is decapitated, depositing his head on my keyboard and his body in whatever place it is where we torture the poor bugger. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Sun Rises Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 However, the door through the fourth wall was made of the same stuff as the Headless Monks' decapitation swords. Jim's head is kept alive and brain function is normal, while his body joins the order of the Headless Monks. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 In a fit of rage, Axestopper Pete smashes Jim's now severed head to death, finds a way beyond the fourth wall, and kills the body some other way. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Sun Rises Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Despite the state of his previous body, Jim's spirit lives on and finds another, perfectly healthy body to inhabit. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Person A: She can't do that, can she? She can't do that! Person B: Shut up and get on with it! Me: Jim inhabits a fundamentalist Calvinist who is predestined to be shot and killed the next day. So he is shot and killed the next day. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Sun Rises Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 :lol: However, he is only dead for 30 seconds. The paramedics were successful in restarting his heart, and they patched him up and sent him on his way. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Jim continues on his way which, given the nature of this thread, is to get killed. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Sun Rises Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 LaMaestra shows up moments before he dies (being transported by a TARDIS) and changes his fate. Save. Link to post Share on other sites
alpacaterpillar Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Jim is returned home and as soon as he leaves the TARDIS he is bludgeoned to death by disappointed Moffat fans. Kill. Link to post Share on other sites
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