matt85 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I know this girl who says she's asexual. Yet, she likes my smell so much she keeps smelling me in public. She's 23, can she be just a late bloomer? Link to post Share on other sites
Tigoness Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 That would be rather 'late in blooming', I think. I was asexual at her age, still am at nearly 30, and always will be. Not wanting sex with you does not mean the love she has for you is any less meaningful because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Deremna Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Men secrete pheromones from their armpits so this is not a strange occurrence.. Well, maybe in public it'd be a little weird, but I've been guilty of it at home a few times.. Link to post Share on other sites
matt85 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 That would be rather 'late in blooming', I think. I was asexual at her age, still am at nearly 30, and always will be. Not wanting sex with you does not mean the love she has for you is any less meaningful because of it. Maybe not sexually late. Some asexuals are just plain uninterested, some are outright disgusted. Men secrete pheromones from their armpits so this is not a strange occurrence. Yes, I know, and that would indicate an existing sex drive in her, wouldn't it? That's why I'm still hoping that (seeing how much she already changed) she would become more open to becoming sexual. But again, if she doesn't change, that still doesn't change our friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Matt, asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction. You can get sexually active asexuals. Orientation =/= behaviour. We all have different views on sex, it isn't that we have "different reasons for being asexual". We don't know why we are asexual. Sexuality is a complicated thing. There are so many factors and layers of it that I'm sure it is entirely possible for a person to react to pheramones without there being a sexual factor in it. I'm sure asexuals with no sex drive can detect hormones. If she did fall in love with you (or anyone else), whether she eventually thought she could compromise or not will be up to her. If she does have sex and still is not sexually attracted, she would still be asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Fricai Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Yes, I know, and that would indicate an existing sex drive in her, wouldn't it? That's why I'm still hoping that (seeing how much she already changed) she would become more open to becoming sexual. But again, if she doesn't change, that still doesn't change our friendship. I think it indicates attraction, not sex drive/libido. Don't get your hopes up too high, chances are she might never grow to like it... Link to post Share on other sites
matt85 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 Matt, asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction. You can get sexually active asexuals. Orientation =/= behaviour. We all have different views on sex, it isn't that we have "different reasons for being asexual". We don't know why we are asexual. Many people disagree with you on that first part. They do feel sexual attraction, they just don't act upon it. I agree that behavior does not define sexual orientation. Sexuality is a complicated thing. There are so many factors and layers of it that I'm sure it is entirely possible for a person to react to pheramones without there being a sexual factor in it. I'm sure asexuals with no sex drive can detect hormones. You might have a point in there. It is complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I have replied to you. They do not disagree with me, you have misread the forums. You are referring to Grey-A, not asexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
matt85 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 I have replied to you. They do not disagree with me, you have misread the forums. You are referring to Grey-A, not asexuality. Thanks for clarifying. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Matt, I think you have to talk with her about it, not us. We don't know her, and we can't predict what she will feel like in the future. In fact, none of us can predict what we ourselves will feel like in the future. And we certainly can't tell you what orientation she is. There's one thing that's quite dangerous to do in a relationship: hope that someone will start wanting to do what you'd like them to do. You may get them to do something by making it clear that you want them to, but that doesn't mean that THEY will want to do it. They will more likely end up doing it only because you expect it. That's not good for any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
matt85 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 Matt, I think you have to talk with her about it, not us. We don't know her, and we can't predict what she will feel like in the future. In fact, none of us can predict what we ourselves will feel like in the future. And we certainly can't tell you what orientation she is. Thanks Sally, I already have. I'm here on this site to gain a broader understanding to interpret the things that I know about her. It's exactly what I wrote you about on the other thread: if relaying to you the words she said about how she identifies herself would be enough, you could just tell me what to expect, end of story. But we both know it's not enough, so now I'm trying to learn as much as possible about the different things that can be related to her orientation and behavior. I won't know enough, but I hope I'll be able to understand her more, and I'll probably know enough to avoid a few mistakes and misunderstandings. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Thanks Sally, I already have. I'm here on this site to gain a broader understanding to interpret the things that I know about her. It's exactly what I wrote you about on the other thread: if relaying to you the words she said about how she identifies herself would be enough, you could just tell me what to expect, end of story. But we both know it's not enough, so now I'm trying to learn as much as possible about the different things that can be related to her orientation and behavior. I won't know enough, but I hope I'll be able to understand her more, and I'll probably know enough to avoid a few mistakes and misunderstandings. Asexual behavior/orientation simply can't be laid out in the form of a manual. The only thing asexuals have in common is that they don't feel sexual attraction. That's it. What I've tried to say -- unsuccessfully, I guess -- is that you need to listen to her, and if you do so, you might avoid some mistakes and misunderstandings. It sounds like you really care about her and about relating to her in a loving way. If she says she doesn't want to have sex, if she doesn't feel sexual attraction (and I can't remember everything you've reported but I think that's the case), then believe her. That's the important thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tito Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I used to have a male friend who smelled... unusual. Not bad, just unusual. I got so I liked it, but I certainly didn't want to have sex with him. Eventually he stopped emitting the smell. I never asked him about it, before or after. Link to post Share on other sites
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