mizkitty2107 Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 My husband got some pretty bad news yesterday. His Uncle left his Aunt after 35 years. His Uncle was the closest thing he ever had to a father and this is hitting him pretty hard. It wasn't scandalous or anything, he just didn't love her anymore and was living a miserable life staying with her out of obligation. Now his Aunt calls all the time crying and he doesn't know what to. It's even rougher because his Uncle married into the family so now the in-laws have all rallied against him. Josh understands the situation but risks making enemies in the family by continuing to associate with his Uncle. Does anyone have any advice on how I can make this easier for him? He knows I'm on his side no matter what and I listen to him talk whenever he needs me but I'm not sure how to make this better. I can't stand to see him hurting. :cry: Link to post Share on other sites
-V- Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 I'd try to keep both the uncle and the blood relitives. But looseing family isn't a big deal for me so i'd lean toward the uncle in-law. How can they all turn on him after hes been family for 35 years? I realize i'm not helping, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
mizkitty2107 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Share Posted December 27, 2004 The Aunt is diabetic and has a siezure disorder. They keep saying he ran out on her when she needed him but she has been sick for the past twenty years. I understand the need to come to the defense of family but they aren't looking at the facts! He left her 9 years ago and only came back because he felt he was obligated to take care of her. He hasn't been in love with her since, it's been miserable for him. As much as it would hurt, I would rather let Josh go that to have him spend the rest of his life unhappy just to keep me happy. I guess it's always easy to say, until you're faced with the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
emmarainbow Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I'm afraid that I can't really help or give advice, not having any kind of experience in much at all. Just saying that I feel for you both, and I hope that everything sorts out. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Has the Uncle tried everything to make the situation better with the Aunt? If so, then his actions justify. And, as you said, he lost his love long ago. Is the Aunt unable to think rationally? If so, she needs special help from the family and therapists, and the in-laws should not put full blame on the Uncle, esp. since he made a mistake. If the in-laws fail to understand, perhaps your husband and the Uncle could still have a relationship, only keep it secret from the Aunt's family, if they can. Just my suggestion. I don't have experience as a social worker :D Link to post Share on other sites
Kombucha2000 Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I think your husband should do what he wants to. I guess I'm saying this because I'm not close to my family outside of my parents/grandparents, so if the rest of my family has a problem with something I do I don't give a shit. I don't think your husband should have to give up a relationship just to appease a family. But that's just my opinion. I think he should examine consequences but do what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
xaida Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I would also rather confront the family with a decision for the uncle, as they seem to be the ones who are not supportive in this situation at all. The uncle does not seem to mind you having contact with the family, so how can the family mind you having contact with the uncle?! But I also understand that this additional tension in this situation can be too much for the two of you now. So why do they have to know in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
mizkitty2107 Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 Josh's uncle has been trying for years to make things better. He said that when he tries to kiss her she gives him her cheek, when he tries to cuddle with her in bed she pushes him away. He just didn't feel like a man anymore. He said it isn't about the lack of sex (even though he did mention that they had only done it 4 times in 35 years). We went out to visit his uncle today and he seems to be just as torn up about it as the aunt. He still loves her but not the way a husband should love a wife. Plus, you can't live with someone for 35 years and not miss them when they're gone. I think it's just as hard for him. We aren't cutting ties, we're just going to have to stand our ground. He's lost too much already. Link to post Share on other sites
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