For 30-somethings and those around that age

[Mirjam]

Loneliness is crippling lately.
All of my friends are either married or in a serious relationship and I do not enjoy large gatherings.
The feeling that I will never have someone to share my life with is gutting and piling on top of all the other difficulties I am facing right now.
Mid 30s, earning barely above minimum wage, breaking my back at work for too many hours without any recognition, l can barely afford rent and food and have no means to enjoy a holiday or some distractions/hobby, lonely and depressed. Why do I even bother trying?

[Spotastic]

There is a lot more to losing weight than cutting out one thing. A person's metabolism could let them eat whatever they want and never gain weight, although that will have other long term effects. One person's physical fitness regimen (or lack thereof) is another factor. 

 

I had a sergeant when I was in the military who only weighed about 140 lbs (64 kg) and was 5' 8" (172 cm). He was put on double rations (required to eat double the amount of a normal portion in the chow hall) and would often eat 4 or 5 cheeseburgers at once and not gain weight. His metabolism was insane.

[AndrewT]

1 minute ago, Mirjam said:

Loneliness is crippling lately.
All of my friends are either married or in a serious relationship and I do not enjoy large gatherings.
The feeling that I will never have someone to share my life with is gutting and piling on top of all the other difficulties I am facing right now.
Mid 30s, earning barely above minimum wage, breaking my back at work for too many hours without any recognition, l can barely afford rent and food and have no means to enjoy a holiday or some distractions/hobby, lonely and depressed. Why do I even bother trying?

I can relate to so much of this.

 

I decided to go to university which has its own problems, but I'm better for it than I was before I went. Although I am studying something I enjoy, not something that will make me rich (hopfully still better off when I finish than before I started the degree)

 

Lack of money really does limit the things that can be done to take away from the loneliness.

 

I've been to one Ace Meetup there were 5 of us there, so it was a good number as I'm not a fan of large gatherings. I'm looking forward to next one as it was good to talk to people in real life that understand.

 

Just hang in

[Mirjam]

19 minutes ago, Andrew001 said:

 

I decided to go to university which has its own problems, but I'm better for it than I was before I went. Although I am studying something I enjoy, not something that will make me rich (hopfully still better off when I finish than before I started the degree)

 

I would really love to go back to studying and earn a qualification in the field I am employed in, but I don't think I can afford university or courses in general, also I'm terrified I will fail because I feel I am unable to both work full time to sustain myself and study proficiently.
I really would like to join a meetup, but I always get cold feet at the last minute.
Thanks for your kind words.

[AndrewT]

2 minutes ago, Mirjam said:

I would really love to go back to studying and earn a qualification in the field I am employed in, but I don't think I can afford university or courses in general, also I'm terrified I will fail because I feel I am unable to both work full time to sustain myself and study proficiently.
I really would like to join a meetup, but I always get cold feet at the last minute.
Thanks for your kind words.

I went to uni full time as it is the only way i could afford it

 

If you do not already have a degree you can apply for full student finance which pays for the tuition fees and grants a maintenance loan to pay the bills (or at least pay most of them).

The maintenance part is up to about £8200 a year.

 

I have a mortgage so had to study at a local university and travel in (it is also one of the best unis for the course I'm doing anyway), but if I rented I may have gone to a different uni.

 

When I finish I'll have a lot of debt (on paper) but since you only pay back 9% of what you earn over £21000 I'm not worried about it.

 

I could not of afforded part time, as you do not get the maintenance part of the student loan and I definitely wouldn't pass if I was also working full time.

 

If you ever want to talk/vent/complain you are welcome to PM me

 

take care of yourself

[Tyke]

1 hour ago, Mirjam said:

I would really love to go back to studying and earn a qualification in the field I am employed in, but I don't think I can afford university or courses in general, also I'm terrified I will fail because I feel I am unable to both work full time to sustain myself and study proficiently.
I really would like to join a meetup, but I always get cold feet at the last minute.
Thanks for your kind words.

Where in England are you? There are lots of meet-ups scattered around. And you'd find that there are many people facing similar issues. And everyone knows that the first meet-up can be a bit stressful, and would metaphorically hold your hand.

[Raire]

1 hour ago, Mirjam said:

Loneliness is crippling lately.
All of my friends are either married or in a serious relationship and I do not enjoy large gatherings.
The feeling that I will never have someone to share my life with is gutting and piling on top of all the other difficulties I am facing right now.

Unfortunately I can't offer advice as I'm in a similar situation to you! So just a moan below (sorry).

 

Earlier this year I eventually decided to sign up to Facebook, just because I wanted to be nosey about ex-classmates etc.

THAT was a mistake. 

Everyone I knew seemed to be involved, or married, or having their third child or something. And all are employed and stuff too, of course. 

Naturally I signed out, deleted my account, and curled into a ball, vowing never to check again! I mean there's a difference between feeling that you're going through everything alone, and knowing that you're going through everything alone. 

[keep calm and carry on]

1 hour ago, Mirjam said:

I would really love to go back to studying and earn a qualification in the field I am employed in, but I don't think I can afford university or courses in general, also I'm terrified I will fail because I feel I am unable to both work full time to sustain myself and study proficiently.
I really would like to join a meetup, but I always get cold feet at the last minute.
Thanks for your kind words.

Do you have community colleges like we have in the US which are more economical and accessible (like going to classes after work etc.)? That way you could get a leg up on your area of interest, while working. Also, have you thought about taking on a student loan?

 

Don't worry about failing. Give it a shot. You'd be surprised by how much you could achieve, especially if it were something you were passionate about.

 

Good luck!

[Skycaptain]

@Spotastic, most of us wish we had your sergeant's metabolism 

 

@Mirjam, definitely look for a local meet. We're all a fun bunch 

[Mulan]

7 hours ago, Autumn Season said:

My sister lost weight from cutting out sugar. I cut out sugar even before she started, and I'm only ever gaining.  However she also often forgets to eat, so it does make sense. 

I recently lost some weight.  Switching from fried to boiled and cutting out junk food would help tremendously. Maybe you can try decreasing your salt intake too, little by little? My dietician told me that losing weight is about 80% food management and 20% exercise. I'd suggest you talk to your doctor too.

[Sage Raven Domino]

25 minutes ago, Mulan said:

Switching from fried to boiled and cutting out junk food would help tremendously.

QFT 

[Autumn Season]

13 hours ago, Mulan said:

I recently lost some weight.  Switching from fried to boiled and cutting out junk food would help tremendously. Maybe you can try decreasing your salt intake too, little by little? My dietician told me that losing weight is about 80% food management and 20% exercise. I'd suggest you talk to your doctor too.

Thank you for the advice! And good job on losing the weight as you planned to! I barely eat any salt at all. My mother always complains that I never add spices when I cook, haha.

Speaking of exercise, I gained weight after starting to exercise more. It doesn't stop me from continuing to workout. I feel much better moving around, than not. However it does make me roll my eyes at my body and think "really?". 

[Skycaptain]

@Autumn Season, gaining weight when exercising is commonplace. This is simply due to the conversation of fat and flab into muscle mass, which is denser

[Mulan]

1 hour ago, Autumn Season said:

Thank you for the advice! And good job on losing the weight as you planned to! I barely eat any salt at all. My mother always complains that I never add spices when I cook, haha.

Speaking of exercise, I gained weight after starting to exercise more. It doesn't stop me from continuing to workout. I feel much better moving around, then not. However it does make me roll my eyes at my body and think "really?". 

I agree with @Skycaptain on possibility of fats being converted into denser muscle mass. Or, it could also mean that you're not eating right... as in balancing carbs, proteins, fibers? No matter what, keep pushing yourself (...and I hope to do the same )

 

 

[Spotastic]

I really need to start doing a daily exercise routine of some sort. It's hard finding something that I will stick with, especially with my back and knee problems. I can't afford to be in more pain from the weight because I don't want the pain from the workout, though...

[Tyke]

9 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

@Autumn Season, gaining weight when exercising is commonplace. This is simply due to the conversation of fat and flab into muscle mass, which is denser

I'm going to be picky here, Sky. I believe conversion isn't really possible. What is possible is to lose fat and gain muscle. Exercise helps with both and is necessary to build muscle, Fat loss can be done with sensible eating alone, but it takes a lot longer if you don't exercise too. Mini lecture over. 

[korik]

I accidentally lost over 10 pounds when I went from Mostly vegan to Fully vegan, and stopped cooking with oil. 

I never exercise, however I do have an active job that keeps me moving all day.

[LVG]

My job is how I keep in shape. Otherwise I'd actually have to make an effort to workout, which I hate. At least with a physically demanding job, I get my exercise while getting paid. 

[Guest]

I have lost weight by walking home from work everyday, which takes me about 30-odd minutes. Nice low intensity cardio. 

I relate to all that have said cutting even just one thing from my diet has made a huge difference. In addition to walking more, I've started eating less bread and I can see the changes.

[Snao Cone]

I lost some weight when my commute to work was a 45 minute walk, though it also helped that I stopped drinking for a few months and tried to start a jogging habit (which didn't stick). 

[Guest]

Haha, any time I try to do more cardio, it never sticks. I suck at maintaining a real workout schedule.

[Spotastic]

@Sevrn I have that problem, too, and unfortunately I can't work outside the home due to my back and knee problems. Once the snow around here actually goes away finally, I'll be taking some walks with my wife and her goat (Vincent van Goat ). I just really need to find something to do in the colder months.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Spotastic said:

@Sevrn I have that problem, too, and unfortunately I can't work outside the home due to my back and knee problems. Once the snow around here actually goes away finally, I'll be taking some walks with my wife and her goat (Vincent van Goat ). I just really need to find something to do in the colder months.

First off, that is an awesome name for a goat! 

Second, I'm sorry about the back and knee problems. I'm sure the cold isn't helping, either.

I'm not a doctor (I'd check with your GP to see what you can do) but I found those. Maybe that'll spark some inspiration:

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/osteoarthritis/easy-excercises-knee#homeor-work

 

Maybe some yoga for some stretching?

 

I don't want to advise anything that would make your pain worse, so I'd have a consult with a doctor and maybe a personal trainer (not for actual sessions, just for tips).

[Spotastic]

@Sevrn I've bookmarked that site as it definitely has the kind of things I'm looking for. My wife got me into yoga, but I don't really care to do it on my own. I always followed her lead. Perhaps I need to put together a list of my own exercises and just follow my own guide. Thanks for the tip.

[Guest]

You're welcome

[Girl from the North]

Yesterday I bought a small toy rabbit for myself, white with fluffy ears and a pink nose, just to have someone to talk to at home.🐰 It’s the cutest little thing and I already love having him around, but I can’t help but feel a little crazy. Am I? Was it a good idea, or will it just alienate me even further from real conversations with real people? 🙄

[Snao Cone]

4 hours ago, Girl from the North said:

Yesterday I bought a small toy rabbit for myself, white with fluffy ears and a pink nose, just to have someone to talk to at home.🐰 It’s the cutest little thing and I already love having him around, but I can’t help but feel a little crazy. Am I? Was it a good idea, or will it just alienate me even further from real conversations with real people? 🙄

Time may tell. If it helps you feel like you've been stretching your conversation muscles, that's beneficial. If it replaces human interaction, you might not be used to the listening and responding side...unless the rabbit is talking back, but that may be a sign of another issue.

[Spotastic]

@Girl from the North My wife has several stuffed animals with names and personalities that she places on them. One of them in particular is like a comfort animal for her because it's named after and looks like an old dog of hers. I even have a monkey (named Babbage because he's a code monkey...) that I've kept in bed for a few years now. Whatever makes you comfortable. 

[Tyke]

12 hours ago, Girl from the North said:

Yesterday I bought a small toy rabbit for myself, white with fluffy ears and a pink nose, just to have someone to talk to at home.🐰 It’s the cutest little thing and I already love having him around, but I can’t help but feel a little crazy. Am I? Was it a good idea, or will it just alienate me even further from real conversations with real people? 🙄

I have to admit that (as a UK northerner) I clicked on your profile to see how far North you might be from. Norway, it seems! I've been a couple of times and just loved the country and the people. And I know of at least one Canadian on here who is trying to learn just about every single Scandinavian language. Which part are you from? 

 

I realise this has nothing to do with the suitability, or otherwise, of a toy-rabbit talking companion. I'd suggest talking to humans, if possible. But sometimes it's good to say one's thoughts out loud, and if the rabbit helps you do that, then I'd say go for it! Just don't do it too much. You haven't called it Harvey, have you??

[Puck]

I slept with my bear stuffed animal I've had since the day I was born for the past two nights just because I felt like cuddling something. I think humans are just creatures who really value bonding with things, forming attachments, so we have a real urge to do it. And sometimes it's nice to have a relationship that's totally onside and know that it's ok because that bear/rabbit will love you always no matter what because you love it and no other reason... Idk, I suppose I just feel everyone could use a little more love in their lives