BabySquare Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I fully acknowledged and accepted I am asexual a long time ago, but until now I've never questioned whether I'm a romantic or Aromantic asexual. I do experience "crushes" on people (about 8 in my 20 year life so far, lasting from a couple of days to over 7 years), which for me are kind of a cross between extreme interest in someone and innocent/bubbley/blush-worthy/giddy-school-girl-esque feelings and I want to know - in your opinion, do these feelings I've described above that I associate with having a "crush" on someone qualify as romantic attration or not? and what exactly is romantic attraction anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Selk Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Well, I've never had a crush, so I can't speak from experience, but I thought a crush is basically a desire to date someone? Or at least get to know them better? I know many of my peers have crushes whom they desperately want to date, but they aren't interested in sex with them. So I'd say a crush is basically a romantic attraction. However, it's obviously up to you to decide how you really feel and I can't speak for you. :) Link to post Share on other sites
BabySquare Posted October 3, 2010 Author Share Posted October 3, 2010 Well, I've never had a crush, so I can't speak from experience, but I thought a crush is basically a desire to date someone? Or at least get to know them better? I know many of my peers have crushes whom they desperately want to date, but they aren't interested in sex with them. So I'd say a crush is basically a romantic attraction. However, it's obviously up to you to decide how you really feel and I can't speak for you. :) hmm, no, I don't feel what you've described here, I feel like I want to get to know the person enough for them to become a long-standing platonic friend, and from a romantic perspective, if they look at me or smile at me it makes me blush like mad, but I have no desire to date them, or kiss them, or hold their hand, or even to hug them (except an occasional hug, if it's mine or their's birthday or I haven't seen them in ages or something like that) does that help? Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Isn't that what we here call a "squish"? Link to post Share on other sites
Brackets Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Sounds like a squish to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Euonym Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I think I would call that a squish, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Gho St Ory Qwan Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I though a squish was a crush? They both sound funny and awkward with the possibility of pain. For me a crush is great admiration for someone, I therefore want to be around them. I've found once I identify what I liked about them and see if I can apply it to myself I find my level of admiration is more... normal, and they're on the same level as everyone else. It's an initial awe at some trait they possess that I want, sometimes not knowing what it is that I find interesting about them. Once I understand it the mystery is gone, which I guess explains why the feelings aren't so noticeably intense. NB I'm in the same boat as you. I'm assuming I'm aromantic. I do desire relationships but I don't think they get romantic, the feelings I have for humans can be experienced with animals, works of arts and performances equally. I have meaningful relationships with those and can do with humans also. I don't currently see romance factoring in this tbh. But I don't know personally what romance is. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
ily Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 innocent/bubbley/blush-worthy/giddy-school-girl-esque feelings To me, yeah, that's what romantic attraction is. Your mileage may vary, though! I don't think there is one definition of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sikanda Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 To me crushes/squishes are having a deep admiratation and affection for someone...wanting to get to know them better and spend alot of time with them BUT not neccesarily want to date them...having a romantic attarction is having ALL this and wanting to all the romantic stuff and "date" them while a crush/squish could lead to dating but is usually more like a really good frienship...Like I have a HUGE crush on my guy friend but upon examining my feelings I don't really want to DATE him so I don't think its romantic attraction but boy do I feel for him strongly! Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I always thought that "squish" was platonic and "crush" was kinda more romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Jazmin Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Well, a 'crush' (in the way that sexual society uses the term) generally means that you find the person attractive, 'hot', and may want to date them or at least find them attractive enough to want to date or get to know them more in a way that may lead to a romantic relationship. Whether or not people actually act on it is another matter. There is sexual attraction involved, as well as romantic attraction. However, to me as an asexual, the word 'crush' kind of takes on a different meaning. I always thought it just meant you thought the person was aesthetically attractive, and there could be potential for you to like them a bit in the romantic sense. But minus the sexual attraction part. I usually get the butterflies thing or feel a bit nervous around them and if they talk or smile at me, I feel happy. No desire to want to have sex with them though. So it's kinda of an 'asexy crush' Whereas a 'squish' (in my interpretation of the word) means that you have a lot of admiration for a person, or you think they're really cool, and you really want to be friends with them and get to know them more. Again, talking to them or getting to know them makes me happy. Of course, wanting to get to know them more, wanting to be friends, admiration, etc, may also apply to crushes. BUT to me, the difference between an '(asexy) crush' and a 'squish' is that in addition, crush has potential romantic attraction involved. Whereas squishes are people who I'd really like to have as platonic friends. For instance, the few 'crushes' I've had have all been guys (I'm hetero-romantic). Squishes could be a guy or a girl - the bottom line is, I just think they're really awesome, but I don't necessarily find myself aesthetically attracted to them nor consider them in a romantic light (since I'm not attracted to them that way). Hope that helps. By the way, I don't think that you have to decide on whether you are clear-cut romantic or aromantic based on whether you have crushes on people. You could be in between...what I like to call demi- or semi-romantic. Some people may argue it doesn't exist, but for me, it's the closest thing to what I actually feel. I am able to get crushes on guys, and if I were ever to have a romantic relationship it would definitely be with a guy...so in that sense, I seem to be hetero-romantic. However, most days I'm not actually interested in a romantic relationship with anyone...so in that sense, I'm also kind of aromantic. For the most part, I just identify as hetero-romantic but that's because it's easier than saying demi-heteroromantic asexual lol. I guess the main point I was trying to make in this long winded post is that 'crush' or 'squish' may have different meanings for different people, and also don't get too worked up about whether you are 100% this or that :) Link to post Share on other sites
Gho St Ory Qwan Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 lol attractive and hot mean completely different things to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Verp Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I'm aromantic, very definitely aromantic, but I've experienced a crush (or a "squish"). I would describe it as rather intense admiration for somebody for unclear, in all likelihood rather shallow reasons. I suppose it's a mechanic to make a person massively interested in someone so they'll end up investigating a person and having a deeper understanding of said person. In my case, though, only one tiny part of my brain screamed that this person I had a crush on was somehow super special and the rest of my brain went "Oh, yeah? What the hell do you want me to do about it?". I genuinely didn't feel any kind of incentive to spend more time with my crush, so it was of very little consequence. Link to post Share on other sites
Selk Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I always thought the same, that crush is romantic and squish is platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
waffo Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I have never heard of a squish. Man, there are words for everything. I usually think of crush as just romantic attraction with the person being 'crushed' not knowing. Ouch, crushing people. Squishing people. Why can't these words be a little less gorey sounding? Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 From my understanding of the lingo, crush is romantically-inclined whereas squish is more platonic. See: Crushes and Squishes under Romantic Attraction. While they could use different words, the various attempts from the past to replace them with others have been, as of yet, unsuccessful. ~BB Link to post Share on other sites
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