Have any of you... just given up? on relationships, dating, marriage in general?

[NervousParkSquirrel]

I'm pretty much giving up, but I've been too busy to be terribly depressed about it. I moved to South Korea last month where there's a huge language barrier between me and 99% of the people here so dating would be pretty hard! It made it a lot easier to give up dating.

I'm still just 24 though. I've been fine with just friendships. Really, when a guy tries to move beyond that, I just get sad. I don't want to have to explain myself and disappoint him. Goodbye friendship. :(

[Day Dreamer]

I don't think I've given up on relationships. At least, not completely. I've just become mostly indifferent to the idea. When I was younger,I was hoplessly romantic. None of the people I was attracted to, felt the same way about me. I believe that might have been because I was(and still am)overweight, and I wasn't very confident in myself. Now that I have gotten older, I've realized my looks may not be attractive to a lot of people, and that I should probably work on myself first. I'm still not very confident but,now that I've tried working on some things I have more confidence than I did in the past. I've also come to realize that, I prefer friendships more,I enjoy my alone time,and that I'm not really ready for a relationship. If someone wanted a relationship with me in the near future, I think I would be okay with that. If no one wanted a relationship with me, I would be okay with that as well. It isn't as important as it used to be.

[outofeden]

Today's one of those days when I really feel like giving up. Every time I find someone I think I could really like or even someone that I already do really like, he/she/xe doesn't like me. Why? Plenty of people like me. People have even wanted to have relationships with me. Why is it never the people that I like? I feel like I'm going to just never find someone. I'm not officially giving up, I'm just retreating to my corner where I will sit quietly. My stubborn optimism has deserted me for now.

[Heartless Gentleman]

Given up and totally fine with it. I'm too busy for a relationship.

[vogue]

Today's one of those days when I really feel like giving up. Every time I find someone I think I could really like or even someone that I already do really like, he/she/xe doesn't like me. Why? Plenty of people like me. People have even wanted to have relationships with me. Why is it never the people that I like? I feel like I'm going to just never find someone. I'm not officially giving up, I'm just retreating to my corner where I will sit quietly. My stubborn optimism has deserted me for now.

aww... I've DEFINITELY felt like that in the past too! *hugs & cake*. You'll feel differently at some point, i'm sure... I mean, even if you are asexual... if you're capable of having crushes, as it seems you are... i'm sure there is some guy on the planet who will like you back ;) you seem like a pretty cool chic from what i know, anyway! so keep your spirits up.

i'm feeling a bit better, i think due to my recent crush on my supervisor... which i've blabbed about quite a bit on here lol. But it just gave me hope that... even if things *don't* work out with him... there are people in the world with whom I am compatible, and ... I have to look for those moments. I was just really stuck in a rut, depressed & thinking I have no hope for relationships... and really, who knows what will happen.. I may never marry. I'm just learning to think in the present-tense more, because I realize thinking too much in the future gets me down, and puts wayyyy too much pressre on myself. There's so many people I know getting married, settling down... but I was a serious late-bloomer. In terms of sexuality, I'm still like 18 (my actual age is 25 turning 26), but I hardly dated... so I think I need more TIME to find the right person, if he even exists... or just explore myself & set new goals, you know? I was frustrated thinking I don't know what else I really want to achieve... I already accomplished recent goals, but I decided a new goal I really want to do is to learn how to cook... and become good at it! So I'm going to take up cooking lessons next summer and in the meantime experiment.. and work on myself. I'd suggest the same for you too... if a guy comes in the meantime, that's great, but don't think too far ahead. who knows what the future will hold. I could end up single all my life.. but... ideally, this will not happen. And if it does... I'll deal with it then.

[outofeden]

aww... I've DEFINITELY felt like that in the past too! *hugs & cake*. You'll feel differently at some point, i'm sure... I mean, even if you are asexual... if you're capable of having crushes, as it seems you are... i'm sure there is some guy on the planet who will like you back ;) you seem like a pretty cool chic from what i know, anyway! so keep your spirits up.

i'm feeling a bit better, i think due to my recent crush on my supervisor... which i've blabbed about quite a bit on here lol. But it just gave me hope that... even if things *don't* work out with him... there are people in the world with whom I am compatible, and ... I have to look for those moments. I was just really stuck in a rut, depressed & thinking I have no hope for relationships... and really, who knows what will happen.. I may never marry. I'm just learning to think in the present-tense more, because I realize thinking too much in the future gets me down, and puts wayyyy too much pressre on myself. There's so many people I know getting married, settling down... but I was a serious late-bloomer. In terms of sexuality, I'm still like 18 (my actual age is 25 turning 26), but I hardly dated... so I think I need more TIME to find the right person, if he even exists... or just explore myself & set new goals, you know? I was frustrated thinking I don't know what else I really want to achieve... I already accomplished recent goals, but I decided a new goal I really want to do is to learn how to cook... and become good at it! So I'm going to take up cooking lessons next summer and in the meantime experiment.. and work on myself. I'd suggest the same for you too... if a guy comes in the meantime, that's great, but don't think too far ahead. who knows what the future will hold. I could end up single all my life.. but... ideally, this will not happen. And if it does... I'll deal with it then.

Thank you vogue, your post made me feel a little better. After all, there are tons of guys (and girls! and otherwise gendered people!) out there. I'm still going to sulk a bit though! -_-

I am wishing all the best for you. Good luck on your cooking (you should totally make some cake and take pictures for us xD).

[vogue]

Hey,

glad i could help... take all the time you need to sulk! I know I definitely did... I think we both just need to stay rooted in the present, and not inquire too much about the 'what if's' of life, because there's so many... we can't assume. I think I'm a bit more clear on my sexuality, but still getting through a lot, emotionally & personally... and I never had the carefree life some others have had, so ... there's certain things like marriage & kids that aren't quite on my radar right now anyway. I have other issues to worry about lol... but we'll see. if it happens, it happens.. if not... there's always puppies i guess... :)) :( I don't know how i feel about that result, but it's like 20 years into the future... whatever lol. all the best to you too xox

[Demacrux (emi star...)]

I'm pretty young but I've pretty much given up any hope of entering a relationship with anyone really. I mean it's rather rare for someone to fall for a neutrois androromantic asexual..I've gotten used to idea that I'll be alone all of my life.

[vogue]

I'm pretty young but I've pretty much given up any hope of entering a relationship with anyone really. I mean it's rather rare for someone to fall for a neutrois androromantic asexual..I've gotten used to idea that I'll be alone all of my life.

hey... sorry if I sound ignorant, but what do those terms mean? 'neutrois andoromantic'? since you're young.. if you're not quite happy with your orientation, there is still a possibility it may change(?) i.e. you may become more romantic? But I know... that may seem unlikely now.

[Demacrux (emi star...)]

I'm pretty young but I've pretty much given up any hope of entering a relationship with anyone really. I mean it's rather rare for someone to fall for a neutrois androromantic asexual..I've gotten used to idea that I'll be alone all of my life.

hey... sorry if I sound ignorant, but what do those terms mean? 'neutrois andoromantic'? since you're young.. if you're not quite happy with your orientation, there is still a possibility it may change(?) i.e. you may become more romantic? But I know... that may seem unlikely now.

It means that I don't identify as either male nor female.(neutrois) and I am attracted to guys (androromantic-andro meaning man) I'm quite romantic as it is.just abit hopeless.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I'm pretty young but I've pretty much given up any hope of entering a relationship with anyone really. I mean it's rather rare for someone to fall for a neutrois androromantic asexual..I've gotten used to idea that I'll be alone all of my life.

hey... sorry if I sound ignorant, but what do those terms mean? 'neutrois andoromantic'? since you're young.. if you're not quite happy with your orientation, there is still a possibility it may change(?) i.e. you may become more romantic? But I know... that may seem unlikely now.

It means that I don't identify as either male nor female.(neutrois) and I am attracted to guys (androromantic-andro meaning man) I'm quite romantic as it is.just abit hopeless.

I'm that. It's not rare for someone to fall for people like us they may just not accept we 'understand' your gender and that we are however they see us. So the better term would be its rare someone suitable feel for fellows like us, and even then, that's the case for most people.

[oneofthesun]

I have. Though it's not so much giving up as letting go.

[ZombiesxArexLove]

hmmmm i honestly don't know. I have never tried, i have no experience dating at all. I'm 18 so i don't think i should swear it all off. But i know that i'm never gonna try either. If it falls randomly in front of me again and i feel like trying this time i'll try. Last time the guy was an ok friend so i couldn't see him being a good boyfriend.

[Quill Pen Gentleman]

You know, I understand that you're worried and all and aren't feeling very well. And I hope I'm not being too insensitive. But I feel like I have to be totally blunt here. I don't think you're ever going to get a healthy relationship until you fix up yourself and get rid of fucked up thoughts like these. Just read what you wrote once more... casually talking about suicide, marrying for convienience so you're not "alone" ?? As if marriage was EVER a indicator that someone isn't lonely...

I know it's a cliché and all... but honestly, learn to love yourself! And then maybe you can start focusing on loving someone else and letting them love you. Stop worrying about the future (you can't control it anyway!) and just make the best out of life and enjoy every moment. No boyfriend is ever going to magically make everything better, you know. It might look better on the outside (at least with your current mindset) to have a boyfriend to bring to family dinners and whatnot... But quite honestly, ask yourself; is it really that important to appear normal on the outside? As long as you're happy with who you are, then that's all that matters.

I think that as long as you're obsessing over relationships the way you do, then you'll never be able to form a meaningful and healthy relationship, so you're making it all into a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. You're sabotaging yourself right from the get-go.

I agree. You can't control life. Being happy with yourself is the first step. I almost gave up (for a reason I won't share right now), but you need to fix what's wrong inside first before you can try to spend a healthy relationship with another.

[ily]

I wouldn't say 'given up', just not actively pursuing anything.

Yeah, that's pretty much me as well.

I have. Though it's not so much giving up as letting go.

I can relate to that, too. I think "giving up" can actually be a positive thing, if you're able to replace your old goal with a new one.

[whiteNblue]

Hello , my first post in this topic. To all of you who said that you are fine of being all alone and rejecting all kinds of meetings/flirting/friendship i have to say this: there is a big chance one day you will be so bored of your life ,you will just be so bored to even commit suicide! Trust me i have been to this "road" managing to be all alone without thinking of meeting new people and then slowly one day i realized how empty my life was .I can spend time to work or to hobbies but it just isn't egnough.I am 29 male and i have rejected a 6 month relationship 5 years ago because i wasn't really on a sex mood with the girl. Now i am placing most of my hopes to asexual people and to forums like this... so don't be dissapoined there is people out there who really looking for honest true romantic quality relationship.

[tanith]

Hello , my first post in this topic. To all of you who said that you are fine of being all alone and rejecting all kinds of meetings/flirting/friendship i have to say this: there is a big chance one day you will be so bored of your life ,you will just be so bored to even commit suicide! Trust me i have been to this "road" managing to be all alone without thinking of meeting new people and then slowly one day i realized how empty my life was .I can spend time to work or to hobbies but it just isn't egnough.I am 29 male and i have rejected a 6 month relationship 5 years ago because i wasn't really on a sex mood with the girl. Now i am placing most of my hopes to asexual people and to forums like this... so don't be dissapoined there is people out there who really looking for honest true romantic quality relationship.

Yeah, it's still a bit difficult to figure out where you stand because you get a feeling of loneliness once in a while but you are slowly coming to the realisation that it's probably very hard for you to share your feelings with another person.

[NamTar]

It depends on what you want in life whether you consider it "giving up" or not. If you call it that, you might not really want to give it up. If the idea of being alone depresses you, then maybe you should attempt to be otherwise. It's just harder if you are asexual because many people don't understand it.

I haven't been in a relationship or dated at all in over ten years, and I don't miss it one bit. The idea of never being in one again sounds just great to me. I wouldn't be violently opposed to it if somehow it happened, but I am definitely not looking for one or expecting it.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

In my experience no type of relationship; whether family relations, friendships, romantic kinds (not that I have real experience of that), guarantee an absence of loneliness. I'd rather work on the sense of loneliness on my own because trying to rely on other incompetent people has just hurt me more and I'd much rather be let down by myself than others.

So I just don't see it's worth it any more. The idea of romance taking away loneliness is like fairytale to me so as much as I'd like it I'm not believing in it.

Simple as that.

[tanith]

Thank you. :)

In my experience no type of relationship; whether family relations, friendships, romantic kinds (not that I have real experience of that), guarantee an absence of loneliness. I'd rather work on the sense of loneliness on my own because trying to rely on other incompetent people has just hurt me more and I'd much rather be let down by myself than others.

So I just don't see it's worth it any more. The idea of romance taking away loneliness is like fairytale to me so as much as I'd like it I'm not believing in it.

Simple as that.

Maybe I'll just accept the feeling of solitude as part of human nature and work from there.

By accepting that something like that exists and that it seems to be inherited in many people and is therefore somehow normal it becomes a little bit easier to deal with.

Maybe I can write it off as a phase that comes and goes, just like the need to do a special task once in a while.

[vogue]

Hello , my first post in this topic. To all of you who said that you are fine of being all alone and rejecting all kinds of meetings/flirting/friendship i have to say this: there is a big chance one day you will be so bored of your life ,you will just be so bored to even commit suicide! Trust me i have been to this "road" managing to be all alone without thinking of meeting new people and then slowly one day i realized how empty my life was .I can spend time to work or to hobbies but it just isn't egnough.I am 29 male and i have rejected a 6 month relationship 5 years ago because i wasn't really on a sex mood with the girl. Now i am placing most of my hopes to asexual people and to forums like this... so don't be dissapoined there is people out there who really looking for honest true romantic quality relationship.

Yes, I agree that there's a big chance one may be 'bored' in life if you don't have fulfilling relationships... whether that's romantic or other. It seems like some people are saying they can live without relationships/marriage & still be happy/ok with it... granted, most of us are probably in our 20's, and so we're still relatively young to dismiss this... but I don't think living without a partner means you HAVE to be lonely/unfulfilled. Some of us may date, but never marry... i don't know. I mean, it's hard for me to anticipate what will happen but I have to say, given my history with relationships... there's a chance I may never get married. In that case, work, friendships... maybe other relationships... will have to be enough. After a certain age I'll prob just give up on dating/have hope, you know what i mean? like at 40... if I'm still not in a committed relationship i might as well completely give up