Hey. Dull topic title I know. Oh well...

[BLANK BLANK BLANK]

Hey. I'm Adam, though you can call me "Godsmack" if you prefer. I'm feeling unusually shy right now. This isn't something I'm used to. I've read a lot of stuff on here about people feeling relieved when they first realized that they were asexual. Or at least when they came to accept it, after always suspecting that they were "Different." Although I'm relieved, I have also been feeling lonely and socially awkward over the last few days. I'm still figuring out in my head how I will deal with this revelation about myself, though I am entirely certain that I have never felt physically attracted to anyone. Anyway, I joined this site to talk to people, not stay out of their way, so I might as well get on with it.

My friends in high school started talking about girls when they were in their early teens. I didn't understand why they cared but it seemed important to them, so I would always pay slight lip service to the idea that some of my female classmates were "Hot." I have Aspergers' Syndrome, which is a mild form of Autism. This basically means that I have problems understanding other people's emotions, and I don't know how to act in a lot of social situations. So I just assumed that my friends were exaggerating their sexual feelings because that's what was expected of them. Or maybe I just didn't understand the social aspects of sex, but that I would still enjoy it if I tried it. I never really thought about sex during my teens unless someone brought up in subject, and when they did I always wondered what all the fuss was about. By the time I reach my early 20's I realized that I should be thinking about sex and trying to have a romantic/physical relationship with someone. I was too old to continue believing that I was too young to feel physical attraction. I wasn't interested though in having anything other than plutonic friendships with both men and women, and I'm still not interested in doing anything other than having very close friendships. I don't differentiate between male friends and female friends. Without sex why does gender matter?

Anyway, I was talking with one of my very close friends one day, about two years ago. He's also the leader of the youth group at my church. I had only just found God a few weeks before this, so I told him I was ready to "Confess" some things to him. Amongst the tales of things I'd done wrong but never told any about, I also confessed that I have never had any interest in sex, and I asked him if this was weird. He said "Maybe you're asexual. Some people are just born that way. It's unusual but it isn't weird." I was fine with that. I was relieved about it. After that I didn't worry about it. Then I got a crush on someone, and things became more complicated. Fortunately (or unfortunately) she didn't want to be anything other than friends. I had a crush but I didn't find her sexually attractive. I used to tell myself I did but I never fully believed it, and imaging myself having sex with her didn't give me any pleasure. Or revulsion. I just find this whole "Dating game" thing dull and pointless, and it's annoying that everyone goes on about it. So, I figured that maybe I was straight after having this crush on her, but I was just cautious about who I chose to date. However, it's been almost a year since she got a boyfriend and I had to accept that we would remain just good friends forever. Since then I haven't felt any attraction to anyone. A couple of days ago I started checking this website out, and, judging by what I've read here, my friend's guess was right. I'm asexual.

I don't know why this seems like such a big deal to me now, when a couple of years ago I just accepted it. I guess I've been in denial. I always looked at couples passing me on the street, or on the cinema screen, and thought "That will be me someday but why isn't it me now? What has he got that I haven't?" Yet people have asked me for my number before and I told them I wasn't interested in them. It never occurred to me that I had to want sex. I just assumed that it works like this:

1. You feel lust towards someone.

2. If they feel the same way about you, you date them.

3. If you are both compatible with each other you fall in love.

4. You have sex, even if you don't find sex appealing at all. You just do it because that's what people do. You have children. You grow old together. The end.

I always assumed that I simply hadn't found "The One" yet. So it's a big deal for me that it's not that simple. Well, that's my story.

[Dear Vincent]

Well first of all, welcome to AVEN, Adam, and have some cake.

I hope that you thouroughly enjoy the forums and community here.

[EverDreaming]

Nice to meet you! I'm sure you will find that you are by far from being alone in the types of feelings you have about these things. I still haven't exactly figured out how the cycle of attraction and dating is supposed to work, ideally...my relationships never seem to work quite that way.

[isotopegirl]

I always assumed that I simply hadn't found "The One" yet. So it's a big deal for me that it's not that simple. Well, that's my story.

Sounds familiar. Sounds VERY familiar. I have not figured out the whole dating thing. I still have this feeling (perhaps it's wishful thinking) that one day I will just find "the one" and everything will fall in place. So far it hasn't happened. So I am trying to navigate those waters without knowing what the oar is for.

welcome!! :cake: :cake: I'm sure you will at the very least find some comfort in knowing you are not alone.

[Sikanda]

luv the name!!! :)

welcome to aven I am sure you'll find lots of info here and makes lots of friends!

oh and enjoy the

[Trolley Girl]

Another ace with asperger's syndrome! I have that, too! All I can say is that you should always accept yourself for the way you really are, without regards to what other people think.