Gay man seeking platonic relationship with asexual woman – right or wrong?

[mark2828]

Hello,

Up until now I have just been a lurker on this website but now I'd like to start a thread myself because I've seen people being given very good advice here and, who knows, maybe I'll get some myself. On the other hand, maybe I'll be shot down in flames, but I'm willing to take the risk. So here goes:

I'm 38 years old and I'm gay. I've accepted the fact that I'm gay and there's nothing I can do about it, however, I never chose to be gay, never wanted to be gay, never wanted to come out, never wanted to live the gay lifestyle, etc., for one thing because I'm fairly traditional at heart, don't want my whole life to revolve around my sexuality, and basically just want to live the same kind of life as the people I've known all my life (I live in a smallish town and not in some big city). Now that I'm reaching the end of my thirties, all my friends are naturally pairing off or are already paired off, starting families, etc. and I'm getting lonelier and lonelier and kind of dreading the years ahead. For this reason, I've been thinking for some time about starting a platonic relationship with an asexual woman. I've had relationships with sexual women in the past but they've all floundered because of sex - I felt a fake doing it, and the women usually picked up on the vibes, so needless to say the relationships didn't last very long. The last one was about 6 years ago. Since then I haven't had any kind of relationship.

I wouldn't be just looking for some kind of 'alibi girlfriend', although no doubt for her and me it would be a relief to finally be able to go around as a couple and no longer be considered dysfunctional when it comes to relationships by everyone. I'd want someone I got on well with, could form a strong friendship or partnership with, provide emotional support to, and ultimately love but in a platonic/non-sexual way. At the same time I'd like her know the truth about me so I wouldn't have to lie to her or pretend to be something I wasn't. Would this kind of relationship appeal to an asexual woman, do you think? I know a lot of avenites and gays embrace the single lifestyle, etc. and I admire them for that, but it doesn't work for everyone and there must be women who, like me, don't want to 'out' themselves as asexual, don't want to go through life alone, and who just want a bit of normality in their lives. Maybe some of them will even read this thread, in which case, please do get in touch as I'd love to hear from you!

Sorry this post is so long - I kind of got caught up in it once I started typing!

[PiF]

Hi Mark

I think many will relate to getting to a certian age and feeling alone with asexuality causing less choices for a partner

at first reading your post looked like you should be getting a dog as a pet

what stood out is what you are not saying

for example....are you hoping to have a trophy wife/partner and still be actively gay?...that may be something a propective partner may want to know

you dont say why you would want a woman as a partner when you say that you are gay...whats wrong with a same sex partner if you are gay?

please don't think I'm having a go...but i think your trying to hard to convince others that your not gay and if you live your life with this needing to live it for others happyness will rarely be part of your life

"I wouldn't be just looking for some kind of 'alibi girlfriend" ....unfortuneatly you are other wise you would be with a gay man..or openly single gay man

I do understand the small town mentality...and I can understand the wish to fit in..but living a lie rarely makes people happy

[scott13]

If you are gay, you are presumably physically attracted to guys. I'm not sure if you are asexual or not? Its perfectly possible for you to be attracted to the same sex but not want to have sex with guys.

I think if you are using someone just to fit into what society wants you to be (or what you perceive society wants from you) it will only end in tears. Your partner's esteem would be pretty low for her to allow herself to be part of that ploy, if there is no real love or affection there.

[CrazyCatLover]

Honestly, if you find an asexual women who likes this idea and with whom you get along well, I think it sounds great for the both of you. I don't think it would be wrong if you told her upfront what you want from a relationship. I think it is unusual/odd for a gay man to want a loving, platonic relationship with a woman, but not wrong by any means (or even right, for that matter, it's just something that is). All I can say is make sure you know what you want, what your partner wants, and same for your partner. Good luck.

[newgirl]

I know how you feel Mark because i just turn 40 this year and i don't think what you want is wrong.

[jow]

I think that as long as you're honest with the woman from the start of the relationship, then I think it would be perfectly fine. I can't tell you if it "would appeal to an asexual woman" because we're all different but...well, when I was younger I did 'go out' with a gay friend because he didn't want his parents to know, so I'm sure that if I'd do that then you're bound to find somebody for your situation as well :)

[Sally]

And what would happen if you met a man and fell in love with him? You wouldn't intend to, of course, but being gay, you're probably sexually attracted to men. That would mean heartache for you and for the woman you were partnered with, and presumably for the other man. If you do find an asexual woman who wants to do this, it wouldn't be as though she could simply go out and find another partner. Can you guarantee her that you wouldn't leave her for a man you came to love? It just sounds like you're thinking of this situation as a solution to living in a conservative culture where you both can "hide" from others' questions. That facade could be blown open pretty badly.

[PiF]

mark...

if you do not want a relationship with a woman but just a friendship to hide that you are gay from your friends...i would suggest you have the wrong friends

i would not advise what you are asking as I am sure when the sham is exposed...which they always seem to be...it will hurt both of you

[newgirl]

Any asexual woman who reads Mark post is going to know the whole deal, no surprises.

[PiF]

thats just it newgirl

she wouldn't...because mark hasn't answered many of the observations and worries that some have pointed out

until he does..then no...she wouldn't know what was being offered

[Guest fridayoak]

I wouldn't call it wrong but it does seem a bit odd that you're willing to sacrifice your homosexuality like this. If it works for you and an asexual woman who is happy with the situation then fair enough I guess. I'm sure there are plenty of gay men that are in a similar position to you so might it not be better to try to find a man who you are compatible (and to be honest numbers wise you'd have more chance of meeting a gay man than an asexual woman). I guess the big issue is that you want a woman so you can put up a show for neighbours and family, to "fit in" but like Sally says this is fraught with danger and could lead to a lot of hurt down the line.

[mark2828]

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your replies so far.

>she wouldn't...because mark hasn't answered many of the observations and worries that some have pointed out

OK, here goes – fasten your seatbelts ;)

>at first reading your post looked like you should be getting a dog as a pet

Hi Payitforward. I already had one. It doesn't cure the loneliness nor does it convice people you're capable of forming normal relationships unfortunately.

>are you hoping to have a trophy wife/partner and still be actively gay?

Apart from during a couple of years in my twenties when I gave the gay scene a go to see if it was for me (it wasn't), I've never been actively gay. And if I were open about everything to an asexual woman right from the start, she'd only be a trophy wife/partner to the extent that I was a trophy partner to her, so hopefully both sides would be happy.

>whats wrong with a same sex partner if you are gay?

A lot, if one of you isn't really happy being gay, in which case I doubt the other would get much out of it either except a lot of frustration and aggro.

>but i think your trying to hard to convince others that your not gay and if you live your life with this needing to live it for others happyness will rarely be part of your life

Sure, there may be an element of that to it, but it certainly isn't the main motivation. The main motivation is to try to build some sort of future for myself that doesn't involve living/being by myself for the next 30 years or so, i.e. I'd be trying to secure my own happiness, and hopefully securing someone else's happiness at the same time – or at least giving it a go.

>"I wouldn't be just looking for some kind of 'alibi girlfriend" ....unfortuneatly you are other wise you would be with a gay man..or openly single gay man

Sure, you could argue that we were just being an 'alibi girlfriend/boyfriend' to each other, but as far as I can see, everyone would benefit. We'd both feel more like other people, our friends/families would probably experience a sense of relief that we'd finally found someone to be with, and even if the relationship fizzled out after a while, it would probably have been good while it lasted and we'd more than likely stay friends afterwards as I doubt there'd be any big emotional bust-up at the end. Afterwards people would say, 'What a pity he broke up with xxxx', rather than 'I don't think he's ever been in a relationship with anyone.' – a big improvement in my opinion.

>I'm not sure if you are asexual or not?

Hi Scott. No, I'm not asexual, but to be honest I might as well be with the amount of sex I've had over the last 10 years or so. I could never get into into the quickie/one-night-stand sex which you mostly get in the gay scene – in fact, I found that one of the most depressing aspects of it. Because of that, I've basically done without.

>I think if you are using someone just to fit into what society wants you to be.

I don't think you can call it 'using someone' if you're completely upfront about what you want at the start, and the other person is up for it too. And it's not about what society wants me to be, it's about what I want to be in society, i.e. like everyone else around me.

>Honestly, if you find an asexual women who likes this idea and with whom you get along well, I think >it sounds great for the both of you. I don't think it would be wrong if you told her upfront what you >want from a relationship.

Thanks, Crazycatlover. That's the way I see it as well. For me the wrong thing would be, for example, to be make out that I was asexual as well, and then for her to find out later on that I wasn't.

>I think it is unusual/odd for a gay man to want a loving, platonic relationship with a woman, but not >wrong by any means (or even right, for that matter, it's just something that is).

It's not really unusual/odd if that gay man has never really been happy being gay, and never had a satisfying relationship with a man that went beyond lust/sex.

>so I'm sure that if I'd do that then you're bound to find somebody for your situation as well

Thanks, Jow. I can but hope.

>And what would happen if you met a man and fell in love with him? ... That would mean heartache for you and for the woman you were partnered with, and presumably for the other man.

Hi Sally. You could put that question to anyone in a relationship: "What would happen if you met someone else and fell in love with him/her?" Does that mean you shouldn't start anything with anyone? I imagine in the case of the type of relationship I'm talking about, the heartache would be a lot less than is normally the case. And can anyone ever guarantee anyone that they'll never leave them for someone else? More than half of marriages now end in divorce, so the odds aren't good for any relationship surviving in the long-term.

>I know how you feel Mark because i just turn 40 this year and i don't think what you want is wrong. .... >Any asexual woman who reads Mark post is going to know the whole deal, no surprises.

Thanks, newgirl! I'm glad we're on the same wavelength. Probably being around the same age has something to do with it.

>I guess the big issue is that you want a woman so you can put up a show for neighbours and family...

Hi Fridayoak. I can see why you and others here would think that, but it's not about putting up a show – it's about companionship and not being desperately lonely in the future, knowing that I could never be happy in a gay relationship.

I hope this isn't the longest post ever, but I wanted to reply to everyone, and thanks again for taking the time to reply.

[virescence]

I'm really rather confused by this... I understand you're looking for a long-term relationship, but I can't really understand why you're looking for one with an asexual woman rather than looking for another gay or bi man - why do you say you wouldn't be happy in a gay relationship?

I would say whatever you want to do is great as long as whoever you ended up with knew and understood the situation and was ok with it. That said, if I were the hypothetical asexual woman, I'd want to have a very long and in-depth discussion about what exactly you wanted and why, because... honestly, I can't understand why you'd be happy trying to live as something you're not. This above all: to thine own self be true.

[Lucinda]

"...finally be able to go around as a couple and no longer be considered dysfunctional when it comes to relationships by everyone...

We'd both feel more like other people, our friends/families would probably experience a sense of relief that we'd finally found someone to be with, and even if the relationship fizzled out after a while, it would probably have been good while it lasted and we'd more than likely stay friends afterwards as I doubt there'd be any big emotional bust-up at the end. Afterwards people would say, 'What a pity he broke up with xxxx', rather than 'I don't think he's ever been in a relationship with anyone.' – a big improvement in my opinion."

But you have mentioned that you have been in sexual relationships with men and women. Did this "everyone" you speak of know of your relationships, at least with the women?? If so, and you think they still consider you dysfunctional, what would be the element that would make the future relationship better? Are you saying that if it lasted longer than those of the past, the "everyone" will more likely pity you only at the break up as opposed to thinking you can't do relationships? And this is what you consider a big improvement??

If the relationship did fizzle out, you would remain friends. But if the relationship was based on friendship, why would it fizzle out??

If you say the odds aren't good for any relationship lasting in the long-term, then you are betting that you will end up right where you are now ... but at least your friends/family will be appeased.

I think it is quite possible that you could find someone who would be agreeable to this convenient set-up. I wish you the best of luck.

I'm really rather confused by this... I understand you're looking for a long-term relationship, but I can't really understand why you're looking for one with an asexual woman rather than looking for another gay or bi man - why do you say you wouldn't be happy in a gay relationship?

I believe the only reason he is mentioning that he is gay is to make it clear that he is not interested in engaging in a romantic relationship with a woman.

Additionally, just because he is gay, it does not mean that he would be interested in a gay relationship, at least not at this point. He gave his reasons. Furthermore, he stated he does not want his life to revolve around his sexuality.

... honestly, I can't understand why you'd be happy trying to live as something you're not.

I'm not following ... what is this something he is trying to live as?

Lucinda

[alystania]

Let me preface this by first asserting that I am an openly gay man, who absolutely despises the "gay scene" for all of it's one-night hook-ups, drugs, and general debauchery. I experienced two hookups and decided quickly never to have one again. They are meaningless and empty... which could lead one to feeling that being gay is meaningless and empty. However, there is such a thing as a lasting, meaningful, loving relationship between two gay men. I have been in a couple of relationships that were anything but empty, and am currently in a long-term committed relationship with a 95% Asexual. Regardless to say, my life and our relationship do not revolve at all around our sexuality. It's all about being there for each other... with romantic love to top it off. Homosexuality isn't all about sex. Do you believe that because of your age, your options have closed somehow? I have older gay friends and family friends who have landed their eventual partner very late in life, so I don't think you're being exactly fair to yourself.

The problem I have with this is... any woman you find... and you probably will eventually find one willing... will be giving up any semblance of "romantic" love. Which isn't the end of the world, don't get me wrong... but... it seems sad somehow... two people giving up on romantic love... because they've lost all hope that they can ever experience it. It feels wrong somehow. It feels ingenuine.

But I don't know all the circumstances. It's better than being alone for both parties. But perhaps it should actually have a built-in catch... that if either person finds a romantic love that works, that the other one will let them go with respect... That way everything will be honest... and if neither person ever does... then so be it!

Because there's no real point in just having a relationship just to look functional to friends and family. The real important thing is to have the companionship. So get the companionship. But if you or the other person manages to find romantic love... then... stay friends... but grab the romance!

This is just the take of a young and confidant romantic in a big city. I do not presume to understand what you've been through or what you're going through. But I can recognize when someone has given up hope for what it is that they really want; and it pains me. I hope you find your happiness, whether it be in a man or woman, romantic or no is really irrelevant. Do what feels right.

[igirisujin]

I personally don't see anything wrong with a gay man and an asexual woman sick and tired of always being alone agreeing on something that is beneficial to them both. Naturally if something better came along, then the arrangement probably wouldn't last, but both of them would more than likely be prepared for that eventuality. I don't think it would be any more of a sham than a relationship between two aromantic asexuals - are they too trying to pull the wool over the eyes of those around them by not going around telling everyone they're asexual (which presumably they don't)?

This above all: to thine own self be true.

Precisely. If been you've been unhappy being gay all your life, then the last thing you should do is try and build a life around it.

[Nola]

I found the original post to be something similar to what i have considered except for I am a heterosexual female in my early 40's. For me there is a lack of potential mates as there are more asexual females my age than males. So I have sometimes thought that maybe it would just be easier for me to partner up with another female asexual even though I am hetero. I mean, it's not like we would be having sex anyway.

The thing is, i want a companion, a partner to share a life with and to look out for each other. It's easier to go about your day and all the crap that happens when you know you have someone to go home to who will listen to you and help you laugh thru the absurdities of life as we know it. I'd ideally like a man but chances of that arent good. I really dont give a red rats' butt what other people think of me so i am not seeking a mate just to conform to society. I actually grew up being raised by a gay parent so I maybe that gives me a unique perspective.

So to the original poster - I truly wish you luck in your search for someone.

[Guest]

Dear Mark,

Honestly, I have been imagining a platonic relationship with a gay man myself. Although I myself am agender, maybe this means there could be woman out there who are imagining the same thing! After all, according to one hypothesis, the traits that "make" men gay have persisted evolutionarily because they are the same ones that appeal to women.

My concern is that you do not seem comfortable with who you are, which I believe to be the first step to finding a relationship - as difficult as it may be. Remember: "You must learn to love yourself before you can love someone else."

Best of luck!

[PiF]

If it works for you Mark and both parties are open and honest then why not

but as mentioned...I fear there are more demons in your gay closet and yet whilst you wish a relationship I suspect it may not work until you can resolve what ever is causing your unhappyness in being gay

Once that demon has gone and been dealt with then I suspect things in your life will change for the better

[BiGrAce]

Hi Mark,

I'm a 19-year-old romantic asexual girl from the UK. I think it's a shame that you would rather be with a woman than live an openly gay life because you can be openly gay and happy and not the kind of person you seem to associate with the gay scene, who sleeps around a lot. There are plenty of gay guys settled in commited, faithful relationships. However, it's your choice and a relationship with an asexual woman could work, if you are open with her as you say. If a young gay guy wanted a relationship like this with me, I wouldn't necessarily say no. I am romantic but it's not something I really need and it would suit me fine to be a sort of 'trophy girl' as he would a 'trophy boy' to me too. Plus, I love the gay scene and like the idea of being with a gay guy. Don't know why. I guess it's because all the gay guys I know are nicer than the straight ones.

I hope you're happy anyway

[RandomDent]

Sounds to me what you may be seeking is some form of polyamory. If I was in the mood for a relationship at the moment I would totally be your girl. Call me in a few years

[mark2828]

>Sounds to me what you may be seeking is some form of polyamory.

Polyamory - I had to look this one up in the dictionary. Apparently it means "participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships". Just one would do me, so I'm not sure if I agree. ;)

>There are plenty of gay guys settled in commited, faithful relationships.

Good luck to them if there are, and alystania seems very happy, but overall this is a popular myth, I reckon. When I was involved in the gay scene in my twenties, I didn't know a single couple in such a relationship, i.e. one that had lasted say more than 2 years. Sure, there were quite a few in relationships, but most of them were "open" - no need to tell you what that means - or over in a matter of weeks/months. The problem with gay relationships (at least between men) is they're very much sex-driven, and once the sex gets boring there's usually very little left to keep them going. Even this politician who was outed last week in the UK and who apparently has been living with his partner in 2001 said that they essentially live totally separate lives - does that sound like a committed relationship to you?

>My concern is that you do not seem comfortable with who you are

Maybe, but is there anyone who is really 100% comfortable with who they are, who loves every single thing about themselves? I see my homosexuality as just one aspect of my personality, one which I've never been particularly fond of but which I know is there and have to come to terms with. My way of coming to terms with it is not to celebrate and nurture it, but to kind of ignore it and to try and find alternative ways of living the life I want to live without hurting anyone else in the process.

>The problem I have with this is... any woman you find... and you probably will eventually find one willing... will be giving up any semblance of "romantic" love. Which isn't the end of the world, don't get me >wrong... but... it seems sad somehow... two people giving up on romantic love... because they've lost all hope that they can ever experience it.

You're right, but she probably would have given it up a long time ago anyway or never have experienced it in the first place - a lot of sexuals and asexuals don't. The growing opinion nowadays seems to be that romantic love is vastly overrated in any case and only lasts for the first couple of months of a relationship. Afterwards, reality/everyday life starts to kick in. I think friendship and respect together form a much stronger basis for a relationship.

>The thing is, i want a companion, a partner to share a life with and to look out for each other. It's easier to go about your day and all the crap that happens when you know you have someone to go home to who will >listen to you and help you laugh thru the absurdities of life as we know it.

You're so right, Nola. That's what it's all about and not worrying what other people think, etc. Being single is great in your 20s, less so in your 30s, and once you reach 40 it's meagre pickings from then onwards, even more so if you're a guy. I hope you find someone too - maybe we can keep each other updated on our progress :)

Thanks to everyone else who's wished me luck as well. I'm getting more support than I expected I would, but the asexual community is generally more open and accepting of different ideas/approaches than the gay community, I reckon.

[SphereFTW]

Do you ever feel romantically attracted to women? I have a 'bi' friend who is Homosexual Heteroromantic, so she fancies other women but prefers romantic relationships with men.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I'm only 18 but I only want companionship for long term. This is kinda odd for my age apparently. People tell me to just 'enjoy myself' but I don't understand how the constant wasting of time with people I'm not in love with or the fear we'll split up if I do love them could be fun...

I wouldn't mind being with anyone as ; long as they didn't find me sexually attractive. I don't like the idea my image could produce bodily reactions for others. Like they have a strange allergy to me... =/

But your ideal sounds potentially short term which is what I avoid relationships for. As an asexual woman I'd find the relationship overall pleasant as long as the friendship were maintained and developed throughout but for it to possibly suddenly end would be really scary for me so that'd be the only thing that'd be off putting for me.

I apparently have a wee bit of an attachment issue. =/

[Decisive Pink]

As long as you're open and honest with your potential 'beard', I don't see a problem.

There are several arguments both for why this would and wouldn't work, but you won't really know unless you try it.

You mentioned the sex part floundering in your relationships with women. Do you think you could meet the other, nonsexual needs, a woman might have, the kind of needs you find in a romantic relationships, or are you looking more for a lifetime roommate kind of situation?

[Dittod]

The thought of being non-sexual with a woman once crossed my mind .. but I was soon reminded of the truth -- I absolutely love masculinity :D , and being with a woman would be living a lie.

I love a guy's scent, and warmth, and voice .. I love how a guy thinks .. the way that they move ... there's so much about being with a guy that brings me so much comfort and happiness .. why would I ever want to give that up for something that doesn't appeal to me for the sake of filling a void??

Have joy in who you are .. the way you were made

Be at peace with yourself and don't let loneliness eat away at ya.

Take comfort knowing that others are out there who are in the same situation.

:)

[Gotanks0407]

The thought of being non-sexual with a woman once crossed my mind .. but I was soon reminded of the truth -- I absolutely love masculinity :D , and being with a woman would be living a lie.

I love a guy's scent, and warmth, and voice .. I love how a guy thinks .. the way that they move ... there's so much about being with a guy that brings me so much comfort and happiness .. why would I ever want to give that up for something that doesn't appeal to me for the sake of filling a void??

Have joy in who you are .. the way you were made

Be at peace with yourself and don't let loneliness eat away at ya.

Take comfort knowing that others are out there who are in the same situation.

:)

i was about to write what Nic wrote. Keep looking, some guys are worth it, they aren't all whores.

[jow]

Just thinking , perhaps the problem wouldn't lie in if you or her fell in love with someone else, but rather if she fell in love with you...

[Pixiecrow]

Hey Mark,

I'm new here too, so I hope I don't come off as being rude stating this....but damn....WHY can't you be living in NYC?! :( I'm an

asexual female who feels very similar to you. I've had maybe 5 male/female relationships in my life, all which ended poorly because

of the asexual issue within me. I loved my boyfriends dearly, but couldn't get past them wanting to have sex all the time. I too can

understand/identify with " wanting to live the same kind of life as people I've known all my life." My last boyfriend who I've known for

9 years (we started out as REALLY good friends - then he wanted MORE) wanted to marry me. Unfortunately, that didn't last as I

could not reciprocate the physical feelings he had for me. Like you, I didn't chose to be asexual, I didn't want to be asexual, it just

sort of "is". I'm only now just starting to "come out" and identify myself as asexual. Sometimes, I feel I'm doomed to live the rest of

my life alone :( . It's kind of ironic though, that I should be writing you. Only last week my girlfriends & I were talking, & I mentioned

I wished I could have a "gay man" in my life (like the T.V. show "Will & Grace" - don't know if you get that in England), who I could be

companions with & who would simply just understand and except me for "who I am". Sorry to hear you are miles across the ocean,

but if it's any consolation, I've ALWAYS had a thing for English guys since my teens. I grew up with the 80's British invasion.

Gay & goth were my world......

Hello,

Up until now I have just been a lurker on this website but now I'd like to start a thread myself because I've seen people being given very good advice here and, who knows, maybe I'll get some myself. On the other hand, maybe I'll be shot down in flames, but I'm willing to take the risk. So here goes:

I'm 38 years old and I'm gay. I've accepted the fact that I'm gay and there's nothing I can do about it, however, I never chose to be gay, never wanted to be gay, never wanted to come out, never wanted to live the gay lifestyle, etc., for one thing because I'm fairly traditional at heart, don't want my whole life to revolve around my sexuality, and basically just want to live the same kind of life as the people I've known all my life (I live in a smallish town and not in some big city). Now that I'm reaching the end of my thirties, all my friends are naturally pairing off or are already paired off, starting families, etc. and I'm getting lonelier and lonelier and kind of dreading the years ahead. For this reason, I've been thinking for some time about starting a platonic relationship with an asexual woman. I've had relationships with sexual women in the past but they've all floundered because of sex - I felt a fake doing it, and the women usually picked up on the vibes, so needless to say the relationships didn't last very long. The last one was about 6 years ago. Since then I haven't had any kind of relationship.

I wouldn't be just looking for some kind of 'alibi girlfriend', although no doubt for her and me it would be a relief to finally be able to go around as a couple and no longer be considered dysfunctional when it comes to relationships by everyone. I'd want someone I got on well with, could form a strong friendship or partnership with, provide emotional support to, and ultimately love but in a platonic/non-sexual way. At the same time I'd like her know the truth about me so I wouldn't have to lie to her or pretend to be something I wasn't. Would this kind of relationship appeal to an asexual woman, do you think? I know a lot of avenites and gays embrace the single lifestyle, etc. and I admire them for that, but it doesn't work for everyone and there must be women who, like me, don't want to 'out' themselves as asexual, don't want to go through life alone, and who just want a bit of normality in their lives. Maybe some of them will even read this thread, in which case, please do get in touch as I'd love to hear from you!

Sorry this post is so long - I kind of got caught up in it once I started typing!

[Pixiecrow]

Sorry, I just realized your post says "UK", so you may not necessarily be in England. I'm sorry if I've insulted you, if you are from

Ireland or Scotland. Honestly, I love it all.....another "out of the closet" truth, I was a Bay City Rollers fan at the tender age of 7.

Now that just says everything......

Just thinking , perhaps the problem wouldn't lie in if you or her fell in love with someone else, but rather if she fell in love with you...